A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I Need A Vacation

Didn't have time to post my weigh-in yesterday before I left for work, but you didn't miss anything exciting.  I was 256 lbs. last Friday, and 255.8 lbs. yesterday, so I'm still maintaining.  No weight loss going on around here.  Just job stress.  What I wouldn't give for a week away....at the beach...with Dwayne and Scarlette...and no phone calls from work.

I mentioned a little while back that the boss got pissed, threatened the jobs of 2 of my co-workers, and one of them was out job interviewing for something else.  Well this week, the other one started lining up job interviews.  If both of them leave I will be the ONLY one left in the office w/ any knowledge of what's going on...the bad thing is, I've only got 7 months of knowledge in the insurance adjusting business.  Yikes.  The boss is requiring me to be fully cross-trained in both of the other girl's positions....one is an admin, the other is the OFFICE MANAGER.  In fact, our ofc manager was scheduled to go down to Ft. Lauderdale this week to learn the new computer system that our parent company is currently using.  That was before she pissed off the boss by making a mistake he REALLY didn't like.  So he yanked the trip from her and dropped it in MY lap.  I flew down and learned way too much crap in 2 days time....Tues and Wed.  Came back and told all of it to the other 2 girls....and they're not impressed.  They don't like the new system...AT ALL.  Both of them felt like they should have been sent to FL instead of me....beings that one has 10 yrs in the ofc, and the ofc mgr has 22 years.  Did I mention I've only been here for 7 months? 

As if things weren't already uncomfortable between me and the 2 of them....our boss called us all in the ofc on Thur and told us that one of the reasons he sent me down instead of them is he felt I'd be more open-minded towards change.  They both looked at me.  I was holding my breath & trying to act like I didn't notice that they were boring holes in the side of my head with their glare.  Fun times at the ofc!!!  And there's so much more fun to come!!  Can I please have that vacation now???  Until next time....

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Quickie...Running Late!

Just a quick note before I leave for work in an effort to get back to my Friday morning weigh-ins and actually post about it...good or bad.

This week is no bueno.  I was 256 lbs. on Monday and I'm exactly the same this morning....256.  Let's put a positive spin on this, shall we?

I finally stopped GAINING.

And I didn't cave in to smoking again like I've wanted to do every single day this week w/ work stress. 

So there you have it...I'm a 256 lb. non-smoker headed into the office for another day of crazy.  Have a good one friends.  :)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Stressed!

Oh my goodness...last week was CRAZY.  I mentioned in my last post we got a tiny bit of snow...4" in my area...but the ICE wreaked havoc.  Usually if we get a little snow, it melts the next day.  It's been a whole week and the ground in my backyard looks exactly the same as it did a week ago.  I was driving home one evening after work and hit a big sheet of ice on the road and did a complete 360!!  I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  I was blessed in that everyone else was going sooo slow that I managed to come out of it and get traction again without hitting anyone....but the adrenaline had me tied up in knots.  I got home and Dwayne was here and I just busted out crying.  I'm originally from FL.  I don't like driving in the ice...I'm not used to it....it completely unnerves me.  So we missed work Mon and Tues, and I had to drive in that crap Wed-Fri...it was a harrowing experience to say the least.

Next on the list of my stressful week....Friday at work SUCKED.  Scott, my boss, had a MAJOR problem with 2 of the other girls that I work closely with in the office.  Us 3 handle all of the clerical stuff.  Well the other 2 made some mistakes and Scott pretty much lost it.  He yanked our top 3 clients from one of the girls and handed them to me!  Ack!!  He also told me I will probably have to fly to Ft. Lauderdale next week and learn a whole new computer system....in 2 days....and come back and teach it to the other 2 girls.  After one of the girls was threatened with losing her job on Friday...the one he yanked our top 3 clients from...she didn't waste any time saving her ass.  She got on the phone w/ someone she knew was opening an ofc in March, and set up a job interview for this Tuesday.....it's one of our clients and I feel pretty positive she'll get the job.  She said if she gets it, she'll take her vacation time, and then turn in her notice.  If she's on vacation, who's going to train me on her position??????  Stressed is not the word.

