A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Stressed!

Oh my goodness...last week was CRAZY.  I mentioned in my last post we got a tiny bit of snow...4" in my area...but the ICE wreaked havoc.  Usually if we get a little snow, it melts the next day.  It's been a whole week and the ground in my backyard looks exactly the same as it did a week ago.  I was driving home one evening after work and hit a big sheet of ice on the road and did a complete 360!!  I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  I was blessed in that everyone else was going sooo slow that I managed to come out of it and get traction again without hitting anyone....but the adrenaline had me tied up in knots.  I got home and Dwayne was here and I just busted out crying.  I'm originally from FL.  I don't like driving in the ice...I'm not used to it....it completely unnerves me.  So we missed work Mon and Tues, and I had to drive in that crap Wed-Fri...it was a harrowing experience to say the least.

Next on the list of my stressful week....Friday at work SUCKED.  Scott, my boss, had a MAJOR problem with 2 of the other girls that I work closely with in the office.  Us 3 handle all of the clerical stuff.  Well the other 2 made some mistakes and Scott pretty much lost it.  He yanked our top 3 clients from one of the girls and handed them to me!  Ack!!  He also told me I will probably have to fly to Ft. Lauderdale next week and learn a whole new computer system....in 2 days....and come back and teach it to the other 2 girls.  After one of the girls was threatened with losing her job on Friday...the one he yanked our top 3 clients from...she didn't waste any time saving her ass.  She got on the phone w/ someone she knew was opening an ofc in March, and set up a job interview for this Tuesday.....it's one of our clients and I feel pretty positive she'll get the job.  She said if she gets it, she'll take her vacation time, and then turn in her notice.  If she's on vacation, who's going to train me on her position??????  Stressed is not the word.

The worst part of this is, I wanted to get my side business, The Errand Fairy, up and running as soon as I get some clients in and the word gets out.  My plan was to get enough regular business to be able to go part-time at my current job....something I could have easily done in my current position.  HOWEVER, if I end up with the other girl's job.....I won't be able to go part-time....it's a full-time job, and there's no way in the world Scott will let me go part-time.  I loathe my job....I'm thankful I have one and my bills are pretty much paid....but I purposely started laying the groundwork in December to start my own business so I could get out of this job....and now I've got a lot more responsibility dumped in my lap.  In order to make the Errand Fairy really work well, I'm going to have to eventually go part-time, so I'll be available some day time hours to do the Errand Fairy stuff....not everyone is going to want their stuff done in the evenings and on weekends.  A lot of them will want it done during work hours while THEY are at work!!  I'm stuck....I'm so stuck right now.  And it's maddening.  I am not a happy girl....AT ALL.

Lastly....I got on the scale this morning.  Blech.  I weigh 256 lbs.  For the record, that means I've gained 13 lbs since the beginning of December.  I completely gave up in December...I knew I would gain weight...just didn't realize exactly HOW much weight.  Just thinking about it makes my brain hurt.  I'm trying to cook up some food today to have on hand during the work week and try to get things back under control.  My focus is not fully there...it's on the work situation....but ANY positive change at this point would be better than none at all.  I broiled several pieces of tilapia today to have made ahead.  I boiled some eggs for tuna salad.  And I've got some shrimp thawing so I can sautee them later and throw in the frig to have on hand for shrimp po' boys.  I bought some whole grain Naan bread at the store and some green leaf lettuce to make for a couple of shrimp po' boys for lunches at work.  I'm making a conscious effort to get back on track.

Dwayne has been here WAY too much.  I love him to pieces but one of my major problems with my weight loss has always been eating poorly when I'm around him.  I have just got to make myself learn how to do it...how to separate our eating...cook 2 meals...not feel guilty if he doesn't eat what I cook...something...I don't know.  I know it's my fault completely....not his.  I know this.  And I really have to zero in on this and figure it out and hold steady with a plan.  He was off work and here every day from Dec. 17th to Jan. 3rd....then he went back to work for one day, and was off the next.  Then the next week we had the snow/ice event, and he was here for Mon and Tues...now I hear he's off work for MLK day tomorrow...good grief!!  Also, we were talking about trying to buy a house by next summer...so if we're going to be living together full-time....I am truly going to have to get a grip with living with someone who's the pickiest eater on the face of the planet...and someone who despises every vegetable known to man.  Such a pain in the ass....but it has to be done. 

I'm going to resume my weekly weigh-ins and reporting it every Friday again.  I'm trying to get back in the habit of counting every calorie and weighing every bite of food.  My goal is 1800 cals a day right now, and trust me when I tell you that is a serious reduction from what I've been eating for the last month and a half.   Starting over is always hard...but it has to be done.  I can't let myself get all the way back up to the 340 lbs. I used to weigh.  As deflated as I feel right now...letting that happen would be more than I could handle.  So I want to turn this around now before it gets any worse.  Have a great day friends.  :)

13 comments:

  1. Isn't it always the way!
    A fly gets in the ointment in best laid plans EVERY TIME!
    Frustrating to say the least m/f.
    (((hugs)))GOOD LUCK

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  2. Wow! What a week you have had. I wish you all the best and I am sure that everything is going to wotk out. As for someone who is experienced in driving in the winter, there is nothing that you can do when you hit ice (I slide through a reed light the other day) but pray and maybe honk your horn repeatedly to let other know that you are headed their way.

    On the bright side, the boss has confidence in you that you are capable of handling all this work or he would not give it to you.

    I am so proud becaus ethrough all this you have not started smoking again, CONGRATULATIONS! You are amazing.

