Yesterday I felt like crap all day because I ate too many carbs over the weekend...poison for a diabetic. Today I felt like crap all day because Dwayne and I aren't getting along too well and I spent most of the day in bed all weepy-eyed. Tomorrow MUST be better!!
Dwayne and I aren't fighting...it's nothing like that. There's just a little bit of distance right now...we've been together 5 years next month. We see each other nearly every single weekend, along with 2 or 3 days during the week on most weeks, and sometimes too much time together can be a bad thing. Sometimes people need space. I have no idea how married people do it! lol
Anyhoo, I finally texted him today and told him to take this week and this weekend to himself and enjoy some time with his buddies. I told him I'd talk to him next week after he had a little time to himself. I know that's what's best right now....we've had these phases before...but it doesn't make me miss him any less. :(
Another problem is the unemployment. This has been going on since Feb. 20th and I am SICK TO DEATH of it. I need a job badly. I don't know how those women do it that shop and eat bon bons all day. I loathe feeling this unproductive. It completely sucks. If I was rich and didn't have bills to worry about, I might have a different attitude towards the life of a sloth. But for me and my financial situation, no work = depression.
One more thing that affects my mood is gloomy weather. It's been overcast and drizzling rain for the last 2 days. Blech. Hate it. My mom is one of those people that loves the rain, talks about how well she can sleep/nap when it's raining...just enjoys it. I'm singing a different tune. My song is more like, "Rain, rain, go away, come again....in like 6 months".
When I'm feeling like this my first instinct is to drown my sorrows and soothe my depression with food. I was telling my friend Pam earlier that it's these types of days that lead me straight to the Chinese take-out menu. As I said from the very beginning, I'm a foodaholic. Totally addicted to food....bad food, and way too much of it. If I were an alcoholic, I'd probably be swimming around in a bottle of vodka right now. With my addiction, I was tempted to swim around in a vat of lo mein.
But......I have good news to report. Fat Tammy lost today....Skinny Tammy won out! Sure, I thought about blowing the budget, blowing the diet, blowing my 13.6 lb loss so far and ordering enough lo mein and egg rolls to feed a small army. But I did what I've learned from Lyn at EscapefromObesity to do. I sat and thought. The pros and cons....especially the cons....the only pro I could think of was that I would "temporarily" feel better....only to end up hating myself before I went to bed.
I also emailed my friend Pam when my dialing finger started twitching. It's always good to have that one friend that you can go to at a moment's notice and announce your evil plan to sabotage your diet. Her job is to either offer me healthy alternatives, put her foot up my a$$ w/ some tough love and good advice, etc....but she always comes through. Always. I love her for that.
She told me how to make my own lo mein, where to buy the right noodles, etc. so I will be picking those up this week to have on hand. She has a recipe for her version of lo mein on her food blog http://lobsterandfishsticks.com/. I can't tell you how many times her recipes have saved me, given me new things to try so my diet doesn't become routine and boring. She is just AWESOME and I will never stop singing her praises! Check out her alternative to the comfort food beef stroganoff....OMG! Soooo good!!
But I pulled through. No Chinese. No failure today. And you know my motto....one day at a time....and I made it through this one. That's what matters. I'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here. I'm still trying to recover from this past weekend's indiscretions and the resulting gain on the scale, so I kept the calories pretty far under my goal. I'm so scared I won't break even this week and be where I was at last Friday's weigh in. If I show a gain I'm just going to be heartbroken and disgusted with myself. Let's all pray for the best!!
This wasn't treadmill day, so I did 100 ab crunches, 10 lower ab leg lifts, and 25 arm exercises. Nothing amazing, but I'm keeping up with my promise to myself to try and do something each day inbetween treadmill days.
I want to say a quick welcome to my newest follower Sean. Thanks for signing up. I've been reading your blog today and will continue to. Your progress has been absolutely mind-blowing and the epitome of inspiration. I encourage anyone who reads my blog to check out Sean's: http://www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/. I've got 3 or 4 new blogs that I'm following that I need to add to my blogroll. I'm hoping to either get that done tonight or tomorrow. Sean's will be one of them. :)
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 990
Carbs 62
Fat 41
Protein 101
Here's my food intake for the day:
Homemade turkey sausage (4 oz.)
1 whole egg, 1 egg white (accidentally dropped the yolk in the pan)
sauteed onions and mushrooms
2 c. decaf swiss almond mocha coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Spicy & creamy Zucchini Soup (from Pam's food blog...totally awesome!) 2 cups
Aidells sun-dried tomato chicken/turkey sausage (FANTASTIC!!!) 2 of them
Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thin (wrapped one half around ea. sausage w/ lite mayo, ketchup and diced onions)
2 oz. baked chicken
2 c. decaf swiss almond mocha coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
1 protein water
32 oz. water
NO TEA....NO COKE.....and NO CHINESE!! GO (skinny) TAMMY!!