The worst part of this is, I wanted to get my side business, The Errand Fairy, up and running as soon as I get some clients in and the word gets out.  My plan was to get enough regular business to be able to go part-time at my current job....something I could have easily done in my current position.  HOWEVER, if I end up with the other girl's job.....I won't be able to go part-time....it's a full-time job, and there's no way in the world Scott will let me go part-time.  I loathe my job....I'm thankful I have one and my bills are pretty much paid....but I purposely started laying the groundwork in December to start my own business so I could get out of this job....and now I've got a lot more responsibility dumped in my lap.  In order to make the Errand Fairy really work well, I'm going to have to eventually go part-time, so I'll be available some day time hours to do the Errand Fairy stuff....not everyone is going to want their stuff done in the evenings and on weekends.  A lot of them will want it done during work hours while THEY are at work!!  I'm stuck....I'm so stuck right now.  And it's maddening.  I am not a happy girl....AT ALL.

Lastly....I got on the scale this morning.  Blech.  I weigh 256 lbs.  For the record, that means I've gained 13 lbs since the beginning of December.  I completely gave up in December...I knew I would gain weight...just didn't realize exactly HOW much weight.  Just thinking about it makes my brain hurt.  I'm trying to cook up some food today to have on hand during the work week and try to get things back under control.  My focus is not fully there...it's on the work situation....but ANY positive change at this point would be better than none at all.  I broiled several pieces of tilapia today to have made ahead.  I boiled some eggs for tuna salad.  And I've got some shrimp thawing so I can sautee them later and throw in the frig to have on hand for shrimp po' boys.  I bought some whole grain Naan bread at the store and some green leaf lettuce to make for a couple of shrimp po' boys for lunches at work.  I'm making a conscious effort to get back on track.

Dwayne has been here WAY too much.  I love him to pieces but one of my major problems with my weight loss has always been eating poorly when I'm around him.  I have just got to make myself learn how to do it...how to separate our eating...cook 2 meals...not feel guilty if he doesn't eat what I cook...something...I don't know.  I know it's my fault completely....not his.  I know this.  And I really have to zero in on this and figure it out and hold steady with a plan.  He was off work and here every day from Dec. 17th to Jan. 3rd....then he went back to work for one day, and was off the next.  Then the next week we had the snow/ice event, and he was here for Mon and Tues...now I hear he's off work for MLK day tomorrow...good grief!!  Also, we were talking about trying to buy a house by next summer...so if we're going to be living together full-time....I am truly going to have to get a grip with living with someone who's the pickiest eater on the face of the planet...and someone who despises every vegetable known to man.  Such a pain in the ass....but it has to be done. 

I'm going to resume my weekly weigh-ins and reporting it every Friday again.  I'm trying to get back in the habit of counting every calorie and weighing every bite of food.  My goal is 1800 cals a day right now, and trust me when I tell you that is a serious reduction from what I've been eating for the last month and a half.   Starting over is always hard...but it has to be done.  I can't let myself get all the way back up to the 340 lbs. I used to weigh.  As deflated as I feel right now...letting that happen would be more than I could handle.  So I want to turn this around now before it gets any worse.  Have a great day friends.  :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Snowed In

Atlanta is hilarious.  It rarely snows much here in Dixie, but I got 4 inches at my place a couple of nights ago and I have been house-bound for 2 days.  We all missed work...nobody has been there to answer the phones.  I'm sure when we get back in the ofc tomorrow, we're going to have a lot of pissed off clients.  No...we don't have call forwarding.

Atlanta simply is not equipped with enough salt trucks and snow plows to keep all of "metro" cleared.  I think they're doing all they can just to keep the expressways cleared.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm ready to go back to work.  Crazy, I know...but I've had enough home time for now.  Someone asked in a comment in my last post how the smoking was going.  What smoking?  Dwayne and I are officially non-smokers now.  11 days and counting.  :) 

I haven't had any calls yet for my new business...but I've got a couple of friends that say they're going to hire me soon.  I'm anxious to get things up and running.  I think word of mouth is going to be my best form of advertisement.  It better be....since I can't afford to pay for any other kind, lol.  Time for a cup of coffee...'nite friends.  :)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Launching My New Website!!

