Thanksgiving Week? Really???

Warning...I'm in a crappy mood.  Glad we got that out of the way.  :)

I did the first week of Allan's Phase 2 challenge.  My goal was to stay at or under 1870 cals/day.  I decided to try out 1200 cals/day and drink 200 oz. of water for a few days this week...I think it was Tues-Fri...I don't remember now.  My goal for the weekends is to follow the original allotted cals/day...1870.  Sat I came in at 1700.  This week was a total success.  I lost 6 lbs.  I went from 248 last Sun to 242 this morning.  Yay.  lol....

Seriously....I've been trying to be happy about this all day.  I've been looking forward to it...I wanted to jump up and down.  But I can't.  I started my cycle today and I know it's here for almost 2 weeks.  Yes...I bitch about this every month...and will probably continue to, since I post about my daily life here...not just weight loss.  My cramps are soooo much like contractions.  They just double me over in pain.  My mood goes right in the toilet....but to ADD to the normal b.s....it's on Thanksgiving week...the week when things are going to get REALLY busy and stay that way pretty much through the end of the year. 

I've been looking at my budget for Christmas shopping for my family.  I bought my 5 nieces and nephews a few things from the Dollar Store.  They're all under the age of 5 so I can get away with it w/o too much guilt.  Now I'm looking at the budget for my  2 sisters, bro-in-law, mom, dad...and of course Dwayne and Scarlette.  My parents and Dwayne are the ones that I really feel sad about.  I am EXTREMELY THANKFUL for my job.  I was out of work for nearly a year and a half after getting laid off from my last Accounting job.  I have not forgotten how much living on the gov't cheese SUCKED.  I have not forgotten the depression of feeling like life had forgotten me, while sitting inside my house, day after day, praying that someone would choose my resume out of the thousands that were just as desperate as I was.  I have not forgotten.  With that said...I make very little money.  I make $1/hr more an hour than I made on unemployment...and w/ Shane (my old roommate) getting married...the bills are HIGHER than they were on unemployment.  If it wasn't for the Zoloft, I'd be in tears every day like I was.  I'm not crying...but boy is the stress there.  I want to get stuff for my parents and Dwayne...the most special people in my life, because they've always done so much for me and they deserve something nice in return.  I love them so much...and Christmas is that time of year that you get a chance to really say "thank you".  I've always been one of those that got so much out of the giving...caring very little about the receiving.  My budget is scarce...and it stresses me and makes me sad.  It's moreso when the damn monthly cycle kicks in, so this is where my head is out right now. 

I found out we're having a Thanksgiving dinner at work this week on Tuesday.  I'm bringing some dishes, along with the other people in the office.  With some of our adjusters coming in from the field, we'll have about 20 guys to feed.  Gotta' work that into the plan, along with the Thursday Thanksgiving dinner with my family.  Also...as stressed as I've been about the weekend eating with Dwayne....it finally hit me today that I have a 4 day weekend coming up off of work.....4 days with Dwayne.  Oy. 

None of this is the end of the world...I know that.  It's just my own little stress bubble...a time when I really need to buckle down, focus, concentrate....and unfortunately, my mind wants to do the exact opposite.  I want to go to bed and have someone wake me up after New Year's.  My stomach hurts.  My head hurts.  I wish I could do more for Dwayne and my family.  I wish I made more money.  I wish I didn't have a food addiction.  I wish food was calorie-free.  I wish I didn't give a damn about weighing a deuce and a half.

But I do.  I do care.  I know what needs to be done.  I want to say that I'd be happy if I just manage to maintain this week...but that would be a lie.  I know what I'm capable of....which means I have it in me to see a loss this week IF I make myself do what needs to be done.  Wouldn't a loss on Thanksgiving week be a fantastic thing....especially knowing you'd be one of the few.  I've already heard several people say they're giving up til next week...and I heard a couple people say they're giving up til after Christmas.  I have lost and re-gained the same 25 effing lbs over the course of this year until I'm friggin' sick of it.  I'm sick of myself.  I'm sick of writing the same sh*t over and over.  It's time for a change.  A positive change.  I'm starting off the week on the heels of a 6 lb. loss.  Let's see if, in spite of everything going on, physicially...mentally...emotionally.....let's see if I can build on that loss.  Now THAT would give me a reason to smile.  :)

I hope each of you has a plan for Thanksgiving week.  Doesn't matter too much what it is...moderation, portion control...1 plate instead of your normal 3 plus leftovers....calorie counting...points counting....doesn't matter.  But you need to have SOME kind of plan.  If your plan is to wait until after the holidays, nix that plan right now and formulate a new one.  Care enough about yourself to not find yourself 20-30 lbs. heavier in 6 weeks.  Do what I'm going to do...one day at a time....the best choices you're able to make each day.  You just might amaze yourself.  :)

Panic Mode

The weekend is here....time to panic.  This is where everything always goes downhill.  I go into every weekend with a "plan"...but rarely does it work out.  When you've got someone else involved in your wknds, things can go awry...and they usually do for me.  I have to weigh in for the challenge on Sunday morning.  Let's pray things go smoothly for me tomorrow and I can stay on track.  I think expecting myself to stay under 1200 on weekend days is, quite frankly, laughable.  The goal for me is going to be my maintenance calories, the ones I started the challenge with....1870.  Here's my food pics for the day...I have the calorie counts but just don't feel like posting it.  I came in under 1200 because I didn't eat all of my dinner.  My stomach has been in knots all day....I don't know why.

2 eggs, 1 egg white, 1/8 c. cheese, veggies

8 oz. shrimp on salad w/ 60 cals olive oil/vinaigrette dressing

Sweet potato

The sandwich platter that my supervisor picked up at Costco today for lunch for all of us....turkey, ham, roast beef sandwiches on croissants w/ cheese and mayo spreads.....this hurt, lol.  If you want to know if I ate any, see the shrimp salad above.  :)

Apple

1 c. 100 calorie Barilla pasta sauce with mushrooms, onions, bell peppers and spinach over 2 c. of spaghetti squash (42 cals/cup).

This is how much of my dinner that was left...stomach hurting today...couldn't eat anymore...but it was DELISH.

Have a good weekend everyone.  :)

I'm So Stoopid

Guess what?  I forgot I have diabetes.  Since I've lost nearly 100 lbs, my #'s are normal now...so it makes you think you don't have it anymore.  My dr. corrected me on that one time.  Mine is hereditary...it is under control with my diet now...I no longer take any meds for it, but he told me I'll always "have it". 

Since my #'s have been normal, and are never in the high range anymore...I've discovered something I didn't know before.  Your sugar can also DROP....your #'s can go TOO LOW.  This doesn't happen often, but it has happened a couple of times.  It's been a while though, so it took me FOREVER to figure out what in the hell was wrong with me today.

It started with a headache....then I was dizzy....then I noticed my hands and feet were freezing.  I never freeze...in fact, they usually keep it WAY too warm in my office.  It wasn't until I was in the car and driving home that I put all 3 symptoms together....ding ding ding!!  My sugar was too low!!  I quickly calculated my calories for the day in my head....I had around 750 or so by 5pm.  Doh!!  Soooo sleepy driving home...knew I HAD to eat....was thinking I need to grab a pack of crackers or something, but had already passed the ONE gas station between work and home.  The only restaurants in the closes vicinity between work and home are a Red Lobster, a Dunkin' Donuts, Popeye's fried chicken, and a Chic-fil-A.  SHIT.

Thank God the commute home is usually only 20 mins or so.  Also glad that I already had dinner cooked and waiting in the frig.  I popped it in the microwave and ate.  That was about half an hour ago....still have a headache, still sleepy, and still freezing my ass off.  But now that I've eaten things will improve.  As of right now, I'm at 1093 cals for the day.  I need to decide if I'll spend another 100 cals on food or my usual decaf coffee w/ creamer.  I'm thinking food will be the smarter idea tonight.

1200 cals is enough for a diabetic...if you actually EAT.  The danger is letting too much time go between the meals.  I had lunch at 11am.  I had some baby carrots at 2pm.....but by 5pm, things had gone way downhill today.  I need to think more about spacing out my calories better.  My breakfast this morning was under 200.  Maybe I need to bulk that up to give myself a better start.  Who forgets they have diabetes????  Feeling pretty stoopid right now. 

These are awesome...tried them for the first time today after seeing them on someone else's blog.

Cooking breakfast...I do NOT do this every morning...I move too slow in the mornings.

7:30am

See there....took too long to cook, so not enough time to eat before leaving home....took it to work and ate it at my desk.  :)

4 egg whites w/ a touch of mustard for color/flavor - 68 cals.

1/3 c. turkey sausage crumbles - 40 cals.

onions/mushrooms/bell peppers - 40 cals.

1/8 c. 2% cheese - 45 cals.

Breakfast total - 193 cals.

11am

salad - 50 cals.

8 oz. shrimp sauteed in Pam olive oil cooking spray - 240 cals.

2 Tbsp. olive oil vinaigrette dressing - 60 cals.

Lunch total - 350 cals.

2pm

15 baby carrots - 45 cals.

5:30pm

6 oz. chicken breast - 180 cals.

a whole bag of Steamfresh veggies - 120 cals.

1 slice 2% American cheese - 45 cals.

1 Tbsp. Heinz 57 - 20 cals.

Dinner total - 365 cals.

Total for the day so far:  1093

I had 120 oz. of water at work today....drinking another 32 oz. glass right now.  Also had (4) 5 oz. c. of coffee at work. 

I was a lot hungrier today than I was yesterday.  I also didn't drink as much water today...that might have something to do with the fullness factor.  As far as the diabetes goes, filling yourself up with water is not the same as eating your food.  I'll space my calories out better tomorrow.  'Nite friends.  :)

Better Than I Thought

I'm sitting here, a little shocked....ok, a LOT shocked.  I've had dinner, ready to post my food pics for the day, was totaling everything, and I'm sitting at 991 calories for the day...and NOT HUNGRY.

Let me say that again....I'm under 1000 cals for the day and I'm not hungry.  My stomach is not growling. 

Ummm....I have no idea what's going on with me.  None.  My absolute best guess is that it has to do with the water/fluid intake throughout the day.  Yesterday I drank (5) 24 oz. glasses of water during my workday.  Today I drank (6) 24 oz. glasses at work, plus (3) 5 oz. cups of coffee w/ creamer.  So that's what?  About 144 oz. of water and 15 more oz in coffee.  Very interesting. 

I'm drinking another 32 oz glass of water right now as I type this post.  I'll end up with at least 200 oz. before I go to bed. 

I'll tell you the truth.  Knowing I have 200 calories left for the day makes me want to eat something else.  I'm not going to have food....but it does allow me to have a couple of cups of decaf coffee with creamer, for another 70 calories.  That's my wind-down thing in the evenings.  I didn't have it last night because I miscounted my calories and thought I was too close to 1200...didn't want to go over.  Turns out, I was a good bit under....came in around 1100-1125 last night.  Tonight, I'm having it.  While others are having a more substantial snack or dessert...I'm having decaf coffee w/ creamer.  It works for me.

Here's my food pics w/ calorie count for the day:

4 egg whites w/ a touch of mustard for color and flavor, mixed with 4 oz. chicken breast and 1/8 c. of 2% sharp cheddar cheese.  The baby ate an ounce of the chicken, so I counted it as 3 oz. for myself.

7am

4 egg whites -  68 cals.

3 oz. chkn. breast -  90 cals.

1/8 c. 2% cheese -   45 cals.

11:00 am

Boneless pork rib -  200 cals.

Sweet potato -  103 cals.

12:00pm

I'm making a conscious effort to eat slowly.  This is how much of my lunch was left an hour after I started eating it.  I finished the rest of it sometime after noon.

