Cherokee/Biltmore Pics

There were 250 rooms & 45 bathrooms in this house...this is where the pics of some of the rooms start...this is the banquet hall.

Conservatory/atrium

Looking off the veranda on the back side of the mansion.

Bowling alley.

Swimming pool.

Kitchen

Have you laughed today?

Oconaluftee River that runs behind our hotel room.

Can you tell what this is a picture of??  lmao...I have a nosy baby.  She likes to stand in the window on the other side of the curtain and stare at the neighbors/tourists.  These are her legs sticking out below the curtain..lol...oh I laugh every time I look at this.  It's one of my favorite pics!  :)

From our family to yours...have a FABULOUS day!  :)

Good Weekend

Dwayne and I had a fabulous time this weekend!  We got to Cherokee early afternoon on Saturday and spent the day relaxing and went to the casino that night.  We had dinner at the buffet inside the casino and I was quite proud of myself for passing up the prime rib, bbq pork ribs, pork chops, fried chicken, etc and opting for a slice of roasted turkey breast and a piece of grilled chicken.  I had 2 veggies with that, along with a beautiful salad.  I did my best to eat in moderation, so I'm hoping the gain I have is due to sodium from eating out all weekend. 

We went to the Biltmore Estate on Sunday morning.  Oh my goodness.  I was absolutely overwhelmed when I saw it.  It is breathtaking...just amazing.  We spent about 4 hours on the grounds, walking around the gardens, and touring the inside of the house.  We did a TON of walking, which made me feel good.  I usually don't get much exercise on vacations, so I was happy.  :)

We took a bunch of pics on our trip, including some illegal ones that Dwayne took inside the house.  However, I didn't have time to download them before I came to work this morning, so I'll have to post them tomorrow.  I hope everyone else had a fabulous weekend as well!  :)

Making Up Has It's Perks

I posted this morning that Dwayne and I got in an argument last night (totally HIS fault) and in an effort to make it up to me, he surprised me with reservations to spend some time at The Biltmore this Sunday.  It's about a 43 mile jaunt from Cherokee, where we're going tomorrow morning, over to Asheville.  I've never been so I'm super excited to see it!!  He says the castle is immense and grand and the gardens are breathtaking.  Does he know how to patch things up or what??!!  Maybe we should argue more often ;)
I'll be sure to take as many pics as I can this wknd....check out this link if you don't know what the Biltmore is:

http://www.biltmore.com/

Talk to you all next week!!  :)

Weigh Day/Weekend in Cherokee

I weighed 251.8 this morning for a 3.4 lb. gain from last Friday. 

Dwayne and I got in an argument yesterday (it didn't have anything to do with healthy eating/exercise).  Not a good place to be when you're fixing to go on a 3 day weekend trip together.  (eyeroll). 

I'll try to take some pics this wknd if things improve...if we're even still going.

Hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday weekend.  :)

"No" Is The Hardest Word To Say

Struggling this week.  Big time.  Failing in a major way.  And for no good reason other than I'm just not saying "no" when I need to.  And it seems so incredibly hard.  Some weeks are a breeze, other weeks, not so much.  I need to get in "the zone" and right now it feels like it's miles and miles away.  I had a conversation with myself today, after not posting this morning due to this crappy week.  Sometimes you just have to stop...in all of your busyness...and just ask yourself...what's the problem?  Why are you struggling?  Why is this so hard?  Why can't your lips seem to form the word "no" when needed? 

I made my mental list, like I've done many times in the past, and it's a long one.  A long list of excuses.  Nothing more.  Nothing worth sharing.  I have a feeling most of our lists look pretty much the same.  But after you've made the list, does it make a difference to identify the roadblocks, etc?  Not really.  Not for me it doesn't, because most of the things can't be changed.  Boyfriend that just isn't on board with healthy food OR exercise, yet is constantly around you (how am I EVER going to entertain the thought of marrying this man??)    Job stress/problems that you have zero control over (but you were unemployed for so long that you're not about to chance going out and looking for another job right now).  Too damn tired at night to cook a decent meal, probably mostly due to the aforementioned job stress (you want to just go home and go to bed w/o dinner so you don't eat something horrific...but Dwayne's coming over again!!!) 

