A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Meet Miss Piggy

Work absolutely, completely, totally sucked today.  It's been the worst day I've had since I started there over 2 months ago.  I won't go into details.....I didn't do anything wrong or make any mistakes....but the dynamics are changing, problems are occuring that are affecting me, and I'm just not sure how things will all pan out.  I took 2 Excedrin Migraine by mid-day and that didn't even graze the pain in my throbbing head. 

Did I mention that someone brought a dozen donuts in this morning from Dunkin' Donuts?????????????  Did I mention that when I get overly stressed I head straight for the food.  It's automatic....like a knee jerk reaction.  Well somehow....through God's good grace....I resisted those donuts.  There were still 6 in the box when I left at 5pm, so I was aware of their presence for 9 hours today.  Being stressed because things are going to sh*t at work is bad enough....having to fight my insane eating addiction on top of a REALLY bad day is just not fair, lol.  I wanted those donuts...I wanted a Coke...I wanted a Snickers bar....I wanted to throw my healthy lunch in the trash and go to the Philly Connection and get a philly cheesesteak instead (Shame on you Leslie for mentioning those to me the other day, lmao).  Things were just bad all the way around today.

I had to remind myself over and over that today was not an exception to the rule...or a one time occurence.  There will continuously be bad days, overly stressful situations, sadness, etc.....just like there will continuously be good days, contentment, and overflowing joy.  It's the ebb and flow of life.  I can't eat myself into oblivion every time I have an unusually bad day.  I had to also remind myself that weigh day is only 2 days away.  That dang weigh-in comes once a week, every week, whether I want it to or not.  The only thing that will make me NOT DREAD IT, is to continuously strive, each and every day, to make the good choices. 

I looked back at my week thus far....and I'm proud.  I've dilligently counted my calories every day.  I've drank (4) 32 oz glasses of water every day....and no other beverages with the exception of a couple of cups of coffee spread out over the week.  I signed up at the gym online Monday, and today was set to be my first day there with my new friend, new workout partner, and new blogging buddy, Kim at All About the Bottom Line.  I had several good days in a row filled with good choices...and I needed to let that propel me forward.  This was more important than a stupid donut. 

So I finally made it through the day....then made it through the 40 minute commute in Atlanta traffic to get to the gym from work.  (It's about 20 mins from my apt to work.....and about 20 mins to get from my apt to the gym....going in the opposite direction from work.  My apt is the midpoint between the two.   I was finally starting to feel pretty proud of myself for choices I've made this week.  I met up with Kim and we hit the treadmill.  About a half a mile in, I decided I wanted to engage my arms...so I got off and grabbed (2) 5 lb. free weights to carry in each hand and hopped back on the treadmill.  I carried them for about a mile before I was sure certain death was upon me, lol.  I set them down and continued walking.  I'm not sure of the total distance, but I think it was about 3 miles in all.  Kim can really rock that treadmill....she was going way faster than me...and was also doing walking and jogging intervals.  It's so inspiring to workout with someone who's better/faster than you and really likes to push themselves.  It gives you something to shoot for.  :)

So we hop off and now I'm feeling REALLY good about myself.  Thinking back on how far I've come from my highest point of 340 lbs....and saying to myself, "Dang Tammy...you've lost 90 lbs so far....you rock girlfriend."  lol  So I've made good eating choices this week...got in all my water...FINALLY got started back in the gym (we're meeting there again tmrw)....we break out our cameras and take pics of ourselves, which I can't really see the sweat....so that sucks....but trust me....we were soaked.....

How many chins do I have anyway???  I think I counted 3, lol.

So it's been a long day....my arm muscles are shaking from carrying the weights for a mile...my legs are tired from not doing any serious walking in about 3 months....who the heck wants to go home and cook dinner??  Not me!!  I decided to stop at the Publix on the way home and get a sub out of the deli.  I could have very easily ran into the Italian restaurant in the SAME PARKING LOT as the gym...and gotten one of their fantastic grinders (subs)....but I took the high road.  I went to Publix...got my 6" on wheat turkey w/ no cheese, lite mayo, mustard, lettuce, onions and pickles.  Proud of that choice.  Then I grabbed a couple of other things....eggs, apples, watermelon, baby carrots, a pre-made salad out of the deli for lunch tmrw....and I made my way to the checkout line. 

