Summer Challenge 2010

Kandice at "No More Chunky Dunking, Time To Skinny Dip" (listed on my blogroll) is hosting a 3 month-long summer challenge!!  Kandice is my friend Billie's daughter (Billie is also my roommate Shane's fiancee)...she's a sweet girl with a fantastic personality.  I don't get to see her very often, but when I do, she always has me laughing.  She's quite witty and has a great sense of humor.  She's caused me to spit out my dinner in a restaurant more than once...she has the uncanny ability of making funny remarks just as I'm stuffing food in my face, lol.  I'm happy to do this challenge with her!  :)

The challenge runs for 3 months...ending on Aug. 23rd.  The rules are to post the badge at the start of the challenge, which is today, and to post it each Friday for our official weekly weigh-in.  I was so glad her weigh-in day was the same as mine...that's been my problem with trying to do challenges in the past.  I just can't remember to weigh on the correct day when it differs from mine!  Another little twist to her challenge is we have to post a pic of our scale reading on Fridays.  I joked with her that she's going to cost me a lot of money in pedicures!  lol  The person who loses the most weight in 3 months wins the challenge....and you are also to announce your own personal goals...if you reach those, you get another prize!

I've been thinking about this.  I have really been floundering since I got back from the beach.  The truth is, I'm more wrapped up in worrying about finding a job asap than I am with losing weight.  In fact, I went to the unemployment ofc today to see how much time is left on my current extension.  Two weeks.  I get 2 more paychecks.  As of right now, the extensions are ending on May 29th.  Whatever you're currently scheduled for is what you get...for me, it's 2 more paychecks.  There hasn't been any word yet on whether or not Congress is going to grant another extension, so things are up in the air...AGAIN.  I just cannot express to you how sick I am of being "in the system", and CANNOT WAIT to return to the private sector where work is concerned.  I started working when I was 16 years old, and this is the first time I've ever drawn unemployment.  Let me tell ya'....it ain't my cup of tea. 

I want a permanent job...that's where all of my focus is and I'm steeped in worry over it.  I'm going to try to sign up at a temp agency this Thursday...I've got to call and set up an appt.  I have to babysit tomorrow while my sister goes in the hospital to have her 3rd child, and I've got a lot of errands to run on Wednesday, so hopefully Thursday I can get signed up at my first temp agency.  I've been dreading this.  I've done temp work before....I was laid off several years ago, and instead of going the unemployment route, I worked through temp agencies....for TWO AND A HALF YEARS.  It took that long for one of those temp jobs to go permanent.  I am absolutely terrified that I'm going to go through that again...not have the security of a permanent job.  Well....there's really no such thing as job security these days...but it feels better to know you're in a permanent position than in a temporary one...know what I mean?

So...I'm really struggling with getting back on track with the health stuff.  I haven't exercised one single day since I've been back from the beach.  The desire is just not there.  My get-up-and-go has definitely got-up-and-went.  I've spent several days in the last couple of weeks TRYING to talk myself into driving over to the park and walking....even 2 miles to start with.  Hasn't happened yet.

So for the challenge, my first goal is to commit to walking, whether at the gym or at the park, at least 3 days a week.  This sounds really easy...but for me right now, it feels monumental.  Absentee desire sucks...it's a real struggle.  Now for my weight loss goals.  I think expecting to lose 15 lbs a month like I did before I went to the beach is unrealistic to carry on from month to month.  The truth is, not every month is going to be that perfect...and I don't have the same drive that I did when knowing my reward was spending 9 days in an oceanfront condo, lol.  So I'm shooting for 10 lbs/month, or 30 lbs. total for her challenge.

I weighed in at 241.2 last Friday....then had WAY too much sodium over the wknd.  Here's my official starting weigh-in this morning for Kandice's challenge:

 

And no, I didn't bother to clean up my closet floor before I weighed...I've got shoes everywhere, lol.

I forgot that I took pics of the food mom and I took to the family dinner yesterday.  I made my famous baked mac 'n' chz (my Grandma's recipe)...and mom gave me all the ingredients to make her squash casserole, and I made that while she was at church.

Here's my food for today...