I feel like I'm caught in a never-ending cycle of bad circumstances and even worse choices.  I hate when being honest and blogging about it makes you sound like you're purposely throwing yourself a pity party or a whine-fest.  Those aren't my intentions even thought it sounds that way.  But what I know is that if I don't get it out...write it down...then the clarity never comes, nor does the relief of getting it out of my brain. 

And I'm coming to the same conclusion that I've come to in the past w/ excuses or poor circumstances.  It just doesn't matter.  It simply does not matter.  This is called Life.  And it's tough.  And no matter how long your list of poor-me excuses are...life keeps moving, with or without you.  Every day that you don't make the good choices, is another day further away from your goals.  I've heard some say that you shouldn't put a number on your goals....not a specific date or event that you want to lose your weight by/for.  I agree with that to a certain extent.  On the other hand though, taking the attitude that you've got all the time in the world and you'll get there when you get there sounds a little dangerous to me.  Is it going to suddenly be Christmas and I'm fatter than I was last Christmas?  Am I going to suddenly be 40 and still not have lost this weight, even though I started this blog one month before my 37th birthday?  Am I going to be one of those people that have a heart attack or stroke in their late 30's because I just didn't do what needed to be done in time?  Are my list of excuses going to matter THEN?  Am I going to leave my family standing over my coffin, wishing I would have done what it took to stay in their lives?  Wishing that I thought they were important enough to me?  That I was important enough to me?

Along with the cycle of crappy circumstances that beget poor choices comes the never-ending guilt and disappointment in myself.  Boy am I sick of that.  I really am.  I was thinking back today to the challenge I did in April to get ready for my beach trip.  I was 241 lbs at the time and set a goal of 225 lbs.  I wanted to lose 16 lbs in one month.  I'll admit that I floundered that last week of the challenge, because I had my mind more on the upcoming beach trip than I did on planning and eating healthy meals.  So I only lost 1 lb that last week I think.  But I ended up with a total of 15 lbs lost for the month of April.  I happen to know that if I would have actually applied myself that last week, I could have most likely lost 20 lbs that month.  20 lbs in one single month.  If I gave half the effort, I could lose 10 lbs in one month. 

So....what??  Why??  What the hell is wrong with me???  lol 

I remember the determination I had during that challenge.  I took pics of everything I ate.  I exercised (walked at the park/went to the gym) 6 days a week.  Without fail.  I remember people asking me to go out to eat and I'd turn them down.  I remember them asking me to do something a certain time of day and I'd say nope...I've got to go get my exercise in.  I was 100% in the game.  I had my focus.  I could not be deterred.  And I reaped the rewards for that kind of commitment. 

Now I know you can't lose that kind of weight at that rate when you're closer to your goal.  But I'm still 80 lbs away from my goal!!  I have MORE than enough fat left on my body to drop that kind of weight.  Do you know how much happier I'd be (again) at 233 than I am at 253?  The clothes I could fit back into?  Actually be able to breathe in what I'm wearing instead of feeling strangled and suffocated at my desk at work all day, every day???  I had actually lost a couple of fat rolls and now the damn things are back in full glory.  What's amazing to me is that I'm so much more aware of them now, at my current weight, than I ever was at 340 lbs.  Especially since they started to go away, and then I gained 25-30 lbs back.  I am SO aware.  And so miserable.  Just so miserable. 