Quote For The Day:
"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." -Epictetus
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Detox Day
I had a fantastic weekend, but boy was it a bad one for eating. Way too much sodium. I haven't posted my calories and food because I didn't know what the nutrition stats were for everything I ate. Friday night, which I turned into Free Day, I had that Chinese food...no clue what that was. I'm sure it was through the roof in the carb and sodium departments though. Saturday I had about 500 calories before I went to Dwayne's mom's house for the cookout, saving 1,050 for that. I ate 2 pork spareribs, 2 spoons of potato salad, 1 spoon of coleslaw, 1 ear of corn, 2 small yeast rolls, 1 triangle of watermelon and a small piece of cake made with Splenda. I might have still been okay if it weren't for the fact that I got hungry again about 8pm. Mom told me about Kroger having crab legs on sale for $3.99/lb and Saturday was the last day of the sale! Have I mentioned that I'm a seafood FREAK? I ran myself over to Kroger, bought a pound and a half of crab legs which was 4 clusters, and the dog and I were in seafood Heaven. And yes, I dipped them in butter. REAL hot drawn butter. Is there any other way to properly eat crab legs? I think not. :)
As far as exercise goes, I went hiking for 2 hours with Dwayne on Friday, but I didn't do a dang thing on Saturday. Way too sore. I couldn't even lift my free weights to do any arm exercises. I enjoyed the holiday weekend, but I am truly glad that it's over! Time to get back on track, and it was slow going today, for sure. It took me ALL DAY LONG to talk myself into getting on that treadmill today, but I finally did it. I walked a mile in 15:50. I KNEW not to go more than 1 day w/o exercising. It is easy for me to fall out of the habit. So easy. I'm glad I made it down there. That in itself makes today a win! I did great with my calories too. My limit this week is 1550, but I purposely came in under. I got on the scale this morning and I did some damage over the wknd. I needed to jumpstart the next 5 days before time to weigh in. Maybe I'll break even by Friday...please God.
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1046
Carbs 123
Fat 16
Protein 105
Here's my food intake for the day:
2 pcs. of homemade turkey sausage (4 oz.)
2 c. of coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Big salad (romanine, spinach, broc slaw, onions, tomatoes, cukes, bell peppers, lite Italian)
1/2 of a blueberry banana muffin
Big turkey burger (7 oz.) on sourdough w/ toms, onions, lettuce, lite mayo, ketchup
6 baby dill pickles
1 c. watermelon
1 frozen strawberry smoothie (1 c. strawbry, 1 c. 1% milk, 3 tbsp fat free lite van yogurt, ice)
(The smoothie wasn't sweet enough so I threw in 1 Stevia packet)
Lots of water....NO TEA, NO COKE......only water :)
Quote For The Day:
"There is no chance, no fate, no destiny that can circumvent, or hinder, or control a firm resolve of a determined soul." -Anonymous
As far as exercise goes, I went hiking for 2 hours with Dwayne on Friday, but I didn't do a dang thing on Saturday. Way too sore. I couldn't even lift my free weights to do any arm exercises. I enjoyed the holiday weekend, but I am truly glad that it's over! Time to get back on track, and it was slow going today, for sure. It took me ALL DAY LONG to talk myself into getting on that treadmill today, but I finally did it. I walked a mile in 15:50. I KNEW not to go more than 1 day w/o exercising. It is easy for me to fall out of the habit. So easy. I'm glad I made it down there. That in itself makes today a win! I did great with my calories too. My limit this week is 1550, but I purposely came in under. I got on the scale this morning and I did some damage over the wknd. I needed to jumpstart the next 5 days before time to weigh in. Maybe I'll break even by Friday...please God.
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1046
Carbs 123
Fat 16
Protein 105
Here's my food intake for the day:
2 pcs. of homemade turkey sausage (4 oz.)
2 c. of coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Big salad (romanine, spinach, broc slaw, onions, tomatoes, cukes, bell peppers, lite Italian)
1/2 of a blueberry banana muffin
Big turkey burger (7 oz.) on sourdough w/ toms, onions, lettuce, lite mayo, ketchup
6 baby dill pickles
1 c. watermelon
1 frozen strawberry smoothie (1 c. strawbry, 1 c. 1% milk, 3 tbsp fat free lite van yogurt, ice)
(The smoothie wasn't sweet enough so I threw in 1 Stevia packet)
Lots of water....NO TEA, NO COKE......only water :)
Quote For The Day:
"There is no chance, no fate, no destiny that can circumvent, or hinder, or control a firm resolve of a determined soul." -Anonymous
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Love for the Red, White & Blue
I love the 4th of July. It's a time to reflect on the sacrifices made for us on a daily basis so we can sleep well at night. One thing that Pam and I have always shared is a STRONG sense of patriotism. We've both got family members that were in the service, but I don't think that's even where our deep-seeded love for our country and our freedom comes from. I'm not exactly sure where it stems from, but we've got it.
I thank God for the men and women that have always sacrificed to serve in our military and maintian this country's freedoms. They give up civilian life and the liberties that come with that, they give up time spent with their families...holidays, birthdays, their kid's recitals and ballgames, they give up their personal comforts to crawl around in deserts, jungles, etc. in extreme temperatures and weather all for the sake of keeping their country safe. The country that they love.....that they are willing to die to protect. They fight for me. They fight for you. They fight for our children.
No matter who the president is, what your political beliefs are, what your religion is, we should ALWAYS support our troops. They deserve our support in every way possible. They are the ones willing to do what so many of us aren't. They are the picture of sacrifice. The next time that you exercise the freedom to walk in the store and buy a loaf of bread.......one that you didn't have to stand in line for 5 hours to get like they do in some countries....pause and give thanks for our troops. Pray for their safety. Pray for their families. The next time you're sitting in your backyard enjoying the evening air, thank God for our forefathers....the ones that had the vision and the courage to step out on our own....out from under England's rule. The ones that originally fought, bled and died for our freedom. The freedom that we so easily take for granted.
Patriotism should not be reserved only for days such as Memorial Day, Veterans Day and Independence Day. It should be part of who you are. It should be something you are always aware of and thankful for. It should be shown in your actions. Get online and find a website that lets you send care packages and cards to troops around the world. Let them know you appreciate them. Let them know they will never be forgotten, and their sacrifice is never in vain. When you go to bed tonight, say a prayer of thanks for the peacefulness you'll undoubtedly be surrounded by. Thank God that you don't have the explosions of mortars casting a glow in your bedroom window, and that your children don't have to huddle in fear under their covers because bombs are going off a half a mile away. Thank God for the country you are so blessed to live in. It's the greatest one on Earth. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt
I thank God for the men and women that have always sacrificed to serve in our military and maintian this country's freedoms. They give up civilian life and the liberties that come with that, they give up time spent with their families...holidays, birthdays, their kid's recitals and ballgames, they give up their personal comforts to crawl around in deserts, jungles, etc. in extreme temperatures and weather all for the sake of keeping their country safe. The country that they love.....that they are willing to die to protect. They fight for me. They fight for you. They fight for our children.
No matter who the president is, what your political beliefs are, what your religion is, we should ALWAYS support our troops. They deserve our support in every way possible. They are the ones willing to do what so many of us aren't. They are the picture of sacrifice. The next time that you exercise the freedom to walk in the store and buy a loaf of bread.......one that you didn't have to stand in line for 5 hours to get like they do in some countries....pause and give thanks for our troops. Pray for their safety. Pray for their families. The next time you're sitting in your backyard enjoying the evening air, thank God for our forefathers....the ones that had the vision and the courage to step out on our own....out from under England's rule. The ones that originally fought, bled and died for our freedom. The freedom that we so easily take for granted.
Patriotism should not be reserved only for days such as Memorial Day, Veterans Day and Independence Day. It should be part of who you are. It should be something you are always aware of and thankful for. It should be shown in your actions. Get online and find a website that lets you send care packages and cards to troops around the world. Let them know you appreciate them. Let them know they will never be forgotten, and their sacrifice is never in vain. When you go to bed tonight, say a prayer of thanks for the peacefulness you'll undoubtedly be surrounded by. Thank God that you don't have the explosions of mortars casting a glow in your bedroom window, and that your children don't have to huddle in fear under their covers because bombs are going off a half a mile away. Thank God for the country you are so blessed to live in. It's the greatest one on Earth. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt
Friday, July 3, 2009
High On Life....and a Mountain
Today has been fantastic! Not in the way of eating right, mind you, but in the way of me being utterly HAPPY today.
