A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Thursday, October 8, 2009


I've got good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first? The good news, of course!

My mom and I got over the argument and everything's back to normal now. She didn't feel like it was that big of a deal in the first place, so that made me feel even better. Things are always a bigger deal to me than anyone else because I'm so emotional.

Dwayne called me today from work on his lunch break and we talked about 45 minutes. He's not pulling away this time! I can't tell you what a relief that is. He's looking forward to a good weekend with me and Scarlette and will be here tomorrow evening after work, just like normal.

The bad news is, I got on the scale tonight to see what kind of damage the retarded eating from last Fri, Sat and Sun was going to cost me. My official weigh-in is tomorrow morning, but today it said 240 lbs. I was 233 lbs last Friday. That's a 7 lb. gain, but I will say that I've been known to lose up to 5 lbs overnight after all the bodily functions have been taken care of. Even if that happened, I'm still up a couple of pounds. Now here's the REALLY bad news. I had way too much sodium today. Didn't go crazy on the volume or calories, but what I did eat was just too damn salty. As if a 2-3 lb gain weren't enough already, I didn't pay close enough attention to what I was doing today.

I got to thinking about how retarded that is. Normally, the day before my weigh-in is the strictest day of the week for me. I watch everything like a hawk. Not today. I wasn't stressing over it like I normally do. I don't want to say I didn't care, but it's almost like that. Hmmmmmm. Time for some reflection here. What the hell is going on with me?

I've decided I've become complacent with the weight loss. I think because I'm 4 months into it, the new has worn off, the calorie counting is getting tedious, and some days I just feel like "winging it". Some people call it complacent. For me, I'm going to call it laziness. Thus the title of this post...a combination of the two...complaziness.

Bottom line is, I don't like it and I don't want to stay this way. So that means I need to find a way to nuke the boredom, even if it's just a small change or two. My one main goal for this coming week is to work on the consistency. I noticed that nearly every month, I have 2 pretty big losses, and 2 gains. And it's entirely my fault. It's because I suck in the consistency department. That bugs me. I would really like to see a loss, no matter how big or small, but an actual LOSS 2-3 weeks in a row. That is my next goal.

I'm also going to try some new recipes this week. At least 3 new ones, and to hold me accountable to that, I'm going to take pics of them and post them on my blog, no matter how they turn out. I've got a few different healthy eating recipe magazines and books now so there's no reason not to take a little time to sit down and prepare for my coming week. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow with the $85 that Shane gave me, so I'm going to pick out my recipes, and make my list.

I'm thinking about something else. I'm thinking that I may have also screwed myself this week by cutting back on the exercise. Last week I walked nearly 6 miles every day, but I was really hurting. This week I cut it back to 4 miles a day...and I think I'm suffering from it. So next week it's back up to 6 miles, with making sure I have one rest day in the middle...probably Monday.

So that's it for tonight. I'm going to really HATE posting my weigh-in tomorrow morning. This one feels like the worst one yet. But...it's like Abby said on the Biggest Loser show this week..."this is a marathon...not a sprint". My biggest concern is trying to stay on course, and when things aren't going right, stay after it...figure it out...change things up...whatever I have to do to get to that goal. I really love that I'm learning so much along the way. This has never happened any previous time I lost weight. I'm really doing it the right way this time....working out the kinks as I go. I'm doing something that I'll be able to maintain for life and that just thrills me!

I'm off to find some recipes.....I'll be back in the morning with my head hung in shame and 'fessing up.

Quote For the Day:

"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something." -Carl Sandburg


  1. Great post Tammy,
    I'm glad you and your mom are okay. It couldn't be any other way.
    Keep pushing, you'll get there.

  2. Don't be so hard on yourself... there's no reason to hang your head in shame if the plan is to continue forging ahead!

  3. Glad to hear Dwayne is not pulling away. That's one less thing to stress you out.

    And don't worry, we'll still all be here for you. Just because you mess up one week doesn't mean you're ruining everything. You're still an inspiration and I know you will do better next week, because I know you are more determined than what the scale will show tomorrow.

  4. Complaziness. What a great word. I think we need to add that to the dictionary. I think I was feeling a lot of that myself this week, and it's hard to work through it all without losing sight of your goal. It sounds to me as if you've caught yourself, which is all you can do. As I've discovered, not every week can be a winner. But, the next one will be!

  5. I am so glad you and your mum are back to normal:) It is twelve months and three days since my middle daughter spoke to me and it is heart breaking...I have just realised you are the same age as her..

    I also know how you are feeling about this journey we are on, I am in the doldrums also, need a kick up the you-know-what to get me started again:) We need someway of motivating each other, get your thinking cap on my dear!!



  6. Thanks for commenting on my blog. The encouragement of others really helps me. I'm new to your blog so it will take a while to catch up. I'd love to see the recipes you come up with. We need something new around here!

  7. Good news on the mum and dwayne front.

    Hope the weigh-in isn't too bad tomorrow and I love your plans for keeping the motivation going!

  8. PS: Just noticed your Monthly Goals list - I think you have done fantastically and those red faces :( should be replaced with stars as 8lbs a month is pretty darn good!

  9. I am so happy about the good news with your mom and with Dwayne. Makes EVERYTHING go better, right? Thank you for the note in my blog. I can see there are a number of us out there who are having the newness wearing off right now -- that's one more challenge we face. What I am happy to find so far is that I can feel uninspired, but I can still go through the healthy motions. At least I'm so used to the new eating now that it's easy to put together something healthy without much thought at all. Maybe part of what all of us are feeling is the fading of food as the main excitement in our lives.

  10. Good post. I have complaziness too! I've gotten so tired of working out and watching what I eat that I've just kind of went nuts! I'm shaking things up thought. I'm changing my weigh days and trying to eat different things. You and I have struggled but WE WILL DO THIS! Skinny mamas, oh yeah!

  11. It's good to see you talked to Dwayne. I told Shane that everything would be okay with you guys, after all you have been together 5 years and it's really easy to tell he loves you, and you have grown so close.

    You are my inspiration. You are great, and even if you stumble a little along the way, you will get there.

  12. Hi Tammy...that wter retention will get you every time. I have had times when I have followed my diet plan to a tee....and not lost any weight for 5-6 days. Then all of a sudden, 3 or 4 pounds are gone over night. We all have less than perfect weeks. In fact, sometimes I sort of take a week off. THe goal for that week is not to gain any weight...then I just pick it up again and go for it. Don't be too hard on yourself. Even though losing every pound is a milestone. Hugs, Kathleen

  13. Hey Tammy,

    Great honest post. And your word, "complaziness" is brilliant! You are one clever woman! I hear your frustration, but also your willingness to regroup, re-evaluate and change up a few things that may need changing. That's what I did last weekend regarding binge-ing (not perfectly) and exercising, and it yielded decent results. But this is part of the process we're in, and our committment to ourselves and our goals can always get us back on track if we're willing to honestly assess ourselves. Have a great weekend with Dwayne and Scarlette.

  14. Your living life, you will have a weekend like last once in a while. The new you knows that you have to eat healthier to make up for it, but it's no biggy. I think you are doing great!
    I have found that counting calories can get boring too. But for me, it's the best way for me to say on track. Maybe buy a new journal at the dollar store to write in to funk it up a bit?

  15. Hi Tammy. Weighing at night when you've got all the food and water of the day on board is never a good idea. I'm sure things will be much better than you thought.

    Great that Dwayne is handling things so well. Really positive change. Bodes well for your future relationship.

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx