Yesterday I had to talk myself down from the edge of the Bingeing cliff. Nearly every week that I go to my sister's house to babysit, my eating goes badly. I know some of you might be thinking I should just quit the babysitting, and oh trust me, if I could, I would. However, there's backstory there that I can't talk about and the bottom line is that I'm stuck with it for a while longer. Yesterday was absolutely horrible....not quite the binge I was considering, but bad enough. I made myself count up all the calories when it was over, I arrived at 2400, sat down and had myself a good cry.
Let's see. My sister asked me to meet her early at a gas station so she could get to the lab by 4pm and study for a test. I obliged her, and we met up at 3:45p. She quickly handed me a Chic-fil-A gift card with about $15 on it, an envelope of free coupons for Chic-fil-A items that came in some calendar she bought from them, and swift instructions to take her kids there for dinner when we parted ways and let them play at the indoor playground. Then she was gone in a flash. That's just how quick my healthy eating plans dissolve. Yes, this is my problem....not my sister's. Yes, I need a stronger resolve. Yes, I should be able to face temptation head on and stare it down with no damage done to my eating plan.
Grace was crying and clinging to her mom, saying she didn't want her to leave. Brandy was bribing her by saying she'll bring her a gift home, etc etc. Same thing every week. Grace cried all the way to the restaurant and by the time we got there my nerves were already half shot. I should have been able to sit in that Chic-fil-A for over an hour and watch them munch on their chicken nuggets and fries, slurping down their milkshakes, and not been affected at all. I should have been able to resist the smell of the fast food that I've been working so hard to avoid by staying AWAY from those places, but I didn't. I failed, and I did it in a big way.
We were sitting at a table right against the glass that enclosed the indoor play area. Elijah was leaned up against the glass looking in when he dropped his milkshake. It went everywhere. There weren't enough napkins in the world to clean up that mess. I sheepishly told one of the workers what happened and asked if I could use their mop. She insisted on cleaning it up herself, while another worker brought him another milkshake! (I was thinking, what the hell are you doing crazy lady??? The last thing he needs is something else to splatter all over the glass, table, floor, his clothes and shoes, etc.!!) I just smiled and told her how kind she was to replace it at no charge. When they were done making their food messes and stressing me out, they played for a while.
We got there at 4pm and left at 5:15pm. Elijah wears a diaper or pull-up still, and he had a bout of diarreah while he was in there. You could smell it a mile away. This is when I realize Brandy didn't send any diapers for our venture out to dinner and playtime. Lovely. We got in the car so I could rush him home and clean him up. I know how acidic that can be and I didn't want him to suffer with diaper rash. The smell was overwhelming. I rolled down the windows but it didn't help. 15 min drive home. I did some dry heaving but managed to keep from actually puking up my food (although that probably would have saved me a ton of calories). I rushed him upstairs and onto the diaper table and pulled open the diaper. He's a squirmy little thing and refuses to be still for a diaper change. Threatening his life doesn't seem to help.
This is when I realize there's no diaper wipes. Anywhere. Diarreah...a squirming child...and no wipes. By this time my stress level is through the roof. I had the diaper open and Elijah's legs up in there air, trying to keep from having poop get all over him AND me. He kept wiggling around and hollering, "LET ME SEE THE POOP!" "I WANT TO SEE THE POOP!".
Oh.
Dear.
Lord.
I tried to get Grace to bring me something to clean him up with while I held him in place but she was spinning around singing some song or something and totally ignoring the impending disaster. I finally spotted a roll of paper towels and grabbed them, running back and forth from his butt to the sink to dampen the paper towels, without him jumping down and running off. It was a poop fest to beat all.
After I finally got him cleaned up and unleashed him, I went to the kitchen to find some plastic bags to wrap the diaper up in and put outside. Guess what I saw sitting on the kitchen table? A pan of homemade brownies. Really? Seriously? God, do you hate me THAT much??? I ate 2 brownies.
Every time I get there the house is a wreck because the kids aren't made to pick up their toys....EVER. They're just always there in the middle of the livingroom floor, strewn down the hallway, hanging out of their bedrooms, etc. And every time, I set about picking them all up and tidying up the place. I fixed the cover on the sofa and got it looking nice again, washed a few dishes that were in the sink, etc. I'm a bit OCD and beings that I have no kids, I'm able to keep my house neat and tidy pretty easily. It helps keep my stress level down and sitting in a tidy environment calms my nerves.
Well a few mins after I got the place picked up, Steven came home. The kids had watched their Franklin video 2x and their Candyland video 2x. But when Steven got home, Elijah started yelling for his trains. He couldn't find them in the middle of the floor because I cleaned everything up and put them in toy boxes. Well....good ol' Dad came along and dumped out 2 toy boxes in the middle of the livingroom floor. Stress level back up. I immediately went to the kitchen and got my dinner out of the frig that I had originally brought with me....ate every bite.
A couple of hours later, around 9pm, Brandy came home from class. The kids were playing in the livingroom floor, and Steven and I were attempting to watch the news. We couldn't really hear it over the noise of the kids, but we could at least see the screen. Elijah jumps up and asks his mom to watch Franklin. I told him he'd already watched it 2x and Candyland 2x. Brandy reaches over and pops Franklin in, muttering something like, "You don't care, do ya'?" but not really looking for an answer. Then Brandy asked me to take the kids BACK to Chic-fil-A for lunch the next day. I said ok, got up, went back to the frig, and ate the ham sandwich that I had brought for my Tuesday lunch. The tears were just below the surface, and they stayed there until everyone went to bed. Then I let them flow freely.
This happens every week. Maybe not as bad as this week, but for some reason, I haven't found another way to cope other than food when I go up there. I didn't want to, but I MADE myself count up all the calories. 2400 of them. The really bad part is, I was scared Tuesday was going to be the same....but worse. Once I knew I was going to be faced with fast food again, I was very much throwing my hands up in my mind and saying "Eff it, I'll get the kids their Chic-fil-A and I'll go across the street to the Chinese restaurant and take care of that craving I've been fighting off for a month now!!"
I was really disappointed in myself for going so far over the 1800 cal limit that I set, and felt like Tuesday wasn't going to be any better. Sort of like I was pre-doomed. I cried a lot last night....and I prayed a lot last night. I asked for strength and resolve to move past the bad eating day, and make Tuesday a much better one. Inbetween the praying, I was having horrid binge thoughts filled with vats of Chinese food and buckets of fried chicken.
I woke up feeling really shaky this morning, like the resolve was still waivering. I really hate to piss my sister off, because it leads to all kinds of unsavory things when I do...hurtful stuff that I can't get into. And I was scared if I didn't take the kids back to fast food hell, that she'd be mad. But....I took the chance. I had to do it for me. I had to. We stayed in the house today. The kids asked for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and peanut butter crackers and that's what they got. I had some cottage cheese for breakfast that I brought with me, but unfortunately had eaten my lunch the night before. By the time Brandy got home at 2:30p, I was only at 330 cals for the day. I was determined to not go over 1500, in an effort to reduce a little bit of damage from the high calorie day previous.
Well I didn't quite hit 1500, but I came close. I'm sitting at 1530 today and I had a good, hard workout at the gym tonight with the trainer. Yesterday, before I went to Brandy's, I got myself in the gym for 40 mins of cardio. So the exercise is still spot on this week, thank God. I don't know how bad Saturday's cookout, and yesterday's stupidity is going to affect Friday's weigh-in. I never know til I step on that scale.
I thank God for helping me get through today without having 2 bad days in a row. When I do something like that, it leads to a downward spiral and I would have given up until Friday and then started over, probably with a decent-sized gain. It was really tough beating down the bingeing thoughts. I spent most of the morning talking out loud to myself, praying, whatever I had to do stay indoors and keep control over the eating. It's been a rough couple of days, but I'm hoping tomorrow will be better. Staying on track can be a real struggle for some of us, but I know if I just stay the course as best I can, that it will all be worth it in the end. 'Nite friends. :)
Quote For the Day:
"You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there." -Unknown
Showing posts with label fast food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fast food. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, September 28, 2009
My NSV's Thus Far
Mother Nature has stopped in for a week-long visit. So....in trying to ignore the humongous bloated body I am living in, and the cramps that feel more like contractions, thanks to my PCOS, I decided to reflect on the non-scale victories I have achieved so far. I could think of only a couple and then my mind went blank. I had to email Pam and get her to remind me of my progress, lol. Such a great friend....always there when I need her. :)
I wear a diamond ring on my middle finger on my right hand that Dwayne gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago. It is getting too big and will need to be re-sized soon.
I have been able to fit into all the restaurant booths now. I haven't been to many restaurants since I started losing the weight nearly 4 months ago, but haven't had a problem so far.
I no longer fear eating in restaurants. This one is HUGE. I still choose not to do it a lot, just because I don't like fighting sodium gains, but at the same time, I've learned that drinking absurd amounts of water over 2-3 days takes the water gain away. With that said, I NEVER eat in a restaurant on Thursday night, since my weigh-in is on Friday morning.
All of the clothes that were in my closet when I started these travels are now all too big. I cleaned out 3/4 of my closet and mailed a 25 lb box of clothes to Pam, who I am so happy to report, is also too small for at least half of them. Now that's awesome. :) I have about 5 shirts that are a 22/24 that fit fine right now, and I've saved some of my old, bigger shirts to wear when I walk at the park. I have some size 26 shorts that I'm still wearing....they're ultra baggy but thanks to my more than ample hips, they haven't fallen off yet.
I took myself off of all of my meds when I started this in June. I wanted to drop about 30-35 lbs and have my body be free of all the medicine so that I could get an accurate reading on my blood tests to see what losing weight and moving more was doing for my health. I still take thyroid meds because that's a life and death thing, but I removed myself from the diabetes pills, the cholesterol pills and the high blood pressure pills. My blood pressure was actually down to normal on my last 4 doctor's visits before I started this in June, so I felt comfy stopping that one. I've also checked my blood sugar, and the last reading I got was a 93. As long as it's under 120, I'm okay. I am planning on making a dr's appt very soon, probably this week, to have my labs done again. I'm very curious to see where the numbers stand.
Housework has become WAY easier than before. I still have aching joints...especially my left hip for some reason. But my knees are worlds better, and my lower back isn't quite as bad as it was. It's still locked up for about an hour or two after I wake up in the morning, which makes my morning walks especially unpleasant, but I feel like dropping further down the scale will remedy most of this.
When I first started exercising, I could only walk 15 minutes and thought I was dying. I don't think it was even a full mile. I've slowly worked my way up to 4 miles in a row now, and some days I go back to the park in the evening and walk 2 more miles. It's a good feeling to know I've progressed from less than a mile, up to 6 miles in less than 4 months. I'm especially proud of this NSV. It's hard to get started when you're as big as I was when I started...but I'm glad I did. It's really starting to pay off.
I've really, really developed a taste and a love for healthier foods. This is probably one of the most shocking NSV's for me. I wrote in an early post that I was moving from full-fat mayo to Kraft Light Mayo, and it tasted "blech". lol
Well I stuck with it, and just found out this past week that I actually PREFER it now over regular mayo. I was at Publix doing some grocery shopping at lunch time. I got a turkey sub on wheat, no cheese, for lunch. Publix deli doesn't offer lite mayo, so I told them to spread it light on one side of the bread only, mustard on the other side. I was eating the sandwich in the car on the way home, and something just didn't taste right. I finally figured out it was the mayo! I found myself thinking it tasted pretty gross, and was wishing I had Kraft lite mayo on it. What a shock that was!
I hesitate to say this next one, but I think I may be over the fast food. While in the throes of PMS this past weekend, I wasn't feeling like counting calories, I was out on the road running errands, and was going to say "To Hell with it" that day and swing by a fast food restaurant for lunch. I was surrounded by them. Krystal's, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Captain D's, Mrs. Winner's, KFC.....and I couldn't think of a single thing I wanted from any of them. This is coming from the former Fast Food Queen. I had a real struggle staying away from these places when I first started. A real struggle. But the other day, the thoughts of all the salt, the fat, the processed crap just turned my stomach. I ended up going home and making a ham sandwich on sourdough with lettuce, tomato, onion, lite mayo & lite Italian dressing. Delish. :)
In the last month, while lying in bed at night, I have discovered my ribs, my sternum, and my hip bones. :)
I rarely drink Coke anymore. This is another HUGE one. I wrote in an early post that I didn't think I'd ever, ever be able to kick the habit completely. I still drink some once in a while, but the habit of having to have it is gone. Completely gone. It started out simple...I wanted to spend my calories on food and not drinks. Pretty soon, I just got used to drinking almost all water. Now when I drink Coke, it's 1/2 of one of those little 8 oz, 100 calorie cans....so 4 oz. and 50 calories. I'm very proud of that, especially in relation to my diabetes.