Dwayne, Scarlette and I all headed out on our day trip around 12:00pm. Before he got here, I had a sandwich for breakfast that was about 250 calories. I had also done my absolute best to ensure that I had enough healthy foods for my part of the picnic. Dwayne told me to pick him up an Italian sub from Quizno's. Before I headed out to get it, I looked up their subs, soup bowls, and salads online. Most of the stuff was pretty hideous, nutrition-wise, but I settled on a small grilled chicken Caesar salad w/ no dressing and no flatbread that came with it. It was 210 calories. I packed his sub and my salad along with some Wheat Thins toasted crackers, some low calorie blueberry banana muffins (135 calories and 2g of fat each) some bottled water and 2 of those little 8 oz cans (100 calories) of Coke for Dwayne and I to share. That way I'm only getting about 50 calories at a time instead of the full 140 calories that comes in a 12 oz. can. I'm slowly getting better. :)
We stopped at Kroger in Jasper so I could pick up some watermelon. When I got back out to the car it was nearly 1pm and we both decided we were starving. We had lunch in the car in the Kroger parking lot, lol. I ate about 3/4 of my salad and less than a cup of watermelon. We headed on up to Fort Mountain State Park which is part of the Cohutta Mountains. We drove in to a place where there were some trails and started walking. We saw signs that pointed us to "The Stone Wall" and "The Tower". Intrigued, we started on this path. There were stairs at the very start of the path. Bad sign, lol. There were rock stairs/steps ALL THE WAY UP to the Stone Wall......and even more to get up to the Tower.
I don't know exactly how far we walked, but from the time we headed up til the time we made it back down it took us TWO HOURS!! I was so proud of myself. Of course, I thought I was dying at the time. But it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to ditch the treadmill today and go hiking somewhere scenic. Of course, I had no idea it was going to be stairs all the way up the mountain. My thigh muscles were on fire, my sides hurt, I gasped for air the entire way up the mountain....and I loved every minute of it. The woods we were walking in were so beautiful. There was lots of shade from all the trees, so that was a blessing. After reaching the top where the Tower was, we took another trail across and down some to a scenic overlook, which was basically a wooden deck they had built onto the side of the mountain. We were literally hanging out off the side of a mountain. The view was magnificent. You could see for miles, even into Tennessee. It was so gorgeous.
After leaving the overlook we had to climb back up for a ways, then we headed down, then it curved back up again, then back down. Like I said, when we reached the bottom, we had been hiking for a total of 2 hours. It was so awesome. Fresh mountain air, fantastic views, an awesome workout....the day couldn't have been better. :)
When we left and headed back towards home, we each had a muffin and we shared a Coke. I was now at about 700 calories for the day. We had to stop by his house on the way home, so by the time we got back to my place it was about 5:30pm. I was STARVING....to the point of a massive headache. I knew I hadn't eaten enough. I rushed to fix dinner for the two of us, which was shrimp and noodles and a salad, and then realized I'd forgotten it was Friday, not Saturday, and Shane was going to be home in a few minutes. I didn't cook enough food for 3 people! Only for Dwayne and I. Another dinner disaster.
Except this time, I didn't stress. I didn't freak. I didn't get upset in the least. What did I do instead? I turned today into Free Day for me and ordered Chinese!!! I'm not even going to pretend to act like I was anguished about my decision. I'm not guilt-ridden in the least. I split the dinner I cooked between the guys, and when my lo mein and egg roll got here, I ate half of the lo mein and I ate the egg roll, and I enjoyed every last sodium-filled bite. LOVED IT. GUILT-FREE.
Yes, I should have left Free Day for tomorrow since it's the 4th of July and we have to go to his mom's at 3pm to eat at a cookout. But I didn't. So now I'm going to eat as few calories as possible before I have to be over there, and just make the best choices I can when I get there. I also had 1 beer with dinner, and half of a 3 Musketeers bar. After my guilt-free meal, I got up and cleaned my kitchen and started some laundry, all with a smile on my face. Today has been fantastic all the way around. No stress, no guilt, lots of good exercise, some yummy food, and quality time with my guy and my puppy dog. I'm going to bed tonight a happy girl. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of." -Benjamin Franklin
Dwayne, Scarlette and I all headed out on our day trip around 12:00pm. Before he got here, I had a sandwich for breakfast that was about 250 calories. I had also done my absolute best to ensure that I had enough healthy foods for my part of the picnic. Dwayne told me to pick him up an Italian sub from Quizno's. Before I headed out to get it, I looked up their subs, soup bowls, and salads online. Most of the stuff was pretty hideous, nutrition-wise, but I settled on a small grilled chicken Caesar salad w/ no dressing and no flatbread that came with it. It was 210 calories. I packed his sub and my salad along with some Wheat Thins toasted crackers, some low calorie blueberry banana muffins (135 calories and 2g of fat each) some bottled water and 2 of those little 8 oz cans (100 calories) of Coke for Dwayne and I to share. That way I'm only getting about 50 calories at a time instead of the full 140 calories that comes in a 12 oz. can. I'm slowly getting better. :)
We stopped at Kroger in Jasper so I could pick up some watermelon. When I got back out to the car it was nearly 1pm and we both decided we were starving. We had lunch in the car in the Kroger parking lot, lol. I ate about 3/4 of my salad and less than a cup of watermelon. We headed on up to Fort Mountain State Park which is part of the Cohutta Mountains. We drove in to a place where there were some trails and started walking. We saw signs that pointed us to "The Stone Wall" and "The Tower". Intrigued, we started on this path. There were stairs at the very start of the path. Bad sign, lol. There were rock stairs/steps ALL THE WAY UP to the Stone Wall......and even more to get up to the Tower.
