What's Cookin'?

I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things at the gym after being out for a week.  Things went haywire on Friday and I wasn't able to make it there, so Saturday was my first day back.  My left elbow is still screwed up, so my plan was to just do cardio and ease back into things.  I only did 8 minutes on the elliptical because my quads felt like lead bricks.  I jumped on the treadmill and ended up carrying some hand weights for part of the time.  I've figured out that if I keep my arms engaged (bent at the elbow) while holding the weights on the treadmill, then the elbow doesn't hurt as bad.  I did 22 minutes on the treadmill, 15 of those minutes were with 7.5 lb weights in each hand. 

Since the exercise is slow going I decided I better make sure I get the food REALLY right this week.  I've got some food pics to show you.  The first one is a dish I made the week of St. Patrick's Day.  I normally make the traditional corned beef and cabbage, but decided not to this year because the corned beef tends to be WAY too salty and I'm trying to cut most of the salt out of my diet.  So this year I used some lowfat turkey kielbasa sausage, cabbage, onions and red potatoes.  I added the cabbage and red potatoes to the pot first, then mixed in the sausage and onions that I sauteed first:

Next is a pic of some chicken breast that I sprinkled with onion powder, garlic and rosemary and sauteed with some Pam olive oil spray....I used the chicken in an egg white scramble the next morning:

I made some chicken chowder this weekend that was pretty tasty.  I've never even attempted to make chowder before and didn't think I'd be able to pull it off.  Granted, it would have been thicker and creamier if I would have used more fattening ingredients or added more calories, but it was still good.  The recipe called for milk and 2 cans of creamed corn.  I used 50% less sodium creamed corn, and only 1 can instead of 2.  I also skipped the milk and used 3 tbsp of cornstarch to thicken it, along with the instant mashed potato flakes that it called for.  The recipe called for you to stir in some full fat cheddar cheese after it was done cooking.  I skipped that step and used 2 tbsp of reduced fat cream cheese just to make it a little creamier.  It made 4 servings, each serving being 2 1/4 cups.  Each serving has 348 calories, and has cubes of boneless chicken breast, shredded carrots, creamed corn and cubed potatoes.  Yum.:

I roasted some radishes with some Pam olive oil cooking spray, reduced fat parmesan cheese, and black pepper:

Steamed some broccoli w/ Mrs. Dash garlic & herb:

Sauteed some zucchini & mushrooms w/ Mrs. Dash tomato and herb blend:

And I grilled some asparagus on the Foreman grill:

Well that's all for now....I'm off to the gym.  Gotta' keep going and get back in the habit again.  Hope everyone's having a Super Sunday!!  :)

Happy Friday Everyone!

My weigh-in this morning is 235.2 so I've managed to basically maintain this week!  On the harder weeks, that's just as important as losing to me, so I'm cool with it.  Shane's dad has shown some improvement in the last couple of days so we're thankful for that.  I'm getting ready to head out the door to the gym for the first time in a week....I can't wait!  I miss it so much.  My mind really gets into a serious funk w/o the constant exercise.  I've always said that the exercise does more for me mentally than physically and it's true.  I can really tell a difference being away from it this week.  I've neglected my house for the last several days so I've got a busy day ahead of me.  Hope everyone has a super weekend....spring is coming!  :)

Blogging Hiatus

Good morning friends.  :)

I've been awarded the Sugar Doll award 3 times over the weekend!!! 

I love this award and want to send out my sincerest thanks to Leslie at Something Brilliant is Brewing, 266, and Matt at Lots to Lose.  I know there are rules, and I will try to get to those later, but for now I'll tell you about my blogging hiatus.

I've got a minor medical issue going on right now that will prevent me from being on the computer much.  It's a small problem that's surprisingly causing a LOT of pain.  My eating is still going okay, I'm just feeling pretty bad physically.  Another side issue is my left elbow.  I hurt it several weeks ago lifting weights, and it has still not healed...in fact, I think it's getting worse.  I was doing my workout at the gym yesterday and it was really screaming at me.  I plan on still going to the gym this week, if my OTHER medical issue allows me to, but if I go, I plan on keeping it to cardio only and leaving the weights completely alone for a solid week. 

If you don't hear from me sooner, then I will definitely be back by Friday to report my weigh-in.  Hopefully I'll be feeling up to snuff by then.  Hope everyone has a GREAT week!!  :)

More Advice From My Trainer

Ok.  Get this. 

Our personal trainer, Chris, went on vacation back to his hometown of California, the last week of Feb.  The first of March, when I found out that my unemployment was ending in 2 weeks, I called Billie and told her I had to stop paying for the trainer, because that's $60/month I just can't justify if Dwayne's going to be paying all of my bills until I find a job.  He would let me keep the $20/month gym membership, but not the personal trainer that we see once a week.  Since I had just paid for the month of March a couple of days before, I have this month left with the trainer. 

The same day I told Billie I was cancelling and only have this month of March left, she texted me later that afternoon and told me the gym called her....that Chris, on vacation in Cali, decided not to come back!!!!  So...they assigned us to a new trainer....a girl named Theresa.  She took our measurments last Thursday, and that's when I found out I lost 1.5 inches off of my bat wings over the last month!  Tonight was our first workout with her, and I'll only get to see her a couple of more weeks, and then my personal training days are over until I can find a friggin' job and afford to start it up again.

After our workout on arms and abs (she's a killer, by the way)....she asked me how much water I'm drinking.  I told her (3) 32 oz. glasses a day.  She told me that's not near enough....drink more.  How much more?  She said I should be drinking 1 oz. of water for each pound I weigh.  ***Brain freeze after I do some quick math in my head***   Ummmm....that's like (30) 8 oz. glasses of water a day.  She said, "Yep...I weigh 156 lbs and I drink 156 ounces of water a day."  So, according to her, I'm only drinking enough water for a 96 lb. person.  I asked her then why is the recommended amount of water 6-8 glasses a day.  She said that's all you need to live and function okay....but if you're lifting weights and building muscle, it needs to be one ounce for every pound you weigh. 

