The sweet girl at "First Steps" (I'm sorry I don't know her name yet!), gave me the Versatile Blogger award and Leslie at "Something Brilliant Is Brewing" gave me the Life Is Good award this week. I think someone else gave me a 3rd award even earlier, but I've been so flighty with the blogging with trying to pack and move that I've forgotten who it was!! I'm truly sorry about that....I thought I knew who it was....went to their blog to make sure...and they had an award, but I wasn't on their list of who they were passing it to, lol. As with all awards, there are rules to follow, but if you've been following my blog for a while, then you know I suck at following them. It's actually pretty amazing that I even remembered to acknowledge these 2 awards! I thank both of you ladies for thinking I'm worthy and spreading the love to me. I really do appreciate that you thought of me when honoring others with these awesome awards. :)
Now...on to the apologies. One thing that I always mean to do when someone asks me a question in a comment on one of my posts, or expresses a differing opinion, is address it in my next post. However...this goes back to my crappy memory in general. I forget to do that...often....in fact, most of the time. For whatever reason, this crossed my mind tonight while I was loading the dishwasher, and decided that tonight's the night to address that...made myself stop what I was doing, and ran back here to the computer to do this post!!
I don't have any specific questions in mind to answer at the moment, like about recipes and different products that people have asked me about along the way....but what I would like to address from most recently is when I did the post "Wow This Is Hard" several days ago.
I commented that I've only lost 25 lbs. in the year since I started blogging last June. I said how bad I suck and how pathetic that was. That I didn't give it 100% effort...and probably not even 50% effort. I think these statements touched a nerve with a couple of people, or made them think that if they've done the same, or perhaps seen even less progress, that I was in some way telling them that they suck, too.
Let me be clear....is everyone paying attention? lol
THAT COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
I guess I somehow assumed that everyone who reads knows that when I'm blogging, I'm just vomiting out whatever's twirling around in my mind. Since it's my blog...what I'm writing about is usually all about me. My thoughts, my day, my week, my good news, my bad news, my depression, my happiness, etc. Sometimes I blog about other people's blogs...make note of exciting, positive stuff, or try to direct you to new blogs or new friends. But I must have assumed that everyone knew the difference....and when I was just posting about "me".
First of all, I despise judgement, so although I'm not perfect, I really do try not to judge others for any reason...okay, for MOST reasons would be a more accurate statement...but definitely no judgement on weight loss/gain/maintaining. EVER. If I say "I suck" for such and such a reason....that's my real, honest, raw feelings about my actions, or inactions, and the result it created. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone else. I'm going to use Leslie as an example, because I love her to pieces and she knows it. She's one of my closest blog friends who never hesitates to email me for any reason, and I do the same to her. She's coming down to Atlanta for a visit in August, and I can NOT wait to meet such a fantastic human being in real life. So when I say something about her right now...she knows it comes from a place of love and caring.
Leslie posted a comment to that particular post that said something about being the same as when she started a year ago, and maybe a little higher that particular day/week. But I knew from the rest of her comment that she knew where I was coming from. I was not trying to offend anyone....I would never do that. She gets me. She understands me. She knows I wasn't pushing judgement on her, or sitting back thinking of all the bloggers who haven't lost much or who have gained and thinking, "Wow, they suck as bad as I do." I just would NEVER do that. My mind doesn't work like that. I'm actually very self-involved when it comes to one single topic in my life and that's my weight loss. I am my own worst critic, as I think many of us are.
If I think I suck...I'm going to say I suck. It is in no way a reflection of what I think about "you" or your journey. The reality is, I think ALL of you absolutely rock. I rely on you more than I could ever tell you or put into words. Even when you slip... fall... wallow around in the mud for a while before you get back on the horse, etc. I LOVE that you get back on the horse. Hell, you're the reason I keep getting back on mine!!!
And it absolutely breaks my heart (to the point of tears) when I go to pop in on someone and catch up and their blog is shut down. They disappeared. They left me and didn't even say good-bye. I'll be honest with you. This may be wrong and bad...but dang it, I take it personally when people leave, lol. I invest a lot of myself...my time, my encouragement, my positivity, my 100% belief in others that they WILL reach their goals...it's truly an emotional investment above all else, and when they leave w/o even saying bye it just kills me dead. I pray for people...I know how hard this weight loss business is, and I'm here to do anything I can to help those who want it or need it. I really, truly care about you. I really do. Whether we've met in person or not, you all feel like friends to me. I believe that you really do care about MY journey as well. So it pains me when people give up.
I'd be a hypocrite if I said I hadn't THOUGHT about giving up and shutting down my own blog. But I've already posted about that, so you all already know that. But I haven't given up. There are 2 reasons, and I told you the #1 reason in the post I'm referring to. I told you it's because I still have a flicker of hope that one day I'll get it right. What I didn't tell you, for fear of getting just a little too mushy, is that YOU are the 2nd and only other reason. You've invested in me, and I realize that. You believe in me. You tell me all the time. Some of you are inspired by me (for the life of me, I can't figure out WHY?)...but that's what I hear. Some of you probably just like to watch train wrecks, lol...totally kidding...but you're here. You've been with me for a long time, and new followers are still showing up. You're my supporters...my cheerleaders...the friends that tell me that yes, I CAN do it, and yes, I WILL reach my goal, and yes, you DO know it's hard....but you know I'll get there....we'll all get there...together.
So please...please....don't ever take offense to anything I say when I'm referring to myself. I'm not going to change the way I write this blog. I write the way I think/talk. It just flows out of my fingertips the same way it would flow out of my mouth..."eff" words and all. This is me. This is the real me. And when I think I'm acting like a moron, I'm going to say so. Just don't think I'm talking about you, too, because I'm not.
Remember...I think YOU rock. :)