I love beer. But the most I've ever drank it is maybe once a month when Dwayne and I would go out to a local bar & grille and kick back for a couple of hours. I'd drink 4 or 5 Killian's, get a nice buzz going, and enjoy my evening out. Not anymore. Beer weighs down your exercise, it's loaded with calories, and it dehydrates you. Since I started losing weight in June, I've had 1/2 of a beer 2 different times. Although once a month isn't a real big priority in the first place, it has moved even further down the list of priorities.
This last one is kind of bittersweet. I have a beautiful collection of girlie, lacy, silky bra and panty sets. Every color and design you can imagine, except for white. White is too boring for me. I am very budget-minded and money-conscious, but my lingerie drawer has been my one, personal splurge. Lovely lingerie makes me feel pretty. Almost ALL of them are too big now. I've adjusted all the straps on the bras to the shortest length and they're all falling off my shoulders. It irritates the crap out of me. The problem is, I don't have the money to replace them right now and it's driving me nuts!!
There's probably more NSV's, but this is all I can think of right now. My calories are under 1500 today and I walked another 6 miles at the park today!! I did 4 this morning, and another 2 this evening. This probably isn't something I can sustain all the time....4 is more like it....but with Mother Nature visiting, I'm trying to level the playing field with that wench. :)
Quote For the Day:
"Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives." -Viktor Frankl
I wear a diamond ring on my middle finger on my right hand that Dwayne gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago. It is getting too big and will need to be re-sized soon.
I have been able to fit into all the restaurant booths now. I haven't been to many restaurants since I started losing the weight nearly 4 months ago, but haven't had a problem so far.
I no longer fear eating in restaurants. This one is HUGE. I still choose not to do it a lot, just because I don't like fighting sodium gains, but at the same time, I've learned that drinking absurd amounts of water over 2-3 days takes the water gain away. With that said, I NEVER eat in a restaurant on Thursday night, since my weigh-in is on Friday morning.
All of the clothes that were in my closet when I started these travels are now all too big. I cleaned out 3/4 of my closet and mailed a 25 lb box of clothes to Pam, who I am so happy to report, is also too small for at least half of them. Now that's awesome. :) I have about 5 shirts that are a 22/24 that fit fine right now, and I've saved some of my old, bigger shirts to wear when I walk at the park. I have some size 26 shorts that I'm still wearing....they're ultra baggy but thanks to my more than ample hips, they haven't fallen off yet.
I took myself off of all of my meds when I started this in June. I wanted to drop about 30-35 lbs and have my body be free of all the medicine so that I could get an accurate reading on my blood tests to see what losing weight and moving more was doing for my health. I still take thyroid meds because that's a life and death thing, but I removed myself from the diabetes pills, the cholesterol pills and the high blood pressure pills. My blood pressure was actually down to normal on my last 4 doctor's visits before I started this in June, so I felt comfy stopping that one. I've also checked my blood sugar, and the last reading I got was a 93. As long as it's under 120, I'm okay. I am planning on making a dr's appt very soon, probably this week, to have my labs done again. I'm very curious to see where the numbers stand.
Housework has become WAY easier than before. I still have aching joints...especially my left hip for some reason. But my knees are worlds better, and my lower back isn't quite as bad as it was. It's still locked up for about an hour or two after I wake up in the morning, which makes my morning walks especially unpleasant, but I feel like dropping further down the scale will remedy most of this.
When I first started exercising, I could only walk 15 minutes and thought I was dying. I don't think it was even a full mile. I've slowly worked my way up to 4 miles in a row now, and some days I go back to the park in the evening and walk 2 more miles. It's a good feeling to know I've progressed from less than a mile, up to 6 miles in less than 4 months. I'm especially proud of this NSV. It's hard to get started when you're as big as I was when I started...but I'm glad I did. It's really starting to pay off.
I've really, really developed a taste and a love for healthier foods. This is probably one of the most shocking NSV's for me. I wrote in an early post that I was moving from full-fat mayo to Kraft Light Mayo, and it tasted "blech". lol
Well I stuck with it, and just found out this past week that I actually PREFER it now over regular mayo. I was at Publix doing some grocery shopping at lunch time. I got a turkey sub on wheat, no cheese, for lunch. Publix deli doesn't offer lite mayo, so I told them to spread it light on one side of the bread only, mustard on the other side. I was eating the sandwich in the car on the way home, and something just didn't taste right. I finally figured out it was the mayo! I found myself thinking it tasted pretty gross, and was wishing I had Kraft lite mayo on it. What a shock that was!
I hesitate to say this next one, but I think I may be over the fast food. While in the throes of PMS this past weekend, I wasn't feeling like counting calories, I was out on the road running errands, and was going to say "To Hell with it" that day and swing by a fast food restaurant for lunch. I was surrounded by them. Krystal's, Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Captain D's, Mrs. Winner's, KFC.....and I couldn't think of a single thing I wanted from any of them. This is coming from the former Fast Food Queen. I had a real struggle staying away from these places when I first started. A real struggle. But the other day, the thoughts of all the salt, the fat, the processed crap just turned my stomach. I ended up going home and making a ham sandwich on sourdough with lettuce, tomato, onion, lite mayo & lite Italian dressing. Delish. :)
In the last month, while lying in bed at night, I have discovered my ribs, my sternum, and my hip bones. :)
I rarely drink Coke anymore. This is another HUGE one. I wrote in an early post that I didn't think I'd ever, ever be able to kick the habit completely. I still drink some once in a while, but the habit of having to have it is gone. Completely gone. It started out simple...I wanted to spend my calories on food and not drinks. Pretty soon, I just got used to drinking almost all water. Now when I drink Coke, it's 1/2 of one of those little 8 oz, 100 calorie cans....so 4 oz. and 50 calories. I'm very proud of that, especially in relation to my diabetes.
I love beer. But the most I've ever drank it is maybe once a month when Dwayne and I would go out to a local bar & grille and kick back for a couple of hours. I'd drink 4 or 5 Killian's, get a nice buzz going, and enjoy my evening out. Not anymore. Beer weighs down your exercise, it's loaded with calories, and it dehydrates you. Since I started losing weight in June, I've had 1/2 of a beer 2 different times. Although once a month isn't a real big priority in the first place, it has moved even further down the list of priorities.
This last one is kind of bittersweet. I have a beautiful collection of girlie, lacy, silky bra and panty sets. Every color and design you can imagine, except for white. White is too boring for me. I am very budget-minded and money-conscious, but my lingerie drawer has been my one, personal splurge. Lovely lingerie makes me feel pretty. Almost ALL of them are too big now. I've adjusted all the straps on the bras to the shortest length and they're all falling off my shoulders. It irritates the crap out of me. The problem is, I don't have the money to replace them right now and it's driving me nuts!!
There's probably more NSV's, but this is all I can think of right now. My calories are under 1500 today and I walked another 6 miles at the park today!! I did 4 this morning, and another 2 this evening. This probably isn't something I can sustain all the time....4 is more like it....but with Mother Nature visiting, I'm trying to level the playing field with that wench. :)
Quote For the Day:
"Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives." -Viktor Frankl
Friday, August 21, 2009
Gonna' Be A Bad Weekend
Short post. All of my food plans went out the window today. We were away from home for 6 hours car shopping. The good news is Dwayne thinks he found a car he wants. The bad news is, we're going to be away from the house several more hours tomorrow. He's taking the car to a mechanic to get it looked at, and if it's okay then it's back to the dealership for a couple of hours of paperwork and letting them do an oil change, etc. Then we're putting 2 new tires on my car. He said he doesn't want to waste time on me waiting to cook in the morning, so our day is starting off with the breakfast buffet at Golden Corral. I'm assuming it's only going to get worse from there. So I've resolved to forget that today and tomorrow ever happened and start fresh on Sunday when HE'S NOT HERE. I love him to pieces but.....well, you know what I mean. Maybe I can eek out a couple pound loss in the 5 days of good eating I'll have. Depends on how much damage I do between now and tomorrow night. Ugh.
Quote For The Day:
"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Quote For The Day:
"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Holding My Breath
Weigh-in Eve. Oh the stress, lol. As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I am praying for at least 2 lbs. tomorrow morning. I don't want to expect too much for sure....but man I feel like I earned at least a 2 lb. loss. I am totally dreading the week a plateau hits. Don't let this week be it! I guess it doesn't really matter which week it is...I'm doing the same work, so it doesn't make a difference when it finally sneaks up and bites me. Been wondering what I'll do when it happens....what does everyone else do? Do you keep the same calorie amount each day or do you reduce it? Do you increase your daily exercise? Pam told me a while back that she hit one a while back and it lasted several weeks. That scares the living crap out of me....I want to be in Destin by next April!!!! At least by next summer....please God??!! PLEASE??!!
I finally got around tonight to checking some blogs of my newest followers. Melanie gave me an award and I didn't even know it!!!! Thanks Melanie...how sweet of you to think of me...and greatly appreciated! I also received another award today...from Brittany at Me vs. The Buffet. She has a homemade blog award, complete with fat rolls and a piece of fried chicken in her hand...lol...and I am the PROUD recipient!! Awesome!!
Dwayne called today and said he's taking the day off tomorrow and spending the whole day with me. Then he said, "Aren't you excited honey?!" While he was busy being excited, I was busy wondering how in the heck he was going to wreck my eating, lol. I told him of course I was excited....he's been looking for a "new" used car for about 3 months now and he wants to do some more looking tomorrow. I'll be so happy when he finally gets settled on something and we don't spend an ENTIRE day away from home and eating at fast food restaurants. Stresses me to no end. My current plan is to eat a piece of my 176 calorie breakfast casserole in the morning....and then pray we're at home around lunch time so I can make us some 350 calorie turkey burgers. Then there's always the fun of trying to figure out a dinner that both of us will eat....one that he will enjoy and not turn his nose up at....and one that I can eat guilt-free and still stay within my calorie budget. Here's his idea of food: Meat, Bad Carbs, Sweets, Absolutely NO VEGETABLES. Did I mention I'm stressed? lol
Well I think I'm all caught up on my blog reading and commenting for the day. Time to catch up on a little more laundry and a game of fetch with my baby puppy dog, Scarlette. I wish I could put pictures up. I really suck at this blogging thing, lol. Maybe I'll see if Pam can help me with some soon. She knows how AddAGadget-challenged I am. :)
Quote For The Day:
"I demolish my bridges behind me...then there is no choice but to move forward." -Firdtjof Nansen
I finally got around tonight to checking some blogs of my newest followers. Melanie gave me an award and I didn't even know it!!!! Thanks Melanie...how sweet of you to think of me...and greatly appreciated! I also received another award today...from Brittany at Me vs. The Buffet. She has a homemade blog award, complete with fat rolls and a piece of fried chicken in her hand...lol...and I am the PROUD recipient!! Awesome!!
Dwayne called today and said he's taking the day off tomorrow and spending the whole day with me. Then he said, "Aren't you excited honey?!" While he was busy being excited, I was busy wondering how in the heck he was going to wreck my eating, lol. I told him of course I was excited....he's been looking for a "new" used car for about 3 months now and he wants to do some more looking tomorrow. I'll be so happy when he finally gets settled on something and we don't spend an ENTIRE day away from home and eating at fast food restaurants. Stresses me to no end. My current plan is to eat a piece of my 176 calorie breakfast casserole in the morning....and then pray we're at home around lunch time so I can make us some 350 calorie turkey burgers. Then there's always the fun of trying to figure out a dinner that both of us will eat....one that he will enjoy and not turn his nose up at....and one that I can eat guilt-free and still stay within my calorie budget. Here's his idea of food: Meat, Bad Carbs, Sweets, Absolutely NO VEGETABLES. Did I mention I'm stressed? lol
Well I think I'm all caught up on my blog reading and commenting for the day. Time to catch up on a little more laundry and a game of fetch with my baby puppy dog, Scarlette. I wish I could put pictures up. I really suck at this blogging thing, lol. Maybe I'll see if Pam can help me with some soon. She knows how AddAGadget-challenged I am. :)
Quote For The Day:
"I demolish my bridges behind me...then there is no choice but to move forward." -Firdtjof Nansen
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Hurts So Good
This is going to be a short post....I am soooo exhausted tonight. But I'm happy. :)
Dwayne and I felt so good about our hike yesterday that we decided to do another one today. It was in the same general area but a different trail. This one is called the Kolb's Farm Loop. It was a 5.5 mile hike, and we knew we wouldn't make it all the way, especially after still being a little sore from yesterday, but we decided we'd at least do 2 miles of it.
