I punched Jillian Michaels in the face (.....in my mind). lol
Seriously....last night I watched my first complete episode of the BL. My best friend Pam at "Journey To The Healthier Side Of Life", listed on my blogroll, is a huge fan, and wanted me to watch this season with her.
I mentioned the other day that I can't stand reality TV...nothing has changed, lol. It's just not my cup of tea, but rather than generalize about that broad of a topic, I'll stick strictly to the premiere of the Biggest Loser. Here is my totally honest review....
After the first show, and I know this is premature, I'm sitting at 70% hate it, 30% curious. Jillian says in the beginning, "These people aren't LIKE you....they ARE you." She is so correct, and it's one of the main reasons I hate it. Reality is depressing a lot of the time. A lot of these contestants had really depressing life stories. I am the type of person that gets down and in a funk quite easily...way, way too easily in fact. Tell me your sad story and I'll be depressed about it and crying over it for the next couple of days. Do you know how many days in a row I cried for Jen at "Prior Fat Girl" when her mother passed away so suddenly and tragically? Yeah....that many. Someone I don't even know and had never even read her blog previous to that horror.
I'm telling you this so you'll understand why I have a problem with a show that is filled with so many depressing life stories. I cried through about 75% of the show...no joke. Oddly enough, the lady with the most depressing story, is the one I'll be rooting for this season. Her name is Abby. In 2006, her husband, her 4 yr old daughter, and her 2 1/2 week old son were all killed in a car crash. She wasn't in the car....in the blink of an eye, her entire world was stolen from her. All of her happiness, all of her joy....everything she lived for. She stated on the show that she's not trying to lose this weight for health reasons as far as being afraid she might die due to it. She said she isn't afraid of death....that death would actually be better for her. I believed her.
Abby said that she has to believe that the reason she was left here, is because there's a bigger purpose that she hasn't discovered yet. That there must be a reason. I believe that, too. For someone who's lost so much, how can you not want to see them win something as important as this is to them? So Abby's my girl in the race.
Besides the depressing crap, the next thing I hated is the outfits they're made to wear. Give-me-a-friggin'-break. They could have had them in full t-shirts instead of little spandex half-jobbies that let their huge bellies hang out and jiggle around for the whole world to see. The reason they do it is obvious...for the shock value...for the ratings. Quite frankly, I was disgusted. I don't need to see anybody else's fat naked body, any more than I need to show anyone else MY fat, naked body. It's just not necessary....and I'm not shocked, producers of BL...I knew what they looked like before they took their clothes off...they looked like I did when I weighed 340 lbs at my highest point. Highly unnecessary.
Thirdly....the screaming that Jillian and Bob do. Can I just say that screaming at me like that, cussing me a like a dog with every other phrase being "effing this and effing that"....is the quickest way to get a barbell shoved down your throat?? I am not kidding, lol. I'm normally not a violent person...but my goodness if I could have crawled through that TV last night...oh my. Haven't these people had enough torment and torture through their lives? From school on up? Haven't they had enough verbal abuse? I understand that they think making them angry will motivate them to work harder....I get it. And it's actually kind of sad to me that these people don't feel like they can do it on their own....and submit themselves to this kind of belittling with the screaming and the skimpy outfits. Just so sad. Made me want to grab people like Sean and Zaa and Diane and go busting through the gym doors exclaiming the good news!!! "Come with us!! You CAN do it on your own!! We'll show you how!! And you get to wear whole T-shirts and we won't scream at you!!" lol
Lastly, I'm not big on competition, so it's gonna' be tough to see the people go home once you've been rooting for them. I mean, I have my favorite, but you still really want to see ALL of them win...you just do. Nobody wants to see anyone fail....that involves more crying, lol.
So that's pretty much it on the negatives....I will say that I'm looking forward to seeing the contestant's determination and resolve result in some major weight loss. I want to see them realize that all hope is not lost, that they CAN do it...and that each and every one of them are worth the effort. The girl that I liked the least got sent home last night. It seemed to me like her attitude was a bit negative....like she had a chip on her shoulder....the least friendliest of them all. However, I am pleased to say that she went home, lost 60 lbs on her own, now has her mom losing weight with her, and has done a 180 in the attitude department....she was happy, smiling, vibrant....totally different from how she was on the show last night. So I was thrilled to hear about her update.
If any of you are huge fans....sorry I can't join your club, lol. I will still watch every episode...and I suspect I'll grow to like it more than I do now....but those first fundamental things that I mentioned about the clothes and the yelling....well....I just don't dig it. :)
I stole my quote for the day off of Joania's blog...it's excellent.
Quote For The Day:
You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness & trust.
You were born with ideals & dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don't.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.
-Rumi
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Battle Rages On...
Can I just say how aggravated I am with my brain? lol
Here I am on Monday....so glad that I made it through the weekend with Dwayne, under my calorie budget, with 3 miles of walking in each day. Why have Sunday and Monday been so incredibly hard for me??? What is wrong with my brain??? I spent all day Sunday fighting off the urge to satisfy a craving for a huge plate of spaghetti. For whatever reason, it hit me a few days ago that I haven't had one of my all-time favorite dishes since I started this blog back in June. And I've been thinking about it ever since. It's really starting to annoy me.
Today....I've spent all day long fighting off the urge to scarf down a sackful of Krystal's, my all-time favorite fast food. Why??? Why??? Do these stupid thoughts EVER go away? I could understand if I was in my first couple of weeks of these travels...but good grief! I'm over 3 months into it now!! I will admit that when I go back and read my earliest posts...things are WAY easier now than they were when I started...by far. But at the same time, I feel like they should be easier now than they are.
I get tired of being obsessed over food. I get tired of out-of-this-world intense cravings for crap. I get tired of everytime something goes wrong, the first thing I think about is consoling myself with something fattening with way too many calories in it. I am so abnormal. Why can't I be normal?? Just one day?? Just to see what a skinny person with a normal brain feels like??
