A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Body Talk

One thing that I've heard over and over when reading other's blogs is "listen to your body". I'm scared to listen to mine. Also, I think there's a thin line between what your body might be saying, and what your mind is saying. I'm having a really frustrating day today, so it's time to post!

Friday and Saturday went really well. I ate 1500 calories both days, walked 5 miles on Friday, but only 4 miles on Saturday. I say "only" 4, because 5 was my goal. So let's talk about "listening to my body" in regards to exercise/walking.

I mentioned on Friday that when I got done walking the 5 miles, I took my shoes off to check my toes, discovered some busted blood blisters, and vowed to say to hell with the budget and buy some new tennis shoes. And I did!! Dwayne, being the sweetheart that he is, wouldn't let me pay the whole price though. I found a GREAT sale at Famous Footwear on Saturday, and got a pair of New Balance shoes for only $52!!

I was so excited....and when I got to the register to pay for them, Dwayne whipped $45 out of his wallet before I could even blink, instructing the cashier guy to put that towards it first. I can't believe he did that knowing he'll be getting laid off soon. He's just too good to me, and I'm thankful for his generous, caring heart. So I only had to pay $7 for my brand new shoes!!

Here's some pics of the old ones and the new ones:

We went to the park Saturday morning at 10am and watched the Dog Frisbee Championships for a couple of hours, then home to have lunch, then back out to do some shopping. We got back home, I wrapped my toes in band-aids and then headed to the park around 3pm to do my 5 miles. However, I couldn't make it the whole way. In listening to my body, I had to stop at 4. I just couldn't go any further, all due to my blistered toes. The shoes feel great, but the toes are already blistered and raw and were just hurting too much to reach the daily goal I set of 5 miles.

Also, I laid out my goals for this week that I would have one rest day from the exercise, and would probably make it on Monday. I was figuring 3 days on (Fri, Sat, Sun), a rest day on Monday, and 3 more days on (Tues, Wed, Thur) before my next weigh-in. However, trying to listen to my body, I made today my rest day. I'm trying to give my toes a break. I had to. It's like they're screaming at me, "So help me God Tammy, if you walk on us again we're just going to fall off and then you'll only have 8 toes instead of 10!!!"

But with all of my NORMAL aches and pains....lower back, hips, joints, knees...if I were to completely listen to my body, I'd never exercise again!!! It just hurts. Another thing.....I've always regarded pain with exercise as a way to know that what you're doing is working. We've all heard the phrases...."no pain, no gain"..."feel the burn!". So I feel like if I didn't walk every time something hurt, I'd never get any exercise done....ever. So "listening to my body" in this regard really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. It's like I don't know when I should, and take it easy.....and when I shouldn't, and press on to get it done.

On to listening to the body in regards to food. Yeah, RIGHT!!!! lol

Even 4 months into this, I still want to eat all the time. All the time. I really do. Maybe it's because 20 year habits are hard to change. Maybe it takes more than 4 months to change a habit for me? I don't know. Some days 1500 calories feels like more than enough to me. I can be satisfied at 1300, and then another 200 before bed for the sole purpose of being consistent with my calorie intake. Sean told me early on to be consistent with them when I emailed him for some advice.

Other days, like TODAY, 1500 doesn't feel like nearly enough. I'm at 1553 calories for the day. I accidentally went over because I misjudged a bag of pretzels. When I figured it up later, I was over for the day. But the thing is, I feel like a bottomless pit. I don't feel full or even close to satisfied. My stomach is growling as I'm sitting here typing this post. And on days like this, it just aggravates me to death.

About the thin line between what the body's saying and what the mind is saying.....I've got plenty of healthy foods here that I can eat if I wanted to eat a couple hundred more calories. And it would probably satisfy me, although I'd be pissed that I totally blew my daily goal. But my mind is saying...."well hell Tammy, if you're going to blow the daily goal, make it worth it!! You know you don't want a cheesestick or a Kashi bar. Drive to town and get a sub, or some fried chicken tenders. At least your stomach will go to bed happy."