We had another beautiful day today...enjoyed some lovely scenery. Part of the walk was in full sun and part was shaded deep in the woods. We crossed over two bridges that spanned Ward's Creek so I got to enjoy seeing the water....my favorite thing in the world. It's my therapy. We picked some blackberries and munched on them along the way but they were nowhere near ripe, lol. It was still fun to do. :)
We walked 2 miles in before we realized we needed to stop and turn around to get back to the car. That meant 2 miles back.......4 MILES altogether and we were only going to do 2 miles!! It was a lot harder getting back out than it was going in. There was a little uphill walking going in, but there was a HUGE hill that we walked down....which meant that we were going to have to climb it to get back out. After about the 3rd mile of walking I became painfully aware that I had blisters on nearly all of my toes and the pads of my feet. Unfortunately, I didn't get to enjoy the scenery as much heading out as I did going in. My concentration was on my screaming feet and trying to breathe while climbing that dang hill. There were a couple of times I had to stop while climbing it and the thoughts of rolling back down it seemed like a very real possibility.
I think Dwayne thought I wasn't going to make it a couple of times. He would slow down and let me catch up. He knew my feet were shot so he held my hand in the downward spots so I wouldn't slip and fall. He gently encouraged me all the way....told me what a great job I was doing. He was awesome to take me hiking both days and I'm glad we got to spend that time together. We also had our little puppy Scarlette with us. Bless her heart, lol. We had been giving her plenty of water but she started lagging behind and when Dwayne told me to stop and let her rest, I turned around to look at her and she plopped down right in the middle of the trail, just a panting. We felt sorry for her so I carried her for a ways....and then Dwayne stuck her down in the backpack and zipped it only halfway to hold her in. I was walking behind him so she could see her Momma. She was so adorable....cute little face and front paws hanging out of the bag...bouncing along the trail on Daddy's back. Too precious. I really need to invest in a digital camera.
We finally made it out and I've never been so happy to sit down in all my life. I was hurting bad...even Dwayne was in some serious pain this time. We made it home and hobbled upstairs. We both got showers and sat down to eat some dinner we picked up at the Publix deli. He knew my feet were ruined and wouldn't be able to stand up and cook the turkey breast I had planned for dinner, so he suggested Publix, picked it up and paid for it. Works for me.
Our original plan was to hike all 3 days of my birthday weekend (birthday tomorrow!), but after today, we mutually agreed that there will be no birthday hike tomorrow, lol. My feet really need to heal a bit first. But I am so happy and content right now. I'm working towards my goals every day and now Dwayne is starting to tag along with me. It feels good...it feels GREAT!! Even the exhaustion feels good because I know it's due to really pushing myself with the exercise. It hurts to even walk across the carpet right now...but I'm doing it with a smile. :)
I said this was going to be a short post tonight didn't I? You guys should know me better than that by now. :) 'Nite nite.
Quote For The Day:
"Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself." -Theodore T. Hunger
Dwayne and I felt so good about our hike yesterday that we decided to do another one today. It was in the same general area but a different trail. This one is called the Kolb's Farm Loop. It was a 5.5 mile hike, and we knew we wouldn't make it all the way, especially after still being a little sore from yesterday, but we decided we'd at least do 2 miles of it.
We had another beautiful day today...enjoyed some lovely scenery. Part of the walk was in full sun and part was shaded deep in the woods. We crossed over two bridges that spanned Ward's Creek so I got to enjoy seeing the water....my favorite thing in the world. It's my therapy. We picked some blackberries and munched on them along the way but they were nowhere near ripe, lol. It was still fun to do. :)
We walked 2 miles in before we realized we needed to stop and turn around to get back to the car. That meant 2 miles back.......4 MILES altogether and we were only going to do 2 miles!! It was a lot harder getting back out than it was going in. There was a little uphill walking going in, but there was a HUGE hill that we walked down....which meant that we were going to have to climb it to get back out. After about the 3rd mile of walking I became painfully aware that I had blisters on nearly all of my toes and the pads of my feet. Unfortunately, I didn't get to enjoy the scenery as much heading out as I did going in. My concentration was on my screaming feet and trying to breathe while climbing that dang hill. There were a couple of times I had to stop while climbing it and the thoughts of rolling back down it seemed like a very real possibility.
I think Dwayne thought I wasn't going to make it a couple of times. He would slow down and let me catch up. He knew my feet were shot so he held my hand in the downward spots so I wouldn't slip and fall. He gently encouraged me all the way....told me what a great job I was doing. He was awesome to take me hiking both days and I'm glad we got to spend that time together. We also had our little puppy Scarlette with us. Bless her heart, lol. We had been giving her plenty of water but she started lagging behind and when Dwayne told me to stop and let her rest, I turned around to look at her and she plopped down right in the middle of the trail, just a panting. We felt sorry for her so I carried her for a ways....and then Dwayne stuck her down in the backpack and zipped it only halfway to hold her in. I was walking behind him so she could see her Momma. She was so adorable....cute little face and front paws hanging out of the bag...bouncing along the trail on Daddy's back. Too precious. I really need to invest in a digital camera.
We finally made it out and I've never been so happy to sit down in all my life. I was hurting bad...even Dwayne was in some serious pain this time. We made it home and hobbled upstairs. We both got showers and sat down to eat some dinner we picked up at the Publix deli. He knew my feet were ruined and wouldn't be able to stand up and cook the turkey breast I had planned for dinner, so he suggested Publix, picked it up and paid for it. Works for me.
Our original plan was to hike all 3 days of my birthday weekend (birthday tomorrow!), but after today, we mutually agreed that there will be no birthday hike tomorrow, lol. My feet really need to heal a bit first. But I am so happy and content right now. I'm working towards my goals every day and now Dwayne is starting to tag along with me. It feels good...it feels GREAT!! Even the exhaustion feels good because I know it's due to really pushing myself with the exercise. It hurts to even walk across the carpet right now...but I'm doing it with a smile. :)
I said this was going to be a short post tonight didn't I? You guys should know me better than that by now. :) 'Nite nite.
Quote For The Day:
"Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself." -Theodore T. Hunger
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sodium.....So Stoopid
Today has pretty much sucked all the way around, lol. Some days are just going to be that way, and this is one of them. I had an argument with a girlfriend today....the one that just happened to be throwing me a pool party for my birthday this Sunday with all of our other friends, so needless to say, no more party. Bummer. My friend is still upset with me. Bigger bummer. I made dinner in the crockpot today and I didn't like it. Another bummer. And Mother Nature paid me a visit this week. Biggest bummer of all.
First of all, I hate drama with friends. I find it completely draining and a total waste of energy, but life isn't perfect, and sometimes these things happen. Secondly, I've always been a huge fan of birthdays. It's the one special day a year that all of your friends a family gather 'round to celebrate you and the importance of you being in their life, and them in yours. I love birthdays. So the fact that mine might end up being a downer this year is really discouraging to me.
Mother Nature and I have NEVER been friends. I'm working my big butt off as hard as I can, focusing..focusing..focusing, staying within my calorie limit, walking on the treadmill daily as fast as I can go...pushing myself to my limits...and then she shows up, plops down right in the middle of all my progress, and asks, "How does a 3 lb. gain sound this week?" Grrrrrr.
Here's the stoopid sodium part. As if it weren't bad enough that I'm battling bloating this week and working my butt off just to try my best to maintain and not gain this week....I end up with a dinner I just didn't like, feeling totally unsatisfied, totally drained from the day's drama and cranky from the cramps...and took myself right down to Los Reyes for some chicken soft tacos.
I had 800 calories left for the day, so I didn't go over my limit. I did my walk on the treadmill this morning, so I'm cool there. But I just didn't need the sodium. I was already in a tangle with Mother Nature, and I had to go and add insult to injury. Doh! How stoopid. Really, really stoopid.
Now I know from reading so many weight loss blogs that there are people out there who eat in restaurants/fast food every single week, and still show a substantial loss on weigh day. They're staying in their calorie limit, but somehow they're winning out over the sodium. I don't know if they're just lucky, if my system is whacked, if they're drowning themselves in vats of water to get rid of it, overdosing on water pills, or what. But I know from experience that sodium is the enemy for me and my body and that makes today's choice a really bad one. So, whatever ensuing gain I show on the scale this Friday, aside from my cycle, is completely well-deserved.
First of all, I hate drama with friends. I find it completely draining and a total waste of energy, but life isn't perfect, and sometimes these things happen. Secondly, I've always been a huge fan of birthdays. It's the one special day a year that all of your friends a family gather 'round to celebrate you and the importance of you being in their life, and them in yours. I love birthdays. So the fact that mine might end up being a downer this year is really discouraging to me.
Mother Nature and I have NEVER been friends. I'm working my big butt off as hard as I can, focusing..focusing..focusing, staying within my calorie limit, walking on the treadmill daily as fast as I can go...pushing myself to my limits...and then she shows up, plops down right in the middle of all my progress, and asks, "How does a 3 lb. gain sound this week?" Grrrrrr.
Here's the stoopid sodium part. As if it weren't bad enough that I'm battling bloating this week and working my butt off just to try my best to maintain and not gain this week....I end up with a dinner I just didn't like, feeling totally unsatisfied, totally drained from the day's drama and cranky from the cramps...and took myself right down to Los Reyes for some chicken soft tacos.
I had 800 calories left for the day, so I didn't go over my limit. I did my walk on the treadmill this morning, so I'm cool there. But I just didn't need the sodium. I was already in a tangle with Mother Nature, and I had to go and add insult to injury. Doh! How stoopid. Really, really stoopid.
Now I know from reading so many weight loss blogs that there are people out there who eat in restaurants/fast food every single week, and still show a substantial loss on weigh day. They're staying in their calorie limit, but somehow they're winning out over the sodium. I don't know if they're just lucky, if my system is whacked, if they're drowning themselves in vats of water to get rid of it, overdosing on water pills, or what. But I know from experience that sodium is the enemy for me and my body and that makes today's choice a really bad one. So, whatever ensuing gain I show on the scale this Friday, aside from my cycle, is completely well-deserved.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Wholesome Eating
As I mentioned last week when I did my post on "Jillian's Nuggets of Knowledge", I started trying to incorporate some hormone-balancing foods into my daily eating. I've stayed within my calorie limit every day, and have walked 20 minutes on the treadmill every day at a rate of 4.0-4.5, resulting in a 1.42 mile distance so far. I don't know why the walking is still so hard/painful for me, but I'm hoping that with continued perseverance, it will get easier and I'll be able to walk further over time.
Here's a list of the foods that I've had over the last 4 days since I weighed in last Friday morning:
egg whites
homemade turkey sausage
bell peppers
orange peppers
red peppers
onions
tomatoes
fresh spinach
baby portabello mushrooms
Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thins
Wrap-itz 100% stoneground whole wheat wraps
97% fat free pork tenderloin
boneless skinless chicken breasts
99% fat free ground turkey breast
Canadian bacon
potatoes
carrots
eggplant (blech!)
yellow squash
zucchini
cantaloupe
peaches
plums
prunes (blech!)
watermelon
Rainier cherries
walnuts
olive oil
fat free sour cream
garbanzo beans
black beans
fat free cream cheese
Smucker's low sugar strawberry preserves
reduced fat crackers
mozzarella cheese
64 oz of water every day (including protein water daily)
1 glass of tea in the last 4 days
decaf coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
NO COKE
NO DARK CHOCOLATE
I went out Saturday night with Dwayne and some friends with the full intention of giving myself an extra 1,000 calories for special days like this. I ate about 500 calories during the day before we met our friends for dinner at the Mexican restaurant, Los Reyes. I ate 2 grilled chicken tacos w/ lettuce only, and 1 regular chicken soft taco (stewed chicken w/ tomatoes and onions) with lettuce only.....no cheese on any of the tacos. I also had 1 1/2 beers and a few chips w/ salsa. I ended up concentrating on laughing and enjoying time with our friends and the food was just a side note. I enjoyed what I ate, took my time eating it, and didn't need the extra 1,000 calories!! I took control over the food instead of letting the food control me (GREAT ADVICE, SEAN!!!), and the feeling of freedom that came with that was indescribable. I've finally got my head in the right place and I am LOVING this new sense of power.
Now, I'm not so naive as to think there won't be anymore rough/trying days....of course there will. In fact, I was at a store today and there was a Wendy's and Arby's right next door. My addiction to fast food kicked in as soon as I smelled them. I wasn't particularly hungry, but they were right there, and I could smell them, and I hadn't had any fast food (except for Subway), since I started changing my eating habits over 5 weeks ago. It's funny how easily you can slip into your old way of thinking.