I was only standing there a minute or so when I hear someone get in line behind me.  I casually turned and glanced behind me...saw an older gentleman...probably in his upper 60's with 2 young girls that I assumed were his grandchildren....they were probably 4 and 5 years old.  He looked right at me and I gave him a brief, friendly smile and turned back around.  Then I hear him say, "Do you girls want to stand in line behind Miss Piggy?  I don't want to stand in line behind Miss Piggy.  Let's go on down here to another checkout line."

All that pride I was feeling...started to waiver.  It didn't vanish...but it did make me think that I still have a really long way to go.  Hearing something like this just a few years ago would have crumbled me to tears.  Not today.  Today I kind of laughed to myself and thought, "Well that's an effing PERFECT ending to completely EFFED UP day...ain't life rich?"  Next came a twinge of anger....because I HAVE already lost 90 lbs...which should stand for something...but he had no idea...and I have a feeling if he DID know...he'd find me evern more horrendous that at one time I was that much fatter than I already am.  And lastly....I felt sorry for those little girls.  It's just a shame that they're being raised with someone in their life that's filling their little impressionable minds with such prejudice, disgust and nastiness.  He's doing them a terrible injustice...and that's so much worse than what he did to me.  

Good night friends.  :) 


  1. Oh my goodness, I was not expecting that ending. I'm sorry, I find that sooo depressing, and I feel so bad and angry for you. That experience is what makes me not want to go out in public; even if that doesn't happen, I assume that is what people are thinking.

  2. OMG! I can't believe that guy said that. I feel sorry for those little girls if they put on a few pounds. What a jerk.

    Sorry you had such a shitty day. Congrats on resisting the donuts all day and going to the gym. Don't let some idiot stranger's comment get you down. You are doing a great job and have come so far - keep up the good work.

  3. What the fuck?! Who says stuff like that?! I mean, seriously. That guy...wow. What a terrible person. I feel sorry for the girls, too for having to be around someone so nasty.

    Anyyyyway, good job on the resisting the donuts (and everything else you wanted today). I hope work goes better for you tomorrow.

  4. OMG! Grampa the grave dodger, DID NOT say that! How rude! YOu should be very proud taht you went to the gym and are doing so well. To bad you still didn'y have that 5 pound weight in your hand, you could have thrown it at him.

  5. WOW ! I'm in shock that someone can be that rude.
    Just imagine what his family life must be like if he can be that brazen to speak such ugly words in public.
    I'd have two words for that man....and they are not Merry Christmas.
    You did AWESOME with all the stress, pressure, temptations and EVILNESS around you.

  6. Un-be-fucking-lievable Tammy. That is the worst thing I've heard in a long time. I'm so glad that you had already been striving to focus on the positive and the amazing accomplishment you've already achieved in weight loss, so you were bouyed up with ACCURATE self appraisal and less prone to the ignorance of that sorry excuse for a human. You are really an inspiration, and congratulations on getting through the stressful day without caving to craving.

  7. P.S. Nice picture.
    You fogged up my glasses with the moisture. :0)

  8. I was so loving this post...the kudos that you were giving yourself (deservingly so, by the way) and then what was that ending? OMG! I am so sorry that I even mentioned that Publix...what a loser (and that's not "loser" in a good way--that's a full fledged, piece of junk, scum on the bottom of my shoe, LOSER!!!!).

    And I know that we were totally sweating from our exercise yesterday. Can't wait to see you later this afternoon...

    Hope today's a better day at work...:)

  9. Tammy-
    My jaw dropped at the end of your post! I can't believe someone would be so mean. It makes my heart hurt. And then to pay that attitude forward to children. Horrible!

    Good on you for the workout and better dinner option.

  10. Didnt expect that ending either---I am incredulous that anyone thinks they can call anyone else names, let alone a stranger in a public place and in front of children. What a creep!!!!! Im glad you seemed to let it roll off your back, remind yourself of just how amazingly far you have come and how you make good choices every day. You are doing great!

  11. I'm just like the other commenters, I was so proud of your post and was so ready to give you a huge high five and then my jaw dropped! Holy cow, I can't believe someone would say that out loud. Actually, I can believe it, there is so much HATE in the world it is scary.

    Some day he'll be in a wheelchair, humbled and he will need help opening a door and I hope you are there ready and willing to help with that same smile on your face. Hopefully his same grandchildren will see that love and caring as you are the BETTER person and is willing to be kind even when people weren't kind to you!

