Weekend From Hell

It's been a bad one.  I'm really, really trying to turn my attitude around so I can start off on a positive, happy note tomorrow morning at work.  For right now, my attitude and mood are in the toilet.  Let's go back to Friday afternoon, shall we?

I slipped and fell on a wet floor that had just been mopped at Wal-mart (yes, it was clearly marked, and I walked across it anyway...brilliant!!!).  Anyhoo...I sprained my left ankle.  This has not made for a happy weekend.  First of all, I don't like being incapacitated one little bit.  I get crabby and bitchy, and if you're in my path, you're liable to get your head bitten off.  My mom can attest to this from times past...I don't make a very good patient.  Enter Dwayne.  Bless his heart.  He was trying to take care of me and I was mean to him...which I apologized for a little while later.  I was irritated and bawling over the fact that I JUST joined a gym again LAST WEEK and now this.  Now this.  I swear I have the worst luck of any person I know.  Sometimes it feels like 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, and that sh*t gets old. 

So....I was supposed to go to the gym with Kim on Sunday....I had to cancel.  I had to stay in the house all weekend and Dwayne kept my foot iced and wrapped in an Ace bandage....he brought me drinks, helped me to the bed, brought me food, etc.  He was very, very sweet and took excellent care of me.  Did I mention he brought me food?  lol  Things were bad.  He would have been willing to bring me anything I wanted, but I don't like being a burden, I had already bit his head off once, and so I just let the whole weekend go.  I ate on his schedule, instead of mine, which means we ate 2 big meals a day, instead of the 5-6 small meals I'm accustomed to eating.  I didn't like this one little bit, but I let it happen.  It was my choice.  I hobbled over to the scale on Saturday morning.  I was 248 last Friday....I was 256 Saturday morning.  An 8 lb. gain overnight.  How????  It's my same old sodium issue.  I hobbled back over to the scale this morning (Sunday)..and again....256 lbs.  I didn't drink near enough water this weekend to flush it, so I'm sure I'll see the same thing on Tuesday morning, or close to it, which is another thing that pisses me off.....I very well may show a GAIN for the month on the final weigh-in for my challenge.  It's just maddening.  It makes me want to pull all my hair out and run away screaming.  This is what I get for having to eat out all weekend....well, I didn't go out...he brought it in....or ordered it in....but you get what I'm saying.

Here's another thing.  We're going to Cherokee, N.C. this coming Labor Day weekend.  He already told me last week not to even plan on grilling out like the last time we went.  He told me he doesn't want to fool with bringing a cooler....or any snacks (I usually bring my own snacks like fruit, etc so I can keep track of the calories better)....he said we're just going to go and "enjoy ourselves" and eat on the fly.....eat whatever's around....eat everything "out"....fast food and regular restaurants.  (EYEROLL).  Why do I even try?  Seriously.  Why do I keep trying?  There are more roadblocks and curve balls that I can keep up with. 

I know that I just have a pissy attitude right now because I've been down for the count all weekend.  And I know the scale is up 8 lbs overnight.  I know I'll feel better tomorrow after a night's sleep.  I haven't even packed a healthy lunch and snacks for tmrw's workday yet, because I know one day won't make a difference on the scale for Tuesday morning's weigh-in.  At the same time...I know that's the wrong attitude to take.  I know it is.  I need to turn my frown upside down, lol.  What a dorky saying...but true.  So............picking myself up by the boot straps AGAIN...hobbling to the kitchen....gonna' pack a healthy lunch and get this show back on the road.  I might even pretend to care, lol.  'Nite everyone.  :)

Week #4 Challenge Weigh-In

Last week I weighed 252.2.  This week I weigh 248.4 for a loss of 3.8 lbs.  Hooray for progress!! 

This is NOT our final weigh-in!!  This challenge runs for a full month, so our final weigh-in will be next Tuesday, Aug. 31st. 

Leave me a comment today letting me know how you did this week!!  And Happy Friday to everyone!!  :)

Meet Miss Piggy

Work absolutely, completely, totally sucked today.  It's been the worst day I've had since I started there over 2 months ago.  I won't go into details.....I didn't do anything wrong or make any mistakes....but the dynamics are changing, problems are occuring that are affecting me, and I'm just not sure how things will all pan out.  I took 2 Excedrin Migraine by mid-day and that didn't even graze the pain in my throbbing head. 