Time to stop and think. It was after lunchtime, around 2pm, and I had over 900 calories left for the day. Could I afford to eat anything from either of these restaurants calorie-wise? Sure I could. Could I get rid of the sodium with lots of water before weighing in on Friday? Probably. Does it jive with my new healthy way of eating? Absolutely not...I'm eating as much whole foods now as possible to straighten out my hormones. Fast food isn't on the list. Is it time to go home and make a better, healthier decision? Yep. And home I went.
One of the things that Jillian mentioned that we should be eating some of every day is cruciferous veggies (broccoli, bok choy, cauliflower, cabbage) and I noticed I haven't had any of those this week. I plan on rectifying that with some beef and broccoli later in the week. I will make it in the crockpot with a lean london broil, frozen broccoli, onions and mushrooms.
Tomorrow night I'm planning on making another crockpot dish that I found on Pam's food blog: http://lobsterandfishsticks.com/2009/03/30/chicken-and-sweet-potato-stew/. I love sweet potatoes but have only ever had them plain with a little butter on them, or sometimes brown sugar as a sweet treat. I'm so curious to see how they taste in a savory dish with chicken, mushrooms and onions. Looking forward to trying something new!
I'm also looking forward to the next few weeks to see if my body feels any better and some of my "symptoms" are relieved from the healthier food choices. I'm off now to make out a short grocery list of some of the produce I'm running low on. Can't live without onions!! I put them in EVERYTHING!! :) 'Night all.
Quote For The Day:
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." -Robert Collier
Here's a list of the foods that I've had over the last 4 days since I weighed in last Friday morning:
egg whites
homemade turkey sausage
bell peppers
orange peppers
red peppers
onions
tomatoes
fresh spinach
baby portabello mushrooms
Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thins
Wrap-itz 100% stoneground whole wheat wraps
97% fat free pork tenderloin
boneless skinless chicken breasts
99% fat free ground turkey breast
Canadian bacon
potatoes
carrots
eggplant (blech!)
yellow squash
zucchini
cantaloupe
peaches
plums
prunes (blech!)
watermelon
Rainier cherries
walnuts
olive oil
fat free sour cream
garbanzo beans
black beans
fat free cream cheese
Smucker's low sugar strawberry preserves
reduced fat crackers
mozzarella cheese
64 oz of water every day (including protein water daily)
1 glass of tea in the last 4 days
decaf coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
NO COKE
NO DARK CHOCOLATE
I went out Saturday night with Dwayne and some friends with the full intention of giving myself an extra 1,000 calories for special days like this. I ate about 500 calories during the day before we met our friends for dinner at the Mexican restaurant, Los Reyes. I ate 2 grilled chicken tacos w/ lettuce only, and 1 regular chicken soft taco (stewed chicken w/ tomatoes and onions) with lettuce only.....no cheese on any of the tacos. I also had 1 1/2 beers and a few chips w/ salsa. I ended up concentrating on laughing and enjoying time with our friends and the food was just a side note. I enjoyed what I ate, took my time eating it, and didn't need the extra 1,000 calories!! I took control over the food instead of letting the food control me (GREAT ADVICE, SEAN!!!), and the feeling of freedom that came with that was indescribable. I've finally got my head in the right place and I am LOVING this new sense of power.
Now, I'm not so naive as to think there won't be anymore rough/trying days....of course there will. In fact, I was at a store today and there was a Wendy's and Arby's right next door. My addiction to fast food kicked in as soon as I smelled them. I wasn't particularly hungry, but they were right there, and I could smell them, and I hadn't had any fast food (except for Subway), since I started changing my eating habits over 5 weeks ago. It's funny how easily you can slip into your old way of thinking.
Time to stop and think. It was after lunchtime, around 2pm, and I had over 900 calories left for the day. Could I afford to eat anything from either of these restaurants calorie-wise? Sure I could. Could I get rid of the sodium with lots of water before weighing in on Friday? Probably. Does it jive with my new healthy way of eating? Absolutely not...I'm eating as much whole foods now as possible to straighten out my hormones. Fast food isn't on the list. Is it time to go home and make a better, healthier decision? Yep. And home I went.
One of the things that Jillian mentioned that we should be eating some of every day is cruciferous veggies (broccoli, bok choy, cauliflower, cabbage) and I noticed I haven't had any of those this week. I plan on rectifying that with some beef and broccoli later in the week. I will make it in the crockpot with a lean london broil, frozen broccoli, onions and mushrooms.
Tomorrow night I'm planning on making another crockpot dish that I found on Pam's food blog: http://lobsterandfishsticks.com/2009/03/30/chicken-and-sweet-potato-stew/. I love sweet potatoes but have only ever had them plain with a little butter on them, or sometimes brown sugar as a sweet treat. I'm so curious to see how they taste in a savory dish with chicken, mushrooms and onions. Looking forward to trying something new!
I'm also looking forward to the next few weeks to see if my body feels any better and some of my "symptoms" are relieved from the healthier food choices. I'm off now to make out a short grocery list of some of the produce I'm running low on. Can't live without onions!! I put them in EVERYTHING!! :) 'Night all.
Quote For The Day:
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." -Robert Collier
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Aspirations
Wow!! Sean's Letter sure did solicit a huge response. There's obviously too many comments for me to address each one individually, so thanks to all of you for taking the time to leave me a message. I'm glad that most of you received the same blessing from it that I did.
Today is WAY better than yesterday in regards to food. I've already had dinner and even a Weight Watchers big, fat fudge bar for dessert (110 calories), and I still have 400 calories left for the day! This is what I mean on the days that I tell you I have to make myself get up to 1550, just to be consistent. By the way, Pam helped me with my fitness section on my nutrition guide. I've been steadily increasing the speed on the 20 mins I've been doing on the treadmill. The first couple of days I was burning 209 calories each time and now I'm up to 292. The nutrition tracker automatically readjusted my calorie limits and now my top number is no longer 1550, it's 1590, so that's where I've been eating at for the last 3 days.
I was thinking about all the things I miss today in regards to food....Grandma's Baked Macaroni and Cheese....Mom's potato salad that nobody else in the world can seem to get right.....Aunt Shirley's chicken and dumplings, the ones that Cracker Barrell tries to imitate but doesn't even come close to.....garlic fried pork chops and ginger fried chicken.........and then I stopped. I told myself that instead of focusing on the things that have led me to the size that I am and caused me all this hard work in the first place, why don't I focus on the things that I won't miss?
Things I Won't Miss
Not being able to squeeze into restaurant booths w/o Fire and Rescue having to call in the Jaws of Life to get me out.
Hiking up a mountain w/o looking around to see where's a good spot to land the Life Flight helicopter in case my heart finally announces, "I surrender".
Being able to wear my cute little high-heeled sandals again w/o looking like a potato on stilts.
Fat rash. If you're not fat enough to know what this is, don't even ask me...I'm not explaining it.
Being able to wear Dwayne's hoodies in the wintertime w/o waddling around looking like the Michelin man.
I'm sure there are more things that I won't miss, but these are all the ones I've come up with so far. I'll give you an updated list on down the road. I'm nervous as usual since it's Weigh-in Eve, but I feel like there should be a decent loss on the scale in the morning. I know you're not supposed to hope for a certain amount, but after busting my a$$ all week, I'm looking for at least 3 lbs. If you don't see my weight loss post pretty early in the morning, chances are I've thrown myself on the ground, kicking and screaming and shaking my head like a crazy woman, crying out to God, "Why?! Why?!?! Whyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!"
It's either going to be that or the buck-naked Happy Dance....neither one of them are going to be pretty. :)
Pam gave me the quote for tonight's post...it's a good one. Sleep well and sweet dreams to all.
"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Roberta Brenick
Today is WAY better than yesterday in regards to food. I've already had dinner and even a Weight Watchers big, fat fudge bar for dessert (110 calories), and I still have 400 calories left for the day! This is what I mean on the days that I tell you I have to make myself get up to 1550, just to be consistent. By the way, Pam helped me with my fitness section on my nutrition guide. I've been steadily increasing the speed on the 20 mins I've been doing on the treadmill. The first couple of days I was burning 209 calories each time and now I'm up to 292. The nutrition tracker automatically readjusted my calorie limits and now my top number is no longer 1550, it's 1590, so that's where I've been eating at for the last 3 days.
I was thinking about all the things I miss today in regards to food....Grandma's Baked Macaroni and Cheese....Mom's potato salad that nobody else in the world can seem to get right.....Aunt Shirley's chicken and dumplings, the ones that Cracker Barrell tries to imitate but doesn't even come close to.....garlic fried pork chops and ginger fried chicken.........and then I stopped. I told myself that instead of focusing on the things that have led me to the size that I am and caused me all this hard work in the first place, why don't I focus on the things that I won't miss?
Things I Won't Miss
Not being able to squeeze into restaurant booths w/o Fire and Rescue having to call in the Jaws of Life to get me out.
Hiking up a mountain w/o looking around to see where's a good spot to land the Life Flight helicopter in case my heart finally announces, "I surrender".
Being able to wear my cute little high-heeled sandals again w/o looking like a potato on stilts.
Fat rash. If you're not fat enough to know what this is, don't even ask me...I'm not explaining it.
Being able to wear Dwayne's hoodies in the wintertime w/o waddling around looking like the Michelin man.
I'm sure there are more things that I won't miss, but these are all the ones I've come up with so far. I'll give you an updated list on down the road. I'm nervous as usual since it's Weigh-in Eve, but I feel like there should be a decent loss on the scale in the morning. I know you're not supposed to hope for a certain amount, but after busting my a$$ all week, I'm looking for at least 3 lbs. If you don't see my weight loss post pretty early in the morning, chances are I've thrown myself on the ground, kicking and screaming and shaking my head like a crazy woman, crying out to God, "Why?! Why?!?! Whyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!"
It's either going to be that or the buck-naked Happy Dance....neither one of them are going to be pretty. :)
Pam gave me the quote for tonight's post...it's a good one. Sleep well and sweet dreams to all.
"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." -Roberta Brenick
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Going For The Gold!!!
Today has been A-W-E-S-O-M-E!! By now everyone knows that this morning's weigh-in was a bust. I gained 1.6 lbs. on the 4th week. Only 4 weeks into it and I've already got a gain. I could look at it like that.
I choose to look at it like this.....I knew yesterday it was going to be bad so I got busy trying to figure out how to do better. I took advice from people who have "been there, done that" as well as advice from a friend who's a registered nurse, pondered all of it, and developed a plan to make this week better. Of course, I have no way of knowing how it will work out until next weigh day. Truth be told, I could still be doing some things wrong. That's not the point. The point is, I'm doing my best to be proactive in losing the weight, trying new things to see what works for me because everyone's different, and I'm learning as I go. As long as I'm open to continuously learning, helpful criticism, and willing to do "whatever it takes" (as Dad so wisely told me this morning), then I can only get better.
I left out early this morning to meet my two sisters, Brandy and Amy, and my adorable little nieces and nephews....Grace and Carla, age 4, Elijah, age 2 1/2 and Cyress, age 2. We took the babies to a farm in Cartersville so they could feed and pet the animals. I just can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. Yes, the kids drive me nuts when they're all in the same house running around playing and screaming and "being kids" (much of this due to the fact that I don't have any children of my own and am just not used to the chaos). But when we're out and about, actually doing something that they enjoy and that holds their attention....well it's just the coolest thing in the world to be a part of.
There were lots of animals for the kids to interact with and the guy showing us around the farm was extremely knowledgeable on all of them. I tipped him $10 for taking the time to educate us and for his patience with the kids. He made the trip a pleasure. We got to see camels (including a baby one), a young cow that the kids got to walk right up to and pet...he wasn't fenced in, he just freely roams around the farm, some beautiful peacocks, a porcupine, tortoises, baby kangaroos, cockatiels, macaws, donkeys, horses, goats (including one that was only a week old and the most adorable thing you've ever seen), ostriches, emus, the biggest bull I've ever seen in my life who just happened to be named Buttercup, a Mexican bull that had a rack like a Texas longhorn, and zebras. Very, very cool. The kids had a great time, they got to feed and pet most of the animals w/ the exception of the bulls, and they asked if we would bring them back again. Of course we will!!