I don't know exactly how far we walked, but from the time we headed up til the time we made it back down it took us TWO HOURS!! I was so proud of myself. Of course, I thought I was dying at the time. But it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to ditch the treadmill today and go hiking somewhere scenic. Of course, I had no idea it was going to be stairs all the way up the mountain. My thigh muscles were on fire, my sides hurt, I gasped for air the entire way up the mountain....and I loved every minute of it. The woods we were walking in were so beautiful. There was lots of shade from all the trees, so that was a blessing. After reaching the top where the Tower was, we took another trail across and down some to a scenic overlook, which was basically a wooden deck they had built onto the side of the mountain. We were literally hanging out off the side of a mountain. The view was magnificent. You could see for miles, even into Tennessee. It was so gorgeous.
After leaving the overlook we had to climb back up for a ways, then we headed down, then it curved back up again, then back down. Like I said, when we reached the bottom, we had been hiking for a total of 2 hours. It was so awesome. Fresh mountain air, fantastic views, an awesome workout....the day couldn't have been better. :)
When we left and headed back towards home, we each had a muffin and we shared a Coke. I was now at about 700 calories for the day. We had to stop by his house on the way home, so by the time we got back to my place it was about 5:30pm. I was STARVING....to the point of a massive headache. I knew I hadn't eaten enough. I rushed to fix dinner for the two of us, which was shrimp and noodles and a salad, and then realized I'd forgotten it was Friday, not Saturday, and Shane was going to be home in a few minutes. I didn't cook enough food for 3 people! Only for Dwayne and I. Another dinner disaster.
Except this time, I didn't stress. I didn't freak. I didn't get upset in the least. What did I do instead? I turned today into Free Day for me and ordered Chinese!!! I'm not even going to pretend to act like I was anguished about my decision. I'm not guilt-ridden in the least. I split the dinner I cooked between the guys, and when my lo mein and egg roll got here, I ate half of the lo mein and I ate the egg roll, and I enjoyed every last sodium-filled bite. LOVED IT. GUILT-FREE.
Yes, I should have left Free Day for tomorrow since it's the 4th of July and we have to go to his mom's at 3pm to eat at a cookout. But I didn't. So now I'm going to eat as few calories as possible before I have to be over there, and just make the best choices I can when I get there. I also had 1 beer with dinner, and half of a 3 Musketeers bar. After my guilt-free meal, I got up and cleaned my kitchen and started some laundry, all with a smile on my face. Today has been fantastic all the way around. No stress, no guilt, lots of good exercise, some yummy food, and quality time with my guy and my puppy dog. I'm going to bed tonight a happy girl. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of." -Benjamin Franklin
Moving Right Along
Sorry this post is so late. I woke up at 5:30am this morning, decided I needed more sleep, and stayed in bed til 8:30am. I got a shower and finally weighed in. I'm at 258.4, so I lost 2.4 lbs. this week. Of course I'm a little disappointed that it's not the 3.8 lbs. I was hoping for, but it's still a loss. It looks like the large losses of 5-6 lbs a week are over. So I've lost a total of 13.6 lbs. so far and that's something to be proud of. :)
Dwayne is off work today due to the holiday. He's supposed to be here about 11am and we're driving about an hour and a half north to the Cohutta Mountains. We're taking the puppy and having a picnic and walking on the nature trails. I'm really looking forward to it. :) I'll be back later tonight to post my nutrition stats and food intake for the day.
Dwayne is off work today due to the holiday. He's supposed to be here about 11am and we're driving about an hour and a half north to the Cohutta Mountains. We're taking the puppy and having a picnic and walking on the nature trails. I'm really looking forward to it. :) I'll be back later tonight to post my nutrition stats and food intake for the day.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Weigh-in Eve
This is going to be a really short post. Dwayne just left and I am totally exhausted. I was up til after 4am this morning due to taking a 4 hour nap yesterday afternoon, and got up at 8:15am this morning. I didn't do the treadmill because the pulled muscle has still been too sore to be bouncing around. I did a little grocery shopping and I've spent the majority of the rest of the day in bed. I didn't even cook dinner. I'm not posting my nutrition stats tonight because I don't know what they are. I know I had 575 left before dinner, and then Dwayne brought me a Greek salad w/ grilled chicken on it from our local Italian restaurant, Mellow Mushroom. I tried to look up their nutrition guide online but I didn't see one on their website. I think I came in around goal though. Wish me luck on tomorrow's weigh in!