I started to say I'll think about it...I said, "I'll thhh....I'll try."  She said all she asks is that I try!! 

Ok....so has anyone else ever heard of this before?  I really just can't even fathom drinking that much water in a day....much the same way I can't fathom eating 2300 cals a day/7 days a week and actually losing weight, like the nutrionist told me to do.   I swear, the more I try to involve myself in this fitness crap and try to get in better shape, the crazier the advice gets!!! 

Came in at 1800 cals again today, and as you just read, another great workout.  I get so red-faced and red-chested & so drenched in sweat....soaking wet head and clothes...that I think my trainers are worried I'm near heart failure.  Both Chris and Theresa have asked if I'm ok...if I got in the tanning bed before I worked out because I'm so red, etc.  And Billie never sweats.  Ever.  She even commented tonight after the workout that she was actually SWEATING tonight (told you Theresa was a killer).  I don't get it...but whatever.  Maybe some people just don't sweat no matter how hard they work.  I leave the gym every night looking like I just got blasted with a water hose....sooooo attractive, lol.  Another good day in the books.  'Nite friends. :)

Quote For the Day:

"He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else."  -Benjamin Franklin

Self-Sabotage??

Super short post.  I don't know what's up with me today.  I have been sooooo tired and lethargic and I woke up wanting to eat everything in the house.  Don't know why.  Nothing particulary crazy going on in my life right now (but then I ask myself on most days, how much crazier can it get????!!!)  I managed to keep my calories at 1800, which feels somewhat miraculous, because I've been fighting my food thoughts all day.  Get this.  My mom even called to chat for a while and told me that her and my sister were going out to lunch today at the Chinese buffet....and I was welcome to join them.  Holy crap.....oh that took some real restraint.  Can you believe I said no??  I still can't believe I turned down Chinese, of all things.  But I did.  So yay for me, and on an especially difficult day.  Got in a good, hard workout at the gym tonight with Billie.  Still working on getting the water in for today....6 glasses so far, 6 glasses to go before bedtime.

I'm starting to wonder if I have some weirdo mental hang-up about getting below 230.  I seem to keep bouncing between 230 & 239....I've jumped up and down between those numbers a couple of different times now.  It strikes me as odd.  I can't think of why the 220's would scare the crap out of me, or why I'd have some kind of self-sabotage thing going on, but that's the major hurdle I'm trying to concentrate on right now.  I want to see the 220's, and NEVER see 230 again.  That's my next goal.  Wish me well friends. :)

Quote For the Day:

"Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.  You will find that they don't have half the strength you think they have."  -Norman Vincent Peale

Things Are Improving!

I reported my weigh-in on Friday...239.0 lbs.  I'm happy to say that this morning, Sunday, I'm already down 3.2 lbs to 235.8....so I'm finally releasing some of that sodium that my body was hanging on to.  Woo Hoo!  I feel better already!!

I've got some food pics to post.  I've been trying to keep the salt out of my diet the past few days, so I've been using stuff like garlic powder, onion powder & Mrs. Dash (salt-free) to season the foods that I cook.  Here's some chicken breasts that I baked with Mrs. Dash Garlic & Herb.  I use these to chop up and put in my breakfast scrambles.  I also bought some Egg Beaters that were on sale this week...it's a mental thing....seeing yellow egg whites makes me think I'm actually getting to enjoy whole, yellow eggs without the high calories, lol.

I also made some chicken for soft tacos.  I used Ro-tel, garlic & Mrs. Dash tomato & Basil:

I made a breakfast scramble with egg beaters, baked chicken breast, spinach, black olives, onions & mushrooms:

For dinner last night, Dwayne and I AVOIDED the Mexican restaurant this time and had "date night" at home.  We grilled pork chops and I roasted some red potatoes and sauteed some mushrooms, red onions & zucchini (for me...he doesn't eat veggies).

Mom and I went to the Farmer's Market on Friday and I picked up just a few things.  It seemed like the prices were a lot higher than the last time I went, so I wasn't willing to buy as much as I normally do.  Here's what I bought:

A small bunch of green onions

Head of cabbage

3 zucchini

Bag of Fuji apples

A pineapple

Large yellow onion

5 Roma tomatoes

4 red potatoes

I spent $8.50.

I tried to get Dwayne to go on a hike yesterday...the sun was shining and it was 50 degrees outside...absolutely gorgeous weather....but he didn't want to go.  He has a serious aversion to exercise.  It's time for me to go get ready now to meet Billie at the gym in a little bit.  I'm looking forward to a good, hard, sweaty workout.  Hope all of you are having a great weekend, too!  :)

Quote For the Day:

"Rule your mind or it will rule you."  -Horace 

My Bat Wings Are Shrinking!!!

I think I've finally been inspired to straighten up and get fully back on track.  I did a post about my bat wings I think about a month and a half ago.  Billie and I measured each other's arms with the cloth measuring tape in my sewing kit.  I reported that they were 17" around.  Yikes.  Turns out our measurements weren't exactly accurate, because when we joined the new gym a couple of weeks later, they took ALL of our measurements and my arms were 17.5".  Even worse.

They took our measurements again tonight because it's been a month and it was time for a progress report.  I was not happy about this, lol.  The truth is, when I first took the pic of the bat wings, I really and truly thought there was no hope.  I was going to try and shrink them but they're so saggy and there's just so much loose skin that I really didn't think they'd shrink up any at all.  But I was wrong....I've lost 1.5" off of them in a month's time!!  My bat wings are 16" now!!  Can you believe it????  Yeah I know....me neither...but I'm totally psyched about it!!!  I don't see the difference just by looking at them...probably because they'll always look hideous to me....but when I've lost a total of 3" total then I'll post another progress pic.  Maybe then we'll see a difference.