Brandy had told me the night before that we were going to swing thru McDonald's for breakfast on our way to the farm. I was prepared and ate my breakfast casserole this morning before I left...183 calories. Of course when we pulled thru, I could smell those Egg McMuffins. I've mentioned before that my sense of smell is my biggest saboteur when it comes to food. But I held strong and resisted the temptation. After we left the farm, I knew we'd be going to lunch, but didn't know where. I wasn't too worried about it because my sister Brandy is very conscious of her weight and never varies more than 5 lbs. She is 6' tall and weighs 155 lbs. She's a stick and she loves it. She's got a couple of fast food places that she goes to when she's out and about because she's got the calories memorized on the things she eats there. One of the big ones is Chic-fil-A. I figured wherever we ended up, I'd just follow her lead and be okay.
Boy was I wrong. They decided they wanted Mexican!! Crap. Driving on home and skipping the restaurant wasn't an option because I was riding with my sister Amy. My car was back at Mom's house. I was so screwed, lol. I could smell those fajitas from 5 miles away. Here we go, I thought. We got there and I surveyed the menu. It's so hard to eat in a restaurant and calorie count when you haven't had a chance to check a nutrition guide online ahead of time. Los Reyes doesn't even have one, but we ended up at El Nopal. And then there's always the dreaded sodium that there's just no escaping. I didn't want to make my sisters uncomfortable by not ordering anything at all, so I got a glass of water and 1 chicken soft taco, which by the way, was half the size of the ones at Los Reyes, so that was a good thing. It had maybe 3 oz of chicken in it w/ tomatoes and onions...I said no to the shredded cheese and only got lettuce on it. Cost me $2.14. I think that was the cheapest lunch I've ever had in my life.
I white-knuckled the table while the rest of the family members gobbled down their fajitas, cheese dip, and chips and salsa. Oh the smell....I was in Mexican Heaven....or Hell...however you want to look at it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I had to physically restrain my arm from reaching into that chip bowl no less than 25 times during the course of our lunch. What a habit it is to eat those free chips and salsa! You don't even think about it....your hand just automatically reaches for those greasy, crispy, salty treats. I didn't eat a single one. Not even a crumb. I didn't touch the cheese dip. I didn't eat any of the fajitas that Amy didn't finish. I ate my 3-bite taco, sucked the bottom out of my water glass, and prayed for them to hurry the hell up so we could get out of there.
All that soft taco did was whet my appetite. My stomach wasn't growling when we first got to the restaurant, but it sure was raising a ruckus when we left. I finally made it back to my car and straight home to make another taco. I had made my own version of chicken soft tacos the night before and still had some left over. It was so good....totally worth the wait. I'm glad I made it through the restaurant ordeal.
I did some chores around the house and when it was time to cook dinner I sauteed some baby scallops (found them on sale for $3.99/lb!) with some broccoli, onions, mushrooms, and red and green bell peppers. I threw in some garlic, ginger, adobo, red pepper flakes and low sodium soy sauce. FABULOUS meal. Just fabulous. And less than 300 calories. As good as it tasted, it wasn't very filling, so I ended up making a ham wrap later. I still had too many calories left over and I was serious about not going under 1350, so I ate stuff here and there until I got pretty close to the 1550 mark.
I went down and got on the treadmill like I said I was going to start doing EVERY day. The daily requirement is now 20 minutes until I build up some endurance. I was already dying at 15-16 mins to do the mile I was doing. Apparently I didnt' know what death was, lol. I walked at a speed of 4.0 for the first 17 mins and then dropped the speed down to 3.5 for the last 3 minutes. At the 20 min marker I had walked 1.3 miles and I fell off the machine. Oh! By the way, when I first got in the fitness room I got on our elliptical machine for the first time. I attempted it. I lasted 1 minute, lol. I truly don't think I'll be on that thing agan for at least the next 50 lbs. It hurts your thigh muscles just to stand on it....before you even start using it. While I was fooling around with it, thinking in my head "never again", a pretty fit-looking guy came in the fitness room. I immediately asked him if he wanted the elliptical so I could get off of it and make it look like I was just being nice....not that it was killing me. He said, "Are you kidding me? I hate that thing. It's a b*tch!" Yeah, no kidding.
The calorie counting website that I use has a fitness section that I perused for the first time tonight. I found a place to enter in "walking on treadmill". It offered different times for different amounts of miles. I chose the "1 mile in 15 mins" option, thinking that doing 1.3 mi in 20 mins would be pretty darn accurate. It said I burned 209 calories!! GO SKINNY TAMMY!! I also got in the kitchen and chopped up a ton of veggies. I soooo didn't feel like it. I was tired and sore after the treadmill, sweating like a pig, and ready to call it a day. But I said I was going to do it today so I knew I needed to. I argued with myself first (I do this a lot):
Go chop up the veggies.
I don't feel like it tonight.
You laid out a plan yesterday. You've gotta' stick to it.
I'm just so tired tonight.
That's your excuse every night. This will assist you each night for the rest of the week.
Can't you see I just burned a whopping 209 calories on the treadmill?!?!
Good for you. Now get busy.
Have I ever told you how much I hate you?
Several times in the last 4 weeks, but I'm also the reason you exceeded your 10 lb. monthly goal with a 12 lb. loss. Now get in there and start chopping...Porkchop Girl.
Touche :)
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Calories 1528
Carbs 80
Fat 53
Protein 183
Here's my food intake for the day:
Breakfast casserole (see yesterday's post for ingredients)
1 c. coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
1 El Nopal chicken soft taco with lettuce, no cheese
1 homemade chicken soft taco w/ lettuce on wheat tortilla
Scallop stir fry
Ham wrap on wheat tortilla w/ lettuce, tomatoes, onions, lite mayo, lite Italian dressing
Bowl of chicken stew (5 oz chicken, tomatoes, onions, datil pepper)
1 pc. Russell Stover Sugar-free 60% cacoa dark chocolate
Lots of water
1 protein water....NO TEA....NO COKE :)
One final thought....I know you're all just DYING for this long-winded post to end. :) Several years ago during one of the Olympic games Nike put out a commercial. It is my favorite commercial of all time. It had one statement written on the screen that said, "You don't win silver, you lose gold." WOW. DOUBLE WOW. Oh the fallout that was going to come from that one. They had stepped in it big time. Needless to say, all of the silver medalists had a global freak-out and I watched the news like a hawk over the next couple of days to see what Nike's response was going to be. I figured they would buckle under the pressure and fall all over themselves apologizing. They didn't.
They put out a statement saying that while the silver medalists had made outstanding achievements and should be proud of what they had attained, Nike holds themselves to a standard of the highest excellence, one that the gold medal represents, and they would continue to do so. Awesome. Let me just say that there's nothing wrong with going for the gold, for wanting to be the absolute best you can be and working hard to reach it. The world is full of mediocrity and good intentions. Be different! Set your goal to be the best you can possibly be and do what it takes to get there. There's a saying that goes, "Shoot for the moon and even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars." I've always hated that saying. In my mind you should be shooting for the moon and not stopping til you reach it. Go for the gold!!! Happy Moonwalking. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Failure? I've never encountered it....only temporary setbacks." -Bill Marriott, Marriott Hotels
I choose to look at it like this.....I knew yesterday it was going to be bad so I got busy trying to figure out how to do better. I took advice from people who have "been there, done that" as well as advice from a friend who's a registered nurse, pondered all of it, and developed a plan to make this week better. Of course, I have no way of knowing how it will work out until next weigh day. Truth be told, I could still be doing some things wrong. That's not the point. The point is, I'm doing my best to be proactive in losing the weight, trying new things to see what works for me because everyone's different, and I'm learning as I go. As long as I'm open to continuously learning, helpful criticism, and willing to do "whatever it takes" (as Dad so wisely told me this morning), then I can only get better.
I left out early this morning to meet my two sisters, Brandy and Amy, and my adorable little nieces and nephews....Grace and Carla, age 4, Elijah, age 2 1/2 and Cyress, age 2. We took the babies to a farm in Cartersville so they could feed and pet the animals. I just can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. Yes, the kids drive me nuts when they're all in the same house running around playing and screaming and "being kids" (much of this due to the fact that I don't have any children of my own and am just not used to the chaos). But when we're out and about, actually doing something that they enjoy and that holds their attention....well it's just the coolest thing in the world to be a part of.
There were lots of animals for the kids to interact with and the guy showing us around the farm was extremely knowledgeable on all of them. I tipped him $10 for taking the time to educate us and for his patience with the kids. He made the trip a pleasure. We got to see camels (including a baby one), a young cow that the kids got to walk right up to and pet...he wasn't fenced in, he just freely roams around the farm, some beautiful peacocks, a porcupine, tortoises, baby kangaroos, cockatiels, macaws, donkeys, horses, goats (including one that was only a week old and the most adorable thing you've ever seen), ostriches, emus, the biggest bull I've ever seen in my life who just happened to be named Buttercup, a Mexican bull that had a rack like a Texas longhorn, and zebras. Very, very cool. The kids had a great time, they got to feed and pet most of the animals w/ the exception of the bulls, and they asked if we would bring them back again. Of course we will!!
Brandy had told me the night before that we were going to swing thru McDonald's for breakfast on our way to the farm. I was prepared and ate my breakfast casserole this morning before I left...183 calories. Of course when we pulled thru, I could smell those Egg McMuffins. I've mentioned before that my sense of smell is my biggest saboteur when it comes to food. But I held strong and resisted the temptation. After we left the farm, I knew we'd be going to lunch, but didn't know where. I wasn't too worried about it because my sister Brandy is very conscious of her weight and never varies more than 5 lbs. She is 6' tall and weighs 155 lbs. She's a stick and she loves it. She's got a couple of fast food places that she goes to when she's out and about because she's got the calories memorized on the things she eats there. One of the big ones is Chic-fil-A. I figured wherever we ended up, I'd just follow her lead and be okay.
Boy was I wrong. They decided they wanted Mexican!! Crap. Driving on home and skipping the restaurant wasn't an option because I was riding with my sister Amy. My car was back at Mom's house. I was so screwed, lol. I could smell those fajitas from 5 miles away. Here we go, I thought. We got there and I surveyed the menu. It's so hard to eat in a restaurant and calorie count when you haven't had a chance to check a nutrition guide online ahead of time. Los Reyes doesn't even have one, but we ended up at El Nopal. And then there's always the dreaded sodium that there's just no escaping. I didn't want to make my sisters uncomfortable by not ordering anything at all, so I got a glass of water and 1 chicken soft taco, which by the way, was half the size of the ones at Los Reyes, so that was a good thing. It had maybe 3 oz of chicken in it w/ tomatoes and onions...I said no to the shredded cheese and only got lettuce on it. Cost me $2.14. I think that was the cheapest lunch I've ever had in my life.
I white-knuckled the table while the rest of the family members gobbled down their fajitas, cheese dip, and chips and salsa. Oh the smell....I was in Mexican Heaven....or Hell...however you want to look at it. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I had to physically restrain my arm from reaching into that chip bowl no less than 25 times during the course of our lunch. What a habit it is to eat those free chips and salsa! You don't even think about it....your hand just automatically reaches for those greasy, crispy, salty treats. I didn't eat a single one. Not even a crumb. I didn't touch the cheese dip. I didn't eat any of the fajitas that Amy didn't finish. I ate my 3-bite taco, sucked the bottom out of my water glass, and prayed for them to hurry the hell up so we could get out of there.
All that soft taco did was whet my appetite. My stomach wasn't growling when we first got to the restaurant, but it sure was raising a ruckus when we left. I finally made it back to my car and straight home to make another taco. I had made my own version of chicken soft tacos the night before and still had some left over. It was so good....totally worth the wait. I'm glad I made it through the restaurant ordeal.
I did some chores around the house and when it was time to cook dinner I sauteed some baby scallops (found them on sale for $3.99/lb!) with some broccoli, onions, mushrooms, and red and green bell peppers. I threw in some garlic, ginger, adobo, red pepper flakes and low sodium soy sauce. FABULOUS meal. Just fabulous. And less than 300 calories. As good as it tasted, it wasn't very filling, so I ended up making a ham wrap later. I still had too many calories left over and I was serious about not going under 1350, so I ate stuff here and there until I got pretty close to the 1550 mark.
I went down and got on the treadmill like I said I was going to start doing EVERY day. The daily requirement is now 20 minutes until I build up some endurance. I was already dying at 15-16 mins to do the mile I was doing. Apparently I didnt' know what death was, lol. I walked at a speed of 4.0 for the first 17 mins and then dropped the speed down to 3.5 for the last 3 minutes. At the 20 min marker I had walked 1.3 miles and I fell off the machine. Oh! By the way, when I first got in the fitness room I got on our elliptical machine for the first time. I attempted it. I lasted 1 minute, lol. I truly don't think I'll be on that thing agan for at least the next 50 lbs. It hurts your thigh muscles just to stand on it....before you even start using it. While I was fooling around with it, thinking in my head "never again", a pretty fit-looking guy came in the fitness room. I immediately asked him if he wanted the elliptical so I could get off of it and make it look like I was just being nice....not that it was killing me. He said, "Are you kidding me? I hate that thing. It's a b*tch!" Yeah, no kidding.
