A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Taxes and Dwayne...A Love Story

I've talked about Dwayne on here before, but it's been quite a while since I've given a lot of detail about us and our relationship.

I've explained before that the way Dwayne shows his love is through buying/giving you things.  He absolutely SUCKS in the "emotionally available" department, and he knows it, so he tries to make up for it with money.  That's just his way.  It took me a long, long time to get used to this.  He and I are polar opposites in this area.  I'd much rather have a hug and an "I love you" from him than $100 bill any day of the week.  That's just my way. 

There's a commercial on TV right now...I think it might be for Bud Lite....where a guy and girl are sitting at the bar and the girl says "I love you" to her boyfriend, waiting on him to say it back.  And he can't.  He tries and tries, stumbles all over himself, but just cannot say the "L" word.  He even makes a comment about how gorgeous she is (and she is), but he still can't say it.  That's my Dwayne.  Or I should say, that USED to be my Dwayne.  He's changing, for the better.

I broke up with him last November, about a week before Thanksgiving.  Somehow, over a period of 2-3 months, we worked our way back together.  He didn't ask me to get back together, it was nothing official, he just asked if he could come visit me one Friday, under the guise of wanting to spend time with our puppy Scarlette, and he ended up spending the night instead of leaving like he had done on previous "puppy visits" during our break-up.  And that was it.  Together again. 

Except things are different now.  He tells me he loves me regularly now...we email throughout the day while he's at work, and sometimes he just blurts it right out...with no prompting from me...saying "I love you very much".  WOW.  That's new, lol.  He's said it before, but only if I say it first.  He's never been the one to initiate.  Now he does.  He'll call me and end the phone call with "I love you baby".  When we spend the weekends together, and it's time for him to leave, he'll give me a tight hug, a long, slow kiss, then lean his forehead on mine, look me in the eye, and say "I love you".  Makes me weak in the knees.  I love that sh*t, lol. 

He still does his "giving me money" thing, like he always has, but he's thrown it into overdrive.  He keeps telling me that his main concern is that I'm "safe and happy", and he knows that the lack of money w/ being unemployed is a huge stress point for me.  He knows how hard I'm looking for a job, and he's seen my incredibly tight budget.  He thinks I'm some sort of Budget Guru because, for one, it's so tight, and two, I actually stick to it.  When I thought I wasn't going to get this last extension, he called me and told me he'd take care of me, but he needed to know everything.  He wanted to know if I had secretly taken out any loans anywhere, or had I charged up my credit card (which only has a $500 limit to begin with).  He thought there was just no way possible that a person could live on this little money w/o completely freaking out and doing whatever they had to in order to get their hands on some extra money I guess.  I told him no, I haven't taken out any loans, the balance on my credit card is less than $100, I haven't robbed any banks, taken out any personal loans with family or friends....nothing.  I have no debt...just my month-to-month living expenses, which takes up all of my paychecks.  He was blown away....he said, "Wow baby, you are just amazing...I am so impressed!"

He's been giving me $100 most weekends when I see him since we got back together.  This is another big change.  He's given me money before, but not on a consistent, weekly basis.  He says it's to get me through the week.  He said he can't stand the thought that we live a good little distance away from each other, and he can't just pop over anytime to take care of what I need, so the $100 is to see me through each week until I can see him again on the weekend.  It's very humbling and so appreciated.  I often feel like I just don't deserve him, simply because I can't even do the little things, like buy him a decent birthday gift, etc.  I feel like he gives and gives and all I'm doing right now is taking.  I'll be happy when I'm employed again and things are more balanced. 

Then there's the tax issue.  Let me back up to last year.  I've never owed taxes, until last year.  Someone told me not to let the gov't. use my tax money all year by filing 0 or 1.  They said you can claim up to like 9 dependents (even if you don't have any), so that you get most of your money in your paycheck.  Then around August/September, fill out a new tax form claiming 0 and it should balance out to where you might not get a refund, but you shouldn't owe either.  I was a little nervous trying this "new plan", but I did it.  I claimed 3 dependents...all year.  I FORGOT to change my tax forms later in the year, and given that my memory is about an inch long, this is not surprising.  When it came time to file, I found out I owed the IRS $700.  I was laid off about 2 months before I filed, so guess what?  No money in the budget to pay it!