They only measured one arm, and one leg, I guess assuming that you lose the same amt on each limb, beings that you lift the same weight with each one.  My total inches lost off of my body was only 5"....no big deal....but 1.5" of that was off a bat wing!!!  For the last couple of weeks, I've been grabbing the 5 lb weights before I get on the treadmill and doing my 20 min walk with them at the end of my workout.  Tonight I was so excited that there's actually hope for my arms, that I grabbed the 7.5 lb weights and hit the treadmill with those....the 10 lb's are still a little too much for me to do for 20 mins, but I'm working on it!! 

Here's the total body rundown:

Hips:      Start:  50.25"    Today:  50"            Lost:  1/4"
Thigh:               23"         Today:  21.25        Lost:  1 3/4"
Bat Wing:         17.5"      Today:  16"            Lost:  1 1/2"
Chest:               45"         Today:  44"            Lost:  1"
Shoulders:         46"         Today:  45.25"       Lost:  3/4"
Calves:              16"         Today:  16.5"         Gained:  1/2"

Did you catch that last one???  My calves are getting BIGGER!!!  This is a huge problem for me.  The very first day I signed up with the personal trainer, I instructed him to NOT give me ANY exercises that target the calves.  I told him I already have man calves, and I do NOT want them getting any bigger.  And he hasn't given us any calf exercises.  But I'm thinking the elliptical, the treadmill, and the outdoor hiking must be contributing to them getting larger and that totally stresses me out.  Just so you will understand what I'm talking about, I hiked my pants legs up and stood on my tippy toes so I could flex them, and had Shane take a couple of pictures of them to show you:

These babies developed in high school when I used to take dance and they've always looked like this.  Even at my highest weight of 340 lbs, my calves have always been solid muscle.  It's hard for me to wear high heels and not feel self-conscious about them because they're so big.  I've always been very feminine, but these boulders make me look like a guy that had a sex change or something.  I really don't want them getting any bigger.....has anyone got any ideas on how to keep them from growing????  Please help me, lol. 

I'll be back tomorrow to report my ridiculous gain on the scale, but it will probably be tomorrow night.  I'm certainly not in any hurry.  :)

Quote For the Day:

"You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them."  -Michael Jordan

One Leg At A Time

You guys are the best.  Really, you are.  I was humbled by all of the supportive comments.  I love that you care and understand about what's going on with me.  Thank you for not judging me for my bad choices and my negative attitude, and thank you even more for encouraging me to never give up, no matter how rocky it gets.  You make a girl want to dig deep and find the fortitude and strength to get back up on the horse....for the millionth time.

The first comment I received last night was from Jack Sh*t.  When I saw it sitting in my inbox I was like, "Ahhh crap.  Time to take my butt-kickin'"....lol.  So I opened it and read it, and when I got to the part about time to put my big girl panties on, because if I don't, pretty soon it will be time to put on the REALLY big girl panties.....well I just had to laugh out loud.  It was so endearing.  He actually cares about little ol' me...just one little speck on his global map of followers....and I appreciate that he's always willing to plant his foot up my rear whenever I need it.  I'm glad that all of you care, and I love all the different ways that you express it. 

Sean and I are pretty close friends and have been for a while now.  He called me last night and let me cry on his shoulder.  Then he left a big comment on my crappy post, too.  I really wish I was as awesome at this whole weight loss thing as he is.  There's a few of you out there that just blow my mind.  I'm glad I have all of you as inspiration to keep fighting the fight.

I'm trying to put my "big girl panties" on...one leg at a time.  I feel like I got one leg in today, but I'm kind of hopping around on one foot.  I still don't have it all together.  My calories went over 1800.  I'm going to have a significant gain Friday morning.  I got on the scale today and oh dear Lord I don't even want to report it.  But I'm going to.  It's all part of that whole honesty thing.  And I hope none of you are actually looking to me or my blog for any kind of real inspiration on how to lose weight, lol.  If anything, I hope you're here to learn what NOT to do...especially when the going gets rough.  I fail way more than I succeed.  I really don't know why I stay in the game.  Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. 

I drank more water today, but not enough.  I did manage to get my fat a$$ to the gym tonight and I worked out with Billie for an hour.  I so did not want to.  By the time 5:30p rolled around, when it was time to leave for the gym, I really had to drag myself out to the car.  I repeated, "I don't want to do this...I don't want to do this..." all the way there.  But once you get to the gym and your workout partner is there waiting on you, you kind of have to do it. 

I checked my bank account this morning, and my paycheck wasn't direct deposited.  Uh oh.  I thought I had 2 more weeks of pay left.  Great.  So I went BACK up to Hell (Dept of Labor), just like I did on Monday...sat around and waited forever....and finally found out that my year had "ran out", and it was time to fill out new paperwork before I could get paid.  "When did my year end?", I asked.  "On Feb. 19th", I was told.  "But I was up here 2 days ago, on March 1st, so why didn't you have me fill it out then so I could get paid today?".  "I guess it got overlooked...sorry". (Oh it's no big deal...no problem...it's just my LIFE you're screwing with lady!)  Pffft.  Whatever. 

So I filled out my paperwork and they told me there was a huge back log due to all the red tape bullsh*t going on with Congress and the extension scare.  She said I'll get a check some time next week...somewhere between Wed and Fri.  Great.  No money for a week.  Now what?  I left and ran some errands with my sister Amy, then went home and thought about who wasn't going to get their bill money this week.  Dwayne called this afternoon and I told him what happened. 