I know sometimes my posts are full of positivity, energy, and a knowledge that I'm finally losing this weight FOR GOOD...knowing that once it's gone I will succeed at learning how to maintain it. And then other days....well....damn. lol
I get jealous of some of the blogs I read and love. Some people seem to be doing so well....like they don't even think about food anymore. They just eat what they should, when they should, and never give it another thought. There are some that lose weight consistently every single week since they started MONTHS ago. Do you know how many times I've had a gain since I started 3 months ago? lol
Way too many.
Do you know how much I think about food? All day. Even when it's a good day, and everything I eat is healthy and good for me, and under my calorie limits. I still think about it all day, because I have to make sure I spend the calories right. I have to make sure I don't eat too many at breakfast because I know my biggest eating time is at night. I have to make sure I don't overdo it at lunch, so I leave enough for dinner. But then I have to make sure dinner is a sensible amount, so I'm leaving enough for little snacks throughout the day to keep the woodstove burning, as Sean would say, and keep the metabolism revved up. Some day it really does wear on me.
I really get jealous of people like my sister Amy. She's not quite so lucky now that she's over the age of 30 and has 2 kids....that definitely screwed her body up. But up into her late 20's, girlfriend could eat anything she wanted at any time and she was consistently a size 0 jeans. She's 5'7 and weighed about 110 lbs since high school. She used to sneak and get a pair of my too-big jeans, stand in one leg of them, wrap the other leg all the way around her skinny a$$ body, then yell for me to come look. Yes, she's someone to be hated. lol.
Not really. She's gained a little weight and now I kind of feel sorry for her. Hard to believe after all the years I fervently and secretly prayed that she'd blow up like the Goodyear blimp, lol.
But seriously....someone who has got a total grip on this and doing so well...advise me on this. Does it really get easier? Will I ever get to a point where eating is something I do just to survive, and not as a crutch? It doesn't even have to be a negative emotion....I can eat the moon during jolly, happy, festive times, too. Do you know how much I am fearing Thanksgiving and Christmas already? lol
Sorry guys for all the bitching....but that's what I use this blog for. To just get it all out....lay it out there.....spill my guts....somehow it makes me feel better later. I'm still trudging along....and I have a tiny bit of good news to report for this crappy Monday. Instead of my normal 3 miles of walking, I did 5 miles today! Woo hoo! Hooray for small victories. Gonna' try to do the same thing tomorrow. I will be so happy when I can come up with the $70 or so for a new pair of New Balances. I truly think I bought the wrong size the last time I bought shoes. Either that, or my feet have gotten wider/fatter. What a lovely thought, eh? The blisters on the bottoms of my toes are just unbearable most days, even wrapped in band-aids. But I walk anyway. I'm trying to reach a goal here....blisters or not.
Hope everyone is having a super duper, bright and cheery, smile-'til-it-hurts Monday. Tomorrow night I start watching The Biggest Loser with Pam. She loves this sh*t, lol. I've never been a reality TV show kind of gal. Give me fantasy any day....as far from reality as you can possibly get. Lord of the Rings was on TV this past Sunday....I was in Heaven. I've seen snippets of BL, but ususally turned the channel when Jillian started making someone cry, lol. Gonna' watch the whole thing this time with Pam since we're on this journey together. Maybe it will inspire me as it does her. Here's to hoping. :)
Quote For The Day:
"The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself." -B. R. Haydon
Here I am on Monday....so glad that I made it through the weekend with Dwayne, under my calorie budget, with 3 miles of walking in each day. Why have Sunday and Monday been so incredibly hard for me??? What is wrong with my brain??? I spent all day Sunday fighting off the urge to satisfy a craving for a huge plate of spaghetti. For whatever reason, it hit me a few days ago that I haven't had one of my all-time favorite dishes since I started this blog back in June. And I've been thinking about it ever since. It's really starting to annoy me.
Today....I've spent all day long fighting off the urge to scarf down a sackful of Krystal's, my all-time favorite fast food. Why??? Why??? Do these stupid thoughts EVER go away? I could understand if I was in my first couple of weeks of these travels...but good grief! I'm over 3 months into it now!! I will admit that when I go back and read my earliest posts...things are WAY easier now than they were when I started...by far. But at the same time, I feel like they should be easier now than they are.
I get tired of being obsessed over food. I get tired of out-of-this-world intense cravings for crap. I get tired of everytime something goes wrong, the first thing I think about is consoling myself with something fattening with way too many calories in it. I am so abnormal. Why can't I be normal?? Just one day?? Just to see what a skinny person with a normal brain feels like??
I know sometimes my posts are full of positivity, energy, and a knowledge that I'm finally losing this weight FOR GOOD...knowing that once it's gone I will succeed at learning how to maintain it. And then other days....well....damn. lol
I get jealous of some of the blogs I read and love. Some people seem to be doing so well....like they don't even think about food anymore. They just eat what they should, when they should, and never give it another thought. There are some that lose weight consistently every single week since they started MONTHS ago. Do you know how many times I've had a gain since I started 3 months ago? lol
Way too many.
Do you know how much I think about food? All day. Even when it's a good day, and everything I eat is healthy and good for me, and under my calorie limits. I still think about it all day, because I have to make sure I spend the calories right. I have to make sure I don't eat too many at breakfast because I know my biggest eating time is at night. I have to make sure I don't overdo it at lunch, so I leave enough for dinner. But then I have to make sure dinner is a sensible amount, so I'm leaving enough for little snacks throughout the day to keep the woodstove burning, as Sean would say, and keep the metabolism revved up. Some day it really does wear on me.
I really get jealous of people like my sister Amy. She's not quite so lucky now that she's over the age of 30 and has 2 kids....that definitely screwed her body up. But up into her late 20's, girlfriend could eat anything she wanted at any time and she was consistently a size 0 jeans. She's 5'7 and weighed about 110 lbs since high school. She used to sneak and get a pair of my too-big jeans, stand in one leg of them, wrap the other leg all the way around her skinny a$$ body, then yell for me to come look. Yes, she's someone to be hated. lol.
Not really. She's gained a little weight and now I kind of feel sorry for her. Hard to believe after all the years I fervently and secretly prayed that she'd blow up like the Goodyear blimp, lol.
