New Recipe Pics

Ok, so the challenge didn't officially start until today but since I took pics of my food yesterday (minus breakfast), I'll go ahead and post them.  Not very exciting, but helps me stay accountable.  Tuna salad w/ low salt wheat thins.

4 baked chicken wings, separated, and a sweet potato w/ 1 Tbsp of ICBINB.  This has to be my favorite vegetable to eat during the Fall.  I never think to eat them in the summer.

15 baby carrots at 3 cals a piece....45 cals of crunch.  And ungodly amounts of water...somewhere around 130 oz by the end of the day.

These were DELISH!  I coupled 2 recipes I found....Pam's Creamy Buffalo Chicken Lasagna recipe at her food blog "From Apples To Zucchini", listed on my blogroll....and a Petite Lasagna recipe from "Can You Stay For Dinner", on my favorites list.  I counted the cals of all ingredients, overestimated, and came up with 195 cals each.  I had 2 of these last night for dinner.  Well....

make that 2 of them minus what my baby ate.  She loved them, too.  :)

I took pics throughout making this recipe to show a step-by-step, but didn't have the time to download them this morning before leaving for work.  If anyone is interested in the recipe and seeing how it's made, leave a comment, and I'll download the pics tonight. 

Day 2 and I'm solid so far...taking my pics.  I had 2 boiled eggs for breakfast, 150 cals...and a honeycrisp apple a few minutes ago...80 cals.  Drinking the water...and I looked at Allan's chart on his last blog post.  I started at 249 lbs....if I hang in for the entire month, I have the potential to reach 232 lbs by Dec. 8th.  Mind-blowing really....but drinking ALL THAT WATER has a lot to do with flushing a bunch of garbage out of my system.  I totally get the water thing.  I'll be honest.  If I can just see the 230's by the end...that will put a huge smile on my face.  I just want to keep looking forward...one day and one choice at a time.  I want to leave the 240's behind.  Good Lord, I've visited them WAY too many times over this last year.  I'm soooo over it. 

Have a great day friends.  :)

Let's Try This Again

Ok...so I didn't do so hot on Allan's first Double Dog Challenge....I gave up last week.  I decided after a few days that it was a REALLY bad idea, and I better commit to SOMETHING...so I signed up for Phase 2 of his challenge.  This picture up top makes me want to run out and buy a passel of pugs, lol.

I'm feeling pretty good this morning....ready to get started.  I decided I'd photograph some of my food to go along with the accountability thing.  I said some, and not all, because for one, I already forgot to photograph my 410 calorie breakfast this morning....eggs, turkey sausage, fruit, coffee w/ creamer....but I did manage to remember to grab the camera as I was running out the door for work, so I'll take some pics today.  I did this in my Beach Challenge this past April and found it very helpful w/ the accountability....I lost 15 lbs. that month.  Unfortunately, I found it again..and put it right back on my a$$. 

Phase 2 of this challenge runs for a month, through Dec. 8th.  It takes us right through Thanksgiving....now THAT ought to be interesting.  One requirement is to eat the calories that you'll be eating when you get to goal weight....which for me is 1870.  Another requirement is to drink enough water to drown a small country.  Working on the water already....looking forward to a good day. 

I cooked up some food yesterday to help me out through the week.  Baked some sweet potatoes, boiled some eggs and made tuna salad, baked some zucchini and fresh salsa together in the oven, baked some chicken wings, boiled 2 chicken breasts and shredded them and then mixed in some Texas Pete buffalo sauce....that's in case I want to make a buffalo chicken lasagna recipe in a muffin tin this week.  Also thawed out some grouper to cook for dinner tonight...got a recipe for a mustard sauce from Allan to put over the fish...should be tasty. 

Unfortunately I got a bit of bad news last night.  One of my great aunts passed away yesterday morning...my mother's aunt....so I'll be attending the funeral with mom this week.  I'm not sure of the day yet....probably either Tues or Wed....so being out and with family for at least half of the day will probably pose some obstacles with the eating...but I'll do the best I can.  Funerals are a part of life and we just have to work around them in regards to the eating. 

I hope everyone's week is off to a great start....drink that water.  :)

Ummm....

I'm re-committing to the Second Phase of Allan's challenge that begins on Monday.  I still don't have my head in the right place...I won't lie...but, I have to commit to SOMETHING, because God knows I don't want to be 340 lbs. again. 