So tonight, after I got home from the gym, my knight in shining armor (Dwayne), rode up to my castle on his white stallion (drove up to my rental house in his Honda Accord V6 coupe), and laid his riches at my feet (handed me enough cash to equal the paycheck I didn't get).  I really don't know why he loves me.  I have nothing to offer him.  I can't pull my own weight with my own bills, I can't seem to find a job, I drive a really old, crappy car that HE keeps paying the repair bills on, I lost some weight and now only have 3 shirts in the size I'm wearing now, so he sees me in the same old clothes week after week....the boy is blind, quite obviously, but I thank God for him every day.  He and Scarlette are the bright spots in my life, without a doubt.

The lady at the Dept of Labor said that Pres. Obama signed off on the extension last night.  Apparently they conned that Senator in Kentucky into putting it through (God only knows how many billions they promised to give him for his state to get him to comply).  They said there will be a little backlog, but since I still had 2 checks coming anyway, then it might all go through before my checks end.  They said the tier I'm on is scheduled to run through April 3rd with this new legislation, about 4 more weeks from now.  They also said that it should....SHOULD....make me eligible for the next tier...but couldn't give me any idea whatsoever on how many weeks that would be.  They said I'd get a letter in the mail if I'm going to get anything past April 3rd. 

I should probably be happy and relieved about this right?  So don't ask me why I'm not.  It's not that I'm ungrateful or unappreciative.  It's hard to explain what I am.  Scared, for sure.  Untrusting of anything they say because they've abruptly ended my checks 2x now with very little notice.  Things change on a dime around that place and it's hard living day to day with no safety or security.  I'm not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda' girl.  I like to know what the hell's going on.  I like to plan things and know what I can count on.  I like things like job security, no matter how boring and mundane the job is.  But you don't always get what you want.  This past year has been one of the roughest, most stressful ones I think I've ever had.  I should be used to the curve balls by now, but obviously I'm not.  I obviously don't handle stress and emotional upheaval very well at all.  The scale will scream that loud and clear Friday morning. 

We buy groceries every 2 weeks, and this is grocery week, so I'll be going to the store tomorrow.  I'm planning on stocking up on a bunch of healthy junk....fruit and veggies out the ears.  I'm going to try to get that other leg in my panties tomorrow and see if I can get this show back on the road.  My focus is still not squarely back on the calories and exercise like it should be....my mind still keeps drifting off to the money problems and such.  But I'm going to keep working on it.  Hopefully I'll get it right soon.  One thing's for sure.  I do care enough to know that I don't want to go back up the scale.  And I know how very fast it happens.  It takes FOR-friggin'-EVER to lose the weight, but it only takes a flash to pack it all back on.  Life is so unfair in that way, don't 'cha think?  Yeah, me too.  But I guess nobody ever promised us fair.  What we do have though is the power to choose our own attitudes each day, and the power to make daily choices.  It's up to us to decide whether those choices are good ones or bad ones.  I need to really concentrate over the next few days on making the good ones again.  I don't want it to be too late. 

Quote For the Day:

"Knowing is not enough, we must apply.  Willing is not enough, we must do."  -Johann von Goethe

Weekend Highs and Lows

I headed into this weekend, after Friday morning's crappy weigh-in, with one major goal in mind, and a secondary goal to follow.  The major goal was to make it better than last weekend.  Last weekend I overate all 3 days...Fri, Sat and Sun.  I set myself up for a bad week right out of the gate.  I also said I would be eating processed stuff/sodium-filled stuff out of the freezer in an effort to get it cleaned out, and I did that, too.  Then I had a really bad day on Wednesday, and went out to eat that night...yet more sodium.  And the scale responded accordingly.

The good news is that this weekend was better than last weekend, so the major goal was accomplished.  The not-so-good news is that my secondary goal was to make sure I did not exceed 1800 cals on any of those 3 days.  Oops.  Here's the breakdown:

Friday:  a really good workout at the gym and calories were 1800.  Yay me.
Saturday:  rest day from gym (every Sat is) and calories were too high to count (Mexican food & margaritas)
Sunday:  a really good workout at the gym and calories are 1650.  Woo hoo.

So I guess 2 for 3 this weekend is better than the 0 for 3 last weekend.  At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself.  Progress, not perfection, right?  Yeah, whatever.  It's more like, "When are you ever going to learn and actually practice consistency Tammy?" 

And don't get me wrong....I am totally proud of myself for sticking to my guns on Fri and Sun.  I'm not posting this to b*tch about it...I'm just re-capping the stats from the weekend.  And I'm sorry, but I'm never going to be one of those bloggers that reveals their screw ups and then laughs about it.  You will NEVER read a post where I say something like..***.I'm sitting here typing this post, feeling sorry for myself about how fat I am and can't seem to lose the weight, while I finish off this large supreme pizza and watch crumbs fall on my keyboard...LOL***  I don't laugh when I mess up.  I can't...I don't know how... and I don't understand people that do.  I'm not judging...I'm simply saying I don't understand. 

So there's one high and one low from the weekend.  Here's another.  While Dwayne and I were throwing back the calories at the restaurant Sat night, he hooked up his laptop at the table, and we surfed the web for oceanfront, pet-friendly condos in Destin and Panama City Beach, FL.  He seriously needs a vacation from work....and I need one from my life, lol.  We found some pretty decent prices after a couple of hours of searching, and the plan was for him to go into work on Monday and ask for 4 days of his vacation time to be taken somewhere around the 3rd or 4th week of April.  He wants to go from a Tuesday through a Saturday, traveling back home on Sunday, and have 5 days on the beach.  I can't think of anything more perfect, especially after this ridiculously long and unusually cold winter. 

