Did I mention that someone brought a dozen donuts in this morning from Dunkin' Donuts????????????? Did I mention that when I get overly stressed I head straight for the food. It's automatic....like a knee jerk reaction. Well somehow....through God's good grace....I resisted those donuts. There were still 6 in the box when I left at 5pm, so I was aware of their presence for 9 hours today. Being stressed because things are going to sh*t at work is bad enough....having to fight my insane eating addiction on top of a REALLY bad day is just not fair, lol. I wanted those donuts...I wanted a Coke...I wanted a Snickers bar....I wanted to throw my healthy lunch in the trash and go to the Philly Connection and get a philly cheesesteak instead (Shame on you Leslie for mentioning those to me the other day, lmao). Things were just bad all the way around today.
I had to remind myself over and over that today was not an exception to the rule...or a one time occurence. There will continuously be bad days, overly stressful situations, sadness, etc.....just like there will continuously be good days, contentment, and overflowing joy. It's the ebb and flow of life. I can't eat myself into oblivion every time I have an unusually bad day. I had to also remind myself that weigh day is only 2 days away. That dang weigh-in comes once a week, every week, whether I want it to or not. The only thing that will make me NOT DREAD IT, is to continuously strive, each and every day, to make the good choices.
I looked back at my week thus far....and I'm proud. I've dilligently counted my calories every day. I've drank (4) 32 oz glasses of water every day....and no other beverages with the exception of a couple of cups of coffee spread out over the week. I signed up at the gym online Monday, and today was set to be my first day there with my new friend, new workout partner, and new blogging buddy, Kim at All About the Bottom Line. I had several good days in a row filled with good choices...and I needed to let that propel me forward. This was more important than a stupid donut.
So I finally made it through the day....then made it through the 40 minute commute in Atlanta traffic to get to the gym from work. (It's about 20 mins from my apt to work.....and about 20 mins to get from my apt to the gym....going in the opposite direction from work. My apt is the midpoint between the two. I was finally starting to feel pretty proud of myself for choices I've made this week. I met up with Kim and we hit the treadmill. About a half a mile in, I decided I wanted to engage my arms...so I got off and grabbed (2) 5 lb. free weights to carry in each hand and hopped back on the treadmill. I carried them for about a mile before I was sure certain death was upon me, lol. I set them down and continued walking. I'm not sure of the total distance, but I think it was about 3 miles in all. Kim can really rock that treadmill....she was going way faster than me...and was also doing walking and jogging intervals. It's so inspiring to workout with someone who's better/faster than you and really likes to push themselves. It gives you something to shoot for. :)
So we hop off and now I'm feeling REALLY good about myself. Thinking back on how far I've come from my highest point of 340 lbs....and saying to myself, "Dang Tammy...you've lost 90 lbs so far....you rock girlfriend." lol So I've made good eating choices this week...got in all my water...FINALLY got started back in the gym (we're meeting there again tmrw)....we break out our cameras and take pics of ourselves, which I can't really see the sweat....so that sucks....but trust me....we were soaked.....
How many chins do I have anyway??? I think I counted 3, lol.
So it's been a long day....my arm muscles are shaking from carrying the weights for a mile...my legs are tired from not doing any serious walking in about 3 months....who the heck wants to go home and cook dinner?? Not me!! I decided to stop at the Publix on the way home and get a sub out of the deli. I could have very easily ran into the Italian restaurant in the SAME PARKING LOT as the gym...and gotten one of their fantastic grinders (subs)....but I took the high road. I went to Publix...got my 6" on wheat turkey w/ no cheese, lite mayo, mustard, lettuce, onions and pickles. Proud of that choice. Then I grabbed a couple of other things....eggs, apples, watermelon, baby carrots, a pre-made salad out of the deli for lunch tmrw....and I made my way to the checkout line.
I was only standing there a minute or so when I hear someone get in line behind me. I casually turned and glanced behind me...saw an older gentleman...probably in his upper 60's with 2 young girls that I assumed were his grandchildren....they were probably 4 and 5 years old. He looked right at me and I gave him a brief, friendly smile and turned back around. Then I hear him say, "Do you girls want to stand in line behind Miss Piggy? I don't want to stand in line behind Miss Piggy. Let's go on down here to another checkout line."
All that pride I was feeling...started to waiver. It didn't vanish...but it did make me think that I still have a really long way to go. Hearing something like this just a few years ago would have crumbled me to tears. Not today. Today I kind of laughed to myself and thought, "Well that's an effing PERFECT ending to completely EFFED UP day...ain't life rich?" Next came a twinge of anger....because I HAVE already lost 90 lbs...which should stand for something...but he had no idea...and I have a feeling if he DID know...he'd find me evern more horrendous that at one time I was that much fatter than I already am. And lastly....I felt sorry for those little girls. It's just a shame that they're being raised with someone in their life that's filling their little impressionable minds with such prejudice, disgust and nastiness. He's doing them a terrible injustice...and that's so much worse than what he did to me.
Good night friends. :)