But seriously....someone who has got a total grip on this and doing so well...advise me on this. Does it really get easier? Will I ever get to a point where eating is something I do just to survive, and not as a crutch? It doesn't even have to be a negative emotion....I can eat the moon during jolly, happy, festive times, too. Do you know how much I am fearing Thanksgiving and Christmas already? lol
Sorry guys for all the bitching....but that's what I use this blog for. To just get it all out....lay it out there.....spill my guts....somehow it makes me feel better later. I'm still trudging along....and I have a tiny bit of good news to report for this crappy Monday. Instead of my normal 3 miles of walking, I did 5 miles today! Woo hoo! Hooray for small victories. Gonna' try to do the same thing tomorrow. I will be so happy when I can come up with the $70 or so for a new pair of New Balances. I truly think I bought the wrong size the last time I bought shoes. Either that, or my feet have gotten wider/fatter. What a lovely thought, eh? The blisters on the bottoms of my toes are just unbearable most days, even wrapped in band-aids. But I walk anyway. I'm trying to reach a goal here....blisters or not.
Hope everyone is having a super duper, bright and cheery, smile-'til-it-hurts Monday. Tomorrow night I start watching The Biggest Loser with Pam. She loves this sh*t, lol. I've never been a reality TV show kind of gal. Give me fantasy any day....as far from reality as you can possibly get. Lord of the Rings was on TV this past Sunday....I was in Heaven. I've seen snippets of BL, but ususally turned the channel when Jillian started making someone cry, lol. Gonna' watch the whole thing this time with Pam since we're on this journey together. Maybe it will inspire me as it does her. Here's to hoping. :)
Quote For The Day:
"The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself." -B. R. Haydon
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Weekend Warrior
I battled all of the bad weekend eating that I normally go through...and I won!! A few of you asked me on another post about whether or not I could talk to Dwayne about not eating so badly when he's with me on Fridays and Saturdays. Let me explain our situation as best as I can.
Dwayne is 100% supportive of me losing the weight for my health, especially because we are both diabetic. However, he just isn't interested in losing any of his weight. He's too attached to his bacon double cheeseburgers and racks of baby back ribs. He and I have been dating for 5 years now and we do not live together. Sometimes I see him one weeknight, and then I see him on Friday nights when he stays over and we spend all day Saturday together.
I talk about my blog to him all the time. He is very well aware of what I'm trying to do. And although I can tell that he feels bad about wanting to eat crap in front of me....he still eats it. We just do not eat the same things. A few things we do, but not for the most part. For one thing, he does not eat veggies....aside from a little lettuce and a thin slice of tomato on his bacon double cheeseburger, but that's about it.
I've been cooking for him on the weekends for many years now. I just don't feel comfortable stopping cold turkey and telling him to go out to a restaurant and buy something for all of his meals now when he's with me. So I'm trying to teach myself to ignore the smell and looks of his yummy, calorie-laden foods, and just eat what I've got here for myself.
I told myself this weekend was going to be different from all the others. I swear to you, it takes me all week long of busting my a$$ with exercise and shaving off calories every day for a week to not gain, or only lose 1 lb. I know if I ate right all week, including weekends, I could lose much more. I was ready for another good loss this week, so I called Dwayne on Friday before he got here. This is how the conversation went:
Me: I'm going grocery shopping, and I know you always say not to spend my grocery money on you....that you don't want anything....but PLEASE tell me something I can get you so we don't have a repeat of last weekend where you decide you're starving at midnight and we end up going to the IHOP.
Dwayne: I really can't think of anything I want baby. Don't worry about me.
Me: Pizza rolls? Stouffer's french bread pizzas? Chocolate chip cookies? Potato chips? Tell me something Dwayne....you need to say something.
Dwayne: Okay, get me some pizza rolls.
So, I did my shopping, and got him some pizza rolls and a few other things, and we got through Friday night just fine. I came in at 1497 calories, eating all of my healthy foods and no junk and I got 3 miles of walking in that morning...very pleased!!
Last Saturday, I asked him if we could take Scarlette and go walk the 2 mile trail at the park. He HATES exercise, never does any, and I figured if I could sneak in at least 2 miles (instead of my normal 3), then that's better than nothing. He said yes, and he lazed around the house all day and we never went. I was very disappointed. So.....THIS Saturday, I told him I'm going for a hike and would he like to go with me? I didn't ask, and give the day a chance to slip away....I simply told him I was going....and he came along. We hiked an easy trail called the Allatoona Pass, which is part of the Civil War battlegrounds. I know he's a huge Civil War/history buff, so this was an excellent choice. We ended up walking 3 miles, and he actually enjoyed himself, constantly commenting on how beautiful the woods were.
Here's the rest of Friday's phone conversation regarding Sat's dinner plans:
Me: I was thinking we could grill some chicken for me and some italian sausages for you for dinner on Saturday night. Is that cool?
Dwayne: (hemming and hawing....acting like he either didn't want chicken & sausages, or he was going to be too lazy to do the grilling)
I stepped in.....Me: It's either we grill out, or you can drop $50 for us to go to dinner at the Appalachian Grille.
Dwayne: Grilled chicken sounds great baby! Forget the sausages, I don't need those....let's grill some chicken.
(When the going gets tough, hit 'em where it hurts, the wallet, lol)
Here's how a full day of eating went with Dwayne on Saturday:
Breakfast:
Me: 1/2 c. of cottage cheese and a banana
Dwayne: scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits
Lunch:
Me: big turkey sandwich on sourdough w/ tomatoes, dill pickles & banana peppers
Dwayne: plate full of Pizza Rolls
Dinner:
Me: grilled chicken breast, grilled mushrooms & onions, 1 c. of watermelon
Dwayne: grilled chicken sandwich on sourdough, a whole box of noodles, 3 c. watermelon
Snacks:
Me: 53 calorie Russel Stover sugar-free chocolate mint
reduced fat mozzarella cheesestick
2 c. decaf coffee w/ sugar-free hazelnut creamer
Dwayne: 1/2 bag of potato chips, chocolate chip & peanut butter cookies, Coke
I'm very, very pleased with myself for staying on track with my eating both days. Today wasn't so hot...I did some mindless eating late in the afternoon around 5pm, and before I knew it I was sitting at 1579 calories and hadn't even eaten a real dinner. So I stopped eating for the day....no real dinner for me. I shouldn't have been so stupid with my calories. I'm 79 over for the day, but I've gotta' tell ya'.....last Sunday I was probably over by 600. So I can deal with the 79, especially knowing I came in under the last 2 days. Friday was 1497 & Saturday was 1460...with 3 miles of exercise on all 3 days so far.