2:00pm

Honeycrisp apple -  80 cals.

6:15 pm

6 oz. chkn. breast after the baby got some - 180 cals.

An ENTIRE bag of Steamfresh broccoli -  120 cals.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who provided food tips and snack ideas...foods to keep you fuller, etc.  I always appreciate the ideas.  I will say that there will always be some convenience foods in my diet, like the Jimmy Dean bagels in my freezer....and there will always be pork..I'm a swine lover...that won't change.  I did happen to be OUT of veggies as of today, so I stopped by the grocery store on my way home and picked up some stuff to get me through the next few days. 

Allan suggested lots of salad.  I picked up 2 bags of the pre-made stuff, along with tomatoes, cucumbers and onions to go on top.  I ran out of baby carrots on Monday (those are a normal snack for me), so I picked up a big bag of those...along with some sweet potatoes that I am in love with.  The only fruit I had left was 2 apples, so I picked up 4 more tonight.  I also got some mushrooms, onions and bell peppers to mix with eggs in the morning so that EVERY breakfast isn't a convenient one.  :)

This will sound bad...but it's honest....ever since I started my blog, I've never been interested in the "health" part of this jouney....as far as matching proteins with carbs, eating what would be considered "diet" foods, etc.  The only thing I've been interested in is counting calories to get the weight off.  I eat fruits and vegetables because I like them.....not because I'm "trying to eat all the right diet foods".  I don't eat hardly any red meat...but that's not because I consider it a "bad" food in the diet world.  It's because it makes me feel like crap for 2-3 days.  I feel like I'm walking around with a rock in my stomach...it just takes too long to digest.  So I'm sure my food pics will make some people wince, like I'm sure my pork ribs did , lol....that's ok.  Just wanted to let everyone know that's reading that I will always welcome any food tips you want to share with me.  Some of them I'll use...some of them I probably won't.  As long as I'm within the calorie range I'm shooting for...I'm happy.  :)

Here's a pic of my loot from the grocery store:

I thawed and sauteed some shrimp tonight.  Will probably put this on my salad for lunch tomorrow.

That's 1 lb. of shrimp altogether - pre-cooked weight of course.  For this case, 1/2  a lb. in each bowl resulted in 17 shrimp.  At 30 cals an oz...that's 240 cals. 

I also went ahead and measured out 2 Tbsp of dressing to take for my salad tomorrow.  It's 60 cals. for 2 Tbsp.

So that's it for today guys!!!  Hope you're having a good evening.....time for me to go make some decaf.  :)

1200 Calorie Day Recap

Ok....so...I was going to try out 1200 calories yesterday and see what I thought.  The good news is I DID IT!!  And I'm still alive!!  lol  :)

So here's how the day went and how the calories broke down:

7am - Jimmy Dean D'Lite Breakfast Bagel w/ egg white, chz, turkey sausage    260 cals.
11am - One baked pork rib                                                                             200 cals.
            Medium sweet potato - no butter                                                         103 cals.
2pm - Honeycrisp apple                                                                                    80 cals.
During day I had (4) 5 oz. cups of coffee w/ 1 Tbsp creamer in ea.
The creamer is 35 cals per Tbsp                                                                      140 cals.
5:30p - 4 egg whites @ 17 cals. ea.                                                                   68 cals.
            1 slice 2% American cheese                                                                  45 cals.
7:00p - 2 grilled chicken thighs - no skin (5-6 oz. of meat off bone)                  180 cals.
             Medium sweet potato - no butter                                                        103 cals.

Total Calories:                                                                                               1149 cals.

Here's how the day went....I ate breakfast at 7am.  By 10:30 my stomach was growling audibly.  I finally fed it lunch at 11am.  I normally scarf down my food in 5-10 mins.  Yesterday, I purposely ate VERY slowly, putting my fork down inbetween (what a concept!), did some work at desk inbetween eating, and made the one rib and sweet potato last an hour...until 12pm.  It's amazing how much better food tastes when you eat mindfully because you know there's going to be less of it. 