He said he would come over this Tuesday and we would pick the top 3 condos we were interested in, decide which one we want, and book it online.  Yippie!!  Something to look forward to!!   I was happy, happy, happy!!  Then I woke up this morning and everything changed.  My roommate told me that some congressman or senator or somebody important is holding up extensions on unemployment checks.  I went online to certify this morning, like I have to do every Sunday morning, and there was an "Important Notice" for all of us poor souls that are reliant on the government for our paychecks.

You don't know how much I HATE relying on Big Brother.  I'm such a capitalist and such a lover of free enterprise and people that actually WANT to work and make as much money as their pockets can hold.  I've always been so thankful to live in a country where you were free to do just that.  It absolutely KILLS me that there are people out here like me who are ready, willing and able to work and yet the jobs have become so elusive in this poor, struggling economy.  I keep hearing on the news that it's getting better.  So I go online to the Georgia Dept. of Labor website to check the stats.  The national unemployment rate is STILL 10% and Georgia's is 10.3%....up from 10.2% a month ago.  Hmmmm....that's improvement?  Seems to me like it's still going in the wrong direction.

Ok, I'm off on a tangent...forgive me.  I've joked on here before that if I ever start a political blog I'm naming it The Rabid Republican.  :)  Back to the Important Notice.  Turns out what Shane said was correct.  Things ain't lookin' good.  It said if Congress doesn't pass the latest extension, then the Tier that you're being paid out of now will be the last one you get.  The extension that was previously available after my current Tier will be gone.  I've got to go into the Dept of Labor tomorrow morning and look someone in the eye and have them give me the details to my face.  I also need to know exactly how many weeks of pay I have left.  From my calculations, it should be 4 weeks.  But I need to go ask just to make sure.  But as of right now, I'm 4 weeks away from rock bottom.  Can we say "emotional upheaval"?  Feeling binge-y anyone??

I called Dwayne this morning and dropped the bomb on him.  I told him I didn't think it was a good idea to schedule a beach vacation when I might need help keeping the lights on.  He said he really needs the vacation, and we would probably still go, even if we shortened the amount of days we went.  But who knows...I could go in there tomorrow and find out I only have one week of pay left.  It's happened before.  Which would mean relying on Dwayne to help me financially, and when we went through this the last time, back in December, he came over and looked at my extremely lean budget, and said it'd be hard for him to keep up both of our bills for very long.

So here I am again....facing the same ol' sh*t....feeling helpless and hopeless despite all of my efforts to get an interview with someone.  I've tweaked my resume and cover letter over and over.  I've got a job link that encompasses many different job boards that emails me every single morning with updated listings...and as part of my morning ritual, I apply to everything new that I know I'm qualified for, and even the ones that I think I can "wing it" on.  I've been to job fairs.  I've had friends contact the HR companies at their jobs, trying to get my foot in the door, but nothing's been available.  I've stayed in contact with several girls I worked with at my last job from a year ago...keeping up the networking with them in case something breaks on their end.  Only one of them has found a new job....the other 4 (including my boss) are still unemployed just like me.  I've joined a networking site called LinkedIn, just in case that provides some help somewhere along the way.  I don't know how else to say, "I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!!"

So these are the highs and lows from the weekend.  After I hit the unemployment ofc tomorrow, I'll be going to the gym to work out some frustration and fear.  Then I'm headed up to Ellijay to babysit for my sister.  My calorie goals for tomorrow are 1800.  I haven't hit that a single time while I'm up there...but it doesn't mean I can't keep trying.  I hope everyone has had a super duper weekend....and a couple of people gave me some awards this weekend which I'll recognize in Tuesday night's post.  Thank you 266 & Kyle!  :)

Quote For the Day:

"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."  -Dale Carnegie

Hiking the 'Hooch

A HUGE thank you to Ms. Magnetism at Mission to Lose 130 Lbs. for bestowing the Sunshine Award upon me.  I'm honored that she found my blog worthy of such a sunshine-y award, especially when I post so much CRAP on here, lol.  Nonetheless, I sincerely appreciate her thoughtfulness!   As far as I can tell, the only rules are to pass it along to 12 other bloggers who bring sunshine into your life.  That's impossible for me.  If you're listed on my Blogroll, then I love all of you, and the award is yours for the taking, so enjoy it!!

I'd also like to say another HUGE thank you to Kelly at Happy Texans & Brittany at :Deliciously Healthy  for passing along the Beautiful Blogger award to me.  I've won this award previously and have it listed on my sidebar...that's why I don't have the picture here in the post.  Thank you again Kelly and Brittany for your sweetness and your always-entertaining blogs!  :)

My sister and I decided to hike at part of the Chattahoochee Nature Preserve today.  It was more of a walk than a "hike", since there weren't really any hills or tough inclines.  We walked the 4 mile loop...it started out  along the Chattahoochee River and looped around through a swamp with lots of ducks, turtles, etc.  The weather was crappy....overcast, cold, windy...but that was no surprise.  I took a lot of pics that I'll put up at the end of the post.

When we got back home I decided to try out that whole wheat pizza dough I bought at Trader Joe's.  I saw a recipe on TJ's Test Kitchen for whole wheat calzones so I gave it a whirl.  Rebecca at Screwdestiny was right....whole wheat pizza dough tastes like dirt, lol.  I thought of her and had to laugh out loud when Amy and I were trying to choke down our lunch today.  The filling was very good...turkey pepperoni, black olives, cheese, fresh mushrooms, bell peppers & red onions....but the crust, not so much.  Pam at Journey To the Healthier Side of Life has her own version of homemade whole wheat pizza dough on her food blog, Lobster and Fishsticks, so I'm going to try that the next time.  I also cooked mine a little too long...25 mins at 400 degrees....I should have only cooked them 20 mins.  I'll post those pics, too.

