Well yesterday was better than today, calorie-wise. Yesterday was 1700, but today was 2,000. Still trying to get a grip. I've been pretty weepy today. Aside from having no paycheck next week and not knowing when I'll find a job, a lot of of it has to do with the holiday season.
I've mentioned before that Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love everything about it. Due to the stress going on in my life, I've felt out of touch this year. I had my family dinner, but I didn't enjoy it like I normally do. My dad and brother-in-law couldn't make it, and the kids drove me completely bonkers. I have 4 nieces and nephews, all age 4 and under. They LOVE Scarlette. They love to follow her around the house, pick her up, and they always end up dropping her......on the hardwood floor. Or falling on the sofa with her and bending her neck backwards. Scarlette is my only baby and I'm completely obsessive over her. Nobody understands that. Nobody. Makes me crazy.
Due to my paychecks ending with only 2 weeks notice, my Christmas shopping was cut severely short.....severely. I'm really sad about not being out in the hustle and bustle of it all. I especially love shopping at night, in the crisp air, with all the lights glowing, and holiday music playing in every store. I know I could "window" shop, but I'm afraid that would be even more depressing.
I did my holiday baking that I normally do, and it only took my first batch of cookies to realize that I didn't have my normal taste testers here. Shane is always at Billie's house now, and Dwayne is quite obviously absent. So I was baking alone, with no one to taste-test. It was just different this year....lonely.
I got in another workout tonight. That's 3 days in a row. I want to say I'm proud of that, but tonight I became painfully aware of something. It's time to concede that my right knee is just shot for life. I'm not even trying to jog anymore, and haven't in a few weeks. It's just too painful. For the last 3 workouts, just WALKING has been painful. I use one of those state-of-the-art, bouncy treadmills that are supposed to be almost as low-impact as the elliptical. Still hurts....way too much. I'm not willing to give up walking so I'm guess I'm looking at a knee replacement one of these years. Yee hah.
Another thing about being on the treadmill is really irritating me. They have a chart on there that says for my weight and height and age, I should have my heart rate at 147. Well....I can walk my butt off on that thing and can't get it anywhere near that. I was walking at a speed of 3.8 tonight at an incline of 15% and the highest my heart rate got was 124. I was sweating like a pig in mid-July, gasping for breath to keep up that pace at that incline, and was downright pissed that I couldn't get my heart rate up. Someone who knows about this stuff....please tell me what the hell that means and what I need to be doing.
Bearfriend emailed me tonight and suggested something I've been thinking about in the last week. She suggested doing some volunteer work during the holidays....that helping others would make me feel better, get me out of the house, help me not to be lonely, and get to enjoy the important things about the season. She couldn't be more right, and I've been considering it. I finally asked my roommate Shane tonight how to find out about stuff like that, and he told me about a program here in my county that he heard about, so I'm going to try and find out more info about it tomorrow. I also get to go to my 4 year old niece's Christmas play tomorrow morning at her school. I'm looking forward to that.
So that's it for now. Got on the scale again today....still 234. Painful to report, but it's the truth. 'Nite friends.
4 months ago