I'd like to say that I'm going to spend this upcoming weekend getting my head back where it needs to be.  Food bought, planned and prepped for the next week.  But that might not be what happens.  I cave so easily around Dwayne because I just don't want the argument or the struggle or the disagreeing.  I know what he's thinking....a weekend away from home filled with fast food and drinking at the casino.  Woo Hoo!!  Yeah.....yippie.  lol  Don't get me wrong...I'm happy to get a weekend away from the normal grind...and a drink once in a while is nice, too, since I don't drink on any kind of regular basis.  A hotel room with the Nantahala River running behind it....nice scenery on the mountains of North Carolina....I really wish we didn't even have to eat.  lol  Then I'd have nothing to worry about or stress over.  But we do.  And I don't know how it will go.  This being around Dwayne all the time is really getting to be a major struggle for me foodwise.   I love him to pieces...I absolutely adore him in many ways.  But it is really very hard when it comes to food choices and exercise.  I asked him to go to the gym with me after I got my membership last week.  He said no.  He's not interested.  I explained his food preferences a couple of posts back.  They suck,  lol.

Anyhoo....just venting and trying to summon the strength to deal with Dwayne and still do what I know is right for me.  Just doesn't seem fair that my daily choices have to be a constant struggle.  :(

And The Winner Is.....

CRYS @ Bigger Than My Body!!!!!!!

Crys leads a very busy lifestyle.  She's self-employed and is a real go-getter.  She mentioned on her blog how she's been to San Francisco, New York and New Orleans just this month.  She also endured a move to a new location....and she STILL managed to navigate her way through restaurant eating out of town AND get in her exercise, whether she had her normal gym at her disposal or not.  Crys has set a fabulous example of what you really can do for yourself, when you put YOURSELF first.  She had a fantastic loss this month of 15 lbs.!!!!!  Way to go Crys!!  I'll be having the lady from CSN stores email you with details on the $50 gift certificate.  Congrats girl...you really earned it!!

I'm also happy to report that nearly everyone that participated in this challenge lost weight this month.  Good for you!!!  A couple of you set your own personal goals and not only met them, but surpassed them!!  Thank you all so much for participating in this challenge with me.  I mentioned before that I'm considering holding some sort of challenge every month between now and Christmas to get us all as low as possible before we're surrounded by holiday goodies.  Overexposure to temptation can be a real weight loss killer....so let's work on solidifying those good habits now! 

I will be co-hosting a 2 week challenge in September with my good friend Kim @ All About The Bottom Line.  I'm not sure yet if we're going to run the challenge from both of our blogs or just one...we haven't worked out the fine details.  There will be a couple of rules as there are with any challenge, but nothing you can't handle.  This will not be a scale-focused challenge, but rather a focus on getting in the habit of regular exercise.  I want it to be come a natural choice for you...and I want you to experience the true joy you feel when you know you're doing what's right for your body.  I went to the gym last night with Kim, and due to my ankle, only walked for 30 mins on the treadmill, and at a slower pace...a speed of only 3.3.  But I carried my 5 lb. weights in my hands for the first mile like I did last week...set them down for a short while, then picked them up again to finish out the last few mins of my walk.  When I got home my ankle and leg were stiff, a little sore...but I had a smile on my face and in my heart.  I felt good.  So good, in fact, I'm going to meet Kim there again tonight!!! 

So be ready to start the next challenge on Sept. 15th and it will run through Sept. 30th.  We're still kicking around ideas on the prize, but it will most likely be a gift card to Amazon.com so that you can spend it on anything you want, all courtesy of Kim's giving heart.  Isn't she awesome???  This exercise challenge and reward were her idea and funded by her, and I'm honored to co-host it with her.  I hope you'll all join us!  :)

End of Summer Challenge Final Weigh-In

I didn't have time to do this post from home this morning...I'm at work now, so I didn't have time to download the badge for our challenge or my scale pic.  The scale said 253 lbs this morning, so I'm down 3 lbs from the weekend, but still up 5 lbs from last Friday's weigh-in. 

I can't wait to hear how the rest of you did!!  Make sure you all check in with me today and leave me your final #'s, so I can reveal the winner tomorrow morning and have the $50 gift certificate sent to you!

