A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Bat Wings Revealed

I wrote this post last night, then spent 2 hours trying to figure out how to transfer the pics from my camera to the computer.  Shane said my cord must be bad and I need to go buy a card reader.  I'm either going to do that, or take more pics of my arms tonight with his camera, and transfer them that way.  Either way, I should have the pics posted on tonight's post.  :)


Oh there's been some stupid eating going on this week.  However, unbelievably, it hasn't been out of depression.  I've actually been ENJOYING myself.  Weird, right?  I know. 

Let's start at the beginning, which was last Friday.  Dwayne is coming back around.  I had told him the week prior that I really couldn't hang out with him much anymore because it was making it too hard on me.  (I still love him and still can't imagine being without him forever).  Well telling him I couldn't see him must of sent him into some kind of overdrive or something.  He knew I had a vet appt for Scarlette last Saturday, and he knew I couldn't really afford to pay for it.  So he asked if he could come up Friday night and give me the money for it.  Knowing how dire my financial situation is, I agreed.

Well, he came up alright.  And he brought seafood (my FAVORITE) from Red Lobster with him.  Then he picked up my electric bill off the counter and saw it was $260.  He knows Shane and I only have $200/mo budgeted for our electric bill.  So he whipped out his wallet and handed me the other $60 to pay the bill.  Then he gave me another $60 and told me that was for me....he didn't want me going around flat broke all the time.  He told me to spend it on whatever I wanted or needed this week.  Then he said he was taking me to Wal-mart to buy me some sort of jacket because I don't own one and he can't stand the thoughts of me freezing every day (it's been 17 degrees here every day for like a week...unusual for Georgia).  I haven't owned a jacket in YEARS because I couldn't stand the thought of looking like a linebacker in one.  But Friday night, he wasn't accepting any excuses.  He's tried to buy me one every year for 5 years now, and this time he wasn't taking no for an answer.

On the way to Walmart, he took us by Starbucks for a cafe mocha.  Then we tried on jackets and I was cringeing.  I try not to ever buy clothes in front of him.  He knows my size, unfortunately, but I still don't like it.  He knows I was a 3x (26/28) when I first started trying to lose my weight in June.  He knows I got down to a 2x (18/20), because he gave me $100 to buy a few clothes to celebrate it.  But we couldn't find a 2x in the jackets.  I was panicking.  He pulled a 1x off the rack and handed it to me.  Oh I so did not want to try that on in front of him and it not fit.  Imminent death was among us, lol.  I just knew that I would drop dead right there from embarassment.

But I tried it on anyway....and it fit!!!  Holy crap it fit!!!  I mean it actually zipped up and everything.  Sure, it's a little snug...but it zips without any problem.  I started jumping up and down and giggling uncontrollably.  He asked me if I liked the color, and I screamed out, "Who gives a damn about the color???  IT FITS!!!!"  He was laughing while I twirled around in circles in my new jacket.  It only cost $50...not bad for a jacket, but hey, it's Walmart, the emporium of cheapness.  He told me I could get a bigger size if I wanted.  I shot my head around and asked why.  He said just for a little wiggle room.  I glared at him and told him I did not NEED or WANT wiggle room.  That I am consistently losing weight, and will never again buy LARGER clothes.  I will buy what FITS, even if it's a little snug.  He said, "Geesh, okay okay, you're doing great baby, enjoy your jacket!".

I wore it out of the store and then he said, "Let's go see a movie!"  So we rushed over to the theater for the 9pm show.  We saw the movie Avatar, which is right up our alley.  He got me hooked on fantasy/sci-fi crap long ago.  After that we ran by Kroger and he bought some groceries for me, then we got home around midnight. 

The next day was Scarlette's appt.  We took both cars, so he could go his own way after the vet.  On the way there, we stopped at Petsmart and he bought the baby a new collar and 2 big things of pee pads.  Then he paid the $125 vet bill.  I've explained a couple of times before in previous posts that the way Dwayne shows he cares is with money, or through buying you things.  I guess he's trying to say he still cares. 

Who knows where we'll end up.  I have no idea.  But I will admit to one thing.  I had FUN on Friday night, and it was such a nice change.  Then on Saturday night, I took a little of the money Dwayne gave me, and I met Billie and Shane for dinner at Chili's.  We had a great time.  Then on Sunday, after Billie and I went to the gym together, I met up with her and Shane at a seafood restaurant called Pappadeaux's, where Shane bought my lunch.  It was FANTASTIC...had fun again. 

Then yesterday, Monday, I had to go up to my sister's house to babysit for her last night and today while she goes to school.  I spent the night up there.   She asked me to cook chicken and rice for dinner, so I did.  Then I started snacking.  My goodness....she has 2 kids and her house is full of junk food.  It's everywhere.  Elijah asked me to make him some peanut butter crackers, so I did, and ended up eating 2 Ritz crackers with pb and jelly on them, just like Dad used to make us when we were kids.  Then I spotted a box of Golden Grahams in the pantry.  I very rarely eat cold cereal....but if I do, it's Golden Grahams.  Damn.  I had a bowl of that.  Then I saw popsicles in the freezer that said "ONLY 50 CALORIES!", so I had one of those.  Then I drank a Coke I found in the frig.  Good Lord.  It was horrible.