The calorie counting website that I use has a fitness section that I perused for the first time tonight. I found a place to enter in "walking on treadmill". It offered different times for different amounts of miles. I chose the "1 mile in 15 mins" option, thinking that doing 1.3 mi in 20 mins would be pretty darn accurate. It said I burned 209 calories!! GO SKINNY TAMMY!! I also got in the kitchen and chopped up a ton of veggies. I soooo didn't feel like it. I was tired and sore after the treadmill, sweating like a pig, and ready to call it a day. But I said I was going to do it today so I knew I needed to. I argued with myself first (I do this a lot):
Go chop up the veggies.
I don't feel like it tonight.
You laid out a plan yesterday. You've gotta' stick to it.
I'm just so tired tonight.
That's your excuse every night. This will assist you each night for the rest of the week.
Can't you see I just burned a whopping 209 calories on the treadmill?!?!
Good for you. Now get busy.
Have I ever told you how much I hate you?
Several times in the last 4 weeks, but I'm also the reason you exceeded your 10 lb. monthly goal with a 12 lb. loss. Now get in there and start chopping...Porkchop Girl.
Touche :)
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Calories 1528
Carbs 80
Fat 53
Protein 183
Here's my food intake for the day:
Breakfast casserole (see yesterday's post for ingredients)
1 c. coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
1 El Nopal chicken soft taco with lettuce, no cheese
1 homemade chicken soft taco w/ lettuce on wheat tortilla
Scallop stir fry
Ham wrap on wheat tortilla w/ lettuce, tomatoes, onions, lite mayo, lite Italian dressing
Bowl of chicken stew (5 oz chicken, tomatoes, onions, datil pepper)
1 pc. Russell Stover Sugar-free 60% cacoa dark chocolate
Lots of water
1 protein water....NO TEA....NO COKE :)
One final thought....I know you're all just DYING for this long-winded post to end. :) Several years ago during one of the Olympic games Nike put out a commercial. It is my favorite commercial of all time. It had one statement written on the screen that said, "You don't win silver, you lose gold." WOW. DOUBLE WOW. Oh the fallout that was going to come from that one. They had stepped in it big time. Needless to say, all of the silver medalists had a global freak-out and I watched the news like a hawk over the next couple of days to see what Nike's response was going to be. I figured they would buckle under the pressure and fall all over themselves apologizing. They didn't.
They put out a statement saying that while the silver medalists had made outstanding achievements and should be proud of what they had attained, Nike holds themselves to a standard of the highest excellence, one that the gold medal represents, and they would continue to do so. Awesome. Let me just say that there's nothing wrong with going for the gold, for wanting to be the absolute best you can be and working hard to reach it. The world is full of mediocrity and good intentions. Be different! Set your goal to be the best you can possibly be and do what it takes to get there. There's a saying that goes, "Shoot for the moon and even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars." I've always hated that saying. In my mind you should be shooting for the moon and not stopping til you reach it. Go for the gold!!! Happy Moonwalking. :)
Quote For The Day:
"Failure? I've never encountered it....only temporary setbacks." -Bill Marriott, Marriott Hotels
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan
I already know that tomorrow's weigh-in is not going to be a good one. Last Friday I weighed 258.4. After the Chinese I had that night on "free day", and the 4th of July eating on Saturday, I managed to gain 4.4 lbs. in a 24 hour time period. Don't ask me how, but I did. The proof was on the scale when I got on early Sunday morning. Freak out time. I knew I had 6 days to get off 4.4 lbs. JUST to break even....forget about losing below 258.4. Well I got on the scale again this morning and I'm just not going to make it. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow morning, but I feel certain it's going to show a gain from last week's weigh-in. Again, freak out time.
I spent all day, on and off, emailing people to find out what in the world I did wrong this week. I talked to 3 people and all of them gave me some great advice. It's time for a new plan. Although my calories only exceeded my 1550 limit one day this week, they were all over the map. One day they were around 990 and another I think it was 1046. The over day was around 1900. There was absolutely no consistency whatsoever, and apparently that's a problem.
Also, although I was way more active this week than I normally am, the fact is, for exercise to assist you in actually LOSING, your heart rate HAS to be elevated for at least 20 consecutive minutes, as in walking on a treadmill. I've been doing a mile in 15 to 16 minutes. I need to stay on a little bit longer, so now I'm no longer paying attention to the distance, I'm paying attention to the time. Added to that is the fact that I don't think walking on the treadmill every other day is enough. I really think I need to start making myself walk on it every day that I possibly can. If I don't make the time to get on it every day and walk at least 20 minutes, I'm going to consider that a screw-up.
I'm also going to make a menu plan tomorrow to last through next Thursday. I'm not going to plan out every breakfast, lunch and snack to a "T", but I am going to plan out 7 different dinners, making 2 or 3 of them crockpot meals, for the days that I'm just too busy or too tired to fool with dinner. I'm going to keep my calories between 1350-1550 every day this next week. Nothing below 1350 and nothing above 1550. I am told that consistency with the calories WILL make a difference. I've been challenged to try it and see the impending loss on the scale next week. I'm giving it a shot. I also plan on chopping up some fresh veggies to grab for a snack, or to help pull dinner together.
Finally, I am announcing that I've eliminated Free Day. One of my friends very nicely pointed out the stupidity in this. Giving myself a free day to eat whatever I want sets me up to scratch and claw all week to get through the first 6 days so I can focus on eating like a moron on free day. That's the wrong way to approach my goals. It should be the exact opposite. By eliminating one day a week to eat whatever I want, I am putting myself in line for a serious mental change in my attitude towards eating right. Free Day is not for eating right...it's for eating like an idiot and not caring. Wrong thing to do. My friend likened it to working hard to reach a goal, finally reaching it, and then celebrating that with lots of bad food. How many times have I done this???? I can't count that high. I have to admit, when my friend suggested getting rid of Free Day, I nearly lost my breath. That very reaction made me realize I was approaching this all wrong. Time to right the wrongs. Free Day is gone.
One of my friends also told me to consult an expert if I really want to get serious and get things right. They asked me if Jillian Michaels has a book out and I'm pretty certain I've seen that hard body on the cover of a book somewhere. I had originally planned on getting a pedicure as my reward for reaching my first 15 lb. goal, whenever that is. I've changed my mind. My first reward is going to be her book....something to help educate me on how to get even better with my new lifestyle. I can't think of a more appropriate reward for my daily travels as I work towards my goals.
I want to say a big "HELLO" to my newest follower from http://fat-free-me.blogspot.com/. I don't know your name yet but I see you live in Scotland....how cool is that??? My first international follower...awesome! I checked out your blog today....congrats on the smaller jacket size! I bet that feels great. :) I enjoyed reading some of your posts so I'm adding you to my blogroll. Thanks for checking mine out. :)
And finally I must say to my oldest and dearest friend.....CONGRATULATIONS PAM!!! Girlfriend reached one of her BIG goals today.....she got under 300 lbs, never to return again!!! It's an amazing accomplishment.....her tenacity is paying off....and I'm soooo happy for her. She and her husband Randall are taking a weekend trip to their favorite destination...Savannah, GA. as a reward for their hard work. (Randall's losing weight too!) Of course they're taking along their adorable son Daniel, who I have yet to meet due to us living in different states. She started his own little blog and has a video on it of him singing...too precious. If you love cute kids, check out the blog: http://firsttimemommyandson.blogspot.com/.
So...I've got some things to change. I have to say my curiosity is piqued to see if these things will result in a loss on the scale next week. I want to get it right. I want the weight gone and I want to do it in the correct, efficient, healthy way. I thank God that I'm surrounded by such amazing friends and family. I am truly blessed. :)
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1548
Carbs 56
Fat 35
Protein 155
Here's my food intake for the day:
Breakfast casserole, 1 pc. (asparagus, spinach, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, red. fat chz, egg whites, homemade turkey sausage)
2 c. decaf swiss mocha almond coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Publix deli turkey sub, 6" on 5 grain bread w/ spicy mustard, lettuce, onions, pickles, banana peppers
Chicken stew (adapted from the Minorcan chicken & dumplings, but made w/ no dumplings...included chicken, tomatoes, onions, datil pepper...poured over 1 pc. sourdough bread)
1 Homemade chicken soft taco (adapted from Los Reyes' restaurant version....made w/ chicken, Rotel tomatoes & chiles, and onions, on a low-carb, wheat tortilla w/ shredded lettuce) FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!
2 pc. Russell Stover Sugar-free 60% cacoa dark chocolate squares
1 protein water
96 oz. water....NO TEA....NO COKE!!!
Quote For The Day:
"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure." -Abraham Lincoln
I spent all day, on and off, emailing people to find out what in the world I did wrong this week. I talked to 3 people and all of them gave me some great advice. It's time for a new plan. Although my calories only exceeded my 1550 limit one day this week, they were all over the map. One day they were around 990 and another I think it was 1046. The over day was around 1900. There was absolutely no consistency whatsoever, and apparently that's a problem.
Also, although I was way more active this week than I normally am, the fact is, for exercise to assist you in actually LOSING, your heart rate HAS to be elevated for at least 20 consecutive minutes, as in walking on a treadmill. I've been doing a mile in 15 to 16 minutes. I need to stay on a little bit longer, so now I'm no longer paying attention to the distance, I'm paying attention to the time. Added to that is the fact that I don't think walking on the treadmill every other day is enough. I really think I need to start making myself walk on it every day that I possibly can. If I don't make the time to get on it every day and walk at least 20 minutes, I'm going to consider that a screw-up.
I'm also going to make a menu plan tomorrow to last through next Thursday. I'm not going to plan out every breakfast, lunch and snack to a "T", but I am going to plan out 7 different dinners, making 2 or 3 of them crockpot meals, for the days that I'm just too busy or too tired to fool with dinner. I'm going to keep my calories between 1350-1550 every day this next week. Nothing below 1350 and nothing above 1550. I am told that consistency with the calories WILL make a difference. I've been challenged to try it and see the impending loss on the scale next week. I'm giving it a shot. I also plan on chopping up some fresh veggies to grab for a snack, or to help pull dinner together.
Finally, I am announcing that I've eliminated Free Day. One of my friends very nicely pointed out the stupidity in this. Giving myself a free day to eat whatever I want sets me up to scratch and claw all week to get through the first 6 days so I can focus on eating like a moron on free day. That's the wrong way to approach my goals. It should be the exact opposite. By eliminating one day a week to eat whatever I want, I am putting myself in line for a serious mental change in my attitude towards eating right. Free Day is not for eating right...it's for eating like an idiot and not caring. Wrong thing to do. My friend likened it to working hard to reach a goal, finally reaching it, and then celebrating that with lots of bad food. How many times have I done this???? I can't count that high. I have to admit, when my friend suggested getting rid of Free Day, I nearly lost my breath. That very reaction made me realize I was approaching this all wrong. Time to right the wrongs. Free Day is gone.
One of my friends also told me to consult an expert if I really want to get serious and get things right. They asked me if Jillian Michaels has a book out and I'm pretty certain I've seen that hard body on the cover of a book somewhere. I had originally planned on getting a pedicure as my reward for reaching my first 15 lb. goal, whenever that is. I've changed my mind. My first reward is going to be her book....something to help educate me on how to get even better with my new lifestyle. I can't think of a more appropriate reward for my daily travels as I work towards my goals.
I want to say a big "HELLO" to my newest follower from http://fat-free-me.blogspot.com/. I don't know your name yet but I see you live in Scotland....how cool is that??? My first international follower...awesome! I checked out your blog today....congrats on the smaller jacket size! I bet that feels great. :) I enjoyed reading some of your posts so I'm adding you to my blogroll. Thanks for checking mine out. :)
And finally I must say to my oldest and dearest friend.....CONGRATULATIONS PAM!!! Girlfriend reached one of her BIG goals today.....she got under 300 lbs, never to return again!!! It's an amazing accomplishment.....her tenacity is paying off....and I'm soooo happy for her. She and her husband Randall are taking a weekend trip to their favorite destination...Savannah, GA. as a reward for their hard work. (Randall's losing weight too!) Of course they're taking along their adorable son Daniel, who I have yet to meet due to us living in different states. She started his own little blog and has a video on it of him singing...too precious. If you love cute kids, check out the blog: http://firsttimemommyandson.blogspot.com/.
