A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Job Interview Today!

Let me do the food pics first, and then I'll tell you about the job interview.  :)

I don't have all of my pics today because after I got the call to interview today I kind of lost my mind.

Ham, egg beaters, and cheese sandwich on wheat bun w/ 1 Tbsp mayo.
Calories:  280

I made a chicken meatloaf w/ 1/2 c. panko bread crumbs, 1 lb. of ground chicken breast, red and orange bell peppers, a small jar of mushrooms and some onion.  I cut it into 6 thick slices, each slice being 143 calories each.

I baked it at 400 for 35 mins covered with foil.  Then took the foil off, added a little ketchup on top and baked uncovered for another 10 mins.

Meatloaf sandwich w/ 1 slice meatloaf on wheat bun with 1 Tbsp. lite mayo.
Calories:  268

2 c. strawberries
Calories:  86

I baked 3 chicken breasts (about 5 oz. each) w/ baby vidalia onions, fresh salsa and cubanelle peppers (which are supposed to be a cross between a bell pepper and a sweet banana pepper I think).

One chicken breast w/ veggies plus 1 c. Steamfresh chicken flavored rice.
Calories:  410

I also got out bright and early this morning and hit the trail at the park and got my exercise in.  My mind's still not in full swing again with the exercise, so I'm not going to tell you I loved it, but I'm making the effort to get it done.

On to the interview!

I got an email from Rick, the director of operations at the company I've been trying to get hired at.  He said he's in Vegas this week at a conference, but his office manager, Rhonda, would be calling me today.  I got a call at 10am and was asked to come in and interview at 2:30pm today.

The interview went well I think.  It was tough and there were a lot of deep, thoughtful questions.  Women interviewers are much different from male interviewers, from my female perspective.  They're way tougher.  You have to make sure you don't wear too much make-up, remember that she doesn't give a damn about whether or not you wear your strappy black heels, and don't try to charm her too much.  Am I being sexist?  You may call it that....but after being around the job block several times in my life, I just call it being real.   She was tough, but I was completely impressed with her interviewing skills. 

I feel about 90% positive I got the job, but I'm not confident enough to say 100%.  That was another thing she was good at....not conveying her decision even after an hour of talking.  Women....so much harder to read than men, lol.  Anyhoo, she said she would talk to Rick and that the staffing company would be calling me in a day or two.  More waiting!!!!!  This is making me nuts.

The pay is the same as I was making at the last job I got laid off from over a year ago, which is a HUGE blessing.  It's not a ton of money, but it's more than the $12/hr that I was going to make at White-Hart and Assoc. if that job had of worked out a couple of weeks ago.  Funny how things work out.

They say the dress code is business casual, but she was dressed in capris and flip-flops, lol.  So hooray for a casual dress code, especially after Dwayne bought me all those capris for my 2 day stint at White-Hart.  Now I don't have to feel guilty about that anymore.

They have 10 paid holidays, and after you've completed your 90-day probationary period, you're eligible for vacation depending on what month you start.  The later in the year you start, the less vacation.  As of January 1st, it will be 2 full weeks of vacation time, plus a couple of personal days and a couple of sick days.  They have decent health insurance....it's not super cheap because they're not a huge corporation...they're a medium-sized, privately held company....but it's not horrendous either.  I can deal.

Jack Sh*t gave me some good advice a few days ago about not putting all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak, and letting everything ride on one job.  I have definitely been applying for anything and eveything I can find, but this has been the only prospect I've had for an interview, so I've definitely zoned in on it.  I have the worst binge feelings I've had in a long, long time and it's directly related to the stress I have over wanting to land this job (ANY JOB).  It sucks....it totally sucks.  It's like my mind is in overdrive and for the life of me, I don't understand why that makes me want to shovel food in my mouth hand over fist.  I haven't done that....but those are the feelings I'm having.  The fact is....if I give in to the urges and just eat and eat, I won't be able to fit into any of my clothes for work.  It will set me way back with my mental progress on this weight loss thing.  Notice I didn't say "physical" progress, because I think we can all see how bad that is sucking.  I keep losing the same lbs. over and over and over again. 

Last week's gain was not from bingeing.  It was from sodium from eating in restaurants all week because I didn't want to think about cooking.  That's why I made my weight loss goal 7 lbs. this week, because I knew I'd have a big sodium drop.  And I will.  I've already looked at the scale and it's moving in the right direction.   I haven't done that kind of frantic eating in many months.  I've really been working on it and I'm proud of that.  But it's definitely a fight right now.  I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails and I'm on really, REALLY shaky ground. 

So pray for me friends.  Pray that I got the job and pray that I can stop abusing food.  So much of this weight loss thing is mental.  It really is.  So much mental work to get it right, and KEEP it right....not fall back into old habits.  It's just so easy.  When you've been dealing with your issues (emotional, stress, etc.) by stuffing yourself into oblivion with food for the last 20 years...it's really, really tough to learn new ways and habits and to completely reverse the old ones.  The actual math of the weight loss process is simple....calories in/calories out....eat less/move more....I know exactly how to drop 5-7 lbs in a week.  But it takes a whole lot of focus, planning, preparation...did I say focus?  to do it right, and to do it week in and week out, consistently. 

