A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Oh The Shame!!!!

I decided that Friday's are just too busy for me to post my weigh-in, so from now on I'll be doing it at night like all of my other posts.

I weighed 239 lbs. this morning for a 6 lb. GAIN. Wow. Double Wow. Bummer.

So....the goals for this coming week are.

1. 1500 calories a day, EVERY DAY! (No more easy breezy weekends!)

2. I said 6 mi at the park last night, but I think that's still too hard for me, so I'm doing 5 miles of walking at the park each day.

3. Lots of water...but this has never been an issue. I love water.

4. Try 3 new recipes to keep things interesting and post pics of them.

Today has been great!! I allotted 500 calories for dinner, and Dwayne and I had baked chicken wings w/ some bbq sauce on them that we bought in Cherokee...it was awesome! And we had a side of baked fries. Total calorie count for the day is 1498, I've had (3) 32 oz. glasses of water, and I hammered out 5 miles at the park today.

As a side note, when I got back to the car after doing my walk, I took off my shoes to look at my toes because they were hurting SO bad. My regular blisters have turned into blood blisters and they busted....ewwwwww. No more putting off new shoes. I've put it off for 4 months now and suffered through the pain due to the unemployment. I'm not sure which bill is going to take the blow from my purchase, but Dwayne and I are heading out tomorrow to pick up a new pair of New Balance walking shoes for me. I no longer care how much they cost...I'm buying them. I have diabetes and must take care of my feet. It's just too important.

For anyone who is considering taking the weekend off from calorie counting or weight watching, my advice to you is this: DON'T DO IT!! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!! For pete's sake....a 6 pound gain!!!! I, my friends, am a loser. Big time. However, I'm going to work my buns off this week to make SURE I'm a winner next week...and the week after that!! I really need to get this consistency thing down pat. I want it to be second nature for me, just like it is with Sean. He just does it. It's not a chore...he's not pressured by counting them...he just does it. Consistently. Day after day, week after week. And he loses every single weigh-in.

One more thing. This isn't really a major thing, and probably really stupid to some people, but it's kind of important to me. I've said a couple of times that the reason I set the 10 lb/mo goal for myself is to give me something to strive for each month. I've missed it the last 2 months by a little bit, but if I would have made my monthly goal only 5 lbs, look how bad it would have been! I've got it at 10 lbs for a reason...to make me work harder.

With no goal, I'm a flounderer. That's not just with weight loss....that's in everything for me that's goal-oriented. That's the cool thing about working in Accounting. It's constant, insane, can't-possibly-get-it-done-in-time deadlines. I'm happy to say that where my jobs have been concerned, I have never missed a deadline. Not one time. I get a certain adrenaline rush from something like that. It's just the way my brain works.

You all know that I have a reward system set up for myself to add a little fun into my travels. I did that because when I first started, I had 92 lbs. to lose. That was pretty daunting, so I figured adding in some little rewards for every 15 lbs. lost was a great idea. After I set that up, I realized that I wanted a BIG reward at the end, for when I finally lost ALL 92 POUNDS!! Dwayne decided one night that since we both love the beach so much, that my big reward at the end would be a 7 day trip to Destin, FL for me, him and Scarlette. I couldn't think of anything more perfect.

Well....when he told me at the beginning of the week that he's fixing to be laid off soon, he also told me with a heavy heart, that we won't be able to go to Destin now. It's just too expensive. Of course I told him that was perfectly fine...that Destin doesn't matter to me....that what matters is that we both end up with good jobs again and get our finances back on track.

But just between you and me (meaning, all of Blogland, lol)...a big reward at the end DOES matter to me. It doesn't have to be terribly expensive, but I want it to be something special. I used to weigh 340 lbs. When I get to 180, my goal weight, I want to celebrate it!! I'm sending out a plea to all of you for any ideas on what I can make the reward. I'm not very creative....but I've already noticed this week that losing my focus on the big reward at the end has played into my complacency.

Before, when I was pounding out 6 miles on the track and hurting like hell, I'd just tell myself, "Think about Destin Tammy...you're less than 60 lbs away from it...think about Destin...palm trees, ocean breeze, sand and surf, tropical drinks with little umbrellas in them, Dwayne and Scarlette and no phone for 7 whole days, get those buns moving girl!" That's the kind of thing that works for me. I know some say that losing the weight should be reward enough. And it is in a way...but I can't help it. Call me selfish. I want something tangible to shoot for...something that signifies all of my hard work and dedication. Something to focus on and reach for while I chisel away at these last "few" pounds.

So...let me hear it! Send some ideas my way...I'm sure something will spark my interest! I've got to lose 6 friggin' lbs this week JUST to break even with last week and get back to 233. Grrrrrrrr! Onward!!

Quote For the Day:

"You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there." -Unknown Author


  1. Goals are a good way to keep ourselves pushing! I think your 10lb goal is just about perfect.

    Don't fret that gain, it's mainly water weight. keep doing your calories and water and workouts and it'll be gone in NO time.

    One final word of advice: Consistency is the key to the padlock of success.

  2. Sorry to hear about your gain but you have a plan and that is what counts. You have dropped a ton of weight so everyday should be a party for you. Also, don't give up on your trip because you deserve it. It might take a little longer but keep hope alive. I think you should reward yourself by writing a book about your weight reduction. You have a really interesting story. Good luck and stay strong!

  3. That is a shame about Destin and a shame about Dwayne's job. I hope you both find good employment soon.

    I hope by the time you are reading this you have your new shoes, as you said, being Diabetic you Must look after your feet.

