A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Friday, July 30, 2010

New Challenge!!!

Hi Everyone!

Tammy has me to do a post on her behalf, to get the info out there about her new challenge, since it begins on August 1st. She has been busier than a one legged man in a butt-kicking contest, between her new job piling on more responsibilities and her move, which is going well. She is tried, but happy, and misses you all!


on to the good stuff!!

Tammy is inviting everyone to join her for.....

Waisting Away In The Heat:
End of Summer Challenge!

The rules are simple:

Lose Weight - however you do it - just do it!

Well, there is a bit more to it than that.....

#1 - Weigh In for the challenge on Friday or Saturday (don't you love choices???) -- be sure to post a comment on the blog to let Tammy know your loss for the week so that she will be able to track it.

#2 - Take a picture of your first and last weigh in -- Snap a pic of the scale on the 1st and on the 31st - its not necessary to do it each week. 

#3 Win by losing -- The person who loses the most weight in the 31 days will be the winner of the challenge!

So, what does the winner get besides a hot new body?

The winner will win a $50.00 gift certificate to use at any online CSN store!

CSN Stores has over 200 online stores where you can find everything from cookware to cribs to dining room sets and dog beds! If you are curious, check them out, right here.

This prize is only available to US and Canadian residents. I hope you understand if you are living elsewhere!

Please let Tammy know if you are interested in participating by leaving her a comment here. I know she's excited and hopes you are, too!

She hopes to be back online over the weekend!

Good luck to everyone!

Pam : )

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Move Begins Today!!!


I pick up the keys to my new tiny apartment today at lunch time!!!  I am sooooo tired of packing, but I finally got it ALL DONE.  I packed up my kitchen last Sunday like I said I was going to do, so I've been eating convenience foods all week.  We won't talk about my weight right now....I will report it this Sunday as the beginning of my NEW CHALLENGE!!  I hope some of you will join in with me...I'll do a detailed post closer to the start date explaining a couple of little "rules" and what the prize for the winner will be.  It's going to be fun!!! 

Dwayne and I will be moving boxes over to the apt in our vehicles each night after work...today, Thur and Fri...and then we'll move all of the furniture over in a U-Haul on Saturday.  I'll have Sunday to grocery shop and unpack as much as possible, then it's back to work Monday morning!!  I wish I could have taken Monday off to finish unpacking, but since I just started this new job 6 weeks ago, taking a day off just isn't an option.  In fact, there won't be any days off before Christmas...I'll get a 6 month review in December, and some kind of raise...thank God!  Did I mention that my hourly pay is only $1 more than what I was receiving on unemployment?????  YEAH....things are STILL beyond tight financially....but at least I'm back in the workforce....back in the Land of the Living. 

For all of you who have been reading my blog for a while, and have stuck with me through the depression and stress that I endured during the unemployment....a heartfelt thanks to you.  Thanks for sticking around, even if a lot of what I wrote wasn't happy reading.  Thank you for sticking around and continuing to encourage me through the constant gaining/losing/gaining/losing I've done on the scale.  I went through a really hard, dark time....I was definitely in a valley.  But I'm happy to report that I can see the next mountaintop!!  Things are going to get better....they already have!!  I'm WORKING again!!!  I'm moving to a new place where I'll get to see Dwayne ALL THE TIME now, instead of living so far apart like we did for the last year.  NEVER AGAIN.  NEVER.  I'm also very excited about my upcoming challenge...I look forward to getting back on the right track, no matter how many do-overs I've already had.  I've told countless other friends and bloggers that it doesn't matter if you fall off the horse 1000 times....as long as you get back on 1001...and Sunday, August 1, is that day!! 