About the progress pics, you people kill me, lol. Thank you so very much for all of your very kind words. It was so much more than I was expecting. Several of you mentioned that my shirt looked way too big. That kills me, because I just bought that shirt at Cato's that morning!!! It's a 22/24. I just don't feel like I'm ready for an 18/20 yet because I'm scared it will hug my fat rolls, and that is one thing I can NOT stand....especially when I sit down and all the fat spreads out. I'm telling you...that shirt I'm wearing is covering up a HUGE stomach. That's where most of my weight is....if you knew what I looked like naked, you'd totally understand, lol. My best friend Pam thinks I'm ready for a smaller size, and it won't feel tight like I'm thinking. I don't have any more money to buy anymore clothes with right now, but I decided when I hit my next 15 lb. goal and have 45 lbs gone, then I'm going out to try on some 18/20's and we'll see how they fit. Hopefully I'll be comfy in them by then.
It's been a super fantastic weekend and I'm so very proud of myself. I'm not going to pretend that eating cottage cheese while he was eating bacon and eggs was easy, because it wasn't. But I was focused....I knew that a big loss was more important to me than eating 1/2 lb of bacon, so I stayed on plan. I knew that if I could just get to Friday's weigh-in, then I'd be proud of the effort I put forth while he was sucking down all of those calories in front of me. I'm glad he was willing to go on the hike with me....it made it much more enjoyable. I'm happy all the way around....except for eating too much before dinner tonight, thus not having a normal dinner. Stupid mindless snacking. Oh well...lesson learned. I'll be watching that much more closely from now on. I don't like being over my calorie limit, and I don't like having them all used up by 5:30pm when I'm usually up til midnight.
One last note about the pics. When I read everyone's comments, and I kept hearing where the shirt was too big, I pulled up the post again and looked at the pics more closely. It was then that I noticed that my left ta-ta was trying to escape out of the front of my shirt. I am so embarassed. I truly apologize to anyone who was offended by that...I really wasn't trying to be crude, and actually got a little miffed at Dwayne. He was the one who took the pics and you'd think he could of told me that my cleavage was out of control....but he didn't say a word. Guess he was too busy enjoying the view. Dork. lol
Hope everyone has had a fabulous weekend, too. Going to go catch up on everyone else's blogs now! :)
Quote For The Day:
"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." -Hecato, Greek philosopher
Dwayne is 100% supportive of me losing the weight for my health, especially because we are both diabetic. However, he just isn't interested in losing any of his weight. He's too attached to his bacon double cheeseburgers and racks of baby back ribs. He and I have been dating for 5 years now and we do not live together. Sometimes I see him one weeknight, and then I see him on Friday nights when he stays over and we spend all day Saturday together.
I talk about my blog to him all the time. He is very well aware of what I'm trying to do. And although I can tell that he feels bad about wanting to eat crap in front of me....he still eats it. We just do not eat the same things. A few things we do, but not for the most part. For one thing, he does not eat veggies....aside from a little lettuce and a thin slice of tomato on his bacon double cheeseburger, but that's about it.
I've been cooking for him on the weekends for many years now. I just don't feel comfortable stopping cold turkey and telling him to go out to a restaurant and buy something for all of his meals now when he's with me. So I'm trying to teach myself to ignore the smell and looks of his yummy, calorie-laden foods, and just eat what I've got here for myself.
I told myself this weekend was going to be different from all the others. I swear to you, it takes me all week long of busting my a$$ with exercise and shaving off calories every day for a week to not gain, or only lose 1 lb. I know if I ate right all week, including weekends, I could lose much more. I was ready for another good loss this week, so I called Dwayne on Friday before he got here. This is how the conversation went:
Me: I'm going grocery shopping, and I know you always say not to spend my grocery money on you....that you don't want anything....but PLEASE tell me something I can get you so we don't have a repeat of last weekend where you decide you're starving at midnight and we end up going to the IHOP.
Dwayne: I really can't think of anything I want baby. Don't worry about me.
Me: Pizza rolls? Stouffer's french bread pizzas? Chocolate chip cookies? Potato chips? Tell me something Dwayne....you need to say something.
Dwayne: Okay, get me some pizza rolls.
So, I did my shopping, and got him some pizza rolls and a few other things, and we got through Friday night just fine. I came in at 1497 calories, eating all of my healthy foods and no junk and I got 3 miles of walking in that morning...very pleased!!
Last Saturday, I asked him if we could take Scarlette and go walk the 2 mile trail at the park. He HATES exercise, never does any, and I figured if I could sneak in at least 2 miles (instead of my normal 3), then that's better than nothing. He said yes, and he lazed around the house all day and we never went. I was very disappointed. So.....THIS Saturday, I told him I'm going for a hike and would he like to go with me? I didn't ask, and give the day a chance to slip away....I simply told him I was going....and he came along. We hiked an easy trail called the Allatoona Pass, which is part of the Civil War battlegrounds. I know he's a huge Civil War/history buff, so this was an excellent choice. We ended up walking 3 miles, and he actually enjoyed himself, constantly commenting on how beautiful the woods were.
Here's the rest of Friday's phone conversation regarding Sat's dinner plans:
Me: I was thinking we could grill some chicken for me and some italian sausages for you for dinner on Saturday night. Is that cool?
Dwayne: (hemming and hawing....acting like he either didn't want chicken & sausages, or he was going to be too lazy to do the grilling)
I stepped in.....Me: It's either we grill out, or you can drop $50 for us to go to dinner at the Appalachian Grille.
