A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Give Up? Ain't Happenin'

Thanks again friends for all the comments on my last post...a lot of you told me to hang in there, and to look at how far I've come. I appreciate your thoughtful comments. I want to make sure that everyone knows that I am by no means giving up....never. Never. Ever. I have a goal and I'm going to reach it. And I HAVE come a long, long way. My highest point was 340 lbs....that was back before I started blogging. I didn't discover the wonderful world of Blogland until June of this year, when I weighed 272 lbs and made The Decision to finally get serious, once and for all.

I emailed with one friend today who thinks I'm being too negative with myself. They're afraid that I'll doom myself and undo all the good work I've done if I continue with the self-loathing. I thought about this for several hours today to see if that's really what I am doing. I've decided it's not. I don't hate myself, per se. I don't call myself "fat" names anymore....I stopped that a long time ago. And I'm extremely proud of what I've accomplished so far, because as we all know, getting the mental part of the process right is damn hard.

I get what they're saying, and it makes my heart smile to know that their concern comes from a place of true love and caring for me. Their opinion will always be welcome. But I don't really think that's where my true problem lies. However, there are a couple of people who comment that know exactly where I'm coming from....they totally "get it".

Jack Sh*t always pops over and comments on my weigh-in Friday mornings. He basically told me to get my butt in gear, because I posted that I've been flitting around with the same pound or two for 3 weeks now. His advice was to get my act together and do it right this week. I love that....he gets it...totally. He tells me what I LOVE to hear....get it right, get it done...and do it now. Not next week...not next month....do it now.

Another person named Marcelle, the chic from South Africa that's now living in Germany (listed on my blogroll), left a great comment on my last post. Regarding eating 1800 cals the last 3 days, when I set the goal at 1600, told her that I'm losing my focus. She's spot on...she hit the nail on the head. Losing my focus is EXACTLY what I've done this week. And I hate it. I don't hate ME...I hate my actions. They're unacceptable to me.

My mindset when it comes to losing this weight is simple. I'm either going to do it...or I'm not. I made The Decision to do it....and to work on it continually until I reach my goal weight of 180. I will have gone from 340 lbs that I carried on my 5'10 frame, to a curvy, healthy 180 lbs. that I plan on displaying quite proudly for a total loss of 160 lbs. That will be an astounding accomplishment for me, and I'm betting the one thing I've done in my life that I am MOST proud of. Chances are, I'll drop another 10 lbs or so while I'm trying to get comfy with maintenance, but the day I get to 180 lbs is the day I'm celebrating!!!

When I first started, I gave myself a monthly goal of 10 lb. losses. Along the way, I decided to drop that monthly goal, and make my new goal consistency. I want to get my calories to where they match my fitness level, for a consistent, healthy loss of 2 lbs. a week. Yes, I'm bright enough to realize that it might not always show up like that on a weekly basis...but if it balances out to around 7-8 lbs a month, then I feel like I have reached the consistency level that I'm aiming for.

We all know that each of our journeys and our goals within that journey are different. Some of us don't care how long it takes. It's enough for them to know that they have changed their eating habits to healthier ones, and therefore, changed their lives. That is just beyond awesome....what we should all be shooting for ultimately is great health. Others of us have a more specific time frame in mind because we're driven by deadlines, timeframes, etc. I'm definitely in that group. Did it kill me to drop that 10 lb/mo goal? Oh you bet it did. I wanted to go right back to it the very next week....but I didn't.

I've tried to do my best to end the crazy cycle of dropping 6 lbs in a week, and then staying the same or gaining a lb the very next week, all due to my brain being fried from the previous week of insanity. I'm looking to replace that insanity with some harmony...I want to tone things down a bit, and get on a more even keel. That, in turns, takes some figuring out. I'm now a firm believer that 1500 cals that work for some and produce fantastic losses every week, just doesn't work the same for everyone. How can it? Our bodies are all so different. We don't all weigh the same, nor do we metabolize the same. We don't all work at the same fitness intensity in our workouts, or work out the same amount of days in a week or month.

However, I sincerely think if you're obese and just need to get started, then 1500 calories a day is an excellent jumping-off point. Most of the 43 lbs I've lost since starting this blog have been based on 1500 cals a day, and that's thanks to Sean at The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. It's a good number. As you progress, if you feel like you need to change things up, then by all means, do so. Nothing is written in stone...it's all about what works for each individual.

I still don't know what's right for me...that's why the weigh-ins have been spotty for the last 3 weeks. But I'm working on it, and will continue to work on it until I get it figured out. There is no giving up. It's just not an option, and it's something I never think about. In fact, my most recent thoughts have been, "How fast can I get back to the gym?" I've been working out at least 5 days a week, usually 6 days. Today was my 5th day in a row, and I'll be back in there grinding it out on the treadmill again tomorrow morning. I'll probably make Friday a rest day because I think 6 days in a row is a good streak, and I do think that a day for rest and recovery is important....muscle repair and all that jazz.

I love that my best friend Pam at Journey To The Healthier Side Of Life turned me on to blogging. I had no idea how awesome this stuff was. What an incredible outlet for the process of losing weight, getting healthier, and changing your life for the better. It's so therapetutic, so uplifting, such a feeling of community. I love that even though you may have never met someone in person, they can get to know you through your writings, and really start to care about you're doing to change your life for the better. You guys are the best...I'm so glad I found you....and now that I have, I can't imagine what I'd do without you. This blog doesn't end when I reach goal.....I'll be bugging all of you all the way through maintenance!! You're stuck with me!!