Check it out!!

http://www.tammyjortagus.com/

If you're a local reader and know someone who might benefit from my services, spread the word.  And MANY, MANY thanks to Tina at Fat Girl Dives In for designing my website!!

Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend! :)

Friday, January 7, 2011

One Week Marker

Today is Day 7 of quitting smoking.  I feel comfortable now calling myself a non-smoker.  I feel positive I will never smoke again.  I had this conversation with Dwayne last night and he's feeling the same confidence.  Praise the Lord!!  I didn't know if I was ever going to break free of that addiction.  When you're stuck in it, it feels so hard to get out.  But we've done it, with the Lord's strength, and I'm so proud of us!! 

For an update on my side business, the Errand Fairy, my website is almost done.  It was actually finished yesterday...but then we had a little blip.  All of the tabs on my website disappeared last night, lol.  Tina's going to get it fixed though, and I'm going to post the link here on my blog and on my sidebar when everything is A-OK.  I really hope this business takes off and I can live my dream of being self-employed.  I'm making a list of places to hang flyers to get my business some exposure.  Some friends have suggested Senior Centers, gyms, grocerys stores, colleges around town that have a lot of non-traditional students, salons, dog groomers, high end apartment complexes, etc.  I need to find the time to sit down and make a little map of the places I want to go.  I also need to find the money to print off some flyers with my logo on it, lol.  Sucks being broke.  :)

As far as my weight goes....blah.  Not going well.  My focus disappeared at the beginning on Dec. and I haven't reigned it back in yet.  More on that nasty subject later.  Until then....have a fab Friday everyone.  :)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Little Girl Needs Our Help

A little girl needs our help today, friends.  Click on Mrs. FatAss' link and do what you can, please. 

http://mrsfatass.com/2011/01/chickadee.html

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Breaking Free

I'm on Day 5 of quitting smoking, and dare I say, it's getting a little easier?  Dwayne and I used the gum for the first 3 days and it really didn't seem to be much help at all.  I kept breaking down into crying fits every time I wanted to smoke and couldn't...and felt like I just wanted to crawl out of my skin.  It was a seriously miserable feeling.  Then Dwayne told me that quitting smoking is just as hard and just as addictive as heroine.  That's NOT what I needed to hear.  Obviously the withdrawals weren't as hideous as I would assume heroine withdrawals are....but they were bad enough that I knew I never wanted to do Day One over again...ever. 

On the afternoon of Day 3, I went to Wal-mart on the advice of a friend and bought their brand of nicotine patches.  My friend told me her husband quit smoking 3 years ago with the help of these specific patches...she said there was no need to buy the more expensive brand name patches.  So I slapped one on yesterday morning...Day 4.  Not to say that it wasn't still a difficult day...especially being surrounded by 3 other smokers here at work....but I can DEFINITELY say that it was worlds easier than with the gum.  It was an amazing difference, for sure.  I was much calmer yesterday than when chewing the gum.

Things are still difficult today...if I let my mind wander to a cigarette for more than a few seconds my chest starts to tighten and the anxiety comes on pretty fast, so I try to busy myself with something else and stay pre-occupied for other things.  Of course, it's not helping that I've already been at work for an hour and a half and haven't had a single insurance claim come through my email yet this morning!!  I need some work!!

I have also noticed that I'm eating more....I was afraid that whole hand-to-mouth habit was going to get me, and it has.  I bought scale batteries and got on yesterday morning.  Things are worse than I thought.  So bad, that I can't bring myself to report my weight today.  Give me a couple of weeks to get past the difficulty of the quitting smoking, and then I'll get back to reporting my weight.  "First things first"...one of Leslie's AAisms.  Thanks Leslie.  :)

A co-worker, William, came in this morning and stopped at my desk to ask how I'm doing.  I smiled a big smile and said, "I'm on Day 5.....I really think I'm going to make it this time...I'm going to be a non-smoker!"  He smiled back, raised a triumphant fist in the air, and said, "I love your confidence!  Oh, and, you ARE a non-smoker."  Hmmm....yeah....I guess I am.  Have a great day friends.  :)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Dear. God.