So...I've got some things to change. I have to say my curiosity is piqued to see if these things will result in a loss on the scale next week. I want to get it right. I want the weight gone and I want to do it in the correct, efficient, healthy way. I thank God that I'm surrounded by such amazing friends and family. I am truly blessed. :)
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1548
Carbs 56
Fat 35
Protein 155
Here's my food intake for the day:
Breakfast casserole, 1 pc. (asparagus, spinach, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, red. fat chz, egg whites, homemade turkey sausage)
2 c. decaf swiss mocha almond coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Publix deli turkey sub, 6" on 5 grain bread w/ spicy mustard, lettuce, onions, pickles, banana peppers
Chicken stew (adapted from the Minorcan chicken & dumplings, but made w/ no dumplings...included chicken, tomatoes, onions, datil pepper...poured over 1 pc. sourdough bread)
1 Homemade chicken soft taco (adapted from Los Reyes' restaurant version....made w/ chicken, Rotel tomatoes & chiles, and onions, on a low-carb, wheat tortilla w/ shredded lettuce) FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!
2 pc. Russell Stover Sugar-free 60% cacoa dark chocolate squares
1 protein water
96 oz. water....NO TEA....NO COKE!!!
Quote For The Day:
"My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure." -Abraham Lincoln
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Fast Food Freak
No, I haven't eaten any fast food today, but I sure thought about it. Thought about it hard. I have some serious issues. I'm just now realizing today how MANY bad issues I have with food.
I headed out this morning to Target and picked up a slipcover for the used sofa I bought yesterday. Our current sofa was cheaply made when we bought it over 3 years ago, and the board on the bottom of it has broken and splintered. It was time for something else, but I'm incredibly cheap, so Mom took me to the Habitat for Humanity salvage store yesterday and I picked up an antique camel back sofa w/ claw feet for $45. Naturally, I'm not going to sit on someone else's ick, so I went to Target this morning and bought a new slipcover for it. Most of the ones that were sofa-sized were $90. I scrounged around until I finally found the cheapest one they had...$60. At least it's clean.
I also picked up a beige rug w/ a burgundy border because I now have a burgundy love seat and chair and a beige-covered sofa. Needed something to tie it all together. The rug I wanted was $150. No can do. I found a smaller one in the same design for $80. That's the one I got. All I really need it for is to pull the colors together and cover up the wires that will run from the TV to the surround sound speakers across the room.
I headed up to Mom's, unloaded my car, jumped in her truck, went and got the sofa, came back and got my sister Amy to help me unload it and carry it in the house, put the new rug down, put the slipcover on the sofa, and it's way too big. Have you ever noticed how those antique sofas are way smaller than the current furniture they make? It looks retarded, but again, at least it's clean.
I jumped back in Mom's truck, went back to the apt. and loaded it up (9 or 10 trips up and down the stairs), drove back to Mom's and unloaded it. I had everything done by about 2:30pm today and headed back home. After 2 days of packing and moving boxes, carrying sofas around, etc., my lower back was shot. My legs, knees and arms weren't feeling much better. Hurting pretty bad. I thought about the concept of cooking dinner tonight and I knew it just wasn't going to happen. There was no way. I was locked up stiffer than the Tin Man w/ no oil can.
This is where I had the epiphany that I am a fast food freak. We can include regular restaurants in that category too. I did not want to cook. I refused to cook. There's no one else at the apt. to cook for me (trust me, Shane doesn't count), so that only leaves a restaurant. It is SO easy to swing into a drive-thru. Do you know how many there are on the 20 minute drive from Mom's to my place? Yeah, that many. I fought and fought with myself, knowing it was the wrong thing to do (this was on the drive back to my place after leaving Mom's). I forced my car to stay on the interstate and not veer down one of those exit ramps into Fast Food Hell. I made it home, got upstairs, checked email and read weight loss blogs for an hour or so, and was then wishing I could lay down on my bed, hold my mouth open, and someone else pour food into it for me that they had cooked.
I was exhausted, in pain, irritable, and sincerely pissed off that I didn't have a personal chef slaving away in the kitchen making me a healthy meal for dinner. What do people trying to eat healthy do on days like this? What do they when their entire body is in pain, they are thoroughly physically exhausted, and cannot bring themselves to stand in the kitchen long enough to even chop up veggies for a simple salad (not that a simple salad would have satisfied my kind of hunger)?
I had managed to avoid the fast food crap, but now it was about 7pm and I was starting to consider dragging myself down to the car and crawling into a restaurant booth somewhere close by. The closest restaurant to me is Los Reyes. It's about a mile down the road. I started thinking about their chicken soft tacos. They cook their chicken in tomatoes and onions, much like the Minorcan food that Mom makes that I was raised on and love so much. Add a little lettuce, forego the cheese, and they're pretty dang tasty. That's got to be better than fast food, right? Maybe in the way of it not being fried, yes. Maybe in the way of not having as many fat grams in it. But there's always the dreaded "S" word lurking in every fast food/regular restaurant you eat in. Sodium. Too much sodium = too much water weight, and it's 2 days before weigh day. DAMMIT!!!
Today I seriously started thinking that maybe I can't do this. Maybe I don't have what it takes to get this weight off and keep it off. It's not just going to be tonight that I don't feel like cooking. What about all those nights I had worked from 6a-4p, rushed to my college class at 5p, got home at 8pm and didn't want to cook? Enter take-out menu. How many times have I done that? Those days aren't over. I will eventually get another job. And I will eventually get up enough money to go back to school and finish my degree. What then? Am I doomed forever? Maybe I just don't have it in me to move beyond the excuses and push through and do what I need to do to get to a normal weight and maintain it. Maybe it will always be too hard for me. Maybe I'm not truly willing to persevere. Maybe I will always be "pork chop" girl. Maybe there is no Skinny Tammy hiding inside of me. Maybe it will always be Fat Tammy....the one I've known and hated for so many long years. Maybe I didnt' really make up my mind 3 1/2 weeks ago like I thought I did......like I so proudly told Dad I did.
Thank God for other weight loss blogs. I finally read one tonight that was just what I needed. It could not have been a more perfect post or come at a more perfect time. The one that turned my attitude around for me was http://jackfit.blogspot.com/. I started reading his blog a few days ago and I find him quite funny...he has a unique, inventive way of posting. Crude? Definitely. Offensive? Pretty dang close. But is it real? Oh yes. That's why I like it. "Jack" doesn't tip toe around his blog, trying not to step on anyone's toes. He doesn't take life too seriously. He doesn't sweat the small stuff. He's got a quirky sense of humor, littered with the "s" word, but it's him being him. I emailed him a couple of days ago and he replied. He let me know that he's on the same journey I am...he's just viewing it from a "slightly skewed angle", as he put it. I'm glad. It's refreshing.
Today Jack did something out of the ordinary for him. He wrote a serious blog. No fun, no jokes, no "s" word every other sentence. He was trying to reach those of us struggling and he reached me. Thank you Lord! I would encourage all of you reading this to click on his link and read his post from today. Even if you never visit his site again, I hope you read this one post.
What he said is spot on. He describes having a Day of Reckoning with yourself. That one point in time where you're done screwing around, you realize the dangers of your weight, and you know the only thing that's going to rectify the situation is hard work. Calorie counting, smaller portions, exercise. Making that decision....the one that you took a stab at in the past, but never got right, because you hadn't REALLY made up your mind to change your life. It made me realize that I had made that decision. I made it over 3 weeks ago, and I meant it. It's done. I'm changing my lifestyle, I'm changing my habits, and somehow, not sure how yet, I've got to learn how to deal with the hard days. Quitting is not the answer. Quitting makes you fatter. Quitting leads to very bad health and eventually it leads to death. Early death. Young death. I don't want to be that girl that people stand over her coffin and say, "She was just so young....if only she had lost the weight......what a waste of a life". I don't want my parents to have to go to my funeral because I couldn't get a grip on the food. I don't want my precious little nieces and nephews to have to ask my family, "What happened to Aunt Tammy? Did she go to Heaven? I miss her."
I want to live! I want to be here for those babies. They're going to need a "cool" aunt and I'm it! I want to be here for my parents as they age and need more help. I want to be around to tell my sisters stupid jokes and make them laugh because they think I'm such a dork (they're right :)). I want to marry Dwayne one day and continue taking our little get-away trips to the beach together. I want to be around to help Shane....he has cerebal palsy and has a hard time doing things one-handed. I've got stuff to do! I can't let myself get sick and die because I couldn't stop dialing the Chinese restaurant!
I don't have all the answers. I know there are still plenty of rough days ahead, and truthfully, I'm not sure how I'll handle them. It takes me full circle, right back to the motto I started this blog with.....say it with me.....ONE DAY AT A TIME. Thanks to reading Jack's post tonight, Los Reyes was no longer an option because it didn't jive with the decision I made to lose this weight. I drug my tired, aching, uninventive self into the kitchen and made the same thing for dinner that I had for breakfast this morning. Except I doubled the portion....2 sandwiches. I had over 700 calories available for dinner, so I tackled that hunger with both barrels.
Sorry this was such a long post but there was a lot going on in this screwed up head of mine. I'm still so, so thankful for this blog. I never knew that writing, getting all your thoughts out, and especially sharing them with others could be so therapeutic.
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1494
Carbs 147
Fat 40
Protein 143
Here's my food intake for the day:
Homemade turkey sausage (4 oz.)
1 whole egg, 1 egg white, scrambled
Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thin w/ 1 tsp. of lite mayo (made a sandwich)
Small bowl of pork pilau (pork, rice, tomatoes, onions, datil pepper)
Homemade turkey sausage (8 oz.)
1 whole egg, 3 egg whites, scrambled
2 Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thins w/ 1 tsp. of lite mayo on each sandwich
8 oz. Coke
64 oz. water
2 c. decaf swiss mocha almond coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Quote For The Day:
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity." -Louis Pasteur
I headed out this morning to Target and picked up a slipcover for the used sofa I bought yesterday. Our current sofa was cheaply made when we bought it over 3 years ago, and the board on the bottom of it has broken and splintered. It was time for something else, but I'm incredibly cheap, so Mom took me to the Habitat for Humanity salvage store yesterday and I picked up an antique camel back sofa w/ claw feet for $45. Naturally, I'm not going to sit on someone else's ick, so I went to Target this morning and bought a new slipcover for it. Most of the ones that were sofa-sized were $90. I scrounged around until I finally found the cheapest one they had...$60. At least it's clean.
I also picked up a beige rug w/ a burgundy border because I now have a burgundy love seat and chair and a beige-covered sofa. Needed something to tie it all together. The rug I wanted was $150. No can do. I found a smaller one in the same design for $80. That's the one I got. All I really need it for is to pull the colors together and cover up the wires that will run from the TV to the surround sound speakers across the room.
I headed up to Mom's, unloaded my car, jumped in her truck, went and got the sofa, came back and got my sister Amy to help me unload it and carry it in the house, put the new rug down, put the slipcover on the sofa, and it's way too big. Have you ever noticed how those antique sofas are way smaller than the current furniture they make? It looks retarded, but again, at least it's clean.
I jumped back in Mom's truck, went back to the apt. and loaded it up (9 or 10 trips up and down the stairs), drove back to Mom's and unloaded it. I had everything done by about 2:30pm today and headed back home. After 2 days of packing and moving boxes, carrying sofas around, etc., my lower back was shot. My legs, knees and arms weren't feeling much better. Hurting pretty bad. I thought about the concept of cooking dinner tonight and I knew it just wasn't going to happen. There was no way. I was locked up stiffer than the Tin Man w/ no oil can.
This is where I had the epiphany that I am a fast food freak. We can include regular restaurants in that category too. I did not want to cook. I refused to cook. There's no one else at the apt. to cook for me (trust me, Shane doesn't count), so that only leaves a restaurant. It is SO easy to swing into a drive-thru. Do you know how many there are on the 20 minute drive from Mom's to my place? Yeah, that many. I fought and fought with myself, knowing it was the wrong thing to do (this was on the drive back to my place after leaving Mom's). I forced my car to stay on the interstate and not veer down one of those exit ramps into Fast Food Hell. I made it home, got upstairs, checked email and read weight loss blogs for an hour or so, and was then wishing I could lay down on my bed, hold my mouth open, and someone else pour food into it for me that they had cooked.
I was exhausted, in pain, irritable, and sincerely pissed off that I didn't have a personal chef slaving away in the kitchen making me a healthy meal for dinner. What do people trying to eat healthy do on days like this? What do they when their entire body is in pain, they are thoroughly physically exhausted, and cannot bring themselves to stand in the kitchen long enough to even chop up veggies for a simple salad (not that a simple salad would have satisfied my kind of hunger)?