Also, thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes this week....it's the most I've ever gotten in my life!!  I'm now 38 years old.....which brings me to another subject.  Each and every year on my birthday, I do a little mental assessment regarding where I'm at in life.  Was it a good, happy year, or a bad one?  Was I working at a good job where I enjoyed the people?  Have I completed my bachelor's degree in Accounting yet?  No?  Still not married?  No kids?  But there's my baby Scarlette!  And I have my health...and my parents and sisters are still alive and kicking, and my 5 precious nieces and nephews.  Do I have love in my life?  YES, I do!  Do I own a house yet or am I still renting?  Still no degree, so still making crappy money when I AM working??  Hmmmm.......

Well...I made a decision yesterday.  Maybe some of the less than pleasant things will change one day...maybe they won't.  But I decided that I needed to enjoy the happy and good things in the NOW.  I'm always looking towards the future.  I'm a planner to a fault.  Sometimes my plans work out and sometimes they all go to hell.  But I miss a lot of the present.  I get to the next birthday and I bemoan the things I didn't "get done" or that didn't work out as planned.  It's a waste of precious time.  Added to that....I've lived on so little money for so long, and had to be so budget-minded, that I try to avoid most frivolities with my spending.  I'll buy and spend for others...but if I do it for myself, the guilt is overwhelming.  This ties into my thoughts about my 40th birthday....and the decision I made yesterday.

Lord willing, my 40th birthday's going to show up in a couple of years whether I'm broke or not...married or not...have my Bachelor's or not....and do I want to look back on the year before with regret?  Or do I want to take the opportunity of having the next 2 years to save and plan a fabulous 40th birthday party for myself???  YES!!  A FaBuLoUs 40th B-day PaRtY!!!!!  If someone else throws you a 40th party (if they even care enough to remember you, that is)....then it's decked out in black and white, depressing "over the hill" decorations, right?  Well not if you THROW YOUR OWN PARTY!!!!! 

I was going to preface this news by saying I'll be at goal weight, but given my track record, I'm not going to make that statement, lol.  And besides....that's not what this is about.  This party is about celebrating NO MATTER WHAT else is right or wrong in my life....so if I get to 40 yrs old and I'm STILL fat, or not to goal...guess what???  I'm still celebrating!!!!!  Obviously this is still 2 years away, and a lot can happen in 2 years, so I don't have any stringent plans just yet, other than to start saving whatever little bits of money I can here and there.  I'm going to open a separate savings account for this.  When I get closer to time, I'll know how much money I'll have to work with, and that will determine where I hold the party and who I'll have cater it, and whether or not my friends are lucky enough to have an open bar that night, lol. 

But wait!!  There's a 2nd part to my 40th birthday celebration!  After the party, I'm taking me, Dwayne and my baby Scarlette on a beach trip!!  Time on the beach is what I enjoy the absolute most in life....so that's my gift to myself.  Not sure for how long...not sure which beach....but that will all be figured out later.

The kicker to all of this is, I know myself.  Once I get a good little sum of money saved up, my logical thinking will try to overpower me and tell me that I can spend that money in much more responsible ways than some frivolous, costly birthday party for all of my friends.  I'm saying NO to the voice!!  I'm MAKING myself stay on this course and see it through!!  It will be a struggle...there will likely be some guilt...but I've got 2 years to work on that, and actually ENJOY myself when party time gets here!!  Plus I'm relying on all of you to make me go through with it, LOL!! 

So there you have it....my plans for my 40th birthday in 2 years....and my plans to start a new challenge for the month of August starting this Sunday!  Hope everyone is doing well and should be fully back in the blogging groove by next week!!  :)  

Monday, July 26, 2010

Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday dear Tammmmyyyyyyy...
Happy Birthday to me!!!!!

(and yes, there will be cake)  :)

Friday, July 23, 2010


My goodness what a CRAZY WEEK!!!  So....there was a meeting here at work on Monday morning...and it was decided that I was going to be given more responsibility....a LOT more responsibility.....so I've been training on all kinds of new stuff and it has been insane to say the least.  Excedrin Migraine has been my new best friend this week....BUT I am beyond thankful to have a job.  This is so, so much better than being stuck on home on unemployment, depressed and crying all the time.  I'll take the fast-paced, high stress work environment anytime!!  I thank God for providing the opportunity for me to re-enter the workforce.