I didn't leave from up there til 2:30pm today, so today was bad, too.  Crappy, crappy week for weight loss, but it's also been the best I've felt in the form of happiness in over 2 months.  So, I can live with it.  I did stop by the store tonight after the gym and pick up lots of fruit.  My plan for the next 2 days is to eat ALL healthy stuff, including lots of fruit and water, so we'll see how it balances it out by Friday's weigh-in after I flush about 10 lbs of sodium from all the restaurant eating. 

Speaking of the gym, I've been going for about 3 months now and loving it for the most part.  The one thing that's really been upsetting to me is that my arms haven't shrunk one bit.  Not one tiny bit.  My stomach has started shrinking more than my arms, and it's usually the last to go.  I finally got up the nerve to ask the personal trainer tonight for some help.  Mind you, I don't pay for a personal trainer, so I've been too scared to ask for help.  I figured if I did, he'd tell me his hourly rate and ask me to pay up, lol.  But tonight I asked him if he could just show me 1 exercise to fix my bat wings.  I showed them to him and asked him if anything could be done or if they were beyond hope.  He said, "There's always hope".  Awesome.  Just what I wanted to hear.  :)

He took the time to show me 3 different exercises and I'm so grateful.  I only did 20 reps of each and they're already a little sore.  I can just imagine how wonderfully painful it's going to be tomorrow night when I show Billie the exercises and we do 3 reps of 20 with all 3 of the exercises.  It will be torturous bliss!! 

Now that I have finally found the way to fix my ridiculous arms, I've found the courage to post "before" pics of them.  I know...I can't believe I'm doing this either.  But I really think I can shrink them up some.  Sure, there will still always be loose skin at the droopiest point, but if I didn't think I could shrink them up a good bit, then I wouldn't be embarassing myself by posting these pics.  They are hideous.  And by the way, I promise this is as bare as it gets.  I will not be showing you my other set of wings, otherwise known as my inner thighs.  That would just be wrong.  ;)  I'll be taking measurements of them with Billie tomorrow so I'll know my exact starting point, and will re-measure them in one month.  Hopefully I will at least lost an inch.  Anything is progress.  I leave you with the horrid truth.....'Nite friends. :)


  1. Congrats on the jacket. That is such an awesome feeling. Good for you :)

  2. Oh Tammy it is so great to hear you so happy and feeling better! What a sweatheart Dwayne is!! That takes so much pressure off of you and that is wonderful! Its ok to be bad sometimes...I have been since the end of November and I gained back almost 5 pounds but I enjoyed the holidays and I am back at it:)

  3. It sounds like you have had quite the days! I always love a new jacket!!

  4. I was so happy reading your post Tammy! You totally deserve every ounce of happiness and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. I drooled a little when you mentioned Papadeauxs :)

    Good for you to getting up the courage to ask the trainer. It's amazing how many people are willing to help if you just ask. I told my husband that exact same thing this morning about his gym.

    You're doing great girl. So proud of you!

  5. Hi Sweetie!
    I am glad you've had so much fun over last few days! Good for you and "good for you" too! ;)
    Beware of the up and down relationships. I am there too...Remember to trust yourself and remember what you want and need...
    I hate my arms too. Genetics play a roll too. All of my family can fly!
    Wishing to the best always,

  6. Woohoo for the 1X jacket!!! I am so happy for you - what a great feeling, right?!?

    Glad that you had such a wonderful last few days. You certainly were deserving of them!

    Looking forward to seeing your batwing pics - I have a feeling they won't be that bad...

  7. So glad to hear some happiness in your "voice" Tammy:o)

    Thank you for your very kind comment today, you are one of a very special Band of Buddies I have here in Blogland and you really did it for me today.

    Big Hugs Special One


  8. Sounds like you're in a pretty good place. A word of warning however: it's pretty easy to get comfortable in a good place. I want your sights set on an even better place!

  9. I'm so glad that things are looking up for you! And hey, you have got to let us in on what the specifics are for those exercises! I have lost little amounts on my own batwings throughout this journey, but it is definitely an area that I will need to refine as I come closer to my goal weight.

  10. There have been times where I've had to go out and buy smaller clothes and it's always a good feeling.

  11. Well, I'm glad to hear you had a happy week, even if the eating was crappy. Just get back to your healthy habits and you'll be good. :) There is hope for your arms! Another great all around exercise that will work on burning the fat and toning them is swimming. I recommend that to anyone whose arms are their problem area because it is really effective for making them look better (and it's an amazing cardio workout!) Good luck, Tammy! Stay happy.

  12. Hi Tammy. So glad to read you had some happiness! Because that is the most important thing in life. Everything flows from there.

    And brilliant about that jacket! Enjoy!

    Bearfriend xx