Self-Sabotage??

Super short post.  I don't know what's up with me today.  I have been sooooo tired and lethargic and I woke up wanting to eat everything in the house.  Don't know why.  Nothing particulary crazy going on in my life right now (but then I ask myself on most days, how much crazier can it get????!!!)  I managed to keep my calories at 1800, which feels somewhat miraculous, because I've been fighting my food thoughts all day.  Get this.  My mom even called to chat for a while and told me that her and my sister were going out to lunch today at the Chinese buffet....and I was welcome to join them.  Holy crap.....oh that took some real restraint.  Can you believe I said no??  I still can't believe I turned down Chinese, of all things.  But I did.  So yay for me, and on an especially difficult day.  Got in a good, hard workout at the gym tonight with Billie.  Still working on getting the water in for today....6 glasses so far, 6 glasses to go before bedtime.

I'm starting to wonder if I have some weirdo mental hang-up about getting below 230.  I seem to keep bouncing between 230 & 239....I've jumped up and down between those numbers a couple of different times now.  It strikes me as odd.  I can't think of why the 220's would scare the crap out of me, or why I'd have some kind of self-sabotage thing going on, but that's the major hurdle I'm trying to concentrate on right now.  I want to see the 220's, and NEVER see 230 again.  That's my next goal.  Wish me well friends. :)

Quote For the Day:

"Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.  You will find that they don't have half the strength you think they have."  -Norman Vincent Peale

I Hate Mondays

Have you ever noticed that when you set a goal, sometimes it seems like some outside force doesn't want you to succeed, despite your absolute best efforts? Today has been one of those days for me. Today has been a "wanting" day for me. No specific cravings, not really what I'd call a "hungry" day where you want to eat everything in sight, no matter what it is....but just "wanting" something else besides what's in my frig. The sound of another turkey burger, salad or egg white made me want to puke. I wanted restaurant food.....something that someone else cooked that tastes 100x better than a cucumber. I've been nervous that I would screw up and break down all day, so I restricted my calories all day long. I made it to dinnertime and had/have 945 calories left that I can use.

I had laid out some baby scallops today to thaw and decided to fight the temptations and make what I had planned for dinner.....steamed asparagus, brown rice, and broiled scallops. I had the rice and asparagus ready and on the plates and was pulling the glass baking dish out of the oven that the scallops were in. In 2 seconds flat, that dish burned right through my damp dish towel leaving a 500 degree burn on my left thumb. My puppy is always under foot when I'm working in the kitchen and today was no exception. I knew I was going to drop it but held onto it as long as I could, broiling my thumb, guiding it down to the floor as far as I could, all while trying to shove the dog out of my way with my right foot. I got it about a foot above the floor and dropped it...screaming at the dog to stay away so she wouldn't burn her tongue and throat from sucking down what I'm sure she thought was a gratuitous seafood buffet. Olive oil and scallops went flying, soaking all of my cabinets, the oven door and my legs.

Can you guess what cry baby did next? You guessed it.....BOOOO HOOOO HOOO. Once again, just like the night my fish "disappeared", I'm sitting here without the dinner I had planned, on one of the worst temptation days yet. I have to sign off now because I'm not done crying yet. I might be back later if my mood improves.