A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Hello Again

Well my physical issue is starting to resolve itself and I'm feeling a lot better than I was.  I may even be able to get back in the gym tomorrow after being out all week.  Speaking of no exercise, I went ahead and weighed this morning to see how bad it was and surprisingly I weighed 235.2.  That's only up .2 of a lb from last week so I basically stayed the same.  Hooray for small victories after a week of feeling like crap!  I'll check it again on Friday to see if there's any change. 

Let's talk about my newest stress factors, shall we?  I asked my mom to do my taxes tonight.


I cannot even tell you how much I owe to federal AND state.  I've never been on a payment plan with the IRS before so this will be a new adventure.  Do they accept $10/month payments?  If not, I may be doing my future blog postings from the pokie.

My roommate Shane's dad is dying.  He's been very sick for a long time.....he's had 5 heart attacks, has congestive heart failure, out-of-control diabetes, failing blood pressure, drug-induced Parkinson's disease and has been in and out of the hospital for the better part of the last 5 years.  This week they took him out of the hospital and instead of letting him go home this time, they moved him into a rehab center (nursing home).  Shane's mom is a nurse but hasn't worked in over 2 months due to having to give her husband constant care.  It's rough on the emotions for her, but also rough on the wallet.  Shane gave her an air mattress that she wanted to borrow, and has been sleeping in the floor of his dad's room at the nursing home every night.  She hasn't left his side.

Shane is their only child.  He has to go to work every day (to pay his half of our living expenses), and then goes to the nursing home to visit his dad afterwards down in Atlanta.  When he went down there 2 nights ago, the chaplain was in the room with his father and his dad told him he didn't think he would make it another day.  Billie said Shane totally lost it.  His dad is still hanging on but nobody knows how much longer he has.  Although he's been sick for a long time and the deterioration has been evident, it doesn't make losing your father any easier...just because you know well in advance that it's coming.  Shane's an emotional little guy anyway, but he's really been torn up and out of sorts for the last couple of weeks.  He jumps every time his phone rings.  He's not getting any sleep at night.  I feel very, very sorry for him.  To say that the stress level around here has been through the roof is an understatement.  And at the risk of sounding really morbid, it's a weird feeling to catch yourself sitting around thinking about funeral plans and how you can be of help before someone even dies.  Creepy stuff.

And did I mention my baby sister is going in the Army?  Good grief.  Amy's had a rough life, mostly due to her own choices (I've made plenty of bad ones myself in times past, so no judgement here).  I'm going to be perfectly honest with you.  This Army thing can either be a really good thing, or a really bad thing.  It all depends on her, and we just don't know how it's going to go until she gets in there and does it.  She's already passed her written tests and physical and for now, it looks like she'll be heading to boot camp in June.  My nerves have been completely racked over this.  And then Amy had to go and mention to me about some movie called Full Metal Jacket that I never watched, saying that if you mess up, the other people in your unit put bars of soap inside socks and beat the crap out of you.  In fact, she asked her recruiter about it, and he told her that kind of stuff happens all the time.  GREAT!!  JUST WHAT BIG SISTER NEEDED TO HEAR!!! 

Do you ever just want to disappear sometimes?  Just shrink away....*poof*...and not have to worry about LIFE anymore?  Nobody coming to lock you up for inability to pay your taxes....no roommate's father dying....no sister getting beat to a pulp with soap-filled socks.  You know, sometimes I wonder how many real-life Thelma and Louise's there have actually been, lol.  Just get in the car and drive....


  1. Wow...you are one tough cookie Tammy...you've been through so much and you'll get through this...you are a rock!

  2. Tammy, I have been reading your blog for awhile and applaud you for hanging in there. In spite of what you're going through, you are so supportive of others. I lost my job last year too and can empathize with what you're going through with unemployment, taxes, etc. Hugs!

  3. The good thing is, things will DEFINITELY improve from here. i'm impressed you have been able to maintain your weight thru all of this.

  4. Wow, well, all I can say is you're strong and you'll get through this like you've gotten through everything else. How has the job hunting been going now that you've started applying at other types of jobs?

  5. you are doing great tammy..you and your friend just hang in there..God is with you all..iam so glad you have been able to stay at the same weight..with the way things have been going..i know i would have been eating everything in sight..but you can get through it..we all will..you get to feelin better soon..i miss you on here..loveya,kelli

  6. I'm so glad you're feeling better.

    Very sorry to hear about Shane's Dad. It's so hard to watch our loved ones die and knowing we are powerless to do anything about it.

    I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

    We're running away to VT this weekend. I can't wait to get out of the city. You're welcome to join us ;)

  7. So sorry that all of that is happening!! I will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers!

  8. Glad you're feeling better! Good luck maintain weight while feeling bad.

    What a lot of stuff is going on for you. I hope you are able to get back to the gym soon because that always provides a good release of stress and negative energy.

    And yes - I have wished I could just disappear at times - a respite from everyone's (including my own) struggles. Pray pray pray!

  9. Ah..life and all it's ups and downs. One thing about the downs is eventually you will have some ups...

    Hang in there girl. You are strong.

  10. Talk about a lot hitting a girl all at once. It sounds as if you are dealing. :)

    The IRS is a gaping, sucking chest wound. And I have been there, done that with the payment plan thing. It blows. They are going to try to push you into the highest payments they can possibly squeeze out of you. I told them what I could afford and still feed my kid and that no matter what they said, that was what I would send. Every month. They accepted it. It took forever to pay it off, but I managed it. Slowly.

    Just don't miss a payment! lolol

    I am so sorry about your roomie's dad. I lost my Daddy to prostate cancer a year and a half ago. We new it was coming for a year. And it still felt as if a mule gut kicked me and someone ripped the beating heart out of my chest simultaneously. You can never truly be prepared. My heart goes out to him.

  11. Hugs! That's all I've got, hon... You are the best!