I figured I would just set up a payment plan, because I had heard of other people doing this, and send them the smallest amount they would take.  I didn't think it was that big of a deal really...several of my friends had done this in the past, so I told Dwayne about it.  He freaked.  Absolutely freaked.  I think he has an unhealthy fear of the gov't., lol.  He said if I didn't send them a high enough payment (it probably needed to be at least $100, he said), that they would throw me in jail.  He couldn't live with that thought, plus he was upset with me for doing this in the first place.  He got his return back, which was $1700, and he gave me $700 of it to pay off my taxes in one swoop.  Holy crap.  His generosity shocked me to death, and I couldn't stand the guilt of him handing me so much money at once...money that he had worked hard for all year, so I told him I just couldn't take it.  He said, "Oh you're taking it....there's no discussion about this.  And no more creative financing with your taxes....we're not going to go through this again.  You shouldn't be playing around with the government."

Fast forward to this year.  I owe AGAIN.  And again, from taking someone else's advice.  I had never been on unemployment before and had no idea how it worked.  I was laid off in Feb, and we knew it was coming.  My entire accounting dept was laid off, and we knew we were all going to be standing in the unemployment line together.  The day I went up there, my boss went with me, lol.  Sad.  Anyhoo, a couple of weeks before our last day, I had 3 or 4 girls tell me the way unemployment works...what you have to do to fill out the forms, certify for your check online every week, etc.  The subject of taxes came up.  ALL of them told me to not have any taxes taken out.  They said you don't make enough on unemployment for it to matter in the first place, and secondly, you won't be on unemployment that long anyway before you get back to work.  Well......it's been a year now!!  And I owe even MORE this year than I did last year.  $1100 to be exact. 

Now I know that a lot of people don't think that $1100 is a huge amount of money, but when your budget looks like mine does, it may as well be $10,000.  If ya' ain't got it, ya' just ain't got it.  I was terrified of Dwayne finding out.  I had absolutely no intention of telling him.  I've been very careful not to even mention tax season in any way, shape or form this year.  My plan was just to set up whatever I could with the IRS and take care of it myself.  So much for my plan.

Dwayne called me at the beginning of last week from work, sounding a little hurried and frantic.  I asked him what was wrong and he said it was almost April 15th and neither one of us had filed our taxes.  He said he wanted it taken care of before we leave for our beach trip....which is May 1st.  He said he figured I owed a little bit because of all the unemployment stuff...he said he knows I didn't make a lot, so it shouldn't be over $300 or so.  But I needed to get them done because he wanted to file them and give me the money to pay them by April 15th.  He said he didn't want any tax crap hanging over his head and worrying him while he was on his vacation.  At this point, I hadn't done them yet, so I had no idea what I owed.  I told him I wasn't going to even mention it because of last year...all the money he gave me and him telling me sternly that "we're not going to do this again".  He said just find out and let him know how much it was.

I had mom do them online for me and found out they're $1100....nearly 4x more than he was thinking.  Crap.  Now what.  I told him don't even ask me what it is.  It's horrible.  And I didn't want him mad...I'd just take care of it on a payment plan.  He didn't like it, but didn't mention it again for a couple of days.  Then Friday came and he came up to spend the weekend like he always does.  I was trapped, lol.  When he got face to face with me, he insisted I tell him.  I did.  And he took it a lot better than I expected.  He said we'd set up a payment plan and everything would be okay.  The next morning, Saturday, he went to H&R Block to file his taxes.  He called me and told he's getting back $1800 and he's giving me $1100 of it to pay off mine.

I was in shock...again.  Worse than last year.  He didn't even sound mad at me.  I didn't say anything back...I didn't know what to say.  He asked if I was still there (on the phone), and I told him I just couldn't believe his generosity.  I apologized over and over for doing this for the second year in a row....he stopped me and said, "You're my sweetie and I want to make sure you're taken care of.  I'm not mad at you at all baby.  It's going to be okay." 

We hung up and I cried.  I prayed and thanked God for him.  I know that our relationship isn't perfect.  We've both got our own set of flaws, and they get in each other's ways sometimes.  Dwayne and I have been dating for a long, long time.  It will be 6 years in August.  He's quite obviously a commitment phobe when it comes to marriage.  But I know that I love him...there's no question about that.  And if I ever questioned whether or not he loved me....I don't anymore.  He's the one...whether we ever put it down on paper or not.  :)


  1. WOW...that is so cool. You have no reason not to deserve him. He is financially able to meet your needs and enjoys doing it. He's a keeper.

    Oh...and I totally see your email link now...duh? I'm half blind I guess.

  2. What a sweet story...yes...paper or not... you have something worth keeping together.

  3. Tammy, what a great story. There is NO doubt that Dwayne loves you very much! Too funny that he thought you had loans you hadn't told him about, lol. I agree with Mrs. L - he's a keeper, and not just because he's helping you out financially. Clearly, you mean the world to him :D

  4. This is beautiful, Tammy! I know how hard it was for you last November when that all went down and I have been quietly observing all of the Dwayne references since then, thinking, "this guy is a keeper". This just confirms it. What a nice testiment to Dwayne to tell his story on here... I am especially happy for you about how he has changed his emotional availablity. I'm SO happy for you two!

