Hi. I have a dr's appt. tomorrow morning to have bloodwork done for my diabetes, cholesterol, triglycerides, thyroid, etc...routine crap. Instead of just a bloodwork appt...I asked for an actual appt with the doctor. I'm going to ask him to go on Zoloft, an anti-depressant.
I plan on posting my weigh-ins on Fridays, good or bad, but other than that, I really shouldn't be on here blabbing about everything in my head until I get leveled out on some meds.
Oh..and one more thing. Dwayne and I had a conversation last night about the future. Note: we've been dating 6 years as of this past August. He told me 3 years ago that he didn't want to marry me until I'd lost all of my weight. That's his one sticking point with me...everything else is wonderful and I'm amazing and all that happy horseshit. Well as of our conversation last night....nothing has changed in the last 3 years. He apologized for his indecisiveness and my "wait"....but he still feels the same. Loves me, doesn't want to date anyone else...wants to marry me....when I drop the rest of my weight.
Unfortunately for him, I didn't feel like protecting this side of him anymore. Now everyone knows. Yes...I'm responsible for my weight problem all by myself....but I do believe this is an outside force that affects my failed attempts at the weight loss....not in and of itself....this isn't the only issue....but I do believe it to be a major factor. I stay at odds in my mind. He's always loving on me and kissing on me, telling me he loves me all the time...at my house every single day...hardly ever hangs out with his friends anymore...makes sure my every need is covered financially if I fall short with my own money....yet....I'm too fat to marry. Why am I still with him? Because if I were to list 100 things about him...this is the 1 thing that truly sucks. I love the other 99. The odds have fallen in his favor that I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I know what this says about me. I need to get on some meds. Can't wait til tomorrow morning.
4 months ago