Those are my 2 biggest problems.  Focus and consistency.  I'm so easily distracted by what I consider more important things....like losing the unemployment and needing a job NOW...one that pays enough to cover all of my bills, etc, etc.  And the consistency thing is a real killer.  I did fantastic with my beach challenge, dropping 15 lbs in 4 weeks.  I was focused.  But I let the focus go once I got to the beach, and put back on all 15 lbs in 9 days flat.  I got right back up to 241 lbs. and I hung out there for a couple of weeks, doing nothing to drop the weight.  Then I really freaked out and stopped cooking and gained some more, taking me up to 247.4 last week.  All of this causing me to realize just HOW MANY TIMES I've lost the same 15 lbs or so...from 230-245 or so.  Over and over and over.  So stoopid.  Just so stoopid.

I want to see the 220's again.  My time there has been fleeting.  I want to go back.  I'm just about to the point to where I'd cut off my right arm to never see the 230's and 240's on the scale again.  I wish I didn't have such a one-track mind.  Like I can only worry about one thing  or the other, but not both things at once...finding a job AND losing weight.  As I mentioned earlier, my desire to exericse is still not back.  I used to love it...look forward to it...my body shape was changing....I was losing inches and I knew it.  But it has absolutely vanished.  The will is not there.  I am currently doing that "fake it til you make it" thing that I've read about on other blogs.  I'm going through the motions because I know how harmful it would be to me to give up exercise altogether.  I'm just doing what I can until the desire returns, and I pray that it happens soon.  I want to love it again.  I want it become part of the thread of my life, of who I am.  It's that important. 

'Nite friends.  :)


  1. About the exercise...bring the body around and the mind will eventually follow. Prayers pouring out in high gear about the job. It's time and you're due good news and and a change of circumstances, Tammy. I wish you the ability to sit throught the binge thoughts without acting on them. I know how hard that is - sometimes I can sit them out, and other times I can't.

    Let us know when you find out about the job! I bet all of blogdom will be praying for you after reading this post!!

  2. I can totally relate to everything. Will be praying for you and wish you all the best!


  3. I'll be crossing my fingers that this job works out for you :)

  4. Good Luck! I wish you all the best, I hope that this one comes through and sticks !

  5. Yeah~~so excited you got an interview. Women are so much harder to read. I totally get what you're saying about the weight loss cycle...it's tough..and it's mostly mental. Keep trying :)

  6. I'm praying! What a roller coaster you've been on. I totally know you will not only see the 220's, but leaven them in the near future! Rooting for ya Tammy! xxxx

  7. Got my fingers crossed for you! I just started a new job and you are right - female interviewers are tougher on women.

    :) But I got my job and heres hoping that you get yours!

  8. I'm thinking good thoughts for you--I know you'll get something soon!

  9. Got everything crossed for you Tammy, it really is time for your luck to change xxx

    Big hugs


  10. I'm praying that you get that job and that it will be something you really, really enjoy. Stay strong!

  11. Hang in there. I'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed you will be getting up and going to work everyday soon. In the meantime, get out and get some fresh air and enjoy the time you have because WHEN you get the job it will be hard to squeeze in those outdoor activities. Keep the faith.

  12. Stay strong and think Positive! Don't let the food win! I hope it all works out for you. I know how you feel about wishing to drop weight into a different set of numbers. I too have been around the same digits for months. Just keep working at it and eventually it will happen. Best of luck!!! I hope you get the job!

  13. Still sending up prayers for the job, Tammy.

    When I feel the need to binge, I try to eat a little of whatever I'm really craving, then finish the binge with carrots and fat free Ranch dip. Or a lot of fruit. That makes the guilt not so bad afterward. But I try to get my mind off the binge. I read weight loss blogs, or take my little dog for a walk, and take a HUGE bottle of water with me. Sometimes I will just get in my car and take a ride. Everyone's different, but these are just a few things that work for me.

    I really hope you get the job! But keep looking!

  14. Crossing everything I'm able to cross. Best of luck to you!!

  15. As always....I'm rooting for you!!! You deserve everything good in life. :)

  16. Praying that you will land a job, and that the rest will all follow through. You can do it, girlfriend!

    Hugs, Kathleen

  17. of course you are in my prayers...they will be lucky to have you on their payroll! With all of the ups and downs, you really are doing a great job staying on track and healthy. I know it's not the numbers you are wanting to see, but you are not giving up and that's awesome!!

  18. I'm hoping things will work themselves out for you financially as well as health wise real soon. I've got my fingers crossed for you that you get this job. I know exactly how easy it is to fall into bad habits. You're going to be empowered one day soon and look back on all this. I'm thinking of you my friend. Miracles do happen. I witnessed one today at work. A 19 yr old patient of ours who was supposedly at a 2 month old level (due to brain toxicity) spoke today after 6 months of not being able to communicate. She not only spoke but answered our questions. This was never supposed to happen. It was unbelievable. Prayers do get answered and I pray your turn is coming soon. (((hugs)))

  19. Thanks, Tammy.

    I needed to hear that.

  20. good luck on getting the job! take care