A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Monday, December 14, 2009


I checked the scale today. Up to 234.0. Good grief. That's up 8 lbs from Friday. One of these days I'm going to figure out how to separate my eating from stress and depression. I hope it's sooner rather than later.

I guess the only way to completely fail at this is to completely give up. Throw in the towel. Admit defeat....and quit.

But I'm not planning on quitting. I might be de-railed right now, but it's not going to last forever. You know what the great thing is about Rock Bottom? That's right....there's nowhere left to go but up.

I'll definitely be back by Friday to post my weigh-in, but I'm hoping to be back sooner. I really need a lifeline to hold onto right now and I want that to be my blog. Trying to get back in the groove. I'm afraid the struggle is back to one hour at a time right now. I hate going backwards like this, but at least I'm not quitting. I'm proud of the weight I've lost so far, and it's just enough to let me know that I don't want to go backwards. I want to keep fighting....scratching, clawing...whatever I have to do to get things back on the upswing.

If you're a praying person, please send one up for me. There is power in prayer. That, I am sure of. 'Nite friends.


  1. Hang in there, Tammy - I would miss you if you left blogland! Sending good thoughts your way, my friend.

  2. I'm having the same struggles these days. I am afraid to step on the scale to see the damage. But like you, I'm not giving up. I'm going to get it together and not give up on myself this time. I'll pray for you if you'll pray for me. Let's all pray for the courage to make good food choices!

    Hang in there. We CAN do this. Just look how far we've come!

  3. Yes lots of power in prayer. I'm sending one up for you. Hope things get better and you get to feeling better. It's true just never give up. I turn it over to God when I get to overwhelmed with something. Hang in there Tammy *hugs*.

  4. You have got the best attitude and nothing is going to stop you in the long run. This is temporary and, like you said, you are not giving up. I am sending lots of good, positive thoughts your way!

  5. Tammy you have to find another way to release your depression and not by eating..( says me who does the same ) but hey I'm expected to tell you that hey!!

    You asked me why I'm on WW
    Joined WW in Feb and lost 48lbs since. Now I'm trying to maintain my weight loss...WW Europe launched a new program a month ago, so I'm still doing it but it's a new learning curve for me hence me blogging about it at the moment.
    We now have to work out points via

    Before it was only calories and saturated fat.
    So everything has much bigger point value now.

  6. Tammy - I am so happy to read this post from you today and to know that you are not giving up. You can do this thing. Sometimes your head gets out of the game, but you just have to come right back. Maybe this cycle never ends, but damn, it's got to get easier! Must keep trying.

  7. I love your fighting spirit. Hold on tight my friend. Never let go, you've come too far!

    best always,

  8. Hi Tammy,

    Thanks for commenting on my blog yesterday - it's wonderful to hear from you. I've been in my own murk of self pity and struggle and have had a bit of eating excess. So far not too bad, but I clearly see that I could be up 10 pounds in a week if I didn't watch diligently.

    When I'm like this, I have to weigh everyday, as that does keep me in check to some degree.

    I am thinking of you and praying for you. I know you won't give up. You've come too far and learned too much for that. Be easy on yourself and try to stay up with blogging. In AA we learn that our disease (alcoholism, addiction - food!) wants to keep us isolated - when we're unconnected we're much more likely to go down a path of self destruction. Don't I know it! You may feel like you're out of the loop, but you're not. I know all your blog buds are here for you, and support and care about you. HANG IN THERE!

  9. This is a tough time of year and you are dealing with so many things that are making it so much tougher. Even if you can't do anything else, please do keep posting to your blog. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  10. Tammy, your courage is an inspiration. This is a terrible and difficult time of the year to even think about losing weight. Be kind to yourself. You are going through a lot, so be good to YOU. Since the beginning of November I have been struggling with my weight. Hoping that I could eat, and still lose. HAHAHAHAHA. I weigh myself everyday. And while sometimes that can be hard to look at...when the weight comes off, it is very encouraging. On Monday AM I weighed 237 (again). Today 234. Oh that bad water weight. I am going to the gym 5 days a week, and trying to eat healthy foods. Cause I know next week I will be eating a lot of delicious, calorie laden treats. Stay comitted, but don't agonize. The New Year is coming soon, and half the USA will be dieting then. Hugs, Kathleen

  11. You can do it, Tammy, and you are worth it. Your body needs to be treated the best if you are dealing with depression. It is the best way to get better. Give it some healthy foods and take it out for some exercise. Even if you still feel depressed at least your health is one less thing to worry about.

    Hugs and strengthening thoughts coming your way..

  12. Find strength in Him! He holds the scarlet thread to pull you out of this pit your in. Grab on girl!!!!

  13. Like Sean said, you've simply come to far to even think about giving it back now. Think about how hard you've worked and the sacrifices you've made. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now (well, figuratively speaking), but lapsing back into those bad ol' ways is no recipe for happiness. And the thing is, I'm pretty sure you know that already. Dig in and fight your way out of this...

    Best of luck.

  14. You can do it! We're all here for you :)

  15. Praying for you as I type. Take care Tammy - you've accomplished too much to turn back. You are even stronger than you know.

  16. Hi Tammy. Sent you an email on this.

    Finding some other way to deal with the stress is vital right now. It's a situation which is not your fault and not of your making and I feel angry on your behalf that you're being put through this.

    I don't want you to lose what you've worked so hard for. It's too important.

    Remember, it is not you vs food, but you vs stress. That is the real issue here.

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  17. I'm sorry things are so rough, Tammy. At times like these, who can think about dieting?
    I would guess that most of that weight is water, so don't fret too much. However, with the stress you're dealing with now, some good, healthy food will help you deal with it all. I hope things work out for you soon - keep strong!

  18. It's emotional eating. Just remember not to feed your emotions with food but with love and understanding. Food is only a distraction. Stay strong friend!