Breakfast was an egg white scramble:

Calories:  228

I stopped by Larry's Subs after the unemployment office for an 8" on wheat, ham and turkey, w/ lettuce, tomato, onion, lite mayo, spicy mustard and mushrooms.

Calories:  589

I picked up something else while at Larry's...an evil chocolate chip cookie:

Calories:  100

Later I had a lemon torte parfait.

Calories:  100

Then I had (2) cups of 10 calorie sugar-free Jell-O.

Calories:  20

Dinner was 2 Italian chicken sausages on whole wheat buns w/ sauteed peppers, onions & mushrooms with some Dijon mustard.

Calories:  510

I'll have my 2 c. of decaf w/ sugar-free creamer later for my last 30 cals.

Total Calories:  1577

I have managed to get my water in the last 2 days...I've been drinking my normal (4) 32 oz. glasses.

As I mentioned earlier in the post, I'll be babysitting for a few hours tomorrow.  I'm going to try to take the kids to the lake if it doesn't rain....not sure what lunch will be, but it will probably be out somewhere.  I'll try to remember to take my camera with me.  'Nite friends.  :)

The "Lost" Finale

Ok....you all know how much I love my puppy Scarlette, right?  She's momma's sunshine...the sun rises and sets on her as far as I'm concerned.  She and I are the epitome of unconditional love for each other.  So I'm sitting on the sofa, a pathetic, sobbing heap as the finale is drawing to a close.  I had my baby snuggled up to my face, soaking her soft, fuzzy fur with my monsoon of tears....and then Vincent runs up and lays down beside Jack.

Oh.
Dear.
God.

At this point, I need to be scraped up off the floor. 

As weird and aggravating as this show was been (and I've watched every single episode), this was the BEST finale I've ever seen.  Ever.  Ever.  Ever.

On to the food!  No pics today.  I did take a pic of my breakfast scramble this morning, but then forgot to take a pic at the family dinner this afternoon, and I didn't eat anything after that.  All I had was 2 c. of decaf tonight with my creamer and (4) 32 oz. glasses of water.  So there's no point in posting a pic of the egg whites.....you see enough of those on here. 

I'm starting Kandice's challenge tomorrow.  Her blog is "No More Chunky Dunking, Time To Skinny Dip", and it's listed on my blogroll.  If you're floundering, struggling or just plain stalled out right now and you're looking for a challenge to jump start things, check it out.  This is a long one...it runs for several weeks, but that's ok....we're all here for the long haul anyway, aren't we?  :)

I need to go take some Excedrin migraine now for my pounding headache and blow some more snot out of my clogged up nose.  'Nite friends.  :)

Stupid Saturday Food Pics

I said on my post yesterday that Saturday posts will be hit and miss. I always have a "plan" going into the weekend, but more times than not, it doesn't work out. Today's eating was just stupid...a lot of high sodium crap choices, but I did manage to remember to take a pic of almost everything, so I'm posting it. We had to put my car in the shop this morning to fix the broken window (finally!), and Dwayne had his yearly eye appt where they had to dilate his eyes....twice....which pissed him off. We also worked on my resume AGAIN this afternoon, which put ME in a bad mood. It was your basic crappy day. But hey, they can't all be fabulous. Tomorrow will be better...I hope, lol.

I grabbed this Kashi bar on my way out the door to take the car to the garage...this was breakfast.  I cooked Dwayne some bacon, eggs & biscuits and just didn't have time to cook my usual egg white scramble for me. 

Calories:  110

After dropping off the car and Dwayne's eye appt, we stopped by Publix to get lunch out of the deli...it was my suggestion.  I didn't have anything at home to make sandwiches out of, and I figured this would be a better choice than having lunch at a restaurant like we usually do when we're out on Saturdays.

Since I only had 110 cals for breakfast, I was extra hungry at lunchtime, so I got double meat on my turkey sub on wheat.  I also had about 1 Tbsp of mayo, spicy mustard, pickles, onions, banana peppers & lettuce.

Calories:  560

This lunch would have been just fine, if I hadn't eaten 2 of Dwayne's chicken tenders, which I forgot to take a pic of.

2 chicken tenders

Calories:  200

Later I had a banana.

Calories:  110

Then a piece of dark chocolate.

Calories:  45

Here's where things REALLY get stupid.  I ate 200 cals worth of Lay's Salt and Vinegar potato chips.

