What's It Like?

I have done great this week with the calorie counting, staying under my limit, drinking tons of water, and getting on the treadmill every single day. But here's the cold, hard truth about it. It's been dang hard this week. It has been a total and complete struggle. I have wanted to eat as much as my big, fat body would possibly hold EVERY day this week. Why? I have no idea. No clue.

I feel like the mental changes are happening slowly. I've definitely made the decision to get the weight off once and for all. I've resisted all temptation and MADE myself do right this week. But it has been a downright, hour-to-hour struggle every single day....some days resulting in really high anxiety levels and stress headaches....all because of wanting to overeat. Insanity.

The reason I haven't overeaten, indulged a little over my limits, or binged is not because I'm awesome. I'm nowhere near awesome, lol. If I were, this would be a breeze. I think the reason I've stayed on track is for one simple, basic reason. I'm desperate. I am truly desperate to stop living as an obese person. Isn't 25 years long enough? I think so. I'm so desperate to know what it's like to live like and be treated like a "normal weight" person. I have dreams that it's incredibly fantastic. What is it like to NOT stand out in a crowd? What is it like to NOT break chairs? What is it like to NOT have to shop for clothes in "fat girl" stores?

What's it like to be considered for a promotion at work based on what you can do and not how much you weigh? What's it like to walk up to someone and know that they're looking in your eyes as you approach and not your jiggling stomach? What's it like to be judged by your thoughtfulness, your intellect, your sense of humor...instead of how many fat rolls you have? I really don't know, but boy do I want to. I want it so bad.

It's still a long ways away. I've still got about 70 lbs to go, and when I look at the whole total still waiting to be lost, it gets pretty daunting. Especially this week. What a struggle it has been! I have to really work at pulling my mind back to where it needs to be on weeks like this. The mental part is WAY harder than the physical part consuming the right number of calories and daily exercise. You all know that.

Someone left me a comment on the "Weight Loss Surgery" post that really struck me. She was talking about a tremendously obese man who had been asked why he wouldn't have the surgery. He said something to the affect that the body's not where the problem is....the problem is with the brain...and there's no lap band for the brain. Amen brother!! He is so, so right. The "trick" to making this a lifetime thing is getting the brain/mind right. That's where the hidden truths lie. I'm glad I'm learning that.

I've read several posts on other people's blog today who are having the same tough week I am. They're really struggling and I'm right there with them. I want to say to all of you that while some days we're reduced to fighting this battle one hour at a time, it is a battle worth fighting. And if we keep fighting, then one day we WILL win. I can't wait til each and every one of us can stand in front of our mirrors on the day we reach our goal weights. We get to say that WE did this....we fought, we bled, we cried, we scraped and clawed....and we WON. Each of us will claim our victory and, praise God, what a day that will be!!

We'll get there....we'll keep trudging through the trenches, pushing through, making the choices that we KNOW will get us to that day of complete freedom from all the misery that this excess weight has brought us. Is everyone geared up and ready for the next leg of this march towards victory? ONWARD!!

Quote For The Day:

"Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." -Napoleon Hill

I Won An Award Today...TWICE!!

I'm so excited! I won 2 lovely blog awards today, given to me by 2 great ladies. The first one I received this morning was from Brittany @ Me vs. The Buffet. I can tell you right now that anyone who has the word "buffet" in their title is going to be a good friend o' mine, lol, I can already tell. The second award I found out about from checking in at Michelle's blog @ My Journey to Onderland. It was written in her post today as well. Both of them are listed on my blogroll and I want to say a big THANK YOU for thinking of me. I'm glad you're enjoying my blog. That makes me smile. :) The next thing is for SOMEONE out there to tell me how to get the pretty little award posted on the sidebar of my blog...I see them on other people's blog but don't know how they get them up there. Someone please tell me. :)

WOW....every single comment that I got from my post last night was just fabulous. I'd encourage all of you to go back and read them. A couple of the ladies...Melanie and Michelle....work in hospitals, Melanie being a nurse. They have seen firsthand the people that have opted for the surgery and the aftermath that follows. And I really hate hearing about the people that do it and then gain the weight back. Really sad stuff. Of course you can gain it back from losing it the natural way as well....but I feel worse for the ones that do it after surgery. After what they thought was their life-changing solution, once and for all. They thought the surgery would FORCE them into losing the weight and keeping it off and it's becoming more and more evident to me that it just isn't always the case. And after you've put your body through that hell, altered your insides, suffered all the ensuing complications afterwards, and spent all that money....it's just terrible.

One of the things I forgot to mention in my post last night was the people who had already had the surgery, dropped a bunch of weight, and now had some SERIOUS loose skin issues. It was horrifying to look at (because I'm afraid I'll be faced with the same thing) and the actual surgery to do it that they show you on TV is not for people with weak stomachs. I was watching through my fingers with my hand over my face. They cut you open, hang up the top part of your floppy stomach with metal clamps, and then go to cutting.

One lady had 13 lbs of loose skin cut off her stomach and pubic region, and another 4 lbs cut off of her backside in the hip area above your bottom. They showed her at a follow up visit 3 months later and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that woman's lower body looked like a patchwork quilt. The scars were so, so bad. They wrapped around her whole body from front to back. It was quite disturbing. I'm seriously thinking about learning to live with my excess skin, no matter how bad it is. I'm going to have to work on that. It will be hard to look at on a daily basis, but I'm thinking those hideous scars would be even harder to look at. Just so drastic.

I've really been kicking butt this week with the calorie counting and the treadmill. I BETTER see 2 lbs gone by Friday....I think I'll just collapse on the scale if I don't...I have been working HARD. I've been on that dang treadmill every day....increasing my distance and speed a little more each day. I can't even describe the aching and soreness that I have each day...but I still manage to get down there and do it. I keep running that great quote through my head that I found on Amy H's blog @ No To The Deuce...."Pain is just weakness leaving the body." It's really working for me....that is my exercise mantra now. I'm loving it and using it every day. So thank you Amy...it was just what I needed. Yesterday I did 2.6 miles in 37 mins. This morning I did 2.75 miles in 40 minutes. Hooray for progress!!

Thank you again Brittany and Michelle for the blog awards. My blog is only 9 weeks old, I'm still pretty new at this stuff, so that makes it even more special to me. :)

Quote For The Day:

"People sometimes attribute my success to my genius; all the genius I know anything about is hard work." -Alexander Hamilton