Dwayne: Grilled chicken sounds great baby! Forget the sausages, I don't need those....let's grill some chicken.
(When the going gets tough, hit 'em where it hurts, the wallet, lol)
Here's how a full day of eating went with Dwayne on Saturday:
Breakfast:
Me: 1/2 c. of cottage cheese and a banana
Dwayne: scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits
Lunch:
Me: big turkey sandwich on sourdough w/ tomatoes, dill pickles & banana peppers
Dwayne: plate full of Pizza Rolls
Dinner:
Me: grilled chicken breast, grilled mushrooms & onions, 1 c. of watermelon
Dwayne: grilled chicken sandwich on sourdough, a whole box of noodles, 3 c. watermelon
Snacks:
Me: 53 calorie Russel Stover sugar-free chocolate mint
reduced fat mozzarella cheesestick
2 c. decaf coffee w/ sugar-free hazelnut creamer
Dwayne: 1/2 bag of potato chips, chocolate chip & peanut butter cookies, Coke
I'm very, very pleased with myself for staying on track with my eating both days. Today wasn't so hot...I did some mindless eating late in the afternoon around 5pm, and before I knew it I was sitting at 1579 calories and hadn't even eaten a real dinner. So I stopped eating for the day....no real dinner for me. I shouldn't have been so stupid with my calories. I'm 79 over for the day, but I've gotta' tell ya'.....last Sunday I was probably over by 600. So I can deal with the 79, especially knowing I came in under the last 2 days. Friday was 1497 & Saturday was 1460...with 3 miles of exercise on all 3 days so far.
About the progress pics, you people kill me, lol. Thank you so very much for all of your very kind words. It was so much more than I was expecting. Several of you mentioned that my shirt looked way too big. That kills me, because I just bought that shirt at Cato's that morning!!! It's a 22/24. I just don't feel like I'm ready for an 18/20 yet because I'm scared it will hug my fat rolls, and that is one thing I can NOT stand....especially when I sit down and all the fat spreads out. I'm telling you...that shirt I'm wearing is covering up a HUGE stomach. That's where most of my weight is....if you knew what I looked like naked, you'd totally understand, lol. My best friend Pam thinks I'm ready for a smaller size, and it won't feel tight like I'm thinking. I don't have any more money to buy anymore clothes with right now, but I decided when I hit my next 15 lb. goal and have 45 lbs gone, then I'm going out to try on some 18/20's and we'll see how they fit. Hopefully I'll be comfy in them by then.
It's been a super fantastic weekend and I'm so very proud of myself. I'm not going to pretend that eating cottage cheese while he was eating bacon and eggs was easy, because it wasn't. But I was focused....I knew that a big loss was more important to me than eating 1/2 lb of bacon, so I stayed on plan. I knew that if I could just get to Friday's weigh-in, then I'd be proud of the effort I put forth while he was sucking down all of those calories in front of me. I'm glad he was willing to go on the hike with me....it made it much more enjoyable. I'm happy all the way around....except for eating too much before dinner tonight, thus not having a normal dinner. Stupid mindless snacking. Oh well...lesson learned. I'll be watching that much more closely from now on. I don't like being over my calorie limit, and I don't like having them all used up by 5:30pm when I'm usually up til midnight.
One last note about the pics. When I read everyone's comments, and I kept hearing where the shirt was too big, I pulled up the post again and looked at the pics more closely. It was then that I noticed that my left ta-ta was trying to escape out of the front of my shirt. I am so embarassed. I truly apologize to anyone who was offended by that...I really wasn't trying to be crude, and actually got a little miffed at Dwayne. He was the one who took the pics and you'd think he could of told me that my cleavage was out of control....but he didn't say a word. Guess he was too busy enjoying the view. Dork. lol
Hope everyone has had a fabulous weekend, too. Going to go catch up on everyone else's blogs now! :)
Quote For The Day:
"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." -Hecato, Greek philosopher
Friday, September 11, 2009
Progress Pics
I've lost 30 lbs. so far, and I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal, so it's time to post some progress pics. I'll put them here as well as on my sidebar. I don't see much of a difference yet, but I feel like I'll see a big difference after the next 30 lbs. is gone. :)
I am proud to report that I walked 3 miles this morning, and have stayed under 1500 calories today. My weekend is off to a good start! A lot of you asked about me finding a way to deal with Dwayne's bad eating by talking to him about it. I told him a few things today, which I will share with you in the next post...stay tuned. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Heaven never helps the man who will not act." -Sophocles
Mystified
The scale says, after triple-checking it, that I weigh 242.0. That means I ONLY gained .2 of a lb. As Sheilagh at "Sixty by Sixty" would say...I'm gobsmacked.
All I can say is that I guess eating in the 1400 calorie range, drinking gobs of water, and walking 11 miles in the last 3 days benefitted me more than I realized. I've learned a valuable lesson here....don't understimate the power of combining these 3 things. The flip side of this is....if I would have done these 3 things all 7 days this week instead of only 3, I would have shown an amazing weight loss.
With that said....I'm fixing to eat my 150 calorie breakfast of a Granny Smith apple and reduced fat mozarella cheesestick this morning and then I'm headed to the park to knock out 3 miles. My number one goal for tonight and tomorrow is to not let what Dwayne is eating in front of me affect my choices. I MUST stay on track, because I am just sick to death from trying to recover from bad weekend eating. It's been too many weeks since I've seen a nice-sized loss and I'm hungry for another one. I'm all geared up and ready for this week's battle. Onward!
All I can say is that I guess eating in the 1400 calorie range, drinking gobs of water, and walking 11 miles in the last 3 days benefitted me more than I realized. I've learned a valuable lesson here....don't understimate the power of combining these 3 things. The flip side of this is....if I would have done these 3 things all 7 days this week instead of only 3, I would have shown an amazing weight loss.