Some of you inquired about Dwayne in your comments to my last post, wondering why he isn't more supportive.  This is kind of hard to explain.  He's actually VERY supportive of my eating lifestyle.  As I stated in my last post, he would have been more than happy to go out and get me whatever I wanted over the weekend.  The problem was/is with me in most cases.  In situations where I can't do for myself, I don't like to be a burden anymore than is necessary, so I cave and tell him to just pick up whatever...many times that means something for us to share, and Dwayne is not on the healthy eating path.

I've been with Dwayne for 6 years.  He has weighed the exact same thing since I met him....230 lbs and he's 6 ft. tall.  He's got a little belly on him, but really has no interest in losing any weight.  He tells me his doctor tells him he needs to lose 50 lbs and get down to 180.  He says he knows he needs to...but does nothing to work on it.  He hates vegetables.  Hates them.  I've tried many times to get him to eat them many different ways but to no avail.  He just refuses.  He will eat fruit...a lot of different kinds, so that's a plus.  Many times we have fresh fruit together as a snack or a dessert.  I got him to eat a chicken burger once, but he wasn't too impressed and hasn't eaten another one since, so now when I make burgers with him, I just use the leanest ground beef possible, and he's fine with that. 

He does like whole wheat bread and buns....we hardly ever eat white bread anymore, unless it's a planned splurge.  He used to drink Diet Coke only....now he drinks mostly water, with a Coke or ginger ale on the weekends.  Before I moved to the apt, when I lived much further away from him and only saw him from Fri night to Sat night, about a 24 hour time period....we would do a lot of grilling.  That was working out great for my eating plan, and it was something he really enjoyed, too.  Now that I'm in the apartment, I see him 5-6 days a week, and we're not allowed to grill.  It's against the fire code.  Things have gotten a lot tougher to work around with my eating plan, and his non-existent eating plan.  Another thing that is difficult is he's on a schedule of eating 2x a day.  He eats around 10am....usually 2 chicken biscuits from Chic-Fil-A that he takes to work with him....and again at 6pm when he gets home from work.  He likes granola bars, so sometimes he'll have one of those as a snack at work.  And that's it.

As you all know, I'm accustomed to eating 5-6x a day.  It keeps me from getting too hungry...and I think it revs the metabolism, and more of the food is burned as fuel and not stored.  When I only eat 2x a day, as I did this past weekend, I feel like I'm starving by the time we eat...I eat way more volume than I need, and it ends up sitting in my stomach like a rock and I feel gross and lethargic.  That kind of eating schedule just annoys the hell out of me. 

The grilling thing was really working well for us...I felt like I had hit the jackpot by finding a way we could both eat and enjoy it.  He'd stand out at the grill for an extra 30-45 mins, grilling up some extra chicken, veggies, etc just for me, so I could have it to eat for the next couple of days.  He knew it was a healthy option for me, and he liked "helping out" in that way.  But right now we don't have that option and it's really put a kink in things.

Dwayne has a weird texture issue when it comes to food.  The reason he doesn't like most veggies has more to do with texture than it does taste.  He says cucumbers don't really have much taste, but he hates the seeds.  I baked a pork tenderloin one night, and he wouldn't eat because he said the texture of the baked meat was "weird".  I'm one of those old-fashioned girls who likes to cook for her guy, and likes to enjoy my meals with him.  I don't like us to each do our own thing.  If I cook something he doesn't like, I feel guilty if he doesn't like it and his dinner ends up being a bag of potato chips.  He's always appreciative, always thanks me 2 or 3 times each time I cook, and never, ever complains about any of my food.  That makes me want to make him happy even more. 

So we just clash when it comes to our eating and I haven't yet figured out what to do about it.  I'm also not used to seeing him as often as I do now, so it comes into play even more now that it ever has.  It's something I'm constantly trying to work around and will keep at it until I find a happy medium.  :)