I went to the gym tonight totally dreading it.  Tuesday's are our nights with the personal trainer, Chris, and after walking 12.5 miles in the last 3 days, my legs were so dead.  But I went and I did everything he told us to.  A little slower maybe, but I got it done.  He showed us some new stuff tonight, and made up some new exercise sheets to give us the variety I asked him for, so that was very cool.  He's a good trainer....I really enjoy the workouts.  I still think I could do a little more than he asks of me....but I also understand that he's just trying to build up my strength and endurance right now.  There will be plenty of time to get to the harder stuff.  So everything's cool.

While I was on the elliptical for my warm-up, I was watching the news on the overhead TV's and the weather is calling for a little snow north of Atlanta.  Although we probably won't get any here where I live (we rarely do), it will still be freezing temps.  That's a little more than my lungs can handle, so I probably won't be doing any outdoor hikes or walks tomorrow.  However, I'm planning on making it to the gym sometime in the afternoon for some sort of workout.  I'm sore, but I don't really feel like taking a rest day yet, especially after the bad eating this past weekend.  I need to do as much work as I can before Friday in hopes of not showing a gain.  Staying even on the scale would be a blessing this week.  My calories are just below 1500 today, so I'm happy with that.

I hope all of you are making fantastic choices this week and striving to be a better you.  The freedom that we're all searching for is out there, it's just going to take a little work to get there.  We can do it....I know we can...I believe in us!  :)

Quote For the Day:

"Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can."  -Henry Drummond

Here's the stats on the calzone:

4 oz. whole wheat dough            240 cals

1/8 c. pizza sauce                 15 cals

1/4 c. 2% mozzarella chz       70 cals

veggies                              40 cals 

4 Hormel turkey pepperoni      17 cals   

Total calories:  382 

My Muscles Feel Like Jello

Amy and I weren't able to go hiking today due to circumstances on her end.  But we're planning on going tomorrow morning.  The blue skies and sunshine have vanished once again.  I woke up to an overcast, rainy, dreary day.  I opted for a walk at the park instead as my additional exercise for the day.  I took Scarlette and we made it 3.5 miles.  I was still sore from the nearly 5 mile hike yesterday (back and legs), and Scarlette started pooping out on me around mile 3, so we wound up at 3.5 miles.  Not too shabby I guess.

I went to the gym tonight and did my workout.  10 min warm-up on the elliptical, then I ran through the exercise sheet 2x that Chris gave me...doing more reps than required on each exercise, and raising the weight on a couple of them, just like before.  Threw in 30 Mountain Climbers just for fun.  Then I did something a little different when I got on the treadmill tonight.  I grabbed a 5 lb. weight for each hand, and walked 15 mins on the treadmill with the weights in my hands.  That sh*t started hurting after the first minute, but I made it 15 mins.  When I got done and put the weights up, my arms felt light as a feather, like they would float away.  My whole body feels like jello right now.  Muscles are shaking and twitching and sore as all get out.  Makes me smile.  :)

Something else that makes me smile is that after a high calorie weekend, I finally reigned it back in today to a normal level and even a little under for me.  Calorie total for today is 1393.  Yay for self-control!!  This doesn't happen often enough, so I have to celebrate it when it does.  By the way, I didn't have to babysit for my sister tonight....that's why I'm posting on a Monday night, and another reason my calories are decent.  Thank God for small miracles.  It's time to hit the showers.  It's been a fantastic day, even with the crappy weather....fantastic because I made it that way.  I controlled the calories, I exercised 2 different times, I've got a soul-satisfying soreness in all my muscles, and a hot shower waiting on me.  Looking forward to tomorrow.  'Nite friends.  :)

Quote For the Day:

"It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles."  -Claude M. Bristol

Best Laid Plans...

I don't usually post on Saturday nights but man, what a bad eating wknd it's been.  Remember how I said yesterday that I was going to do a menu plan for this week and stick to 1500 cals/day?  Yeah well...you know what they say about best laid plans, don't you?  Nothing has gone right so far.  Over calories for yesterday and today, and I think out of the 6 meals I planned (brkfst, lnch, din for both days), I actually only ate one of them.  I have a picture of it.  I made a chicken sandwich on a Thomas Everything bagel thin w/ the spinach dip I bought at Trader Joe's.  Pretty tasty, and the only thing I've actually done right in two days.

I did manage to get in a good, hard workout that I was proud of yesterday at the gym.  We work out with the trainer one day a week because that's all we can afford.  As of this past week, he gave us a sheet of exercises to do on our own the other days we're at the gym.  I don't go on Friday evening because Dwayne comes over for the wknd, so I can't meet Billie to do our workout together.  I go earlier in the day on Friday.  I did my 10 min warm-up on the elliptical, then did everything he had on the sheet 2x, and I actually did more reps than he asked for on each exercise.  I also raised the weight on a couple of them because I just didn't feel like I was doing all I could do, and I really want to push myself more on the exercise front.  Then I threw in 50 mountain climbers at the end of the routine and 30 In-Out's, just for the fun of it.  I finished up with a 20 min walk on the elliptical at a 3.5 pace.  Then I went and found Chris (our trainer) and asked him to make up some more exericse sheets for us.  I wanted to have some variety and make sure we're working out ALL of the muscle groups.  He said he'd get it done this week.  Good.  That makes me happy.