With that said....I'm fixing to eat my 150 calorie breakfast of a Granny Smith apple and reduced fat mozarella cheesestick this morning and then I'm headed to the park to knock out 3 miles. My number one goal for tonight and tomorrow is to not let what Dwayne is eating in front of me affect my choices. I MUST stay on track, because I am just sick to death from trying to recover from bad weekend eating. It's been too many weeks since I've seen a nice-sized loss and I'm hungry for another one. I'm all geared up and ready for this week's battle. Onward!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Momma's Sunshine
Instead of posting about my dread over tomorrow's weigh-in, I'll just tell you that I came in at 1460 calories today, and I walked 2 miles at the park. I could have walked another 2 or 3 miles tonight, but I chose not to. I've read so much about how hard workouts cause your muscles to retain a lot of water, and they're a bad idea to do right before a weigh-in.
Now I'm going to post some pics of my baby girl. It's hard to make them line up, so we'll just see how it turns out....
These are from last December when I first got her. She was 4 months old and weighed 4 lbs. Now she is a year old (birthday is Aug. 8th), and she weighs 9.5 lbs. She's a peekapoo and I just love her ears. I refuse to let them cut them much when I take her to the groomer. She's Momma's baby Ewok. :)
Now I'm going to post some pics of my baby girl. It's hard to make them line up, so we'll just see how it turns out....
These are from last December when I first got her. She was 4 months old and weighed 4 lbs. Now she is a year old (birthday is Aug. 8th), and she weighs 9.5 lbs. She's a peekapoo and I just love her ears. I refuse to let them cut them much when I take her to the groomer. She's Momma's baby Ewok. :)
Hope you enjoyed the pics. I'll be back in the morning with the weigh-in results. 'Nite nite everyone. :)
Quote For The Day:
Quote For The Day:
"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, 'Always do what you are afraid to do'." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Ridin' The Crazy Train
I have a confession to make. I'm crazy. Certified. No doubt about it.
My life is crazy, my thoughts are crazy, my emotions are crazy, my no-job status is crazy, my lack of income is crazy, my mind is crazy....it's official. I'm riding the Crazy Train. I'd offer you a seat, but we're all filled up over here.
I could give you explicit details...but why bother. If you're anything like me, you already know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're nothing like me and lead a perfectly normal, peaceful, balanced happy life...then please don't tell me. I don't want to add insane jealousy to my already long list of insane emotions. I don't think I can handle one more ounce of crazy.
Everything that could possibly go wrong this week on all fronts of my life, has, with the exception of someone dying. And I hope I didn't just jinx myself by saying that. Please God, keep everyone in my life alive for at least another month so I won't think I just killed them with that last statement.
Thanks to all of you who left comments on last night's post....and for the ones who said I was pretty....gorgeous even (Shelley!)....it's time to make an appointment with your eye doctor. I was trying to type the official word for the "eye doctor" but I can't remember how to spell it right now. Crazy.
Scarlette....the one that I said is the light of my life....also happens to be the cause of much unnecessary stress and housework. Yesterday I told you there was dog sh*t tracked all over my house. She pooped in the hallway. I had just woke up, got dressed, shoes and all, and was taking her out to use the bathroom (Ha! what a joke...crazy, I know) when she apparently dropped a tootsie roll in the hallway on our way out the front door. When we came back in, and down the dark hallway (this was before dawn), I apparently stepped in it.
I found it about an hour later and noticed little tracks of it all over the floors, in every room. But I didn't see it on the bottom of her feet. That's because it was on the bottom of MY feet...my tennis shoes....both of them. Do you know how many geometric shapes, cracks, crevices, nooks and crannies are in the bottom of tennis shoes? I do. Because I had to spend 30 minutes using a wooden skewer and Lysol wipes digging shit out of each and every one of them. Then I got to spend the next 30 minutes bleaching all my floors. Did I mention I have bleach-induced asthma? Crazy.
There was much, much more to yesterday, but I'll spare you the rest of the horrid details. On to today.
The day started out good because as soon as I woke up, I threw on yesterday's clothes, my freshly Lysol'd tennis shoes, threw the dog in the crate, and escaped my house and sped to the park before anything could go wrong. I locked my purse and cell phone (I hate that crazy thing) in my trunk, and headed out for a peaceful 3 mile walk. It was nice. I came home feeling sore, but my mind was refreshed. I started thinking as I pulled back into my driveway that today just might turn out well (that was crazy talk).
Things started going downhill around 10am. Wow, that didn't take long. Again, I'll spare you the next few hours of details and fast forward to around 4:30pm when it came a flood. I had mentioned in last night's post that if the stars aligned right, I would try for a 2nd 3 mile walk this afternoon. Well....you know how crazy stars are. It started pouring outside, thundering and lightning, and naturally the dog indicated that she wanted to go out. I thought she had to go do her business.
I let her out, she played and splashed in the ever-growing puddles in the yard, found a few drowning bugs to munch on, and came running back in. Every morning and every evening there's dew on the grass and her little legs get soaked. We always come in and go straight to the bathroom where I keep the towel to dry her off. I take her out a lot, so we go through this ritual about 3x in the morning and another 3x at night. It's tedious, but I don't want her to run around with wet legs and get too cold, so I do it.
When I let her back in the house during the gully-washer, she followed me down the hall, through my bedroom, and into the bathroom. I shut the door behind her and looked down. She was covered in mud from her toes all the way up to her belly. She's pretty short and close to the ground, so this isn't hard to do. I don't know why, but for some reason it didn't occur to me that rain mixed with red Georgia dirt turns into red Georgia mud (crazy, I know).
I'm a clean freak, so I panicked. I tried to grab her as quickly as I could and she thought I was playing a game with her. She jumped out of the way of my grasp and danced all around my sparkling white bathroom. White linoleum, white bathtub....thank God my bathroom rugs are maroon/burgundy because she danced all over both of those, too. I bet there were 150 muddy paw prints on my floors and the side of my tub before I caught her. Stressed is not the word.
I decided to just bathe her right then. I stepped over into the garden tub, fully clothed, and I gave her a bath, washing her with my shampoo because her shampoo was all the way at the other end of the house. There was no way in hell we were tracking back through the house. I think I got wetter than she did. She hates baths. She's a wiry, wiggly little thing and it was quite a sight. She managed to splash and sling red mud ALL OVER my bathroom before I finally got her washed, rinsed and dried.