My weight has been all over the place this week.  I've been at 247 lbs for at least the last 4 weeks....but I saw as high as 260 at one point this week due to major sodium intake.  This morning it said 252, but knowing the processed foods I've eaten out of the freezer this week (i.e., Jimmy Dean D-lite 260 cal. breakfast bagels, Gorton's Grilled Shrimp, etc.) then I feel like a few lbs of that is still sodium.  I'm not really freaking out because I know how fast I can turn this around...I've lost 8-9 lbs in a week before due to a big sodium gain..so it will work itself out soon enough. 

I've got half of my kitchen packed up & will be packing up the rest of it this Sunday, and from that point it will be ALL convenience foods for the next solid week.  I pick up the keys on my lunch break next Wednesday to start moving stuff to the apt after work on Wed, Thur and Fri.  Dwayne's coming over and borrowing his mom's Cadillac SUV (please God don't let us scratch it!!) to move as many boxes and unpack them as we can before we get the moving truck on Saturday morning to load and move all the big furniture.  I'm continuing to drink (4) 32 oz glasses of water a day to help keep things moving along. 

Now for the good news....starting Sunday, Aug. 1st, when I'm SUPPOSED to be unpacking and settling in....I'm starting a new challenge, much like the one I hosted in May.  I won't go into all the details just yet...but the person who loses the most weight will be getting a pretty cool prize, thanks to a lady who emailed me this week about doing a giveaway on my blog for her site.  The only catch is...it's not going to be a free giveaway....I'm going to make you WORK for it!!  We're going to get those buns MOVING and LOSING!!  lol

So hang in there with me friends....the dust will settle soon and we'll get this show back on the road.  And how many times have I started over??  Eh....who's counting?  :)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sean's Water Challenge Pics

I'm sure everyone's heard of Sean and Kenz's Positive Effect Water Challenge by now...and I've been participating.  They asked for pics of us drinking our water, so I took one at work yesterday.  I'm fixing to email it to Seanboy but I thought I'd do a quick post and put it up here, too.

The requirement is to only drink 64 oz. of pure water a day.  I drink at least (3) 32 oz. glasses a day, but usually 4 glasses.  It's 5:30am now as I type this post, and I've already had (1) 32 oz. glass, so I'm well on my way for the day.  Hope you are, too!

One more thing....am I the last one on Earth to discover the cute little yummy cups of WW ice cream?  I was picking up a few groceries Sunday night and noticed these.  I grabbed the Mint Chocolate Chip and the Chocolate Brownie ones....so far I've only tried the mint and it's delish!!  These cute little cups are the perfect amt. to satisfy an ice cream craving and check in at only 140 calories...not bad!!  :)

Time to hit the showers...hope everyone has a Terrific Tuesday!!  :)

P.S.  I'm signing my lease this coming Saturday, and will pick up the keys next Wed to start moving stuff in the apt.  The big move with the moving truck is the following Saturday, on the 31st.  We're getting down to crazy time now!  :)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Awards and Apologies

The sweet girl at "First Steps" (I'm sorry I don't know her name yet!), gave me the Versatile Blogger award and Leslie at "Something Brilliant Is Brewing" gave me the Life Is Good award this week.  I think someone else gave me a 3rd award even earlier, but I've been so flighty with the blogging with trying to pack and move that I've forgotten who it was!!  I'm truly sorry about that....I thought I knew who it was....went to their blog to make sure...and they had an award, but I wasn't on their list of who they were passing it to, lol.   As with all awards, there are rules to follow, but if you've been following my blog for a while, then you know I suck at following them.  It's actually pretty amazing that I even remembered to acknowledge these 2 awards!  I thank both of you ladies for thinking I'm worthy and spreading the love to me.  I really do appreciate that you thought of me when honoring others with these awesome awards.  :)

Now...on to the apologies.  One thing that I always mean to do when someone asks me a question in a comment on one of my posts, or expresses a differing opinion, is address it in my next post.  However...this goes back to my crappy memory in general.  I forget to do that...often....in fact, most of the time.  For whatever reason, this crossed my mind tonight while I was loading the dishwasher, and decided that tonight's the night to address that...made myself stop what I was doing, and ran back here to the computer to do this post!! 