It's a struggle some days...it really is. I'm not going to eat anymore today. I've made fantastic progress so far with losing 39 lbs in 4 months and there's no turning back for me. The 6 lb. gain I had last week is just unbelievable to me. I'm really disappointed in myself for letting the calorie counting go for a few days. Tremendously disappointed. But I'm not going to give up over it. I'm going to press on. Just trying to figure stuff out along the way.

I guess if I keep telling my body "NO!" on the hungry days, like today, that maybe one day it will get easier. I keep hearing that it will if I just stay the course. Just kind of wondering how long it's going to take. Or maybe I'm one of those unfortunate people that will always have a tendency to want to overeat. Maybe it will still be a battle even when I get to maintenance. I don't know. What I do know is that even after 4 months of trying to do the right things, I still don't trust myself enough to completetly listen to my body...with the exercise OR the food. If I did, I'd never exercise again, and I'd be working my way back up to the 340 lbs. I used to weigh.

One thing I do know is that when I have a bad day....the next day is usually brighter. I'm going to finish up this post and white-knuckle the table until time for bed. There will be no more eating tonight, and I will be doing my walk at the park tomorrow morning. I'm also planning on trying one of my new recipes tomorrow....I'm going to try and make the Butternut Squash Soup off of Pam's food blog, "Lobster and Fishsticks". If I get it made, I'll post a pic of it. Hope everyone has had a lovely Fall weekend. 'Nite all. :)

Quote For the Day:

"Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." -John Quincy Adams


  1. You have to look at the overall picture, 33 pounds is great. You are doing great, you are my inspiration.

    Love the new tennies, I love New Balance shoes. After walking the trail today, I know exactly what you mean about your shoes filling up with rocks. When I got back to the car I thought about you.

  2. New shoes for you too! Cool!
    when I'm feeling really peckish in the evening I'll give in and have a bowl of cereal with some protein. I feel better and it takes away the crazies for me. It never does any damage on the scale for me so I go with it.

  3. In regards to 'listening to your body' I find that 99% of the time that is an excuse for people to be lazy. If your nutrition is spot on, you can recover from a LOT. Your feet issues are going to resolve themselves with the new shoes. Your joint pain is something to listen to, but never give too much credence to the 'tired, sore, exhausted' stuff.

  4. Please take care of your feet. If you have to stop walking for a few days and go shoe-less to let them get some air to heal, please do. It's so important. Love you, Mom O.

  5. Yay for new shoes!

    As for wanting food all the time, fake it 'til you make it, girl. You can do this.

  6. Getting back on track is a challenge, and you're doing it. Listening to your body is so sensible, and sometimes feels too much like "moderation" to me. UGH - I don't seem to have a moderation setting, but I'm trying. Sounds like you're doing good. Your shoes are booo-tiful! Looks like you have small feet!

  7. I discovered years ago that if I plan to do any walking, say over a mile or two, I have to pre-wrap two toes on each foot before I set out. It looks ugly with band-aids on "roast beef and none" (remember? this little piggy had roast beef and this little piggy had none") but I haven't had a blister since. I might make that a post!
    Great shoes!

  8. Yippeee!!! New shoes, thats great. It's so much easier to "want" to exercise when your feet feel good. I'm heading to the running store this afternoon to get fitted for some. I'm super excited!

  9. love new shoes!! I need some too, mine are getting too wide and stretched out. 5 miles is a LOT! seriously. let your toes heal.. and try doing less.. like 3.5m.. that's still a lot. work your way back up so your toes can heal. Get good socks too.. ones that fit properly, and wick sweat away from your feet. They saved my life this summer with all the walking. You're doing fabulous, Tammy!!! really!