Down and Out

My heart is not in the weight loss...at all.  As I just told a friend in email, I've started off great the last 2 days, and by night, I've failed miserably.  I really don't know what's wrong with me.  I do know that the majority of beating the food addiction is doing the mental work.  I've tried and tried at that...for over a year now, with my blog.  Apparently there is still a lot of work to do.  I don't have it all figured out, and quite frankly, I'm really starting to wonder if I ever will.  My mind knows what needs to be done...what MUST be done.  But my heart just isn't in it.  I wish I had the answers, or a better explanation of what's going on with me.  I just don't.  This is a stupid, vague post...but for some reason, I felt like I need to at least say something....rather than nothing.  I remember being in the zone the first few months I started my blog in June of last year.  Once the numbers started dropping, I was so positive...I had real HOPE that I would be able to make it all the way to my goal.  Somewhere along the way I lost that, and have struggled within the same 15-20 lbs. ever since.  I would like to re-capture that same hope and belief that I could do this, from back when I first started.  But it's not here...I can't seem to grasp it...and for the first time since I've started blogging, there's a fear welling up inside me that maybe I really can't do this.  It's a REAL fear.  It's disturbing, and disheartening.

I think about the weight loss/addiction/problem every minute of every day...it's always there in the forefront of my mind, no matter what else I'm doing.  I hate it.  I hate the obesity.  I hate that I've been so fat for close to 25 years now.  I hate that I didn't get a grip earlier....and I hate that I can't seem to get a grip now.  It's a scary, sad feeling....one that I hope I can overcome, sooner rather than later.  I have to believe that one day, I'll get it right, and I'll fix all the "stuff" that got me here...and I'll drop the extra weight, get to goal, and be able to maintain for the rest of my life.  I have to believe that, because somewhere deep inside, no matter how small, there's a tiny little something that just won't let me form the words, "I give up".  The negative side of me says I should....just throw up my hands and say forget it.  But the other side...the side that wants to love me...wants to hold onto that tiny ember of hope that somehow, some way...I'm going to figure this out.  I just don't know when.  I just don't know.

The Right To Choose

Voting is one of my favorite rights in this country.  I thank God for it.  I thank God for all of the freedoms that we are so blessed to have, but voting is of paramount importance to me, and in my opinion, should be to every American.

I hope you'll make time in your busy day to participate in your right today.  And please don't pass it off to you not liking either party, because ONE of the parties is going to be in control.  It's better to have a say than no say at all.  Can you imagine what our lives would be like if we had no say at all?  The thought makes me shudder.

Several elections in our history have been won...and lost...by only one vote.  Cast yours today...exercise your patriotic duty.  I did.  Will you?  :)

Half Good/Half Bad Weekend Choices

Crap, I don't want to write this post, lol.  I really don't, but here it goes....

Saturday I did fantastic.  I ate at home....we were in Six Flags for 5 hours and I ate NOTHING.  Dwayne had a barbecue brisket sandwich and curly fries while we were there.  I ate NOTHING.  So very proud of that.  And got all my water in.

Sunday I croaked.  I ate the Chinese food, even though I had eaten before I left the house.  The sights and smells once I got in the restaurant and fixed plates for the kids proved to be too much.  Yeah...I suck.  I guess I could be happy that I only ate 1 plate, instead of the 2 or 3 I used to eat at a Chinese buffet...or be happy that I had water instead of Coke...but no....I'm not happy. 

I am happy though that I got one out of the two days right.  That is an improvement from previous weekends, and I'm happy that I concentrated on my water and drank all I was supposed to each day.

I lost nothing the first week of Allan's Challenge.  I started at 247 lbs last Monday, and I'm 247 this morning.  For the record, I was 245 yesterday morning....pre-Chinese food.  That's actually up 1 lb. from the 244 I was last Friday....but....Mother Nature showed up Friday night and I can't get my ring off my finger if that tells you anything about my bloating issues. 

I'm not dumping the challenge....I'm staying on board.  Maintaining is always better than gaining....and each day is a chance to make better choices than the day (weekend) before.  The Halloween candy was not an issue for me, as candy rarely is.  We had a bowl of Butterfingers and Reese's....1 bag each....we got about 25 kids last night....so there were only 3 pieces of candy left.  I'm sure Dwayne will eat them in the next day or two.  No major temptation for me, as I bought candy that is nowhere near my favorite kind.  There are no Snickers in my house for a reason. 