I don't have any specific questions in mind to answer at the moment, like about recipes and different products that people have asked me about along the way....but what I would like to address from most recently is when I did the post "Wow This Is Hard" several days ago.

I commented that I've only lost 25 lbs. in the year since I started blogging last June.   I said how bad I suck and how pathetic that was.  That I didn't give it 100% effort...and probably not even 50% effort.  I think these statements touched a nerve with a couple of people, or made them think that if they've done the same, or perhaps seen even less progress, that I was in some way telling them that they suck, too. 

Let me be clear....is everyone paying attention?  lol


I guess I somehow assumed that everyone who reads knows that when I'm blogging, I'm just vomiting out whatever's twirling around in my mind.  Since it's my blog...what I'm writing about is usually all about me.  My thoughts, my day, my week, my good news, my bad news, my depression, my happiness, etc.  Sometimes I blog about other people's blogs...make note of exciting, positive stuff, or try to direct you to new blogs or new friends.  But I must have assumed that everyone knew the difference....and when I was just posting about "me". 

First of all, I despise judgement, so although I'm not perfect, I really do try not to judge others for any reason...okay, for MOST reasons would be a more accurate statement...but definitely no judgement on weight loss/gain/maintaining.  EVER.  If I say "I suck" for such and such a reason....that's my real, honest, raw feelings about my actions, or inactions, and the result it created.  It has absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone else.  I'm going to use Leslie as an example, because I love her to pieces and she knows it.  She's one of my closest blog friends who never hesitates to email me for any reason, and I do the same to her.  She's coming down to Atlanta for a visit in August, and I can NOT wait to meet such a fantastic human being in real life.  So when I say something about her right now...she knows it comes from a place of love and caring. 

Leslie posted a comment to that particular post that said something about being the same as when she started a year ago, and maybe a little higher that particular day/week.  But I knew from the rest of her comment that she knew where I was coming from.  I was not trying to offend anyone....I would never do that.  She gets me.  She understands me.  She knows I wasn't pushing judgement on her, or sitting back thinking of all the bloggers who haven't lost much or who have gained and thinking, "Wow, they suck as bad as I do."  I just would NEVER do that.  My mind doesn't work like that.  I'm actually very self-involved when it comes to one single topic in my life and that's my weight loss.  I am my own worst critic, as I think many of us are.

  If I think I suck...I'm going to say I suck.  It is in no way a reflection of what I think about "you" or your journey.  The reality is, I think ALL of you absolutely rock.  I rely on you more than I could ever tell you or put into words.  Even when you slip... fall... wallow around in the mud for a while before you get back on the horse, etc.  I LOVE that you get back on the horse.  Hell, you're the reason I keep getting back on mine!!! 

 And it absolutely breaks my heart (to the point of tears) when I go to pop in on someone and catch up and their blog is shut down.  They disappeared.  They left me and didn't even say good-bye.  I'll be honest with you.  This may be wrong and bad...but dang it, I take it personally when people leave, lol.  I invest a lot of myself...my time, my encouragement, my positivity, my 100% belief in others that they WILL reach their goals...it's truly an emotional investment above all else, and when they leave w/o even saying bye it just kills me dead.  I pray for people...I know how hard this weight loss business is, and I'm here to do anything I can to help those who want it or need it.  I really, truly care about you.  I really do.  Whether we've met in person or not, you all feel like friends to me.  I believe that you really do care about MY journey as well.  So it pains me when people give up. 