Me.

With the sodium problem.

Eating chips to begin with.

And SALT and vinegar ones to boot.

Brilliant.

Calories:  200

Guess what's next?  2 pieces of the leftover bacon from Dwayne's breakfast.  The fact that it says "low sodium" on the BACON package after those chips is laughable.  And I forgot to take a pic of the actual pieces I ate, so I grabbed a pkg of bacon out of the freezer for my pic.

Calories:  70

I made Dwayne some baked chicken with lemon pepper marinade and some Pasta Roni garlic & olive oil angel hair pasta that he LOVES.  I had an egg white scramble with 4 egg whites, 3 oz. of plain baked chicken, mushrooms, onions, red bell peppers & 1/4 c. of 2% shredded cheese.

Calories:  258

I had 2 c. of decaf coffee w/ 2 Tbsp. of sugar-free Coffeemate hazelnut creamer tonight.

Calories for creamer:  30

Total Calories:  1583

So there you have it. 

Here's the cool part.  Apart from the fact that the choices could have been WAY better....I'm still pretty darn proud of the fact that I came in under 1800 cals on a SATURDAY.  That hardly ever happens, so all in all, today was a victory.  :)

Tomorrow's going to be tricky.  I found out a couple of days ago that we're having a going away dinner for an extended family member of mine that's headed off to the Army next month.  This is going to be one of those fat-laden, family reunion-type dinners.  I'm taking my camera and will photograph whatever I eat, but I'm doubting I'll be able to figure out the calories since I'm not making all the food myself.  The "dinner" is at 2pm.  My plan is to eat lighter in the morning, and lighter tomorrow night, and hopefully I'll be able to keep this train on it's tracks.  'Nite friends.  :)

Back In The Groove

When I got back from the beach nearly 2 weeks ago, I weighed 241.0. Last Friday, I weighed 241.0. This morning I weighed 241.2. So I've basically maintained the last 2 weeks, which was a bit of a shock. I figured since I wasn't concentrating on the food and counting every calorie that I was just getting fatter and fatter. This kind of makes me think that when I finally get to maintenance, that it might be easier than I thought. That's good news!

Today was the day I picked to get back on track, instead of waiting until next Monday when I start Kandice's Challenge (she chose next Monday as our start date). After I got up this morning and weighed, I remembered that I had asked my mom, dad, sister Amy and 2 of my nieces and nephews to meet me out for lunch today. I had forgotten that this was the day to get back on track. So I called Mom and changed plans. I invited all of them over to my house for lunch instead so I could control my calories. The original plan was for them to be here at 11am. I was out running errands when Mom called and changed the time to 1pm. No big deal, but I was going to be hungry before then, and was out without my camera, so I had 3 chicken tenders from the Publix deli while grocery shopping that I didn't get to take a pic of. I also completely forgot to take a pic of the Subway sandwich that Dwayne brought me for dinner tonight. It might take a day or two to fully get back in the groove of picture-taking, but I'm working on it. I'm also a tad over calories for the day. My goal is to not exceed 1800 cals and I ended at 1824 today because I forgot to write a Kashi bar down that I ate this afternoon, and didn't realize it until I sat down to type this post. :)

Breakfast was my usual....an egg white scramble w/ 4 egg whites, 3 oz. baked chicken breast, 1/8 c. of 2% shredded cheese and a few onions, mushrooms and bell peppers.

Calories:  218

I had 2 c. of decaf coffee w/ 2 Tbsp of fat-free half & half with breakfast.

Calories:  30

(3) chicken tenders from the deli while out shopping.

Calories:  300

For lunch with my family, I made shrimp tacos/fajitas.  I sauteed some shrimp in Pam olive oil cooking spray and sprinkled them with some chili powder, cumin & creole seasoning.  I also sauteed some onions & green-red-orange bell peppers.  I chopped some tomato and had some shredded lettuce, along with some 2% shredded cheese & lite sour cream.  Dessert was watermelon.

My lunch was one 90 cal low carb wheat wrap w/ 4 oz. shrimp, onions, peppers, 1 Tbsp salsa verde, 2 Tbsp lite sour cream & 2 c. of watermelon.