  10. Glad you got new shoes I'm sure they will help.

    As for the food stuff, after 27 months I still have days like you described. Sometimes I white knuckle it and sometimes I give in and have a healthy snack (and sometimes I have a not so healthy snack). I find too that having decaf hot tea with milk at night usually helps get me through. Sometimes I will have 3 double cups, the protein in the milk really helps curb my appetite I believe. I also love the sugar free fudgesicles which at 80 for 2 help get me through a night when I'm wanting something sweet but don't want to blow my day. I think it's all about finding ways to get through. I also believe sometimes it really is our bodies telling us we need to eat more but for me I know most times it's just my mind.

    As for the exercise. I can say finally my body does know when I need it or I need a down day.

    Hope you have a good week.

  11. I'm so glad to see you got yourself your new shoes!! Definatly listen to your body about exersize. As for eating, I can't listen to my body for the same reason you can't. As long as I know I have my 1500 cals in for the day, I look at that "i'm hungry" feeling as this: it's my body going into that stored fat I have so I'm not going to put another thing in my mouth for the night. Sometimes I drink a bottle of water but it doesn't always help.
    Keep it up! I'm back up to 184, but with the encouragement I'm getting from reading your blog, I have lost 3 pounds of it so far :)

  12. Hi Tammy. To lose weight there must be some hunger. And for some people like you and me, a lot of hunger. People who say otherwise are usually lying or occasionally just very lucky.

    The intuitive eating thing is mainly just a way of trying to con yourself into eating less and for some people that works and good for them if it does. But it still relies on making good choices -eating things you'd rather not because you'd actually prefer something more calorific, and eating less than you really want. It's just another way of thinking about dieting.

    Not something that would ever work for me because I'm too honest about myself.

    I also think the point you make about mind and body being difficult to distinuish between is important. If you use (or have used) food for comfort then when your mind screaming for chocolate or whatever it's likely to be much louder than anything else.

    All I can say is, keep up the struggle and stay strong. You are an inspiration.

    Best wishes,
    BEarfriend xx

  13. So glad you got the new shoes - and what a sweetie Dwayne is!

    You know, we have had a lot of practice with out-of-control eating; much more than what we are practicing now. I still have days where I just want to go on a bender with food, and sometimes do, although it's usually healthier stuff now. Don't be too hard on yourself - it's a process and we get to keep practicing it from now until the end. Remember, it's progress, not perfection. Hang in there, Tammy - you really are doing good!

  14. It's sometimes hard to get back on track, but you are doing it. I really didn't follow the mantra of "listen to my body" to lose my weight. Rather I watched fat percentage in foods and was super careful with portions. My body wasn't really trustworthy at that point.

    I love the new shoes! I didn't mean to make you sad on my blog today. Your inspiration can come from inside you just as well as a silly photo! Sorry!!

    Take care,

  15. Awwww:) What a sweetie to pay for most of your shoes...:) Sorry about your toes...I took a nice long walk in the park close to home with Riley and my feet are sore...but it was alot of fun! You should try the Mexican Corn Chowder that I made...I have the link on my blog that takes you to the blog where I got the recipe...its so good! I made it for lunches this week.

  16. Thanks Tammy! Yea I drink water when I'm at work but at home for some reason I don't drink it. I guess because I have the sweet tea here and its really my one TRUE weakness along with fried chicken and french fries. LOL! Thanks for the support I need all the support I can get. Love the new shoes, you need to take better care of your feet btw.

  17. Yeah, seven months on and I don't trust my body enough to tell me accurately what it needs, either.

    I have exercised through a lot of chronic pain issues and many have gone away (heh, and some have started up).

    Oh, man, the blisters were a dreadful blight at the beginning and I still carry around an emergency pack of those fabulous gel blister plasters - they work wonders!

    Lovin the new shoes (and Dwayne!).

    You asked about my work as I am currently job-hunting. Well I am just a general administrator, so can work anywhere, hopefully I will get something before my contract finishes in November. Your line of work is one that has been the hardest hit in this economy, but I do hope you find something soon!