  12. I constantly have to remind myself that bad days, holidays, etc. are going to come and go, that it's not a reason to eat bad.

    But I do it anyway :-)

  13. How rude and insensitive!

    Good job in passing on the doughnuts and choosing the healthy sub. AND the good workout.

    I hope things get better at work, but it seems to be difficult everywhere. Budget cuts, layoffs, more work being given to the poor souls who are left.

    Keep your chin up! You are strong and resourceful.

  14. Congratulations on your AWESOME choices! It looks like you've crossed a hurdle and are really embrassing your healthier lifestyle. Keep up the good work!! As for the GOM (Grumpy Old Man), you are so right. I feel sorry for the girls. Let's just hope they don't pick up too many bad things from their ignorant and rude grandfather.

  15. WTF? I'm so freaking proud of you right now for being so strong and not letting some a-hole get you down. I'm a huge believer in Karma and he will get his.

    You and Kim are adorable and I can't wait to spend some time with both of you!!!

  16. WOW! I think you are doing great. I myself will be starting up a new program for a healthier life. You encouraged me today, knowing that no matter how good or bad a day is I need to press forward. So thank you for that.
    On the issue with the guy in the check-out line--Who does he think he is??? Sheesh! Some people are so dang judgemental they cannot control themselves. I am so sorry that you had to experience that. Ugh!
    Again, you are doing great. Thanks for your encouragement. ;-)

  17. Congrats on rocking your plan this week! You are an inspiration to us all for holding your head up high and biting back the urge to respond to his ignorance. His actions just show you how far HE and SOCIETY have to come to overcome the prejudice and judgement that they pass on others. Shame on him for teaching those little girls to be self conscious of their weight alreaady at their age. You are doing a great job and are beautiful inside and out, don't ever let anyone make you feel differently.

  18. Sorry !!!! I will not bring donuts to the office again...after all I am supposed to be on this journey too. LOL

    Sometimes you just have to laugh at old people. They get to an age when they can and will say just about anything. Just about anything RUDE that is. I was in a doctor's office waiting room once and this old man was sitting across from me, and he asked me if I get a lot of exercise, and I'm thinking he's just trying to carry on a conversation. I said I really don't exercise that much, and he says "well your elbow looks in shape from lifting that fork to your mouth so much." I was ready to just cry, good thing they called me next or I probably would have just left.

  19. Isn't it amazing that after all that positive handling of crappy situations at work that one nasty old man can almost make it topple? You are such a strong woman---you didn't let the jerk get you down. I am just sad that his granddaughters will grow up with that as an example! Way to go at training another generation fella!

    You go girl! Doing GREAT!!!!

  20. two things...

    #1. I had a day so much like the beggining of your post it isn't funny! And I just posted about it too. SO weird to hop over here and see the same thing! WORK SUCKED, and some representatives from a publisher brought in COOKIES. I about smacked them that's how bad of a day it was.

    #2. I just CANNOT believe that guy called you Ms. Piggy. What a JERK! Good for you that you didn't let it send you into an eating frenzy! You just proved him wrong!


  21. What an incredible asshole. Mean people suck. Ohhhhh, I'd like to fly over from Canada, locate him and rip his voice box out (lol - and I'm not the violent type, really).

    You had such a fantastic day and while I was reading the first part of your blog I was getting totally inspired. Congrats on your weight loss so far.

    What else can I say, except kitty litter in that guy's face.

    Check out my blog post on mean people - http://haveyougainedweight.blogspot.com/2010/08/why-are-some-people-so-mean.html

  22. Oh snap! There's a Philly Connection nearby? I thought they closed all of those!

    And because I'm a bit crazy I would have said to him (in front of his children), "I hope for those sake of those two girls ignorance isn't contagious." I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on top of a bad day. But hats off to you because for sure I would've ended up on the 6:00 news.

  23. We had 2 full boxes in the office yesterday! The mere smell of them gives me heartburn so I am able to avoid them pretty easily.

    F the old dude! I just can't believe that someone is that shallow and ignorant. I really like Crys response!

    Have a good weekend and good job on the loss!

  24. I'm sorry about your rough day...simultaneously excited though that working out put you in such an awesome place. And...totally speechless about that guy. And you're right, those poor little girls. Sad all around.