Calories:  275

Calories:  98

This afternoon I had a blackberry graham Kashi bar....I remembered to take the pic, but forgot to write down the calories til later.

Calories:  110

Fridays and Saturdays are always tricky because Dwayne's here from Friday evening through Saturday night.  We eat very differently and sometimes it can be quite the challenge to find something that we can eat together.  We decided on Subway tonight.  I still had about 800 cals to use at this time, so I went to Subway's website and looked up their nutrition guide to see what kind of sub I wanted.  I chose a 6" on wheat Subway club w/ double meat (an extra 90 cals), cheese, lite mayo, spicy mustard, lettuce, banana peppers, pickles & onions.  I forgot to take a pic of this.

Calories:  500

6" Subway club

After dinner, I shared a navel orange with Dwayne.  My half was 30 cals...just realized I forgot to take a pic of that, too!!! 

Calories:  30

1/2 navel orange

About 9pm tonight I was just WAY too hungry. I normally never eat this late, but I still had plenty of calories left so I made another egg white scramble w/ (4) egg whites, 3 oz. chicken breast, 1/8 c. 2% shredded cheese, onions, red bell peppers & mushrooms.

Calories:  218

I had 2 c. of coffee tonight with 3 Tbsp. of fat-free half & half.

Calories:  45

Total Calories:  1824

I didn't drink enough water today, and I didn't get in any exercise.  I'm not quite back in the groove with these 2 things yet, but I'll be working on it. 

Also, posting pics on Saturdays is going to be iffy.  I don't want to promise pics on that day because I found during my beach challenge that although I always went into the weekend with a plan, Dwayne had an amazing ability of destroying it, lol.  My menu often changes, and we end up out somewhere and I forget the camera, etc.  So Saturday is the one day that I'm letting myself off the hook on stringent picture taking.  However, if my day goes the way I plan it, then I'll do a food pic post on Saturday night after Dwayne leaves.  :)

Hope all of you have a FABULOUS weekend!!  :)

Did I Binge?

That's the next logical question after my post yesterday about losing my short-lived job.  I went from being unemployed for a year and 3 months, to being employed again in a permanent position....feeling so happy and relieved and grateful, only to plummet back to the depths of unemployment in less than 3 days.  So did Tammy, the self-professed food addict and binge-er extraordinaire self-medicate with food last night?

No.  I didn't. 

Why? 

Because I know better, and I'm learning to do better.  I'm not cocky or naive enough to claim victory over never bingeing again in my life, or even in a similar circumstance.  I might feel weaker the next time.  But I am most definitely claiming victory over yesterday. 

Yesterday...in that day...in that moment....I won.  I beat out the feelings of wanting to binge and I won out over the behavior that has crippled me for far too long.  My desire to want to get back on track for the 10,000th time with my weight loss efforts was actually stronger than the defeat and sadness and tremendous disappointment I encountered yesterday. 

This doesn't mean that the scale won't be higher tomorrow than it was last Friday, because I've already reported several times this week that my focus wasn't on the weight loss...it was on learning my new job.  In fact, I said I wasn't even going to fool with it until next Monday when I start Kandice's challenge at No More Chunky Dunking, Time To Skinny Dip.  However, in light of the fact that I now have no new job to worry about learning, I don't see the point in waiting til Monday.  So I'm starting anew tomorrow morning.  I'll be taking pics of every calorie again, no matter how boring that might be.  Worrying about who I'm boring to tears would cause me to lose focus of why I started this blog in the first place.  This is about me.  This is about my life.  This is about me saving my life. 

My weight last Friday was 241 lbs...the same thing it was a week and a half ago when I returned from the beach.  I won't be doing a specific weigh-in post tomorrow morning, I'll just report my weight tomorrow night when I write my food pics post for the day.  Whatever the number is doesn't really matter and I'm not stressed about it, because in 7 days time, that number will be lower.  That's what counts.  I've told plenty of blog friends this saying over and over as a way of trying to encourage them when they're tired of trying AGAIN and feeling like a failure.  "You don't drown by falling in the water....you drown by staying there."  I'm going to take my own advice and turn this show around...AGAIN. 