Quote For The Day:
"The toughest part of getting to the top of the ladder is getting through the crowd at the bottom." -Anonymous
Quote For The Day:
"The toughest part of getting to the top of the ladder is getting through the crowd at the bottom." -Anonymous
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Some Days Just Suck
Today has completely sucked. There's no other way to say it. Let's start from the beginning.
I went out this morning to run a couple of errands, one of them being the gas station. Burger King is 2 doors down and I could smell breakfast. Smell is the worst sense for me when it comes to eating. I can look at food commercials on TV all day long and not be that bothered, but if I smell something good....I'm sooooo gonna' eat it. It took every ounce of fortitude I had not to go to Burger King. I was this close. I love their little BK Breakfast Shots with ham and egg. Love 'em. I knew I had one more piece of breakfast casserole at home I could eat, but after smelling BK, asparagus just wasn't going to cut it.
I sat in the parking lot of the gas station, after getting my gas, contemplating whether or not to take a right and go to Burger King. I argued with myself:
Do not screw up today.
But I want those yummy little ham and egg treats on those little steamy buns.
You're 2 days away from weigh day. Don't do it.
But I've been good for nearly 3 weeks now with no screw-ups. Don't I deserve a break?
You deserve to be good to yourself and get this weight off once and for all.
Am I never going to be able to eat restaurant food again???
Now is not the time. You need to be further along in your self-discipline.
I can smell them....I want them.
You always give in to what you want now. Be different this time. Work for what you want most.
Pleeeeaaaasssseeee???
Absolutely not.
Fine, dammit! I hate you.
You won't hate me when you're 90 lbs lighter. Now let's go to Publix instead and make a better choice.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
So off to Publix I went. I headed straight for the deli and got 1/2 lb. of the Boar's Head 42% lower sodium deluxe ham. I went home and cooked 2 egg whites w/ a sprinkle of reduced fat sharp cheddar cheese and toasted some sourdough and had a sandwich. It was awesome. Another disaster avoided.
Shane and I headed out to look for rental houses. We spent 5 hours driving around and were having a super hard time finding anything in our price range. It was aggravating and discouraging. We both got hungry while we were out and again, my sense of smell was trying to sabotage me. Fried chicken. I smelled Church's fried chicken. I've loved their chicken since I was a little girl. It's so awesome. All of the sudden I yelled at Shane, "Quick! We've gotta' find a Subway!" Usually, you can find a Subway on every friggin' corner. but not today. Not when I need one, and fast. I purposely drove 7 miles out of my way to get to where I knew one was at. I got a Subway club and split it with Shane. Whole wheat bread, no cheese, lite mayo and all the veggies. My 6" was 320 calories. Another disaster avoided. Take that, Church's.
After having no luck house hunting, we finally headed home, tired and aggravated. When I got out of the car and headed upstairs, I had some sharp shooting pains under my right shoulder blade and realized I'd pulled a muscle the night before lifting some boxes I had packed my china cabinet dishes in. I guess being in the car for 5 hours aggravated it, and I was now in some serious pain. Thank God it wasn't a treadmill day. I couldn't even stand up straight to cook dinner. I had laid out some turkey burger before we left with the intentions of making a meatloaf for dinner. Not gonna' happen now. I threw the turkey burger in the frig and went to lay down. I woke up 4 hours later, starving. I wrapped some ham around a couple of cheesesticks, nuked them in the microwave, and scarfed them down.
I was hurting, I was groggy, and I was in no mood to fool with dinner. I was so ready to order a pizza. Because of my mood, I got in an argument with Dwayne over the phone, and that just made things worse. I knew I only had 500 calories left for the day and I fought with myself for about an hour over taking the easy way out and ordering dinner in, or making that damn meatloaf. I finally decided to do the right thing, and pulled the turkey burger out of the frig and opened it. Still frozen. My anxiety level rose another couple of levels. Fine. I'm 2 days away from weigh day, I only have 500 calories left, I'm not going to take the easy way out. I'll just fix an egg and cheese sandwich for dinner.
