A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What's It Like?

I have done great this week with the calorie counting, staying under my limit, drinking tons of water, and getting on the treadmill every single day. But here's the cold, hard truth about it. It's been dang hard this week. It has been a total and complete struggle. I have wanted to eat as much as my big, fat body would possibly hold EVERY day this week. Why? I have no idea. No clue.

I feel like the mental changes are happening slowly. I've definitely made the decision to get the weight off once and for all. I've resisted all temptation and MADE myself do right this week. But it has been a downright, hour-to-hour struggle every single day....some days resulting in really high anxiety levels and stress headaches....all because of wanting to overeat. Insanity.

The reason I haven't overeaten, indulged a little over my limits, or binged is not because I'm awesome. I'm nowhere near awesome, lol. If I were, this would be a breeze. I think the reason I've stayed on track is for one simple, basic reason. I'm desperate. I am truly desperate to stop living as an obese person. Isn't 25 years long enough? I think so. I'm so desperate to know what it's like to live like and be treated like a "normal weight" person. I have dreams that it's incredibly fantastic. What is it like to NOT stand out in a crowd? What is it like to NOT break chairs? What is it like to NOT have to shop for clothes in "fat girl" stores?

What's it like to be considered for a promotion at work based on what you can do and not how much you weigh? What's it like to walk up to someone and know that they're looking in your eyes as you approach and not your jiggling stomach? What's it like to be judged by your thoughtfulness, your intellect, your sense of humor...instead of how many fat rolls you have? I really don't know, but boy do I want to. I want it so bad.

It's still a long ways away. I've still got about 70 lbs to go, and when I look at the whole total still waiting to be lost, it gets pretty daunting. Especially this week. What a struggle it has been! I have to really work at pulling my mind back to where it needs to be on weeks like this. The mental part is WAY harder than the physical part consuming the right number of calories and daily exercise. You all know that.

Someone left me a comment on the "Weight Loss Surgery" post that really struck me. She was talking about a tremendously obese man who had been asked why he wouldn't have the surgery. He said something to the affect that the body's not where the problem is....the problem is with the brain...and there's no lap band for the brain. Amen brother!! He is so, so right. The "trick" to making this a lifetime thing is getting the brain/mind right. That's where the hidden truths lie. I'm glad I'm learning that.

I've read several posts on other people's blog today who are having the same tough week I am. They're really struggling and I'm right there with them. I want to say to all of you that while some days we're reduced to fighting this battle one hour at a time, it is a battle worth fighting. And if we keep fighting, then one day we WILL win. I can't wait til each and every one of us can stand in front of our mirrors on the day we reach our goal weights. We get to say that WE did this....we fought, we bled, we cried, we scraped and clawed....and we WON. Each of us will claim our victory and, praise God, what a day that will be!!

We'll get there....we'll keep trudging through the trenches, pushing through, making the choices that we KNOW will get us to that day of complete freedom from all the misery that this excess weight has brought us. Is everyone geared up and ready for the next leg of this march towards victory? ONWARD!!

Quote For The Day:

"Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." -Napoleon Hill

16 comments:

  1. It really IS hard, but it does sort of get easier as time goes on. The cravings ease and the body accepts the exercise a lot more readily.

    Getting through the tough days is what sorts the winners from the losers.

    You ARE awesome!

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  2. Oh you go girl!! You do tend to write so well on subjects I fret about.

    I so know that stuggle, at the moment I am doing well, enjoying finding ways to stretch my calories. During the summer months I find it easier, with all the delicious salads and fresh fruits there are to tantalize the taste buds.

    Winter is when I will stuggle, when comforting warm ribsticking food is what my body craves. I talked to K (Fat[free]Me) on Monday about it when we were tucking into a bowl of soup. She is planning to make lots of soup and I think I will be following her lead. I'll be looking out some healthier options for casseroles and stews too.