  5. wow..what a true love story..you cant get any better than that..you have found the right man..i loveya,kelli

  6. What a wonderful love story, I have to be honest and say I was worried Dwayne was not the right guy for you because of all that early stuff. When you broke up I was sad for you but thought it was for the best. Now it looks like that break up was the best thing that could have happened, Dwayne has realised how special you are and now feels confident in your love for him.
    It is lovely that he can express his love for you in words now, that is so important. All the money, gifts, etc mean nothing if you do not hear "I love you" come from you beloved's lips.

    I am so happy for you little sister, now the prayers can be concerntrated on finding you the job you deserve:o)

    Love and hugs


  7. I'm so happy for you girl! You're very important Tammy and he knows that...it sounds like he's really getting in touch with his emotions, and for some guys---that's HUGE!
    The tax issues---We talked...been there, still there---Listen, you're going to be fine. The IRS is so friendly these days---at least they have been with me. Hear that taxman??? I said something nice!!!

    You're gonna make it, beautifully,

  8. Pretty amazing Tammy. Clearly he loves you and cares deeply about you. I think you guys are in it for the long haul. So happy for you!

  9. So awesome. I dated my husband for EIGHT years before he popped the question so hang in there. :)

  10. Truly an amazing love story. I don't think a piece of paper could make it any better than it already is. You clearly have a very special relationship. Enjoy it!!

  11. Wow! I remember last Nov. when you broke up and I was going through a similiar thing at the time and you gave me hope that I could survive w/o my BF. We did end up getting back together too but I am glad to see that it has come full circle for you and that he was willing to take the time and effort into changing his ways.

  12. Aw, thanks for sharing, Tammy. I love how he now says "I love you" to you FIRST! =)

    (and the title is cute; "Taxes & Dwayne..A love story".)

  13. Now you have me in tears!!!!!!!! thanks...xx :)

    I have also had men in my life help me out...and often.
    I have an amazing hubby who pays whenever my youngest daughter is in trouble and needs money, he doesn't have to but he does, as he sees how upset I become...
    WE are blessed to have the men we do in our lives.

  14. Awwww you made me cry, what a sweety he is and it sounds like you are both very lucky to have each other. I'm so happy it's all going to work out for you.

  15. Dwayne sounds like a great dude. Sorry about the taxes, live and learn I guess. Yeah I'm happy to make Level 2 finally!

  16. What a nice post. I'm glad that you and him are back together and that things are better now than they were before.

    And here's the thing. I know when you don't have a lot of money (being one of those poor people myself) that when others give you money, it seems like a big deal. Especially if it's a lot of money. But money is just money. It's not the holy grail of happiness or something that gives us love or anything like that, it's just something we need to get by in life and sometimes it can aid in making us happy. So to people who actually have money, who don't need to worry about every dollar they're spending on a constant basis, it's not a big deal to them to give it away, especially when it's going to something that will make them happy, like Dwayne knowing you'll have money for the week to live on. So try not to feel so guilty. You will be on your feet again someday, but for now, just be glad you have a sweetheart who is so willing to help you out.

  17. I'm glad you and Dwayne are back together and it's sweet that he wants to take care of you and make sure you're protected. It's great he's making and effort to tell you how much he loves you instead of just buying things or giving you money. He is a keeper even if he doesn't feel comfortable with making a formal commitment. B and I have been together for 26 years without a piece of paper to make it "legal."

    I have always claimed "0" on my taxes no matter how much grief I get from the "experts." I know I'm letting the gov. hold my money for the year but I'd rather do that than have to stress about paying the tax man come year end.

    I made sure to have taxes taken out of my unemployment benefits too.

    This is a sweet love story. May you live together happily ever after. ;)

  18. It's nice that after some time and practice, he learned how to express his love for you in a way that you could appreciate. Some are better at giving gifts as an expression of love, and others better expressing love through words or deeds. I'm glad things are working out between you.

  19. Such a sweet story. Sounds like he really wants to keep you safe and happy. Remember that just like you say, that when you don't have money, it doesn't matter whether it's 300 or 1100, you just don't have it, the flip side applies too. When you do have money (and it sounds like Dwayne does have some), amounts are not always that important--why not just spend it on someone you care deeply about? I've been on both sides of the fence here. I'm just glad you have found someone who cares for you in the way you deserve.