A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Isn't Life Funny???

I pour my heart out about Brittany last night.....and then just a few minutes ago, I talked to her on Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How weird is this???

I've never tried to even look her up on Facebook before because after her mom ended our emails a couple of years ago I figured that she'd block my attempt. Just on a whim today, I thought, "What the hell?", and I sent her a friend request and a short message wishing her a happy birthday this week.

Just a few minutes ago, I got an email telling me she confirmed my friend request and wrote a message back. I was half expecting it to be her mom, but it was her. She thanked me for the birthday wishes, added me as a friend, and we exchanged 4 or 5 short messages. I assured her that sending her a message for her birthday was my reason for contacting her, and that it was not my intent to upset her mom. She told me that since she's older now, she doesn't think her mom will have a problem with it. (Yeah, RIGHT....we'll see how that ends up).

I scrolled down her page and looked at her photos. Her mom had sent me 4 pics of her a couple of years ago, but I saved them to my work computer like a dumba$$....and then got laid off and forgot to move them to my laptop or desktop at home! Then I saw where she told another friend on her home page what her cell phone # was.....and then I saw where she was in Kennesaw Saturday night visiting a friend (20 minutes down the road from me, where I used to live before I moved here in September).

At that point, I was like, "Ok....this is information overload...I don't want to know her phone # unless she offers it....I don't need to know she was an arm's length away from me a couple of days ago....time to get off of Facebook Tammy". So I did....I told her goodnight and that she could shoot me a note whenever she felt like it.....she said she would and that was that. All kind of surreal really. Yesterday night was all full of tears and memories (that was a HARD post to write, even as short as it was).....and then the very next night I'm chatting with her. ??? My brain is totally fried now, lol, but at the same time, it almost feels like I've been holding my breath and now I can let it out. I feel relief.....and I welcome it. Funny how a little 5 minute exchange can make me feel worlds better. And thanks to each of you who left a comment on my last post or shared a private email with me....I love you all for reaching out...means more to me than I could ever express.

On to weight loss stuff!! Let's back up to Friday. I took a "free day" with the eating, which means I ate stuff that I wouldn't normally eat, and more calories. However, I made the decision not to eat out at any restaurants, or even a Subway. I cooked everything at home. I had tuna salad, made with WHOLE eggs, which you know I rarely eat. And I added more lite mayo than I normally do, along with onions and dill pickles....just the way I like it. :) I also made one of my favorite comfort foods for dinner...old-fashioned chicken and rice.....white rice!! Which, again, I very rarely eat these days. And I had TWO bowls, instead of just one. I think I guesstimated the calories pretty well and ended up around 2000....perfectly happy.

Sat, Sun and today I ate 1700 calories and that's kept me satisfied so far. I plan to keep to this number for the next 3 days before weigh-in. I also plan to continue the 6 days in the gym before the next weigh-in, just like I've been doing. My workouts last about 1.5 hours, and they're feeling better and better. Billie and I changed the way we're doing them this past weekend. Instead of running through the whole circuit of weight machines, and then doing round 2....we decided to stay on each machine until we did 3 reps on each, and then moving to the next....so that we're only moving through the circuit once. It makes your muscles burn more this way and that pain makes me happy. I know, I'm sick. :)

Also, I downloaded the podcast for Robert Ullrey's C25K about a month and a half ago and have been too chicken to even try it....fearing I wouldn't even be able to do Day 1 without doing a face plant on the treadmill. Billie had already started it last week I think it was, so I knew my turn was coming. I finally bit the bullet and tried it yesterday. It has 8 separate 1 minute jogs, with 1.5 mins of walking inbetween. I got to the beginning of 7 and thought I would surely die, but I pressed on, and I made it through all 8!!! The problem is, who knows how many times I'll have to do Day One over and over? lol

I'm going to attempt to do Day Two tomorrow, and we'll see how it goes....but you can't believe how unbelievably proud I am that I even made it through the first day. I cranked up the volume on the podcast and let the fat fly!!! Fat Tammy was jogging baby!!

I'm super tired so I'm headed to bed now. I've got a feeling this is going to be a GREAT week!! I hope I've found the right calorie amount now, and will see another loss this Friday. If not, prepare yourselves for an cuss-filled post this Friday morning. :)

Quote For the Day:

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong." -Ella Fitzgerald


  1. So happy for you lady! That was wonderful news for me to end the day on.

  2. Wow, life can throw you a curveball sometimes, but it's really cool that you got to have that contact with your daughter today. I'm glad that it made you happy.

    Way to go on finally starting the C25K today! The hardest part of doing something is usually just starting it, so I'm sure it will get easier. And you'll be so impressed with yourself when you see how much you improve.

  3. I was brought to tears reading your first part of this entry...can just imagine how being in touch makes you feel. You have to leave it up to her to make contact now, this will give you an idea if she wants to have you in her life...be patient and wait now...She's young - you have to remember it with giving her the space she needs...and that's going to be so hard for you...after all you want to be as close to your child as possible.
    Big Cyber Hug to you...

  4. I am so happy you got to message Brittany! The universe really has a way of making things work out the way they are supposed to!

  5. Tammy - So glad you got to talk to Brittany. Sounds like this could be the beginning of a great new relationship. And way to go on the C25K! I've been doing day one over and over now for about a month. Seriously, I don't know if I'll ever progress, which is OK with me. I feel good just upping the output a little bit.

  6. Great job on the running! I am happy that you were able to talk to Brittany. Have a great night!

  7. I love C25K and I'm currently on Week 5. Keep it up! You'll be surprised at what your body can handle!

  8. See? What did I tell you about Brittany?

    You can trust me, Tammy... I know ALL! LOL. So happy for you!

  9. Hi Tammy. Headspinner eh? Yet as ever, you are dealing with it so great. I'm happy for you to have made that connection again. And that you have the strength not to push things but to just hold back and see how things unfold. I'm sure that's the best way.

    And great exercising and eating as well - pretty amazing! You are a star!

    Hope you really do have a GREAT week!

    Bearfriend xx

  10. I'm SO Happy to hear you went that very scarey step and requested Brittney as your friend! I bet your Happy Birthday message meant more to her than you know!

    You are doing so great on your weight loss journey! I didn't feel like getting up this morning to exercise at all...but it was because of you and my other blog friends that made me get up and do it. And I feel great now. So a big THANK YOU goes out to you today :)

  11. Tammy - you are such a hero for more reasons than one. It is the highest form of selflessness int he world to give a child up for adoption. Without women like you, I would not be a mother. I am so glad you are in some form of contact with your daughter. My childrens birth parents are ALWAYS welcome and we are grateful for them EVERY DAY. I am VERY proud of you for taking the step to know her but also for thinking of her first. You are a gem.

    - Lisa

  12. Nice job getting started with c25k!! Don't be afraid to try Week 2 and beyond. The worst possibility is that you won't be able to do it so you'll just have to keep trying. My first day was just as hard as you described, yet here I am, about to move on to Week 5. As someone else said, you'll be surprised at what your body can actually do!