Did I mention that someone brought a dozen donuts in this morning from Dunkin' Donuts?????????????  Did I mention that when I get overly stressed I head straight for the food.  It's automatic....like a knee jerk reaction.  Well somehow....through God's good grace....I resisted those donuts.  There were still 6 in the box when I left at 5pm, so I was aware of their presence for 9 hours today.  Being stressed because things are going to sh*t at work is bad enough....having to fight my insane eating addiction on top of a REALLY bad day is just not fair, lol.  I wanted those donuts...I wanted a Coke...I wanted a Snickers bar....I wanted to throw my healthy lunch in the trash and go to the Philly Connection and get a philly cheesesteak instead (Shame on you Leslie for mentioning those to me the other day, lmao).  Things were just bad all the way around today.

I had to remind myself over and over that today was not an exception to the rule...or a one time occurence.  There will continuously be bad days, overly stressful situations, sadness, etc.....just like there will continuously be good days, contentment, and overflowing joy.  It's the ebb and flow of life.  I can't eat myself into oblivion every time I have an unusually bad day.  I had to also remind myself that weigh day is only 2 days away.  That dang weigh-in comes once a week, every week, whether I want it to or not.  The only thing that will make me NOT DREAD IT, is to continuously strive, each and every day, to make the good choices. 

I looked back at my week thus far....and I'm proud.  I've dilligently counted my calories every day.  I've drank (4) 32 oz glasses of water every day....and no other beverages with the exception of a couple of cups of coffee spread out over the week.  I signed up at the gym online Monday, and today was set to be my first day there with my new friend, new workout partner, and new blogging buddy, Kim at All About the Bottom Line.  I had several good days in a row filled with good choices...and I needed to let that propel me forward.  This was more important than a stupid donut. 

So I finally made it through the day....then made it through the 40 minute commute in Atlanta traffic to get to the gym from work.  (It's about 20 mins from my apt to work.....and about 20 mins to get from my apt to the gym....going in the opposite direction from work.  My apt is the midpoint between the two.   I was finally starting to feel pretty proud of myself for choices I've made this week.  I met up with Kim and we hit the treadmill.  About a half a mile in, I decided I wanted to engage my arms...so I got off and grabbed (2) 5 lb. free weights to carry in each hand and hopped back on the treadmill.  I carried them for about a mile before I was sure certain death was upon me, lol.  I set them down and continued walking.  I'm not sure of the total distance, but I think it was about 3 miles in all.  Kim can really rock that treadmill....she was going way faster than me...and was also doing walking and jogging intervals.  It's so inspiring to workout with someone who's better/faster than you and really likes to push themselves.  It gives you something to shoot for.  :)

So we hop off and now I'm feeling REALLY good about myself.  Thinking back on how far I've come from my highest point of 340 lbs....and saying to myself, "Dang Tammy...you've lost 90 lbs so far....you rock girlfriend."  lol  So I've made good eating choices this week...got in all my water...FINALLY got started back in the gym (we're meeting there again tmrw)....we break out our cameras and take pics of ourselves, which I can't really see the sweat....so that sucks....but trust me....we were soaked.....

How many chins do I have anyway???  I think I counted 3, lol.

So it's been a long day....my arm muscles are shaking from carrying the weights for a mile...my legs are tired from not doing any serious walking in about 3 months....who the heck wants to go home and cook dinner??  Not me!!  I decided to stop at the Publix on the way home and get a sub out of the deli.  I could have very easily ran into the Italian restaurant in the SAME PARKING LOT as the gym...and gotten one of their fantastic grinders (subs)....but I took the high road.  I went to Publix...got my 6" on wheat turkey w/ no cheese, lite mayo, mustard, lettuce, onions and pickles.  Proud of that choice.  Then I grabbed a couple of other things....eggs, apples, watermelon, baby carrots, a pre-made salad out of the deli for lunch tmrw....and I made my way to the checkout line. 