I'd be a hypocrite if I said I hadn't THOUGHT about giving up and shutting down my own blog.  But I've already posted about that, so you all already know that.  But I haven't given up.  There are 2 reasons, and I told you the #1 reason in the post I'm referring to.  I told you it's because I still have a flicker of hope that one day I'll get it right.  What I didn't tell you, for fear of getting just a little too mushy, is that YOU are the 2nd and only other reason.  You've invested in me, and I realize that.  You believe in me.  You tell me all the time.  Some of you are inspired by me (for the life of me, I can't figure out WHY?)...but that's what I hear.  Some of you probably just like to watch train wrecks, lol...totally kidding...but you're here.  You've been with me for a long time, and new followers are still showing up.  You're my supporters...my cheerleaders...the friends that tell me that yes, I CAN do it, and yes, I WILL reach my goal, and yes, you DO know it's hard....but you know I'll get there....we'll all get there...together. 

So please...please....don't ever take offense to anything I say when I'm referring to myself.  I'm not going to change the way I write this blog.  I write the way I think/talk.  It just flows out of my fingertips the same way it would flow out of my mouth..."eff" words and all.  This is me.  This is the real me.  And when I think I'm acting like a moron, I'm going to say so.  Just don't think I'm talking about you, too, because I'm not. 

Remember...I think YOU rock.  :)

Society Hates Fat People

Is this news to anyone?  I think we all know this, but it doesn't mean we particularly like to be reminded...especially first thing in the morning while we're commuting to work.  It sets a bad tone for the day.  I felt like bitching this morning, so here I am!!

First of all...I was listening to the radio a few months ago...one of our most popular stations here in Atlanta, when the female DJ came on and gave a statistic about obesity.  She said something like 1/2 of Americans are now obese (I don't remember the exact numbers), then followed it up with "OMG!!!  Can you BELIEVE that??  That is DISGUSTING!!!"  I don't know why it shook me up so bad, but it did.  I felt like all one million of her listeners were staring right at ME and thinking how gross I looked.  I started crying, shocked at how badly it affected me, but still unable to stop the tears.  It hurts to be told how disgusting you are.

Dwayne was driving...and had to pull over because I was so upset.  He got out of the car, came around to my side, got me out, and gave me a tender hug and kiss, calling me his "cutie" and telling me what an excellent job I'm doing at losing the weight.  He also made some comment that the DJ was probably a coke whore who spent 6 nights a week at the bar and sleeping around with God knows who, so her opinion didn't count anyway.  Don't you love how he tries to make me feel better??  lol  At least he tries.

I had long forgotten about that day, until this morning when I was driving to work, listening to a different radio station, and in light of Lindsay Lohan being on her way to spending 90 days in jail....they asked would you rather go to jail for 3 months or be fat for 3 months?  I immediately knew what the majority of the answers were going to be....go to jail.  And I was right.  In fact, one woman called in and said that she USED to be fat, and that is WAY worse than going to jail, so she'd choose jail as long as she got to remain thin.  The DJ's asked her how much she USED to weigh.  She said she's 5'4 and used to weigh a "whopping 152 lbs!!!"  Oh the horror!!  One of the male DJ's commented that he didn't think that sounded bad at all...then he asked, "Isn't the normal range for a woman these days a size 12-14?"  ( I should probably note that this is a gay man...not a hetero man....which may have something to do with him not minding size 12-14 girls...he's not dating them!!  And yes...I'm doing my own brand of stereo-typing right now...but I'm in a pissy mood).

The woman made a huge gasping sound and said, "WHAT???  I don't want to fit into anything bigger than a 6 or an 8!!  A size 12 or 14????  Bite your tongue!!  In fact, RIP IT OUT BY IT'S LITTLE ROOT!!!!" 

Let me just say that I'm 5'10, and my GOAL WEIGHT is 170 lbs, which will probably land me in a SIZE 12!!!!   This didn't send me into tears this morning....just crawled under my skin and made me wonder, will I ever be good enough??  Am I always going to be walking around in public, even at goal weight, with people staring at me and thinking I'm gross and disgusting?  How am I going to get past these thoughts, because I'm sure as Hell not going to force myself down into a size 6.  That's too thin for my liking...I don't want to be that thin...I want to keep my curves.  Maybe I should just stop listening to the radio???

