Did I Binge?

That's the next logical question after my post yesterday about losing my short-lived job.  I went from being unemployed for a year and 3 months, to being employed again in a permanent position....feeling so happy and relieved and grateful, only to plummet back to the depths of unemployment in less than 3 days.  So did Tammy, the self-professed food addict and binge-er extraordinaire self-medicate with food last night?

No.  I didn't. 

Why? 

Because I know better, and I'm learning to do better.  I'm not cocky or naive enough to claim victory over never bingeing again in my life, or even in a similar circumstance.  I might feel weaker the next time.  But I am most definitely claiming victory over yesterday. 

Yesterday...in that day...in that moment....I won.  I beat out the feelings of wanting to binge and I won out over the behavior that has crippled me for far too long.  My desire to want to get back on track for the 10,000th time with my weight loss efforts was actually stronger than the defeat and sadness and tremendous disappointment I encountered yesterday. 

This doesn't mean that the scale won't be higher tomorrow than it was last Friday, because I've already reported several times this week that my focus wasn't on the weight loss...it was on learning my new job.  In fact, I said I wasn't even going to fool with it until next Monday when I start Kandice's challenge at No More Chunky Dunking, Time To Skinny Dip.  However, in light of the fact that I now have no new job to worry about learning, I don't see the point in waiting til Monday.  So I'm starting anew tomorrow morning.  I'll be taking pics of every calorie again, no matter how boring that might be.  Worrying about who I'm boring to tears would cause me to lose focus of why I started this blog in the first place.  This is about me.  This is about my life.  This is about me saving my life. 

My weight last Friday was 241 lbs...the same thing it was a week and a half ago when I returned from the beach.  I won't be doing a specific weigh-in post tomorrow morning, I'll just report my weight tomorrow night when I write my food pics post for the day.  Whatever the number is doesn't really matter and I'm not stressed about it, because in 7 days time, that number will be lower.  That's what counts.  I've told plenty of blog friends this saying over and over as a way of trying to encourage them when they're tired of trying AGAIN and feeling like a failure.  "You don't drown by falling in the water....you drown by staying there."  I'm going to take my own advice and turn this show around...AGAIN. 

Before I sign off tonight I want to tell all of you that I was absolutely amazed when I got up from my FOUR HOUR NAP yesterday and checked my email.  I started crying again as soon as I woke up, before I even stumbled to the computer.  As I read each comment, the tears continued to fall...but for different reasons.  I had an astonishing number of comments left on that last post...a jaw-dropping amount.  I also had several personal emails.  Thank you, each and everyone.  If I could hug you, I would.  If I could invite everyone of you to my house to sit around my dinner table and share a meal with me, I would.  And if I can ever be of help to you, I will.  The fact that our relationships were formed and have evolved through blogs and emails makes no difference to me.  You're all real people, living in real cities and towns and countries, with real, loving hearts.  You are all hugely important to me and my journey and I thank you and you and you and you....every one of you...for thinking me worthy enough to share your friendship with.  You humble me.  'Nite friends.  :)