After all the fun of that, I got to go back through the house from the bathroom to the front door, on my hands and knees, and clean all the mud off the floors. Little clumps of mud don't mop very well, so this was a hands and knee job. Balancing 245 lbs of weight on 2 rickety kneecaps on hardwood floors is just crazy. And painful.
There was about an hour's worth of tears after that.....from all that has happened this week, not just the mud. I was deflated, depressed, disgusted, drowning and all I wanted to do was eat. Right about then, I looked out the window and noticed the storm had passed. It was fleeting, but I had a tiny little thought flit through my crazy mind, telling me now's the time to go get in those other 3 miles at the park that I wanted to do.
I didn't want to. After all I've dealt with this week, all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and finish crying. But...
I did it anyway.
I knew that I was going to have a gain this Friday, no matter what, and that 3 more stupid miles weren't going to make a difference this late in the week. I knew I had eaten too many calories for too many days and this wasn't going to be a fake sodium gain. This was going to be the real deal....real lard...the artery-clogging kind. Walking another 3 miles would be in vain for this week's weigh-in and I knew it. But...
I did it anyway.
I knew that if I did walk, afterwards, all of the problems and the craziness and the crap would still be right there waiting for me. Walking wasn't going to make any of it go away. But...
I did it anyway.
I knew that I had holes in the bottom of my shoes somewhere because I always end up with two shoes full of tiny pieces of gravel and they hurt my feet....not to mention that I'd already walked 3 miles this morning, and if I did 3 more, I'd have some serious blisters on my toes afterwards. But...
I did it anyway.
I was right about all of it. The 3 extra miles I did this evening won't have much affect on a weigh-in that's a day and a half away. It didn't take away or fix any of the problems or crap in my life. It really didn't clear out any of the cobwebs clogging up my mind. My shoes did fill up with gravel, and it did hurt, and I now have bad blisters on the bottom of all my toes. But...
I did it anyway. I walked 6 miles today. I also stayed within my calorie limit today, coming in at 1436, knowing that's only the 2nd time this week I haven't gone over. I may not have made much of a difference in my weight loss for this week. But it's not all about "this week". It's about my life. And I hope it's a long one. And I hope it turns into a happier, less stressful one soon. There are way too many things that are beyond our control. For someone as Type A and anal as me, it can make you, well....crazy, when things feel so helpless, hopeless and beyond your control. Kinda' like you ended up on the Crazy Train, except you didn't buy a ticket. It just kinda' happened.
I'm doing my absolute best to control the things I can. I've done a poor, poor job of it this week. I've let life beat me down. But for each day that you do what's right for you with the food and the exercise...the things that you can control....then that's a win for you...for your life. And that's got to be what's most important. Make no mistake. It doesn't matter how much anyone else loves you or says they care about you....NOBODY in this world cares more about what's most important for you and your life than YOU.
I can't promise that tomorrow will be good. All I can say for certain is that today was a success. Sometimes that's all we can do...one day at a time. Life happens. Sh*t happens. And maybe sometimes you get more than your share. But I think that if we take each day as it comes, that even in the midst of chaos, if we can dig deep within ourselves, find that little wellspring of hope that we each hold...the hope that this time....this time....we can finally make the changes that will produce the healthiest people we can be, then we will ultimately succeed. We will make it. We have to make ourselves the most important people in our lives, because no one else is going to. And we have to keep hope, because sometimes there's nothing else.
I know....super long post. You'll just have to forgive me for that. I hope that everone is having a super fantastic week filled with good eating choices, lots of exercise, strength, resolve, a winning desire, and belief in yourselves that you WILL get there. If you're not, and you're finding yourself surrounded by insanity like I am, then I have a few words for you, too......Keep the hope alive. :)
Quote For The Day:
"What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first steps to something better." -proverb
My life is crazy, my thoughts are crazy, my emotions are crazy, my no-job status is crazy, my lack of income is crazy, my mind is crazy....it's official. I'm riding the Crazy Train. I'd offer you a seat, but we're all filled up over here.
I could give you explicit details...but why bother. If you're anything like me, you already know exactly what I'm talking about. If you're nothing like me and lead a perfectly normal, peaceful, balanced happy life...then please don't tell me. I don't want to add insane jealousy to my already long list of insane emotions. I don't think I can handle one more ounce of crazy.
Everything that could possibly go wrong this week on all fronts of my life, has, with the exception of someone dying. And I hope I didn't just jinx myself by saying that. Please God, keep everyone in my life alive for at least another month so I won't think I just killed them with that last statement.
Thanks to all of you who left comments on last night's post....and for the ones who said I was pretty....gorgeous even (Shelley!)....it's time to make an appointment with your eye doctor. I was trying to type the official word for the "eye doctor" but I can't remember how to spell it right now. Crazy.
Scarlette....the one that I said is the light of my life....also happens to be the cause of much unnecessary stress and housework. Yesterday I told you there was dog sh*t tracked all over my house. She pooped in the hallway. I had just woke up, got dressed, shoes and all, and was taking her out to use the bathroom (Ha! what a joke...crazy, I know) when she apparently dropped a tootsie roll in the hallway on our way out the front door. When we came back in, and down the dark hallway (this was before dawn), I apparently stepped in it.
I found it about an hour later and noticed little tracks of it all over the floors, in every room. But I didn't see it on the bottom of her feet. That's because it was on the bottom of MY feet...my tennis shoes....both of them. Do you know how many geometric shapes, cracks, crevices, nooks and crannies are in the bottom of tennis shoes? I do. Because I had to spend 30 minutes using a wooden skewer and Lysol wipes digging shit out of each and every one of them. Then I got to spend the next 30 minutes bleaching all my floors. Did I mention I have bleach-induced asthma? Crazy.
There was much, much more to yesterday, but I'll spare you the rest of the horrid details. On to today.