I want to give my friend Cherie a shout out. She's a friend from grade school and found me on Facebook a few months ago. She reads my blog every day. She got in touch with me a few days ago and offered me some encouraging words after my disappointing weigh-in last Friday. And she gave me some FANTASTIC news that just excites me to no end. Since reading the blog, she's found a belief in herself that she can do it, too....and she's doing it!! Cherie has lost 14 lbs so far and is well on her way to her to becoming the healthy wife and mom that she desires to be. So, so proud of her and just love her to death for taking the leap.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again to anyone who's contemplating getting started. Make The Decision....jump in with both feet....and then just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I definitely encourage starting your own blog if you're able to....and then post as often as you can...it really helps with accountability....and you can say as much or as little as you're comfortable saying. Your blog is about YOU and what you need to do to work through the issues and improve YOU....your body, your health, your mind...all of you. Success is waiting....it's there for the taking. Do it....and do it now. :)

P.S. I ate 1600 calories today...I'm back in control...what a wonderful feeling!

Quote For the Day:

"Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself." -Elie Wiesel


  1. Nothing tastes as good as being in control. Blessings on your journey girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Love! Love! Love! this post. My hero of the day. Thank you for breaking it all the way down for us all. I love the honesty. Have you thought about your life as a 180 pound lady? What are you looking forward to when you hit that goal? How do you plan on maintaining it? You keep going lady because you give us all hope. Thank you again.

  3. Well, I'm happy that you'll always be around to "bug" us. ;) You know you can do this, Tammy. I'm happy you're back in control.

  4. I’m finally trying to catch up!!! I have missed your blog (and you) SO much! I love all the photos that you put up; it’s so great to see you out and having such a good time and looking so very hot! I think it is awesome that you were able to fit on the roller coaster without any problems and I know that is just one more bonus in a long line of pluses that you will continue to see as you lose the weight. Congrats on your Gorgeous Blogger Award, by the way; I enjoyed your list of interesting things. You have continued with some losses too (both on the scale and with the inches – read, new jeans) which is just wonderful; you are shrinking before our eyes! I am really thrilled for you that Dwayne seems to be coming on board with the healthy lifestyle stuff. That’s just great! I know you have hit a tiny bit of a snag the last few days, but I also know that you will overcome this… of that, I have no doubt. You are too amazingly awesome to fail at this, girl!!! I can’t wait to see what’s next for you, Tammy! Hugs!

  5. Hi Tammy -

    I'm finally back from the DR and catching up on my favorite blogs, of which yours is among the top! I know of that frustration you're speaking...it seems we hit places where we want to keep going but have trouble putting all the pieces together. So often I identify with you and your occasional tendency to get a little down on yourself. Apparently others have noted that to you, as they have to me. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and remind ourselves of what we really want in the big picture - not in the small self pity moment, which is when I am most prone to overeat. I'm going to get back to prayer as yet another (maybe the best?!) tool for getting my head screwed back on straight when I'm feel sketchy and out of control.

    Sounds like you have done that reassessing and self scrutiny and are on track. And really - the holiday season is tough, even before it fully arrives! I'm going on too much here - I think I need to post on my own blog!

  6. I love this blogging community, because like you said - they just "get it".
    If you're going to make this a plan that you can live with forever, then you're going to have times when you make changes. It's all good. You're back in control, and on your way to another loss!

  7. You're so right about the value of blogging. For the first time, I don't feel so alone in this. Even at weight watchers, I felt alone. I would also advise anyone starting out to maintain a blog and ask for help when needed. I also like bloggers who give out "tough love." I loved this post.

  8. Sometimes we need that kick in the butt to get us refocused again...so pleased to read you are back as you have done such an amazing job with losing so much weight it would be such a waste to stop now and gain it all back, ONLY TO HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN, as losing weight is the circle of life for so many of us...

    I did an entry today on my blog about HOW SLOWLY I took to lose the weight...honestly, how I never gave up I have no idea, it came off with little drips...Now I'm thankful as the many months it took me also taught me how to change old habits and develop new one's that will stick.

    So my friend, I'm so happy to be reading this entry today.
    Am off to teach an aerobic class now, so dark it feels like I'm going out at midnight to teach.

  9. I don't have any awesome advice or words of wisdom because as you know I'm still in "The Decision" making stages of this journey, but I just want you to know that you're one of my weight loss heroes and I'm behind you rooting and cheering all the way!

  10. Tammy, I hear you. One month has gone by with virtually no weight loss for me. I have joined the gym, and am doing the treadmill, recumbent bike daily. In my heart I know I need more than the thirty minutes I am doing on the treadmill. Honestly, I hate all of it. I'm 59, diabetic, and past menopause. How hard do I have to work to get rid of this weight? It's going to be hard. You give me hope and courage to continue. Many thanks, and hugs, Kathleen

  11. Tammy, you hit the nail on the head for me this week. Ive flitted around the same 2 pounds this last 3 weeks as well. Im over it. Something has got to change, so I am changing my eating to a new program on WW and revving up my exercise (so easy to say...tomorrow). YOU CAN DO THIS! You have been doing so well! Keep the right attitude.
    P.S. Jack and Marcelle help kick my butt too! love them both!

  12. Tammy you are just in the midst of this thing we call the weight loss journey. There are times we have total focus and times when we don't lose all focus but just let our mind wander. The great thing is that you are NOT giving up and you will get to your goal!!

  13. It is all a process and a journey and a CLIMB huh?

    as with all things in life some days and weeks seem almost EASY while others (suck &) feel as though we have to claw our way just to not lose ground.

    have a good weekend!!