I was only standing there a minute or so when I hear someone get in line behind me.  I casually turned and glanced behind me...saw an older gentleman...probably in his upper 60's with 2 young girls that I assumed were his grandchildren....they were probably 4 and 5 years old.  He looked right at me and I gave him a brief, friendly smile and turned back around.  Then I hear him say, "Do you girls want to stand in line behind Miss Piggy?  I don't want to stand in line behind Miss Piggy.  Let's go on down here to another checkout line."

All that pride I was feeling...started to waiver.  It didn't vanish...but it did make me think that I still have a really long way to go.  Hearing something like this just a few years ago would have crumbled me to tears.  Not today.  Today I kind of laughed to myself and thought, "Well that's an effing PERFECT ending to completely EFFED UP day...ain't life rich?"  Next came a twinge of anger....because I HAVE already lost 90 lbs...which should stand for something...but he had no idea...and I have a feeling if he DID know...he'd find me evern more horrendous that at one time I was that much fatter than I already am.  And lastly....I felt sorry for those little girls.  It's just a shame that they're being raised with someone in their life that's filling their little impressionable minds with such prejudice, disgust and nastiness.  He's doing them a terrible injustice...and that's so much worse than what he did to me.  

Good night friends.  :) 

 

What's Cookin'?

I stocked the house with plenty of healthy foods last weekend to avoid places like Red Lobster this week.  If you read my last post, you know what I'm talking about. ;)  Sunday night I made a stir fry with Italian chicken sausages and red/yellow/orange peppers and mushrooms.  VERY low calorie.  I also cooked up some chicken burgers and ate those on whole wheat sandwich thins.  It was time to cook up a couple of more things tonight for the next couple of days...with the main goal to get in as many veggies as possible.

Publix had shrimp on sale last weekend for $4.99/lb, so I bought some, brought them home, and split them up into small portions and froze them.  I grabbed one of the bags out of the freezer last night and threw it in the frig, so it'd be thawed by the time I got home tonight.  I didn't really want to make another stir fry because I've had my fill of peppers this week....so feeling less than inspired, I made an on-the-fly version of a mini shrimp po boy....actually, I made 2 of them, to take to lunch tomorrow.  I had about 4-5 oz of shrimp, which is about 120-150 calories.  I sauteed them in a little olive oil and seasoned them with white pepper, creole seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder and a dash of Adobo.  I spread less than a Tbsp of lite mayo and a little mustard on a whole wheat hot dog bun (120 cals) and voila!  A scaled back version of a shrimp po boy....

I plan on making these again soon, maybe this Saturday, because it's something that Dwayne would like.  However, I'll probably make them bigger and on different bread with some Boar's Head remoulade sauce and shredded lettuce.  Whenever I do it, I'll be sure to take some pics.  :)

I also thawed some split chicken breasts last night that I got on sale a couple of weeks ago.  I threw them in my roaster pan tonight with mostly the same spices I used on the shrimp.  Then I threw in a bag of frozen broccoli, a bag of California mix veggies, some fresh mushrooms and a handful of small red potatoes.  Nothing too exciting, but my goal was to eat as many veggies as possible...and if I cook them, I'll eat them.

About the crab alfredo I've been craving....I got a couple of really good recipes today from people telling me how to make a lite alfredo sauce.  I'm definitely going to try it one of these days, but for my current craving...if it persists...then I'll probably get the half order from Red Lobster and work it into my calories.  I'm just too lazy to drive to the grocery store after a long work day, buy the crab legs, steam them, and pry the meat out of them to make this dish during the week.  The chicken and veggies I made tonight will last 2-3 days for lunch/dinners....so if I still want the crab alfredo by Friday, I might order it for lunch.  I finally looked up the nutrition menu to see just how many calories it is.  A full order is 1500+....the half order was 770 cals.  I allow myself 1800 calories/day, so working it in is doable.  And I appreciate all the tips today on how you handle your cravings.  It's always good to hear what works for other people...so thank you.  :)

One of these days I'm going to post about how my weekend eating and Dwayne are clashing in a serious way...but that's another post for another day.  I've got it simmering on the back burner for now.. :)

How Do You Overcome A Craving?

I really want to know.  I want you to tell me.  What's your best advice on overcoming a craving?  Do you cave in and just eat it?  Do you hold strong and wait until the craving passes?  What if that craving last up to 2 weeks?  What if you're tired of resisting, finally break down, and instead of eating the one thing you're craving, you go on an all-out binge from the ridiculous stress that comes with avoiding that one item you're craving?  What if you eat everything BUT the one thing you're craving, trying to avoid eating the said craving, and then end up eating it anyway...plus all the extra calories from eating the food you were eating to avoid the craving in the first place?