    BIG HUG

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  3. ((hugs)) Tammy. I would have been scared to death after your driving incident too! WOW! My heart races when i have to drive in snow.So sorry you had to go through that.
    And kudos for trying to get a grip on the eating. Coming from a food addict/mother/wife who has to fill up three very picky eaters,i know its tough to cook a separate meal for yourself but in the end you'll feel so much better by doing it!
    I love that you always find the brighter side of anything life throws at you! You'll make it all work...i just know it =)

    oh and YUM on the shrimp po boys!!!

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  4. The first thing you need to do is figure out how to allot your TIME..how much to business, to daily work, to sleep, to food prep, to exercise (you will need to eat well and exercise to have the health/energy to start a business, really), to boyfriend, to family.

    If you don't fprioritize the eating right and find your strategies, you will fail. It's that simple.

    Get BF involved. Let him know what your meals will look like for the week and how he can incorporate his. It may involve him doing take out for himself some days, or you simply ADDING stuff to his to make it suitable. So, if you both like shrimp this or chicken that, you can just give him more starch/veggies/a dessert, but you eat the basic, lower cal options.

    Hubby and I often now eat different meals (normally, breakfast and lunch, we do our thing). He loves red meat. I've cut back. So, he'll get some beef dish,l ike Cuban ropa vieja, and it's a big enough portion for THEE MEALS...so I can have my own protein, we might share veggies and fruit, he'll have the rice or potatoes, I'll opt inor out of the starch as needed, and he has ice cream while I'll have fruit or yogurt.

    If you can put the central food item as one you both can eat, then you just need to fiddle with your sides and leftovers (for lunch, hubby loves taking leftovers and not having to go out for lunch).

    Wishing you well as you focus on many things. But stop saying, "I'm stressed this, I'm stressed that." Say, "I am competent, capable, strong, organized, and I will get it done." Cause you will be a business woman very soon and you'll need to be focused on being organized and getting it all done with class. Do it. Do it!!!!

    And trust me, on days when I feel like a total flake-bomb, I have to tell myself "I'm a warrior woman. and I will conquer this." I can easily feel deflated and overstressed by things, so this is part of my handling food, learning to handle my reactions, which can be pretty ....not great.

    Anyway, have a great week and here's to a nice weigh in later....

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  5. Life is what happens when you are busy making plans. I can't remember who said it, but sometime it is so much more true than what anyone would like.

    Having a husband that seems to think any green vegetable needs to be fried or buried in cheese to not be toxic, I can hear you. I would say, off hand, you need to do the thing they say on the airplanes, take care of yourself first, then others. You make YOUR food, for YOU. Then if he wants a cheese soaked noodle with 2 oz. of jerky, you will have a GOOD dinner for you, and his won't be as tempting. (Husband here is a carb loader. I am getting him to understand that every element of dinner doesn't need coated in bread, or with bread as a side. Still working on the cheese aspect ratio, however.) I have been at this working with another person's diet for about 20 years at this point, and believe me, it's not easy, but it IS doable. Especially if you work it out. Literally figure out WHAT works.

    We'll get there.

    (Ok, my word was ISSUES. That's spooky.)

    Cat

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  6. Okay - you have a lot of shit going on and a ton of stress. But you completely failed to mention one thing....You've stopped smoking!!!!!!!!That is a huge accomplishment - and probably a big factor in both your stress level and the weight gain. I know you've been eating crazy, but stopping smoking slows you're metabolism and obviously you're not able to get out and walk with the weather - though they showed a guy ice skating on a street in Atlanta on the news.

    Tammy, just remember to breathe. In and out - slowly and fully - both directions - whenever you feel the stress intensifying to crazy levels. How long since you weren't smoking some of the stress away?

    You're a sodium sensitive person like me - a lot of that weight will come off when you pick up the water again. And you're adding years to your life by not smoking...just slowly begin to deal with YOUR eating (let Dwayne fend for himself - he's a big boy), stay in the day, and stop worrying about a future over which you have no control. You're stronger than you know, and things will shift as you work on the the food, water, and consciously remembering to breathe. I love you!

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  7. Yikes! Talk about your week from hell.

    Having a picky, weird eating man n the house when you are trying to do your thing is a huge obstacle. But you can overcome it. My husband won't eat veggies, except potatoes and sweet potatoes and corn and canned peas. No mushrooms, no garlic, yadda, yadda, yadda. What a pain n the butt. :P I just had to decide to leave him to his food and I would do mine.

    I rarely cook. And when I do, I make what he likes and make what I like. Or, I make my food, he makes his. My health, my weight loss is too important to get caught up in his crappy food habits. I just leave him to it. lol

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  8. Try to make your life more simple to help you feel calm and inner peace. Get in the habit of prioritizing the things you need to do. Focus on only one thing at a time, and don't let your mind become consumed with all the other tasks that haven't been completed.

    health shop

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  9. Wow, you've got some stuff going on! That driving on ice thing?!! Heart attack city! So glad no one was hurt.

    I hope things work out for you - at work and your new adventure. Just stay calm and carry on (as they say). Easier said than done, right?

    I've eaten all kinds of crap lately, too. But I'm with you on starting over. We can do it!

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  10. Ay yi yi yi! You have a lot going on, Tammy. Love to figure out how can I help! Hang in there, frien and let's get together soon! :)

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  11. F**k, I hate driving on ice too and sounds like a helluva week! I'm with Leslie, the quitting smoking is a HUGE achievement and to me outweighs (no pun intended) all the rest. Other positives are that you will be learning more skills, you get to go to FLA!

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  12. You can do this Tammy, i know you can. Looking forward to your weigh-in post tomorrow


    xxx
    lesley

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  13. Sorry you are having so much stress in your life right now. I completely understand the work situation.. we are having a lot of stress here at work as well.. AHH!!

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