I came into work this morning and was discussing this with a co-worker who's a pretty average size lady.   She found it bothersome as well.  Then I turn on my computer and my browser is set to http://www.msn.com/.  The very first article that popped up was Obesity in America.  Are you effin' kidding me???  I can't get away from the abuse this morning!!!  It listed the states from fattest to least fat....giving their obesity rates. 

If you live in Colorado, congrats....you've got the lowest obesity rate in the country.
If you live in Mississippi, I'm sorry....and keep your radio turned off.

Monday, July 12, 2010

3 More Weeks

Well it's only 3 more weeks til I move into my new tiny apartment!!  I made about $50 on the last of my garage sale stuff Saturday, then packed it all up in boxes and Dwayne and I hauled it all to the Salvation Army.  Next I went into packing mode for the move, with a break on Saturday evening to meet my friend Kim from "All About The Bottom Line" and her husband for dinner.  We had a great time at the Cherokee Cattle Co. where I enjoyed a dish called Chicken Princess....two broiled chicken breasts stuffed with shrimp & crabmeat with a side of steamed broccoli and sauteed onions and mushrooms.  I only ate one of the chicken breasts, and took the other one home to share with Scarlette....I cut off a couple of bites for her and threw the rest in the trash.  Yay for not sucking it all down at the restaurant! Kim and I also shared one piece of key lime pie....she told me it was absolutely delicious and she was right!  I'm glad we went the moderation route and split a piece. 

I weighed 247.0 last Friday...which was down .2 of a lb. from the previous Friday...so I'm basically still maintaining.  As happy as I am that I haven't been gaining this month, I am truly getting tired of seeing the # "247" flash on my scale.  I want to see a lower #, and have been considering what to do to get jump started again at the end of July when I get moved into the apt.  Maybe another challenge??  I'm sure thinking about it.  I know there are other challenges going on right now so I'm not sure how many would be interested if I did one....we'll see.  Hope everyone is doing well...I signed on the computer for about 20 mins last night before bed and hopped around to a couple of blogs and left comments.  I'm hoping to stop by a few more during the day and say hi to some more of my friends!!  :)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Happy Hump Day

Good morning!  I stepped on the scale this morning to see where I was and it is exactly the same...exactly...as last Friday.  247.2.  Do I know how to maintain or what??!!  The problem is, I'm maintaining at the WRONG WEIGHT!!!  Oh...still so much work to do...but I'm going to stay in the game...one of these days I'll get it turned around.

Have you guys seen Pam's new food blog yet?  You all know Pam as my best friend from high school and her weight loss blog is called "The Rest Of the Journey"....but she's got a super cool food blog also listed on my sidebar called "From Apples To Zucchini"....she's got a ton of recipes and specializes in "healthifying" just about any recipe that she comes across....or ones that are her own creation.  This week she's doing a bunch of crockpot recipes complete with pics to give people ideas on how to have an easy dinner where you don't have to stand over the stove for an hour...perfect for super busy people!!   She made a Mexican Corn Chowder the other day that I can't wait to try.  Stop by and check it out....you're gonna' love it! :)

I wish I had more time to catch up on everyone....I'm still in garage sale mode...having one more this coming weekend because I still have so much stuff in my garage...just not ready to send it all to Goodwill yet.  I've also started packing to move as of this past weekend...did some more last night after work.  It's going to be a really busy 3 weeks in preparation for the move to my new tiny 1 bedroom apt!  I pro-rated the apt so I could start moving stuff over a few days early that I don't want to put on the moving truck, like my computer, clothes, some personal items, etc.  So I'll be starting to haul stuff over there after work on July 28-July 30th, and then we'll do the big move with the furniture on July 31st.  It can't get here fast enough....I'm really growing tired of the 1 1/2 hr commute every day in 5pm Atlanta traffic, and in Atlanta heat with no a/c in my car...not fun, lol.  But once I get moved my commute should only be about 20-25 mins, so I'm really looking forward to that! 