I know this probably sounds insane to a lot of people reading....especially those that don't have an eating problem.  And YES, there are people out there that read weight loss blogs that don't have an eating/weight problem.  Weird...I know...but it happens.  :) 

I'm a food addict.  Addict is such a nasty little word.  I cringe every time I say it, type it or even think it.  Who wants to be known as a junkie?  But I am one.  It's a hard thing to face, and an even harder thing to recover from.  From Day One of starting this blog, I chose the motto at the top of the page:  A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.  That was my attempt at finally facing my addiction to food, and finding a way to turn it around.  Those first days/weeks of this blog were hard.  Hard to write...hard things to admit.  Depressing crap that I was SURE nobody would want to read.  Now I look over at my sidebar and I see 280 followers.  How did THAT happen????  I guess you people are sicker than I thought...LMAO.  Totally kidding.  What I REALLY see when I look over at that sidebar is people that are perhaps just like me.  People that have the same struggles, fears, problems, issues, flaws....but also the same hope...the same dreams...the same courage, strength, determination, tenacity, desire to get better.  To be better.  To learn how to recover.  Because you know....once we get to "goal"...whatever that # is for each of us....we're not finished.  We're not done by a long shot. 

I know a couple of people who have gotten to goal since I started blogging last June and I'm just going to be honest with you.  They're having one hell of a time keeping it between the lines.  They're struggling to maintain...and it's even moreso than they struggled to lose the weight.  Isn't that a kicker?  This is hard stuff.  Because it's not just about dropping some pounds.  It's about changing your lifestyle...how you eat, yes...but more importantly, how you think...how you react to food....how you deal with it.  How you handle it.  Learning how to treat it as fuel and how NOT to fantasize over it.  Not yearn for it, like I do.  This is what I did last night.  I was laying in bed fantasizing about food like a junkie wanting their next fix.  I hit the sack at 11:30p last night and I laid awake thinking about different things, but mostly food...until 1am this morning.  Sick?  Yes.  Insane?  Yes.  Shameful?  You bet.  But it's honest.  It's real.  This is me...my life...my addiction.

Did I want to talk about this to you this morning?  Nope.  Did I NEED to talk to you about this?  Yep.  Why?  Because as embarassing as it is to reveal these things about me....I also know that I can't be the only person in the world with these issues.  Someone else has to understand the struggle...the addiciton...themselves, and thus, maybe they've discovered or stumbled upon some epiphanies, some solutions, or just some helpful tips along this road to recovery.  And God knows I need all the help I can get.

It doesn't really matter what I was craving this one particular time, but I'll tell you anyway.  Crab Alfredo.  lol
Red Lobster has been running these effing CrabFest commercials for 2 weeks now, and I see them every evening on TV...on the weekends...the damn things are everywhere.  Number one issue....seafood is my all-time favorite type of food.  Number two issue....I pass a Red Lobster every day going to and from work...it's about 1 mile from where I work.  Number three issue....the craving hit 2 weeks ago, and it seems the longer I try to avoid it, the stronger the craving gets.  I keep thinking I'll just ride it out until CrabFest is over and they stop advertising it....I don't know.  But seriously....laying in bed at night and can't sleep because you're thinking about food?????  How sick is that???  I'm such an addict.  I think, well maybe I should just eat it and move on.  Then I think, isn't there like 3000 calories in fettucine alfredo????  It's one of those things that are just off the charts, kinda' like pecan pie.  :)  Maybe I should get it and only eat half.  Can I be trusted to stop at half?  I'm not so sure. 

So I want some ideas.  Whether it be this one dish...or something different I'm craving a month from now.  How do you guys deal with it?  If I didn't care about changing my eating behaviors, I wouldn't devote as much time to this blog to get better.  To recover.  So give me your ideas please...I want to hear them.  Thanks.  :)

All Signed Up!

Happy Monday!!!! (NOT)...lol  I hate Monday's.  Always have.  Oh well...when I get through today, it's only 4 days til the weekend! 