By 2pm my stomach was growling audibly again...wow.  I ate an apple.  At 4pm I felt like my stomach was turning inside out, lol.  I emailed Allan and told him "This is hard.  You ROCK."  He's been staying around 1200 cals for like 6 months now I think....now that's commitment.  All during the day I consumed (4) 5 oz cups of coffee and (5) 24 oz. bottles of water to help stave off the hunger.  Stomach still growling.  Left work at 5pm, got home at 5:30p and ran to the kitchen to whip something up.  I made a cheese omelet with 4 egg whites and 1 pc. of 2% American cheese.  My baby had a couple of bites, so my calories are actually a little lower than I reported...maybe around 1100-1125?

Dwayne emailed me at work yesterday and wanted me and Scarlette to come to his house for dinner....said he was grilling steaks.  I told him I was trying 1200 cals today and already had my dinner planned....some grilled chicken that he cooked for me on Sunday night, and a sweet potato that I baked Sun night.  I told him he could grill a steak for himself and I'd bring over my chicken and sweet potato to stay on track.  I got to his house just as he was pulling 2 steaks off the grill.  He threw one in the frig and ate the other one with a loaf of crusty French bread.  Watching him eat the steak didn't phase me....watching him eat the crusty French breaad hurt like hell, lol.  But I didn't touch it.  I ate my chicken and sweet potato slowly and noticed something about 3/4 of the way through.  I was full.  Huh?  No way.  I can eat WAY more than this...and of course I finished it.  But full after so fewer calories than I normally eat during a day?  Totally weird and I have no explanation for it, other than maybe the water intake. 

After dinner we watched some TV and I drank (3) 16.9 oz bottles of water.  I headed home around 9pm and when I got home, I drank one more 32 oz. bottle of water before bed.  My total water consumption for the day was around 200 oz....with the coffee on top of that for even more liquids.  Actually....that's a TON of liquids, and probably had EVERYTHING to do w/ why I felt so full at dinner.  Yay.  :)

So....I did it...I made it through...I didn't die.  It got tough in the afternoon around 4p, but nothing I couldn't handle, so I'm going to do it again today.  One day at a time here...that's all I need to focus on.  I actually remembered to bring my camera this morning to work with me, so I'll be taking pics of today's food and will post it tomorrow morning with an update on Day 2.  Have a super day friends.  :)


*******SEAN hit goal yesterday at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser!!!  Head on over there!!*******

Experimenting

I'm going to try eating at 1200 calories today.  There are a few things I know about myself.  I still have obsessive food thoughts...eat when I'm not hungry..duh!  And I'm a volume eater, so even when I'm eating within my calorie range, I shoot for the lowest calorie foods so I can have more of them.  I'm at a desk for 9 1/2 hours during the day and that makes for a lot of idle time to snack. 

But I thought I'd try something different on Allan's challenge.  He eats around this number, and he's thrilled with his losses.  He never has a gain..he never maintains..he always loses, and it's caught my attention and stoked my curiosity.  I wonder if I could stick to 1200 cals/day?  I've never tried.  So I'm going to.

Mind you...if I start to feel like I'm going to cut loose and binge or something horrific like that, I'm taking it right back up to 1870...so we'll see.  You never know until you try.  :)

Challenge Pic

For Allan's challenge, we had to take a current pic of ourselves.  We didn't have to post it on our blog if we were uncomfortable or shy....but I'm not shy.  :)

If my ridiculous stomach would catch up to my collarbone, I'd be a happy girl.  :)

Off to a good start this morning...just can't remember to take the dang camera with me everywhere I go, so I'm forgetting to take all of my food pics.  Still writing down every calorie though and drinking all the water.  We did our first challenge weigh-in for Phase 2 after only 5 days.  I was down 1 lb.  I started at 249 last Tuesday, and weighed 248 Sunday morning.  One lb. off my a$$ is better than no pounds.  I'll take it. 

Have a great day friends.  :)