Back to the food and the feeling the need to post tonight.  I read a few blogs tonight before I posted.  The couple that REALLY stood out in my mind tonight were Jack's and Zaa's.  I'm sure you all know Jack Sh*t by now.  He's got over 800 followers in his occult.  He did a post based on a history lesson about Cortez.  He left Spain and went to conquer the Aztec's (I think), and when they got to that land, he told his crew to burn their ships.  He was leaving himself and his people no chance of failing at what they had come to do.  They absolutely HAD to win, because they had no ride home if they lost the battle.  I re-read this a couple of times because I was just in awe of what a brilliant concept that was.  And is.  It can be applied to the weight loss, or anything at all that you want to succeed at in life.  By the way, Cortez's army won.  :)

Zaababy-The Incredible Shrinking Woman is listed at the end of my blogroll.  She did such a wonderful post tonight that it brought tears to my eyes.  She and I started blogging around the same time, within a couple of weeks of each other, and she's lost 80 lbs. so far.  I've lost 41.  It just goes to show you what consistency does for you on this journey.  Had I been as consistent as her, I could be enjoying the same things that she is right now.  This is not a point of jealousy.  It's a point of pure joy for her....absolute pride and admiration in what she's doing in her corner of the world.  And it sparks a desire in me to do better.  Zaa's had some hard times along the way.....some really hard, emotional things to deal with, including deaths in the family, the death of her mother, her kitty cat, all kinds of terrible things.  And she just keeps going.  She's lost consistently ever since she started.  I let a lot of emotional crap in my life overtake me and reverse my weight loss from Oct-Dec.  I shouldn't have done that.  I should have followed Zaa's example and so many others out there that just keep duking it out.  They keep their heads down and just keep doing what needs to be done, no matter what else is going on around them. 

Heck, I get thrown off course when Mother Nature visits.  I can't imagine what kind of train wreck I'd be if someone in my family actually died, God forbid.  My emotions have really been in the toilet this week, for a lot of reasons.  I tried to not let it come through in my posts, but poor Dwayne has been beaten up something fierce.  He's the one that gets the bad end of the stick when I'm not happy and I hate that.  He puts up with a lot from me.  Besides my hormones being out of whack this week, this weather has also been weighing on me really heavy.  It's got me really down and I don't really care about much when I get like this.  I was absolutely amazed when I got on the scale and it still said 231.0, the same as last Friday.  I don't know how I've been able to stay focused enough to keep myself in the gym 5x/week, but I'm glad I have. 

Of course, the scale is back up at the moment.  Today's reading doesn't officially count, but it's all the way up to 236.0.  It's due to sodium.  I have a terrible time with it.  I decided that I finally needed to start eating through the stuff in the freezer.  There's too much processed stuff in there and I just can't bear to throw it away.  It's not really junky stuff, but some of it is pre-cooked and therein lies the sodium issue.  That's what we've been eating this wknd, and that's why I'm up 5 lbs. right now.  I've got to try and balance it out with non-processed stuff so there's no gain by the time next Friday gets here.  But I'm tired of not having enough room in the freezer to put in meats and frozen veggies that I like to buy when they go on sale, because I've been avoiding eating the stuff in the freezer for so long.  Being on unemployment, I just can't afford to throw it away or even give it away, so Dwayne and I have been eating it this weekend, and Shane and I will be eating more of it through the week I guess. 

On a good note, I haven't been bingeing.  Every day or every week that I can say that is a good day for me.  And you know what's weird?  Before I started blogging and reading other people's blogs, I never even knew what bingeing was.  It wasn't until I read several other people's blogs about bingeing that I understood what they were talking about.  The scary part is, that was my normal eating pattern for way too long.  And I called it normal.  I just called it eating too much.  But I never associated the "why" with the eating.  The tired or stressed or sad or depressed or frantic feelings that went along with eating WAY, WAY too much.  Once I started to learn more, I started trying to curb it and learn how to eat like a normal person.  The down side to that was now I was acutely aware of it, and realized how often I did it and was tempted to do it, and realized just how bad my eating problem and my relationship with food is.  Man, I've got a lot of work to do.  But thank God for education.

Thank God that I've learned so much from so many in these last 9 months or so.  And thank God for a place like Blogland where you can work through your issues and your problems without judgement.  You can gain knowledge and support along the way.  There's always someone there to help you with whatever you need, whether it's a pat on the back when you've done well, or a swift kick in the rear when you need to get your sh*t together (thank you Jack :)).  The comraderie is unbelievable.  In a world where a fat person so often feels like they're out of place, it's really nice to finally, finally find a place where I feel like I belong.  Like I'm welcome.  Like I'm part of the family.  It's nice to finally find a place where I feel like I'm good enough, no matter what size I am or how much I weigh.  And I know that feeling will be the same when I reach my goal as it was on Day One when I started at 272 lbs.  I wish I would have found you all when I was at my highest weight of 340 lbs.  It took me a while to find this place, but I'm glad I finally did.  And I know I don't say it often enough, but I'm thankful for each and every one of you.  Thanks for taking the time to stop by and visit me, see how I'm doing, and leave a word or two.  I love you guys.  Have a happy weekend and we'll talk again soon.  :)

Quote For the Day:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."  -Mark Twain

Bagel Thin - 110 cals

Chile Lime Chicken Burger - 150 cals

Spinach Dip - 50 cals

Total Cals:  310

Book Giveaway Winners

I had a really yummy pic to show you of some shrimp pasta I made today, but the battery was low on my camera and apparently didn't record my picture....BUMMER.

Anyhoo, I'll just tell you what I did.  I sauteed some fresh mushrooms in a little olive oil and added some shrimp.  I boiled some multi-grain angel hair pasta (3 oz).  When the mushrooms and shrimp were done, I added some 1/3 less fat Philly cream cheese and some reduced fat Breakstone's sour cream to the pan and mixed it in with the little bit of liquid that had cooked out of the shrimp and mushrooms.  Then I sprinkled in some oregano, served it over the pasta, and voila!!  It was soooooo good. 