    Hugs

    Sheilagh

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  3. Tammy -
    You made one mistake in your blog... You ARE an Awesome person. The fact that you keep facing the stuggle and are holding to your promise to yourself proves it! The "average" person would have thrown in the towel after the first exhausting treadmill sprint - espeacially with the pain it has caused in your knee. You are made of tough stuff, and that is really awesome! I know what you mean about the mental thing. It took years of "yo yo" weight loss and gain and fad diets for me to figure that part out. The key, is in our heads! Thats why I have to include the meditations, visualizations and relaxation stuff in my plan. To address the stress and anxiety of constantly denying my "needs" and wants to comfort with food. If I take away a coping skill I have to replace it with another - so I use the meditation to help soothe myself. I KNOW how crazy it sounds -but for me - the answer lies in my head! Super Congrats on sticking with your convictions and getting your head around this whole thing. Look, Billions of dollars worth of professionals can't solve the problem we as a group are fighting - and we are getting good results. Keep your spirits up - you are changing, and making a difference in your life with the great things you are doing. I'm really glad I met you. You and Sean have been HUGE inspirations to me when I was ready to call it quits (the diet that is... :) Thank you!
    I'm sorry I can't blog more - it's just hard to find the time. Work - hubby - kids - and then... hmm what else was there.... oh yea, ME! :)

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  4. You have a great attitude, and you will do this. I know that 70 lbs seems like a lot (and it is) but it's definitely possible and doable.

    The thing to me that makes weight loss hard is that you can't ever let down your guard, or at least not for long. If you do, then those bad habits start to slip in.

    Keep on going strong, and you can do it!

    Diane

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  5. Tammy - It's been a tough week, for sure. Keep plugging away at it. Do you break your goals down into smaller portions so the 70 lbs. doesn't look so daunting? With your positive attitude, you WILL get there & I hope I get to hear about it. Dealing with hunger is the hardest part for me, and not giving in to urges to binge. I stop myself now and ask, "what do you want?" It's usually not food.

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  6. This is a wonderful post. It spells out perfectly how I feel. On the best days, I believe I can soldier on and eat reasonably the rest of my life. On the worst days, a lifetime of sensible eating looks like a bleak future indeed. I will think of you during my next tearful evening when I think I cannot go another moment without a huge quantity of something/anything that is yummy and processed.

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  7. Tammy, this AWESOME post (written by someone AWESOME) pretty much says it all.
    Getting through the hard weeks makes you stronger ... you realize you CAN make the choices you need to make.
    Yes! ONWARD ...

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  8. This was great. I needed this blog. I am struggling this week. Every night when I get off from work, I pass so many yummy restaurants just calling my name. I'm sick of avoiding doughnuts. I'm sick of jogging into the sticky humidity. I'm sick of drinking water. But I know I'm not alone in my battles and your encouragement means a lot to me. I have given you my "GUT BUSTER'S BLOG AWARD on my blog entry today. If you want to post it to your site, let me know and I'll get the HTML code for you.

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  9. We WILL get there. It's just a matter of time, and all we've got is time.

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  10. Well, you could just copy and save the image to your computer. Then go to your dashboards, chose layour, add-a-gadget, and then chose the gadget that lets you upload a photo. Wa-la! Gut Buster award!

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  11. We will get there Tammy... together!

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  12. Tammy, you are awesome because you do this when it is a struggle! Hang in there - it will get easier, although after more than a year of dieting, I still have some crazy thinking eating days (where I think about eating crap, but I don't...but I want to). Hugs to you!

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  13. Tammy, you ARE awesome! It's not "awesome" to do something when it's a breeze - if it were that easy for you (or any of us!), it wouldn't be a struggle and we wouldn't be here, working out our struggles with words. What's the saying about courage? It's not the absence of fear, it's action in the face of fear. So here, awesomeness isn't that it's easy, it's that you keep going even though it's NOT! Hang in there & keep it up!

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  14. It's sounds like you're doing great with remembering what you want *most*, instead of going with what you want right now. And yes, you are awesome. It takes an awesome person to do what they know is best for them, even when they don't want to. To remember their goal and not give in to old habits. Keep rocking. You'll get there.

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  15. Have to agree with Blue moon!! You are AWESOME and you are so right!! Beauty is mind deep and it is the mind that controls how we think thus what we do and over all what we become!! You are on the right track tammy and you know what it takes you have the want and the desire and those two things equal sucess which you will have and have had!! control your mind and dont let it control you!!
    Love always,
    Irene

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  16. Yeah! What a battlecry! Now I am SO ready to take on that treadmill tonight! :D

    For truly, is something that is really worth having ever easy?

    Hang in there! You can do this, girlie!!

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