I got signed up online for L.A. Fitness yesterday night, so I'm ready to go to the gym again.  Kim and I will probably be meeting there on Tuesdays and Thursdays for right now.  I'm excited!  I was reading Kenz's last couple of posts this morning at All The Weigh listed on my sidebar.  That got me even MORE excited.  She posted a video of her rocking the elliptical...a machine I have truly come to hate.  :)  She's doing fantastic things for herself and she inspires me to get my butt moving, too! 

Today's going to be busy here at work so I need to sign off for now....just checking in after a too-short weekend (aren't they all?).  Just a reminder...today is Aug. 23...which means we have 8 days left in our challenge!!!  Tina at Fat Girl Dives In and Crys at Bigger Than My Body are neck and neck.  I haven't heard from Crys yet this wknd for her weigh-in, but I heard from Tina.  They're both just over 10 lbs. down since the start of the challenge...rockstars!!  But there are several others who have lost a good bit and have plenty of time in the next 8 days to win this challenge and receive the $50 gift certificate.  We will do our 4th weigh-in this coming Friday, and then our FINAL weigh-in next Tuesday, Aug. 31st.  Let's give it our all this week and see how many pounds we can shed on our road to freedom! :)

Fail To Plan = Plan To Fail

I'm up from last week....up to 252.2.  I swear, I'm like the worst challenge host ever, lol.  I apologize for that.  I do take a tiny bit of comfort in the fact that I am STILL on my cycle (It's been 10 days now)....but I also know that you can't eat like a complete moron for 3 days (last Fri, Sat and Sun), and expect to fully recover in the next 4 days.  Let this be a lessen to you, lol.

About the title of this post....planning is the biggest key to successful eating for me.  Often times I get in a rut and just can't think of anything good or yummy to fix at home.  Luckily, when I did my challenge back in April, I took pics of everything I ate!  I was able to go back last night and get some ideas and I was shocked at how good my food looked....and to know that I ate all of these things and still lost 15 lbs that month!  You really can make better use of your calories when you're eating good, wholesome foods at home and not as much frozen, processed crap or fast food.  I decided to post some of the pics in case anyone else is interested in some new ideas.  Let me know how you did on your weigh-in!!!  :)

Chicken burger with sauteed veggies

Salad w/ grilled chicken & raspberry vinaigrette

Shrimp stir fry

Shrimp & crab salad w/ Dreamfield's pasta

Breakfast casserole

Calzones with turkey pepperoni, veggies, 2% mozzarella & whole wheat pizza dough

Chicken tenders cooked with Rotel for soft tacos

Grilled pork chop, sauteed veggies & baked red potatoes w/ herbs & reduced fat parmesan

Egg beaters scrambled with veggies & Canadian bacon

Sauteed zucchini & mushrooms

Grilled asparagus

Lettuce tacos w/ ground chicken breast, lite sour cream & lite cheese

Grilled chicken, grilled veggies & Steamfresh chicken-flavored rice

Egg white scramble w/ grilled chicken breast & veggies

Baked pork tenderloin stuffed with fresh spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, feta cheese & fresh mushrooms

Angel hair pasta with sauteed chicken, asparagus & fresh mushrooms with a lite sour cream, cream cheese & oregano sauce

Broiled Cajun cod & veggies

Sauteed shrimp roll-up w/ sun-dried tomato wrap & fresh avocado spread

Meatball sub w/ Italian turkey meatballs, wheat hot dog bun, marinara & 2% mozzarella

Baked porkchop w/ homemade honey dijon sauce, Steamfresh brown rice & steamed broccoli

Italian chicken sausage on wheat hot dog bun w/ grilled onions & peppers & dijon mustard

Baked lemon dill cod w/ veggies

Chicken burger on whole wheat sandwich thin & lite mayo

Spaghetti w/ Dreamfield's pasta & homemade sauce w/ onions, bell peppers & fresh mushrooms

Chicken wings baked in a Mojo marinade

Mom's chicken gumbo

Salsa chicken baked with Rotel, black olives, mushrooms & 2% cheese

Veggie night

Sauteed spinach & artichoke chicken sausage w/ peppers over Steamfresh brown rice

Egg whites with 2% American cheese & Rotel on wheat wrap