The day started out good because as soon as I woke up, I threw on yesterday's clothes, my freshly Lysol'd tennis shoes, threw the dog in the crate, and escaped my house and sped to the park before anything could go wrong. I locked my purse and cell phone (I hate that crazy thing) in my trunk, and headed out for a peaceful 3 mile walk. It was nice. I came home feeling sore, but my mind was refreshed. I started thinking as I pulled back into my driveway that today just might turn out well (that was crazy talk).
Things started going downhill around 10am. Wow, that didn't take long. Again, I'll spare you the next few hours of details and fast forward to around 4:30pm when it came a flood. I had mentioned in last night's post that if the stars aligned right, I would try for a 2nd 3 mile walk this afternoon. Well....you know how crazy stars are. It started pouring outside, thundering and lightning, and naturally the dog indicated that she wanted to go out. I thought she had to go do her business.
I let her out, she played and splashed in the ever-growing puddles in the yard, found a few drowning bugs to munch on, and came running back in. Every morning and every evening there's dew on the grass and her little legs get soaked. We always come in and go straight to the bathroom where I keep the towel to dry her off. I take her out a lot, so we go through this ritual about 3x in the morning and another 3x at night. It's tedious, but I don't want her to run around with wet legs and get too cold, so I do it.
When I let her back in the house during the gully-washer, she followed me down the hall, through my bedroom, and into the bathroom. I shut the door behind her and looked down. She was covered in mud from her toes all the way up to her belly. She's pretty short and close to the ground, so this isn't hard to do. I don't know why, but for some reason it didn't occur to me that rain mixed with red Georgia dirt turns into red Georgia mud (crazy, I know).
I'm a clean freak, so I panicked. I tried to grab her as quickly as I could and she thought I was playing a game with her. She jumped out of the way of my grasp and danced all around my sparkling white bathroom. White linoleum, white bathtub....thank God my bathroom rugs are maroon/burgundy because she danced all over both of those, too. I bet there were 150 muddy paw prints on my floors and the side of my tub before I caught her. Stressed is not the word.
I decided to just bathe her right then. I stepped over into the garden tub, fully clothed, and I gave her a bath, washing her with my shampoo because her shampoo was all the way at the other end of the house. There was no way in hell we were tracking back through the house. I think I got wetter than she did. She hates baths. She's a wiry, wiggly little thing and it was quite a sight. She managed to splash and sling red mud ALL OVER my bathroom before I finally got her washed, rinsed and dried.
After all the fun of that, I got to go back through the house from the bathroom to the front door, on my hands and knees, and clean all the mud off the floors. Little clumps of mud don't mop very well, so this was a hands and knee job. Balancing 245 lbs of weight on 2 rickety kneecaps on hardwood floors is just crazy. And painful.
There was about an hour's worth of tears after that.....from all that has happened this week, not just the mud. I was deflated, depressed, disgusted, drowning and all I wanted to do was eat. Right about then, I looked out the window and noticed the storm had passed. It was fleeting, but I had a tiny little thought flit through my crazy mind, telling me now's the time to go get in those other 3 miles at the park that I wanted to do.
I didn't want to. After all I've dealt with this week, all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and finish crying. But...
I did it anyway.
I knew that I was going to have a gain this Friday, no matter what, and that 3 more stupid miles weren't going to make a difference this late in the week. I knew I had eaten too many calories for too many days and this wasn't going to be a fake sodium gain. This was going to be the real deal....real lard...the artery-clogging kind. Walking another 3 miles would be in vain for this week's weigh-in and I knew it. But...
I did it anyway.
I knew that if I did walk, afterwards, all of the problems and the craziness and the crap would still be right there waiting for me. Walking wasn't going to make any of it go away. But...
I did it anyway.
I knew that I had holes in the bottom of my shoes somewhere because I always end up with two shoes full of tiny pieces of gravel and they hurt my feet....not to mention that I'd already walked 3 miles this morning, and if I did 3 more, I'd have some serious blisters on my toes afterwards. But...
I did it anyway.
I was right about all of it. The 3 extra miles I did this evening won't have much affect on a weigh-in that's a day and a half away. It didn't take away or fix any of the problems or crap in my life. It really didn't clear out any of the cobwebs clogging up my mind. My shoes did fill up with gravel, and it did hurt, and I now have bad blisters on the bottom of all my toes. But...
I did it anyway. I walked 6 miles today. I also stayed within my calorie limit today, coming in at 1436, knowing that's only the 2nd time this week I haven't gone over. I may not have made much of a difference in my weight loss for this week. But it's not all about "this week". It's about my life. And I hope it's a long one. And I hope it turns into a happier, less stressful one soon. There are way too many things that are beyond our control. For someone as Type A and anal as me, it can make you, well....crazy, when things feel so helpless, hopeless and beyond your control. Kinda' like you ended up on the Crazy Train, except you didn't buy a ticket. It just kinda' happened.
I'm doing my absolute best to control the things I can. I've done a poor, poor job of it this week. I've let life beat me down. But for each day that you do what's right for you with the food and the exercise...the things that you can control....then that's a win for you...for your life. And that's got to be what's most important. Make no mistake. It doesn't matter how much anyone else loves you or says they care about you....NOBODY in this world cares more about what's most important for you and your life than YOU.
I can't promise that tomorrow will be good. All I can say for certain is that today was a success. Sometimes that's all we can do...one day at a time. Life happens. Sh*t happens. And maybe sometimes you get more than your share. But I think that if we take each day as it comes, that even in the midst of chaos, if we can dig deep within ourselves, find that little wellspring of hope that we each hold...the hope that this time....this time....we can finally make the changes that will produce the healthiest people we can be, then we will ultimately succeed. We will make it. We have to make ourselves the most important people in our lives, because no one else is going to. And we have to keep hope, because sometimes there's nothing else.
I know....super long post. You'll just have to forgive me for that. I hope that everone is having a super fantastic week filled with good eating choices, lots of exercise, strength, resolve, a winning desire, and belief in yourselves that you WILL get there. If you're not, and you're finding yourself surrounded by insanity like I am, then I have a few words for you, too......Keep the hope alive. :)
Quote For The Day:
"What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first steps to something better." -proverb
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