Quitting smoking is THE hardest thing I've ever done physically.  Dwayne and I are both having a really hard time and we're on Day 3.  We started with the Nicorette gum, and decided this afternoon it just ain't workin'.  We went to Walmart and bought the patch.  We'll be starting that tomorrow morning, and hope it doesn't cause any nausea.  We really want to beat this for good.  We're on Day 3, and are still pulling our hair out.  Grouchy, grumpy, irritated, agitated....smoking was definitely more calming.  You know you've got a bad addiction when you find yourself questioning if lung cancer is worth it.   Pray for us friends as we push forward.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Addiction x 2

When I first considered starting a weight loss blog in June of '09, I also thought about my smoking habit.  Which one did I want to tackle first?  I knew I wasn't going to try to beat both addictions at once....so I chose the weight.  In my mind, I was closer to a heart attack or stroke due to obesity than I was lung cancer.  So I started with the weight loss thing, and after a year and a half, haven't made a whole hell of a lot of progress.  It started wearing on my mind this past fall....and I figured if I waited to lose the weight before I tackled the smoking at this point....well...let's just say I'm sucking at the weight loss thing and decided to give the quitting smoking a shot. 

I have tried to quit smoking several times in the past, and obviously failed at that big time.  The last time I tried was about 5 years ago.  I'm ready to try again.  I've been praying for the strength and resolve to actually do it this time, and never go back.  If you're a praying person, I'd appreciate you sending some my way.  As hard as it has been to beat the food addiction, I feel like the smoking one is worse in a lot of ways.  But I'm 38 years old and it's beyond time I get this done.

I'm glad that Dwayne is going to do it with me.  He went out to Walmart this evening and bought a box of the Nicorette gum to aid with the cravings.  We also had a talk about how people tend to gain weight when they quit smoking, and he saw the stress in my eyes.  He told me to just try not to stress, and we'll take it one day at a time...together.  I'm glad I've got him.

I'm really looking forward to 2011.  I think with a lot of hard work that my side business that I'm starting, The Errand Fairy, has real potential.  My first goal is to gather enough steady clients to be able to go part-time at my current job.  The next goal is to save up around $2500 as a down payment on a "new to me" used car.  My current car is a 1992 Honda Accord and it's seen better days.  Things are going wrong with it, and it's getting to where it's going to cost more to repair it than the car is actually worth.  My third goal is to grow the business big enough to carry all of my bills, and be able to completely quit at my current job.  I hope to reach all of these goals this year.  It's exciting and scary all at the same time...but I'm ready for a new challenge.

Weight loss?  I asked Dwayne to get the scale battery when he went to buy the Nicorette today, but he forgot it, lol.  My best guess is that I'm around 250-255 lbs. right now, judging by the fit of my clothes.  I know how bad that is, and I'm trying to focus my mind on not getting any fatter w/ this quitting smoking venture.  I changed my goal about a month ago.  Instead of trying to get to 170 lbs., my new goal is to just get out of the 200's...I want to see 199 lbs. on the scale.  So I've got around 50-55 lbs to lose to get to goal.  Some days it doesn't sound like much at all....other days it sounds equivalent to climbing Mt. Everest.  I still want to lose the weight...I want to drop those 50 lbs. this year.  I want to become a non-smoker, and stay that way, this year.  And I want to start a business, become fully self-employed, and keep all the bills paid this year.  These are the 3 main things I want to make happen this year...and I'm glad I've got this blog to share all of it as my year unfolds.

I hope all of you had a fun time bringing 2010 to a close.  Dwayne and I stayed in tonight with Baby Scarlette, drank a couple of mimosas, followed by some coffee, cuddled up in front of the TV in our comfy little apartment.  I'm looking forward to going to bed in a few minutes and waking up a non-smoker.  Let's all pray I can keep it that way.  Happy New Year, my friends.  Let's make it a great one.  :)