Two really great workouts in the gym last night and tonight.  My 5th workout for this week will be tomorrow night.  I'm hoping to get the dang scale to budge at least 1/2 of a lb!!  Don't know if I'm going to make it or not.  But I also got to thinking....my cycle is usually good for about a 4-5 lb. bloated gain, so the fact that I'm not showing a gain this week is remarkable in itself.  Thank God I've been in the gym to counteract the snacking I did the first 4 days of this week.  I finally reigned in the craziness and came in at 1500 cals yesterday AND today.  Yay!  Shooting for the same calorie amt tomorrow. 

I've also decided that I want to try to cook some different food this coming week.  I'm doing my grocery shopping at Trader Joe's tomorrow.  I've been following TJ's Test Kitchen, listed on my blogroll, and she's picked up some cool stuff at Trader Joe's lately that I want to see if I can find.  One of the things is whole wheat pizza dough and another one is a spinach sour cream dip that she spread on a Thomas everything bagel thin and made a chicken sandwich out of it.  I also want to use the pizza dough to make calzones like she did.  So things are going ok right now....just holding my breath til weigh day.  :)

The winners of the book giveaway are:

Kyle @ Getting Better and Better...
Sheilagh @ Sixty by Sixty
Jenn @ Watch My Butt Shrink!

Congrats to all of you!!  Email me (listed on my sidebar), and send me your names and addresses so that I can forward them on to the publisher!!! 

Quote For the Day:

"Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it."  -Sir Winston Churchill

Book Review & Food Pics

I'll save the book review for the last half of this post.  I've had a good, happy weekend so far.  Dwayne came up Friday night.  We got a little snow here, just an inch or two.  I went out on the front porch Sat morn and took a few pics.  We celebrated Valentine's Day on Saturday night, and had dinner at a restaurant called the Marietta Fish Market.  We won't even get into the calorie slaughter I committed....I just let the guilt go for the night, and enjoyed a tremendously delicious dinner with my honey bunny.  We had a great time together!

I had lunch with Billie on Friday, and then hit the gym for a good workout.  I made Sat one of my rest days (used to be Fridays), and Billie and I met at the gym this morning for another great workout.  We even did Mountain Climbers on our own.  I know, unbelievable, right?  Voluntary torture.  I've progressed so far from when I first started exercising, I really have.  I like looking back on things like that, especially on the days that I feel like I may never get there.  Sometimes I have to look behind me to remind myself of how very far I've come.  For anyone new to my blog, my highest weight used to be 340 lbs. a few years ago.  I've lost over 100 lbs so far.  That's progress, and progress feels good, no matter how much further I have to go.  :)

I'll show you some snow pics and then some pics I took of a breakfast casserole I made today.  I sauteed some yellow squash, onions, mushrooms, red & green bell peppers, and spinach.  I put that in the baking dish (sprayed with Pam), then added 3 slices of Canadian bacon that I chopped up, 1 c. of seasoned home fries (bought them on sale at Publix this week), and 1/2 c. of 2% cheddar cheese.  After that, I whisked together 10 egg whites & 1/2 c. of lowfat cottage cheese and poured it on top.  Then I baked it in the oven on 350 for about 40-45 minutes, until the egg whites firmed up and it was nice and brown on top.  I added all the calories and it came to 200 cals per piece (I cut the casserole into 4 equal squares).  Breakfast for the next 4 mornings!! 

***************************************************************************

Now for the book review. 

The publisher for this book emailed me a couple of weeks ago and asked if I would read this book and review it on my blog.  I replied and told him I didn't mind reviewing it all as long as he was prepared for an HONEST review, no matter what that meant.  He said that's exactly what he was looking for, so he mailed

me a copy.

I enjoyed this book very much.  It was a quick read...only took me about 3 hours to read it from cover to cover.  The premise of the book is to educate you on cutting sugar and hidden sugars out of your diet in order to lose your weight.  The author lost 100 lbs. with this approach and has kept it off for 5 years.  His wife has lost 70 lbs.  I have to admit I was pretty shocked to learn just how much sugar really is in food.  He gives you a chart with a LOT of food items listed and the equivalency of teaspoons of sugar in that food.  It's really astonishing and qutie eye-opening.  This information is very useful for everyone, so I recommend anyone and everyone to pick up a copy and read it. 

Mr.  Varrieur did his research before writing this book, and gives a very simple, easy-to-understand version of the science behind his approach.  He also lists several different links directing you to where he found some of the information that he provides in his book...something that really impressed me.  This way, it's not just one guy's opinion on something.  What he has to say is based in facts that he has found and believes to be true, and as with anything, it's up to you to check out those same facts and decide if it's something that's right for you.  One little snippet that I had to chuckle over is that we both use the same natural sweetener...raw Stevia, and that we both refuse to use aspartame, because it gives us headaches. 

He has before and after pictures of both he and his wife within the pages that are really quite impressive.  And while I was a bit apprehensive when I read "lose weight...without exercise" on the cover, once I got into the reading I realized that he is a big advocate for exercise, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons.  In other words, don't eat a bunch of high-sugar, high calorie foods and then kill yourself doing cardio 8 hours a day just to work it off.  Do it for fitness, the mental benefits, endurance, stamina, etc.  The right reasons.

He also happens to be a chef and has listed a ton of fantastic-sounding recipes towards the end of his book. 

Matt, the publisher, has offered to mail a copy to 3 different blog readers in a giveaway.  If you're interested in reading the book, leave me a comment telling me so and why.  I'll probably have my roommate Shane randomly pick 3 names, since he doesn't know any of you and it keeps it fair.  You don't need to mention it on your blog and link it back here, and you don't need to say anything on Twitter, because quite frankly, I don't twit.  :)

I'll announce the winners in a couple of days, when I get back from Hell....I mean, my sister's house....on Tuesday.  Hope everyone has a super duper week full of GREAT choices!  :)

Quote For the Day:

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish."  -John Quincy Adams