    A thought about Destin.... what happens if you add a Y? = DESTINY

    You said when walking your mantra was
    "Think about Destin Tammy"

    Well I want you to change it to:
    "Think of your Destiny Tammy"

    Your big reward when you reach your goal weight I am sure will be something special.

    Your DESTINY is more than that reward.
    It is what you make of your whole life.
    Girl you deserve much more than a week in DESTIN!!

    Go Get It.

    Love & Hugs


  4. Glamour photos? You could do a naughty set and even have them taken by a friend you trust to make the cost practically nonexistant. A special order pendant with '180' on it? A weekend at home that plays out like Destin where you could have umbrella drinks, lounge chairs, and fresh lobster?

  5. Oh, no! Still, sounds like you are doubly determined and have quite a good plan in place, so you will do OK.

    As for your 10lb a month goal, that is fine, but I think you should CELEBRATE an 8lb loss - those red sad faces make ME feel sad, lol!

  6. Great post, Tammy. What comes to mind for me is that you WILL get to goal (because you're kicking ass in the weightloss department), but it isn't likely going to be in the next couple of months unless you decide to lop off an arm, which you sound way too smart to do. While having a great goal out there in the future is a good motivator, staying mainly focused on the present is where your hard work and your life is happening.

    Plus, who's to say one of you won't get a job in the next months? Why does Destin have to be off the table at this juncture? Dwayne said "we won't be able to go to Destin NOW." But now isn't when you're going. Now is when you're living today.

    My suggestion is that you quietly keep that dream of Destin in your heart and it can become manifest if it's supposed to. I don't mean to go all spiritual on you, but focusing on the present with your excellent 10 pound/month goal will lay the best groundwork for finding a job, getting to goal, and ultimately chilling out in Destin. I believe it will happen because you are amazing and determined. Hugs to you!

  7. I'm so sorry about the gain, and the loss of your dream trip. I'm going to think about the reward thing. A reward is an important incentive and you deserve one!!

    That much of a gain is most likely water retention, not just one weekend of fun. It will come off fast!

  8. Oh my gosh we are so alike Girly! Dont worry I agree that it prob is most water weight it will be off in no time! You are so amazing I love your positivity! Thank you for your words about the wknd cause I am ready to binge!!! I dont want to I know its not worth it its so hard to get out those old habits!

  9. Tammy, I'm with Leslie. Don't give up on Destin. You're both going to get jobs and while you might have to delay your trip, I think you should still hold on to that being your ultimate reward. Keep hope alive! In the meantime, what about a half day at a spa? Less expensive than a trip, but still indulgent.

  10. Hi Tammy. I'm sure both you and Dwayne will get new jobs in the next few months and as Destin is a few months away anyway I don't think there's any reason to give up on it at all. Maybe Destin can be for when you've lost the weight and maintained for 3 months?

    The economic situation won't last forever.

    In the meantime, just focus on being and looking fab!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  11. First off - ouchies on your poor feet! I know that when my feet are hurting, I am grouchy and don't want to walk, so I'm very impressed that you have been pushing through the pain to get your walks in! Glad you are getting a new pair of shoes, though - you don't want to mess with you feet, esp. with diabetes!

    Sucks about the gain. I'm sure it will come back off this week, but I know how you feel. However, you are doing so good at this - shoot, you've only been at it for a few months and look how far you've come!

    Maybe Destin will still happen. You never know. But for an alternate goal, what about a head-to-toe makeover, with a new haircut, new outfit, mani and pedi?

  12. Great for you getting the new shoes!!! I would say that should be put up there with a "must" for you!
    Personally, I think 6 miles a day walking is too much...you are losing a lot of weight now, so your body isn't burning as much calories as it did when you started...what if you tried getting some light strap on weights for your ankles and walked 3 miles a day (so you are building muscle that burns more calories and getting more 'bang for your buck' in a work out? just a thought.
    other than that I think you are doing great! Don't let those 6 pounds set u back, you are still WAY ahead of were you were a year ago!

  13. It's good that you're getting new shoes. You've got to take care of yourself. I'm sorry that it doesn't look like Destin will work out, but that doesn't mean it won't ever happen. It will probably just be a little delayed. In the meantime, I like 266's idea. Nothing like pretty photos to make you feel really good about yourself and show how far you've come.

  14. I agree with everyone who said not to give up on your trip! A lot can happen in a few months! I personally have a broke version of my goal reward (and a money version). My broke version is to take a week off from work (while my kids are in school/daycare) and go to the local massage school for a student massage (free), get a haircut and color from one of the many local salons that are looking for hair models to practice advanced techniques on, and then a $30 thrift store shopping spree. I also make jewelry as a hobby so I figured I'd force myself to take a day to create something really beautiful for myself. The monied version of my reward is to take snowboarding lessons (why the hell not?!?) but I bet there are tons of cool classes that could be taken as a reward that would probably be cheaper if you like that kind of thing. You could also consider having a skinny shower and inviting all your friends over for a party to celebrate (and bring you skinny presents!) :-)

  15. I hope by now you have gotten your new shoes!! Very important!! Especially with diabetes as a factor, you know you really need to take care of those feet. I know new shoes are expensive, I'm procrastinating on my next new pair too.

    You sound like you have a healthy dose of determination though, and you know we're all here for you!! You CAN DO THIS!!!

    I'm thinking on rewards. I'll let you know when inspiration strikes. I need time to prepare for such weighty (ha-no pun intended!) questions as these.

    And thank you so much for checking up on me!:-)

  16. If you're a loser then I am the slime on the bottom of the shoe of a loser. I screw up almost EVERY weekend. You know my sad story. So pathetic.

    I am hoping to go to the Outerbanks of North Carolina in a year or two so the flapping set of stomachs I have NEED to come off!

    I need new shoes too.