I talked myself out of whole eggs and made 2 egg whites. I talked myself out of using the sourdough bread (200 calories) and decided on the whole wheat sandwich thin (100 calories). I scooped the eggs out of the pan and was putting it on my bread when they slid right off the spatula and onto the floor. ??? AGAIN??? Dropping dinner on the floor TWICE in one week??? Are you EFFING KIDDING ME??? I was beyond just crying this time. I had a nuclear meltdown. I totally lost it. Unbelievable. This can't happen to anyone but me. I must be jinxed. I must be cursed. Someone hates me. Big Time. I called my mom and sobbed in her ear about my sh*tty day.
Thankfully, she jumped in her car and came to see me. She offered to bring me some vegetable soup that she had made, but I refused. I opted for the leftover chicken pasta from the night before. I had already measured it out so I knew it was 463 calories. When mom got here, I still wanted to eat. I was down, depressed, discouraged, aggravated, in pain, and ready to give up. She sat and talked to me, pointing out how well I've been doing, gave me suggestions on changing up my foods so I don't get bored, etc., and it was just what I needed. I had a couple of cups of coffee to fill up my stomach because I was feeling like a bottomless pit tonight. It probably wasn't real hunger....it was probably an emotional need I was trying to fill....and food is the wrong thing to do it with. I know that, but it doesn't always matter what I know. We had a nice visit, and things were better when she left. Somehow, I don't know how, I avoided a binge today. Thank you God. I was so close. And thank God for Mom, she is such a blessing to me.
Goal Stats:
Calories 1750
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1777
Carbs 223
Fat 37
Protein 150
I went over on my calories today, but you know what? I came very close to those calories being 4,000 today. I have to be thankful that I only missed my goal by 27 calories. I have to call that a win.
Here's my food intake for the day:
Ham and egg white sandwich on sourdough
6" Subway club (wheat, lite mayo, no cheese, all the veggies)
20 oz. Coke
Grilled chicken pasta salad (whole wheat penne, tomatoes, cukes, onions, lite Italian)
2 ham and cheese rolls (low sodium ham, red. fat mozzarella)
1 glass of tea, mixed 2/3 unsweet, 1/3 sweet)
3 glasses of water
2 c. coffee
1 pc. Russell Stover 60% cacoa sugar-free dark chocolate
Since I took a 4 HOUR NAP, I'm going to do some laundry and probably use Pam's banana blueberry bread recipe to make some muffins. I'm also going to make a little grocery list for tomorrow and try to change some things up this week. Pam's got a recipe for Cream of Zucchini soup that I've tried before and it is absolutely delicious. I might make that for some lunches next week. Will probably do some fruit smoothies and muffins for breakfast and snacks. Tomorrow is the day before weigh day so I hope things go smoothly. That's usually the day I'm most focused, so let's pray it's a good one. I'm looking for a 3.8 lb loss this week. I sure hope I get there.
Quote For The Day:
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglass
I went out this morning to run a couple of errands, one of them being the gas station. Burger King is 2 doors down and I could smell breakfast. Smell is the worst sense for me when it comes to eating. I can look at food commercials on TV all day long and not be that bothered, but if I smell something good....I'm sooooo gonna' eat it. It took every ounce of fortitude I had not to go to Burger King. I was this close. I love their little BK Breakfast Shots with ham and egg. Love 'em. I knew I had one more piece of breakfast casserole at home I could eat, but after smelling BK, asparagus just wasn't going to cut it.
I sat in the parking lot of the gas station, after getting my gas, contemplating whether or not to take a right and go to Burger King. I argued with myself:
Do not screw up today.
But I want those yummy little ham and egg treats on those little steamy buns.
You're 2 days away from weigh day. Don't do it.
But I've been good for nearly 3 weeks now with no screw-ups. Don't I deserve a break?
You deserve to be good to yourself and get this weight off once and for all.
Am I never going to be able to eat restaurant food again???
Now is not the time. You need to be further along in your self-discipline.
I can smell them....I want them.
You always give in to what you want now. Be different this time. Work for what you want most.
Pleeeeaaaasssseeee???
Absolutely not.
Fine, dammit! I hate you.
You won't hate me when you're 90 lbs lighter. Now let's go to Publix instead and make a better choice.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
So off to Publix I went. I headed straight for the deli and got 1/2 lb. of the Boar's Head 42% lower sodium deluxe ham. I went home and cooked 2 egg whites w/ a sprinkle of reduced fat sharp cheddar cheese and toasted some sourdough and had a sandwich. It was awesome. Another disaster avoided.
Shane and I headed out to look for rental houses. We spent 5 hours driving around and were having a super hard time finding anything in our price range. It was aggravating and discouraging. We both got hungry while we were out and again, my sense of smell was trying to sabotage me. Fried chicken. I smelled Church's fried chicken. I've loved their chicken since I was a little girl. It's so awesome. All of the sudden I yelled at Shane, "Quick! We've gotta' find a Subway!" Usually, you can find a Subway on every friggin' corner. but not today. Not when I need one, and fast. I purposely drove 7 miles out of my way to get to where I knew one was at. I got a Subway club and split it with Shane. Whole wheat bread, no cheese, lite mayo and all the veggies. My 6" was 320 calories. Another disaster avoided. Take that, Church's.
After having no luck house hunting, we finally headed home, tired and aggravated. When I got out of the car and headed upstairs, I had some sharp shooting pains under my right shoulder blade and realized I'd pulled a muscle the night before lifting some boxes I had packed my china cabinet dishes in. I guess being in the car for 5 hours aggravated it, and I was now in some serious pain. Thank God it wasn't a treadmill day. I couldn't even stand up straight to cook dinner. I had laid out some turkey burger before we left with the intentions of making a meatloaf for dinner. Not gonna' happen now. I threw the turkey burger in the frig and went to lay down. I woke up 4 hours later, starving. I wrapped some ham around a couple of cheesesticks, nuked them in the microwave, and scarfed them down.
I was hurting, I was groggy, and I was in no mood to fool with dinner. I was so ready to order a pizza. Because of my mood, I got in an argument with Dwayne over the phone, and that just made things worse. I knew I only had 500 calories left for the day and I fought with myself for about an hour over taking the easy way out and ordering dinner in, or making that damn meatloaf. I finally decided to do the right thing, and pulled the turkey burger out of the frig and opened it. Still frozen. My anxiety level rose another couple of levels. Fine. I'm 2 days away from weigh day, I only have 500 calories left, I'm not going to take the easy way out. I'll just fix an egg and cheese sandwich for dinner.
I talked myself out of whole eggs and made 2 egg whites. I talked myself out of using the sourdough bread (200 calories) and decided on the whole wheat sandwich thin (100 calories). I scooped the eggs out of the pan and was putting it on my bread when they slid right off the spatula and onto the floor. ??? AGAIN??? Dropping dinner on the floor TWICE in one week??? Are you EFFING KIDDING ME??? I was beyond just crying this time. I had a nuclear meltdown. I totally lost it. Unbelievable. This can't happen to anyone but me. I must be jinxed. I must be cursed. Someone hates me. Big Time. I called my mom and sobbed in her ear about my sh*tty day.
Thankfully, she jumped in her car and came to see me. She offered to bring me some vegetable soup that she had made, but I refused. I opted for the leftover chicken pasta from the night before. I had already measured it out so I knew it was 463 calories. When mom got here, I still wanted to eat. I was down, depressed, discouraged, aggravated, in pain, and ready to give up. She sat and talked to me, pointing out how well I've been doing, gave me suggestions on changing up my foods so I don't get bored, etc., and it was just what I needed. I had a couple of cups of coffee to fill up my stomach because I was feeling like a bottomless pit tonight. It probably wasn't real hunger....it was probably an emotional need I was trying to fill....and food is the wrong thing to do it with. I know that, but it doesn't always matter what I know. We had a nice visit, and things were better when she left. Somehow, I don't know how, I avoided a binge today. Thank you God. I was so close. And thank God for Mom, she is such a blessing to me.
Goal Stats:
Calories 1750
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1777
Carbs 223
Fat 37
Protein 150
I went over on my calories today, but you know what? I came very close to those calories being 4,000 today. I have to be thankful that I only missed my goal by 27 calories. I have to call that a win.
Here's my food intake for the day:
Ham and egg white sandwich on sourdough
6" Subway club (wheat, lite mayo, no cheese, all the veggies)
20 oz. Coke
Grilled chicken pasta salad (whole wheat penne, tomatoes, cukes, onions, lite Italian)
2 ham and cheese rolls (low sodium ham, red. fat mozzarella)
1 glass of tea, mixed 2/3 unsweet, 1/3 sweet)
3 glasses of water
2 c. coffee
1 pc. Russell Stover 60% cacoa sugar-free dark chocolate
Since I took a 4 HOUR NAP, I'm going to do some laundry and probably use Pam's banana blueberry bread recipe to make some muffins. I'm also going to make a little grocery list for tomorrow and try to change some things up this week. Pam's got a recipe for Cream of Zucchini soup that I've tried before and it is absolutely delicious. I might make that for some lunches next week. Will probably do some fruit smoothies and muffins for breakfast and snacks. Tomorrow is the day before weigh day so I hope things go smoothly. That's usually the day I'm most focused, so let's pray it's a good one. I'm looking for a 3.8 lb loss this week. I sure hope I get there.
Quote For The Day:
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." -Frederick Douglass
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