Change: Hard but Necessary

I've been feeling really out of sorts since I posted my weigh-in Friday morning. Now that I've thrown out my 10 lb/mo goal and said I'll just be happy with any kind of loss, as long as I can find some consistency, I don't know what to do with myself. As an all or nothing person, and someone who is goal-oriented, I'm feeling kind of like a ship without a sail. One thing that has added to this feeling is that I can't do my normal 4 mile walk/jog at the park this week and that is really messing with my mind.

When I got out of bed Friday morning my right knee started popping, and continued to pop all throughout the day and night. It's been doing it all weekend now, and my knee is really weak. This happened 2-3 months ago, when all I was doing was walking on the treadmill for exercise, and not nearly as far as I'm walking now. I guess I've just got a bad knee. It feels weak, strange, like it wants to pop out sideways. So my normal exercise is just out of the question. It's irritating the crap out of me that I'm probably out of commission for at least a week....but I really don't want to injure it any further. That would just be stupid. So I'm having to suck it up and deal with it...accept it...and that's just not my style, lol.

My day normally starts with rolling out of bed, taking my thyroid medicine, waiting a little while and then eating a small breakfast, making sure my lower back is loosened up enough to move, and then out the door to the park to do my exercise. I'm the type of person that REALLY likes to get the exercise over with in the morning. If for any reason I can't, and it has to wait til afternoon or evening, it messes with my whole day. I can't rest or clear my mind until I know I've burned those calories. I sincerely think the reason I've had so much success with the weight loss up to this point is because of the exercise.

I also think that doing it earlier helps to burn calories longer throughout the day and raise my metabolism. Dwayne and I have been talking about him buying me a used treadmill as a Christmas gift. One reason is for the winter weather, but the other is so that when I finally get to go back to work, I can wake up an hour earlier and get the exercise out of the way. That way I have killed any excuses for not doing it after work....I'm too tired, I've got to go home and take care of Scarlette, got to stop by the store, I've got to cook dinner, something just came up....you know all the reasons it doesn't get done.

So anyhoo...back to the weekend. My knee is screwed, I'm floundering a bit in my brain because of it, and I overate Friday and Saturday. I didn't binge, it wasn't that horrendous, but it was more than the 1700 calories I said I was going to try out this week. Now with me not being able to do enough cardio, I decided I better keep the calories at 1600 to try and make up for some of it.

Friday my knee was hurting too bad to do anything at all. Saturday I got up and went to the park and did a 2 mile walk. I didn't even break a sweat. That was disappointing, but I kept telling myself not to overdo it, so I made myself leave without doing another 2 miles. Today I went next door to my mom and dad's and rode on their stationary bike for 15-20 mins (I forgot to time it). Then I did some exercises here at home. Let me see if I can remember it all:

50 wall push-ups (2 sets of 25)
100 crunches (2 sets of 50)
20 leg lifts (2 sets of 10)
40 tricep (I think that's the official name for my bat wings?) exercises with a 10 lb free weight (2 sets of 20)
10 shoulder exercises with a 10 lb free weight

None of this required any sweating, so I don't feel like I did near enough. I just can't wait til I can get back to normal. I'm planning another 2 mile walk in the morning. I want to do this every other day just to try and stay in the mindframe of going to the park. And like I said, it's not enough to even make me sweat. It's funny to me to say that now. I remember when I did a post entitled, "E is for Evil...and Exercise". I did NOT want to get started...it was shortly after I started my blog and I didn't want exercise to be part of my weight loss...it was too painful. But I knew it had to be, so when I got started walking on the treadmill at my old apt complex, I could only do 15 mins at a time. I thought I was dying. I was sweating like a pig in heat and falling off the treadmill with legs that felt like Jell-o. It's amazing how things progress and improve if you just keep at it....just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm glad I did.

I finally got my eating back on track today. Can't say I feel any better about this whole change yet....but I'm sure I'll be okay soon. It takes me more than a couple of days to adjust to things. It will get better. I ate 1500 calories today, and I have a few food pics.

The first one is my Grandma's recipe for Beef Soup. It's one of my favorites. And I dished it up in a bowl that used to be hers. She gave it to mom to give to me a few years back when she heard how sentimental it was to me. Grandma used to serve beef soup to us in these bowls when we were little kids. It was a memory I wanted to hold onto, so she gave me one of the bowls. It's orange on top with a black bottom....kind of fitting for the upcoming season. :)

I ate 5 or 6x today like I said I was going to. It does help to keep me feeling less hungry and less frantic. One of the things I had was a 4 oz. bbq chicken breast that Dwayne grilled for us for dinner last night.

Mom invited me over for dinner tonight. She said she was making fried catfish and coleslaw and I forget what else. I decided to skip it, and had a veggie plate at home instead. Cabbage, cauliflower/broccoli, and sliced tomatoes.

The weather got pretty cold here this weekend and I noticed Scarlette was shivering when I'd take her outside. Dwayne and I went to Walmart and bought her a little sweater to help keep her warm. The sides of it hung down, and Dwayne asked me where my sewing kit was. I went and got it out of the closet for him, and he took it upon himself to hand-stitch the sides together underneath, so that her tummy would stay a little warmer. It's the little things like this that make me love him so much. :)

Yes, she's standing on my diningroom table. She doesn't listen very well, but shes still momma's baby. :)

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. If you're struggling or floundering, hang in there. Just don't give up. There IS no quitting....maybe just a little re-adjusting to figure out what's best for you. We'll all get there...and we'll do it together. :)

Quote For the Day:

"You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream of things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" -George Bernard Shaw