A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Did I Binge?

That's the next logical question after my post yesterday about losing my short-lived job.  I went from being unemployed for a year and 3 months, to being employed again in a permanent position....feeling so happy and relieved and grateful, only to plummet back to the depths of unemployment in less than 3 days.  So did Tammy, the self-professed food addict and binge-er extraordinaire self-medicate with food last night?

No.  I didn't. 

Why? 

Because I know better, and I'm learning to do better.  I'm not cocky or naive enough to claim victory over never bingeing again in my life, or even in a similar circumstance.  I might feel weaker the next time.  But I am most definitely claiming victory over yesterday. 

Yesterday...in that day...in that moment....I won.  I beat out the feelings of wanting to binge and I won out over the behavior that has crippled me for far too long.  My desire to want to get back on track for the 10,000th time with my weight loss efforts was actually stronger than the defeat and sadness and tremendous disappointment I encountered yesterday. 

This doesn't mean that the scale won't be higher tomorrow than it was last Friday, because I've already reported several times this week that my focus wasn't on the weight loss...it was on learning my new job.  In fact, I said I wasn't even going to fool with it until next Monday when I start Kandice's challenge at No More Chunky Dunking, Time To Skinny Dip.  However, in light of the fact that I now have no new job to worry about learning, I don't see the point in waiting til Monday.  So I'm starting anew tomorrow morning.  I'll be taking pics of every calorie again, no matter how boring that might be.  Worrying about who I'm boring to tears would cause me to lose focus of why I started this blog in the first place.  This is about me.  This is about my life.  This is about me saving my life. 

My weight last Friday was 241 lbs...the same thing it was a week and a half ago when I returned from the beach.  I won't be doing a specific weigh-in post tomorrow morning, I'll just report my weight tomorrow night when I write my food pics post for the day.  Whatever the number is doesn't really matter and I'm not stressed about it, because in 7 days time, that number will be lower.  That's what counts.  I've told plenty of blog friends this saying over and over as a way of trying to encourage them when they're tired of trying AGAIN and feeling like a failure.  "You don't drown by falling in the water....you drown by staying there."  I'm going to take my own advice and turn this show around...AGAIN. 

Before I sign off tonight I want to tell all of you that I was absolutely amazed when I got up from my FOUR HOUR NAP yesterday and checked my email.  I started crying again as soon as I woke up, before I even stumbled to the computer.  As I read each comment, the tears continued to fall...but for different reasons.  I had an astonishing number of comments left on that last post...a jaw-dropping amount.  I also had several personal emails.  Thank you, each and everyone.  If I could hug you, I would.  If I could invite everyone of you to my house to sit around my dinner table and share a meal with me, I would.  And if I can ever be of help to you, I will.  The fact that our relationships were formed and have evolved through blogs and emails makes no difference to me.  You're all real people, living in real cities and towns and countries, with real, loving hearts.  You are all hugely important to me and my journey and I thank you and you and you and you....every one of you...for thinking me worthy enough to share your friendship with.  You humble me.  'Nite friends.  :)

17 comments:

  1. I'm really sorry to hear about the job thing, I was very happy for you when I heard you had found it. I consider the fact that you landed that job, short lived as it was, a sign that there may finally be more jobs out there. Keep pressing.

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  2. Great job not binging. gah...tomorrow can only be better....they will be sorry they didn't keep you around. I bet they call in a few months. Have a great night Tammy.

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  3. Aw sweetie. *hug*

    Good for you, not binging! You are showing such true strength in the face of a very difficult situation. And you are winning over it. I am proud of you and inspired by you.

    I hope that you sleep well and that things look brighter for you in the morning.

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  4. Huge success not turning to food in such a difficult time Tammy. I wish I could make things better for you.

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  5. You are strong! Excellent job on not binging! I am so proud of you.

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  6. Not using food for comfort is a huge victory!

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  7. That is so awesome that you didn't binge on a very stressful day!! Way to go Tammy!

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  8. holy crud way to go with not self medicating ...

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  9. Way to go Tammy! Good luck with everything.

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  10. this is truly a tremendous victory Woman.
    Weve been having similar experiences around here (all I shall say on a public forum :)) and even my husband who doesnt tend toward food for comfort has RUN TO THE REECES.

    BIG BIG VICTORY for you.

    MizFit

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  11. I'm so happy you didn't let the circumstances throw you off track. I'm so proud of you. Maybe it was all the good thoughts and prayers keeping you strong. Keep the faith and PLEASE let us know if there is ANYTHING you need that we can help with. I wish I lived closer 'cause I would definitely love to sit around your table.

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  12. Hi Tammy. Congrats on getting through a massive trigger ... without being triggered. A major victory.

    And great to reassert your right to do whatever you need to do in your blogspace. Your followers are here to cheer you on in the battle, so I can't think any of them will turn away - and it's never been boring so far!

    Bearfriend xx

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  13. Well Done that Girl!!!

    So proud of you, I was worried you would binge, I would have done!

    You have come a long way little sister.
    There is a job out there with your name on.

    Love & hugs

    Sheilagh
    xxx

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  14. Unbefreakinglievable! Way to go on just saying no! You are an inspiration to me for sure. I'm going to check out the challenge you're starting - I don't think I've read her blog, but can't hurt to find another!

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  15. Wow! What a great milestone! Congratulations!

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  16. You get much props for not binging! I missed so much,when I was off having so much fun camping!

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