I'm going to keep working on this weekend thing.  I told Dwayne I am not going anywhere next weekend....I'm too dang tired this morning, and I'm too dang fat.  I'm staying at home where it's calorie-friendly and restful next weekend.   Have a great day friends.  :)

Reigning In Weekend Eating

I always slack on the weekends.  I don't go hog wild and eat anything and everything I want....I try to keep a running total in my head instead of writing down every calorie like I do during the week, but I also usually allow myself to go over 200-300 calories or so on weekend days.  It's easier to deal that way eating with Dwayne Fri, Sat and Sundays...lazy, yes, but less stress.....at least until I get on the scale, when I usually end up regretting that choice.  I also don't drink near as much water on the weekends.  It's not that I'm drinking other things....it's that I'm drinking anything at all.  It's just so weird how I don't get thirsty.  At work, I keep my water bottle right beside me on my desk, so it's always forefront in my mind to keep drinking it and refilling it.  But on weekends, I don't do that.  And I forget to drink my water.  I'll usually end up with maybe 16-24 oz. of water for an entire day on a weekend...not nearly enough.  Another thing that I always sabotage myself with on weekends is sodium from eating out.  My weekends are usually very busy with outings, and I always end up eating one meal out on Saturday and again on Sunday.  We all know how my body reacts to sodium....sucks it up like a sponge and holds on to it for dear life.  This weekend is going to be just as busy, and spent away from home.

Saturday Dwayne and I are going to Fright Fest at Six Flags to ride the roller coasters like a couple of teenagers.  I am making the conscious decision to eat something right before we leave the house, and eat nothing the 2-3 hours we're in the amusement park.  Also, I'll be drinking water at the park...not Coke or lemonade.  On Sunday, I'm scheduled to take my sister Amy and my niece and nephew, Carla and Cyress, out to lunch.  Whenever I do this, which it's been quite a while since I've taken the kids out, I always let Carla pick the place we're having lunch.  I just got off the phone with her a few minutes ago, asking where she wants to go.  And she picked the same place she always does....Ming Moon...a Chinese buffet.  Poor kid loves Chinese as much as her Aunt Tammy.  It's a curse.

So I was sitting here thinking about what I could eat there to have a plan ahead of time....and then got to thinking about the sodium levels in Chinese food....and said forget it.  I'm not eating there.  Again, just like on Saturday, I'm going to eat at home right before I head out on Sunday to pick up my family, and then I'll take them to the Chinese place for lunch and watch them enjoy it. 

It took joining Allan's Challenge, with a MONDAY weigh-in, to finally get my attention to reign in my weekend eating.  THANK YOU ALLAN.  I almost considered not doing this challenge because of the Monday morning weigh-in....but then thought to myself, what are you saying?  how stupid are you?  this is here to HELP you....take advantage of it. 

Last Friday I was 244.2 lbs.  I started his challenge at 247 lbs on Monday....so up 3 lbs from the weekend....surprise, surprise.  I got on the scale this morning, and I was 244.0....so officially down .2 of a lb. from last Friday....big whoop.  But 3 lbs down from Monday....which means I dropped some sodium.  I'll admit...it's going to take some real focus and attention to stay on track this weekend instead of relaxing and not concentrating on every calorie that goes into my mouth....but I'm going to try my hardest.  I'm hoping when I weigh in next Monday..I'll be proud of my efforts. 

Allan informed me this morning that if I stay on track with 1870 cals/day and drinking my water, I'll reach my goal of 170 lbs. by this coming June.  I was taken aback by that.  That seems like such a short amount of time.  I've been thinking about it for 4-5 hours now.  I decided that was unrealistic for me because I know me...and I know how often I screw up.  Track records are very telling.  Have you seen my weigh-ins on my sidebar?  Yeah...not one for consistency.  Also...this doesn't take into account the 2 out of 4 weeks every month that I have a cycle.  Nobody likes to talk about it or think about it...least of all me...but it happens every month...and I bloat out like the Goodyear blimp every effing time.  Even if I did eat perfectly every day from now until June, I still think the bloat and cycle junk that consumes half of every month would have an affect on those #'s.

However, with that said and knowing my history....I still want to concentrate on doing my best each day.  I only want to look at one day at a time...as the overall picture gets to be too much for me.  But I really want to try my hardest each day, in and of itself.  I want to work on my consistency.  I can really tell now that the Zoloft is working.  There were a couple of incidences this week that normally would have pushed me over the edge and I would have been crying, thinking my world was ending, and stuffing my face.  Instead, my response was "whatever"...and there was no face-stuffing outside of my normal calories.  Some stress...yes...but not "end of the world" thinking.  THAT is a major improvement.  Thank God for modern medicine. 

So this is my plan for the weekend.  If I fail, I'll report it.  But if I succeed...you can bet your sweet a$$ you'll be hearing about it.  :)

Have a fabulous Halloween weekend.  Be safe...watch over the kiddos....and for Heaven's sakes, get the extra candy out of your house by Monday morning.....Sunday night would be even better.  Remember.....regret sucks.