Before I sign off tonight I want to tell all of you that I was absolutely amazed when I got up from my FOUR HOUR NAP yesterday and checked my email.  I started crying again as soon as I woke up, before I even stumbled to the computer.  As I read each comment, the tears continued to fall...but for different reasons.  I had an astonishing number of comments left on that last post...a jaw-dropping amount.  I also had several personal emails.  Thank you, each and everyone.  If I could hug you, I would.  If I could invite everyone of you to my house to sit around my dinner table and share a meal with me, I would.  And if I can ever be of help to you, I will.  The fact that our relationships were formed and have evolved through blogs and emails makes no difference to me.  You're all real people, living in real cities and towns and countries, with real, loving hearts.  You are all hugely important to me and my journey and I thank you and you and you and you....every one of you...for thinking me worthy enough to share your friendship with.  You humble me.  'Nite friends.  :)

I Lost My Job Today

Billie called me in her ofc around noon today when I was supposed to be going to the temp agency to sign up.  She told me that Scott, the president of our ofc, had a budget meeting with his business partners in Florida last night.  His partners told him there is absolutely no money in the budget for him to hire a receptionist right now and he's just going to have to let me go.  Billie said he didn't want to lose me, that none of them did.....they all think I'm doing a great job and she told me a lot of nice things they said.  Scott felt like an ass, saying they all jumped the gun by hiring me before the budget meeting. 

She offered to let me work through the end of the day but I told her that was an impossibility.....I held it together as long as I could while she explained the situation to me....told her I completely understood...and then the tears started falling and there was no stopping them.  I told her I wouldn't be able to finish out the day because everyone knew I was leaving, and I was just feeling too awkward, and stressed, and sad, etc and I didn't want to be crying all afternoon in front of everyone.  So after about 45 mins, when I got the tears dried up and my face clear,  I shook the hands of the 3 higher-ups in the office, thanked them for the opportunity, and said maybe they could consider me if the budget opens up in the future. 

Billie felt horrible....said she hated her job for reasons like this....said she was sorry over and over and told me she loved me.  She said they won't know what the budget looks like til the next quarter, so 3 more months.  Meanwhile....I cried all the way home as I was driving and trying to figure out what God's reason is for this.  I don't know what it is....maybe it will come to me later.  All I know is my emotions went from flying high to the bottom of the barrel in the last 2 1/2 days.  I'm very sad....very, very sad.  I'm going to lay down on my bed now and sleep as long as I want.  Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully with it will come a better attitude.  'Nite friends.

From Perm To Temp

Well....my permanent job went temporary today.

It has to do with the legalities of the last receptionist that they laid off, and hired me instead of offering her the old job back.  So in order to get around that, the president of the company talked to me today and his lawyer suggested they bring me in through a temp agency.  My pay is the same....it just means I'll be paid through the temp agency for 90 days and then if they like me, I'll go permanent after that.  I'm not worried about it really....it just worried me a tiny bit because I have to get an apartment at the end of August/first of September, and it would have looked MUCH better on the rental application if I had been at a permanent job for 3 1/2 months instead of only 1/2 a month, lol.  Oh well....I'm still very thankful to have the job in the first place.  According to the statistics on the Dept of Labor website, the unemployment rate here in Georgia is 10.6%.....it's still going up, so when they tell you on the news that it's getting better....don't believe them, lol.

One of the girls went to the food court at the mall today and brought back lunch for everyone.  I don't even want to talk about the food for the rest of this week, so I think I'm going to stop.  When Staci is gone on vacation next week and I have my desk all to myself, I'll feel much more settled....but this first week is just stupid in regards to the eating.  I'm going to make SURE to spend ample time this weekend really thinking and planning out my meals for next week.....breakast, lunches, dinners & snacks.  I'm also joining the challenge at Kandice's blog "No More Chunky Dunking..." that starts next Monday.  I can't remember what all of her rules are off the top of my head...but for my own personal sanity, I'm going back to taking pics of every calorie I put in my mouth.  I know I said I wasn't going to do that this month....didn't want to bore all of you with every apple & banana....but I need to do it and that's that.  This week has just been a disaster....right on the heels of the beach disaster...and I'm getting fatter by the day.  So....be prepared to see food pics starting next week.  It's time to take back control over the stupid eating choices.  'Nite friends.  :)