I'm still trying to jump around every chance I get and read some blogs....sometimes all I have time to do is read and not comment...just so busy right now, and thank God that's mainly because I have a JOB!!!  :)  Hang in there with me friends...I'll be back to regular blogging soon enough and it will be time to get this weight loss show back on the road!  :)

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Meet My New Friend!

I had a great weekend....made nearly $300 on my garage sale between Sat and Sun...enjoyed a cookout at Dwayne's mom's house on Sunday afternoon, had dinner with family at Mom and Dad's last night...but the most fun part was having lunch with Kim yesterday!  She's a great girl who's been following my blog for a while, and let me know that we're practically neighbors!  She lives in Woodstock, not far from me, and we met up for lunch yesterday...which involved almost 3 hours of conversation...it's been mind-blowing finding out how much we have in common...it was awesome! 

Kim goes to Weight Watchers and Sunday she competed in the Peachtree Road Race which is a VERY popular event here in Atlanta.  Her and her friends finished with a time that was even better than last year...very proud of her!  All the excitement is rubbing off on me and making me think that I might like to participate next year in her little group (walking of course, since my knees can't handle running)...hooray for inspiration to set a new goal!  Kim had mentioned that she had been pondering starting her own blog, and I suggested she go for it!!  I told her she's absolutely going to love it here in Blogland, so she started her own blog last night!!  I've added it to my sidebar, and it's called "All About The Bottom Line".  I hope you stop by and say hello and give my new friend a great big warm welcome!! :)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Stupid Pizza

So I posted on Wednesday, after 4 days of healthy eating, that the scale STILL said 247....not even 1/2 a lb. gone.  I got up yesterday morning and weighed and I was 245.4...awesome!  Down 1.6 lbs.  I was totally prepared to be very happy with that # if it was still there this morning on weigh-in.  Well.....after I weighed yesterday morning and was feeling pretty good....I find out that we met our goal for revenue this month, and the boss is ordering pizza for everyone for lunch yesterday. 

Now I know that I could have turned it down....and that was my first instinct.  I think my actual thought was, "Oh HELL no!"  However, since I've only been here a couple of weeks and I'm still very much "the new girl", I let that win over.  I didn't want to be the one who stood out and turned down his kindness...not just yet.  Maybe in another month, I'll feel comfortable enough to turn down free lunch from the boss...but not just yet.

So I had 2 pieces, knowing knowing knowing what the sodium was going to do to me.  I started drinking water like a mad woman....flushing as much as I possibly could.  I just knew if I saw some hideous # on the scale like 250 or worse that it was going to ruin my whole weekend.  I weighed this morning at 247.2.  Only up 1.8 lbs. from yesterday's weigh-in after PIZZA??  I'll take it!!  I mean yeah....I'm completely sick of seeing that # "247"....more than I can express....but oh my it could have been so much worse.  Instead of going off the deep end and eating whatever because I just don't give a flip and I'm sick of trying and taking a sledgehammer to my scale....I'm actually ok with that #... for now...for today....and I came into work and had a boiled egg and an apple for breakfast here at my desk.  I brought a can of low sodium soup for lunch....and I have a Chobani yogurt and a bag of carrot sticks in the frig for snacks.

I'm going to put some real effort into navigating through the weekend and the holiday eating with some sense of sanity.  I'm pretty much out of groceries again, so it's going to be hit and miss.  If I make some money at my garage sale, I'll get to go grocery shopping this weekend...hooray for that!  I've got a cookout at Dwayne's mom's house on Sunday afternoon for the holiday.  So far, I don't have any concrete plans for Monday...but I'm sure that will change.  So the plan is to just take it one meal at a time and do as best I can.  I hope all of you have a happy, fun and safe Independence Day...and when you're saying your prayers, remember to throw in one as a thank you for the freedom that you enjoy each and every day.  :)