I had managed to avoid the fast food crap, but now it was about 7pm and I was starting to consider dragging myself down to the car and crawling into a restaurant booth somewhere close by. The closest restaurant to me is Los Reyes. It's about a mile down the road. I started thinking about their chicken soft tacos. They cook their chicken in tomatoes and onions, much like the Minorcan food that Mom makes that I was raised on and love so much. Add a little lettuce, forego the cheese, and they're pretty dang tasty. That's got to be better than fast food, right? Maybe in the way of it not being fried, yes. Maybe in the way of not having as many fat grams in it. But there's always the dreaded "S" word lurking in every fast food/regular restaurant you eat in. Sodium. Too much sodium = too much water weight, and it's 2 days before weigh day. DAMMIT!!!
Today I seriously started thinking that maybe I can't do this. Maybe I don't have what it takes to get this weight off and keep it off. It's not just going to be tonight that I don't feel like cooking. What about all those nights I had worked from 6a-4p, rushed to my college class at 5p, got home at 8pm and didn't want to cook? Enter take-out menu. How many times have I done that? Those days aren't over. I will eventually get another job. And I will eventually get up enough money to go back to school and finish my degree. What then? Am I doomed forever? Maybe I just don't have it in me to move beyond the excuses and push through and do what I need to do to get to a normal weight and maintain it. Maybe it will always be too hard for me. Maybe I'm not truly willing to persevere. Maybe I will always be "pork chop" girl. Maybe there is no Skinny Tammy hiding inside of me. Maybe it will always be Fat Tammy....the one I've known and hated for so many long years. Maybe I didnt' really make up my mind 3 1/2 weeks ago like I thought I did......like I so proudly told Dad I did.
Thank God for other weight loss blogs. I finally read one tonight that was just what I needed. It could not have been a more perfect post or come at a more perfect time. The one that turned my attitude around for me was http://jackfit.blogspot.com/. I started reading his blog a few days ago and I find him quite funny...he has a unique, inventive way of posting. Crude? Definitely. Offensive? Pretty dang close. But is it real? Oh yes. That's why I like it. "Jack" doesn't tip toe around his blog, trying not to step on anyone's toes. He doesn't take life too seriously. He doesn't sweat the small stuff. He's got a quirky sense of humor, littered with the "s" word, but it's him being him. I emailed him a couple of days ago and he replied. He let me know that he's on the same journey I am...he's just viewing it from a "slightly skewed angle", as he put it. I'm glad. It's refreshing.
Today Jack did something out of the ordinary for him. He wrote a serious blog. No fun, no jokes, no "s" word every other sentence. He was trying to reach those of us struggling and he reached me. Thank you Lord! I would encourage all of you reading this to click on his link and read his post from today. Even if you never visit his site again, I hope you read this one post.
What he said is spot on. He describes having a Day of Reckoning with yourself. That one point in time where you're done screwing around, you realize the dangers of your weight, and you know the only thing that's going to rectify the situation is hard work. Calorie counting, smaller portions, exercise. Making that decision....the one that you took a stab at in the past, but never got right, because you hadn't REALLY made up your mind to change your life. It made me realize that I had made that decision. I made it over 3 weeks ago, and I meant it. It's done. I'm changing my lifestyle, I'm changing my habits, and somehow, not sure how yet, I've got to learn how to deal with the hard days. Quitting is not the answer. Quitting makes you fatter. Quitting leads to very bad health and eventually it leads to death. Early death. Young death. I don't want to be that girl that people stand over her coffin and say, "She was just so young....if only she had lost the weight......what a waste of a life". I don't want my parents to have to go to my funeral because I couldn't get a grip on the food. I don't want my precious little nieces and nephews to have to ask my family, "What happened to Aunt Tammy? Did she go to Heaven? I miss her."
I want to live! I want to be here for those babies. They're going to need a "cool" aunt and I'm it! I want to be here for my parents as they age and need more help. I want to be around to tell my sisters stupid jokes and make them laugh because they think I'm such a dork (they're right :)). I want to marry Dwayne one day and continue taking our little get-away trips to the beach together. I want to be around to help Shane....he has cerebal palsy and has a hard time doing things one-handed. I've got stuff to do! I can't let myself get sick and die because I couldn't stop dialing the Chinese restaurant!
I don't have all the answers. I know there are still plenty of rough days ahead, and truthfully, I'm not sure how I'll handle them. It takes me full circle, right back to the motto I started this blog with.....say it with me.....ONE DAY AT A TIME. Thanks to reading Jack's post tonight, Los Reyes was no longer an option because it didn't jive with the decision I made to lose this weight. I drug my tired, aching, uninventive self into the kitchen and made the same thing for dinner that I had for breakfast this morning. Except I doubled the portion....2 sandwiches. I had over 700 calories available for dinner, so I tackled that hunger with both barrels.
Sorry this was such a long post but there was a lot going on in this screwed up head of mine. I'm still so, so thankful for this blog. I never knew that writing, getting all your thoughts out, and especially sharing them with others could be so therapeutic.
Goal Stats:
Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136
Today's Stats:
Calories 1494
Carbs 147
Fat 40
Protein 143
Here's my food intake for the day:
Homemade turkey sausage (4 oz.)
1 whole egg, 1 egg white, scrambled
Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thin w/ 1 tsp. of lite mayo (made a sandwich)
Small bowl of pork pilau (pork, rice, tomatoes, onions, datil pepper)
Homemade turkey sausage (8 oz.)
1 whole egg, 3 egg whites, scrambled
2 Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thins w/ 1 tsp. of lite mayo on each sandwich
8 oz. Coke
64 oz. water
2 c. decaf swiss mocha almond coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
Quote For The Day:
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity." -Louis Pasteur
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Killer Kravings
Usually when I have a craving the only way to satisfy it is to give in to it. The longest I've gone trying to avoid one is about two weeks. Then I give in, have what I want, and it goes away. I might not want that same thing again for another 6 months, but when it hits, it does NOT go away until I've eaten it. Since I've started counting calories this has become a SERIOUS problem. I now can no longer just go get what I want, so I'm trying to find ways to satisfy them by other means.
I had a major craving for grilled shrimp and scallops from Red Lobster a couple of weeks ago. I dealt with it for about a week, gnawing at me every single day. I finally decided to just make my own at home. I went to Publix and found the shrimp AND the scallops on sale, lucky me, and took them home and sauteed them in a little olive oil and some garlic and adobo. They were fantastic and my craving was gone.
My next craving was the Mojo wings from Publix. Love those things. I found out from a Publix deli associate the other day that they're no longer making that flavor, that Publix was discontinuing their Mojo marinade. I went over to the marinade aisle and sure enough, they were yellow tagged at $1.49 per bottle. I bought 3 bottles.....time to make my own Mojo wings at home! I made them today, baked in the oven for a while, poured the liquid off of them, then added some more marinade and broiled them. I checked online and chicken wings, with the skin and bone, are 21 calories each. I had 7 of them for lunch today, a total of 150 calories, and the craving was satisfied. Awesome!
Here's my newest problem. I can't think of a way to make something that comes anywhere CLOSE to the taste of a Krystal. Tips anyone? lol.
I had a major craving for grilled shrimp and scallops from Red Lobster a couple of weeks ago. I dealt with it for about a week, gnawing at me every single day. I finally decided to just make my own at home. I went to Publix and found the shrimp AND the scallops on sale, lucky me, and took them home and sauteed them in a little olive oil and some garlic and adobo. They were fantastic and my craving was gone.
My next craving was the Mojo wings from Publix. Love those things. I found out from a Publix deli associate the other day that they're no longer making that flavor, that Publix was discontinuing their Mojo marinade. I went over to the marinade aisle and sure enough, they were yellow tagged at $1.49 per bottle. I bought 3 bottles.....time to make my own Mojo wings at home! I made them today, baked in the oven for a while, poured the liquid off of them, then added some more marinade and broiled them. I checked online and chicken wings, with the skin and bone, are 21 calories each. I had 7 of them for lunch today, a total of 150 calories, and the craving was satisfied. Awesome!
Here's my newest problem. I can't think of a way to make something that comes anywhere CLOSE to the taste of a Krystal. Tips anyone? lol.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Lessons Learned
I read a quote in one of Suzanne Sommer's books several years ago that said, "There are no mistakes in life...only lessons". I love that quote. It takes something negative, a mistake, and turns it into something positive, a learning experience. I learned a couple of things today.
After seeing my loss this morning, I taped up my blisters and went down to the treadmill and walked a mile. It hurt, but I was proud of myself. I came back to the apt and did some daily chores, sent some emails, made a couple of phone calls, cleaned out my frig, figured out the budget and bills for my roommate and I for this week and finally got in the car to go grocery shopping. I got about a mile down the road and my stomach started growling something fierce.
I looked at the clock and it was noon already. I ate breakfast at 7am. First of all, I was shocked that I made it 5 hours instead of 3 w/o feeling like I was dying. Then it hit me. I was going grocery shopping hungry. That's like the number one thing you don't want to do when going grocery shopping. Everyone knows that. How stoopid.
The more I thought about it, the louder my stomach growled and I could feel the anxiety coming on. I'm on a very tight food budget and the last thing I could afford to do was pick up everything I saw, and especially bad stuff. I knew I had to eat something. Then I remembered that I was supposed to put my pork loin roast on at 3pm to have it done by 6pm, it was now noon, and I had told mom I was coming to visit today. CRAP! Now I had to re-arrange things and go to Mom's first, then grocery shop so I could get the cold stuff home quickly. I pretty much knew there wasn't going to be anything at her house that I wanted to eat. Things were starting to look pretty hairy. Fast food? Noooooooo!!!!!! Not after losing 11.2 lbs in 12 days!! I couldn't do that to myself. Now what??? I finally decided it would be better to go ahead and swing into Publix on the way to mom's and get some chicken tenders. Fried chicken tenders. But if I only got 3 of them it would be better than a 1300 calorie meal at Arby's, right?
I pulled in the Publix parking lot absolutely drowning in guilt that I was about to eat something fried. Then, like a beacon of light, I saw the Subway. I forgot there was a Subway right next to Publix! Thank God, I'm saved.......I thought. I went inside and looked at their nutrition guide determined to make the best choice. I decided on a turkey sub on whole wheat w/ lite mayo, no cheese, and all the veggies. Then I made it a 12" instead of a 6". And THEN I told them "double meat". Doh! What a moron. Why did I do that, you ask? The answer is really quite simple. I did it out of habit.....second nature....didn't even give it a thought. I got in my car and ate the sub on the way to mom's, so glad that I avoided the fried stuff. After shoving the last bite in my mouth and swallowing it down I started to wonder why I felt so miserable. I was beyond satisfied, beyond full, beyond a little overboard. I was completely miserable. I wanted to puke for about 10-15 mins after I ate it until it had a chance to settle some.
It finally hit me. I was miserable because in the last 2 weeks, after limiting my calories, strictly watching them, and eating several small portions throughout the day instead of 3 or 4 huge ones, my stomach had finally started to shrink! Imagine that!? This healthy eating crap really works!! Although I feel like a complete moron for eating that much (700 calories in one meal), I'm also kind of glad I did. I learned a couple of things. First of all, I don't ever see me buying another 12" sub in my life. I now know not to do it out of habit, because it will make me feel sick if I eat all of it. Secondly, I don't ever see me ordering double meat on another sub in my life. I've actually started getting used to eating 3-4oz portions of meat. I discovered today that I know longer like eating meals that are 3x the size of my face in one sitting. I found that I PREFER the smaller portions every 3-4 hours, and that I prefer feeling a little hungry inbetween instead of busting-at-the-seams miserable. This is a MAJOR breakthrough for me. After a couple of weeks of eating better and correct portions, my body, my preferences and my outlook towards food are changing, and after so many long years of being obese...I can't tell you how good that feels. I'm changing. I'm getting healthier. I'm feeling better. And most importantly, I'm learning. And that can only lead to a better "me".
Because of this huge faux pas as far as my daily calorie limit is concerned, I decided to relieve some anxiety and just made today my Free Day for the week instead of Saturday. We don't have anything special going on tomorrow w/ anyone, so I'm excited about waking up in the morning and starting anew. I already know exactly what I'm going to eat, and what I've got for the guys to eat, so there will be no mistakes.
I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm traveling on with a little brighter outlook now. I'm improving, Im making progress, I'm growing and learning, and the struggles are getting easier by the day. Well, except for one category......cravings. But that's going to be a whole other post. :)
After seeing my loss this morning, I taped up my blisters and went down to the treadmill and walked a mile. It hurt, but I was proud of myself. I came back to the apt and did some daily chores, sent some emails, made a couple of phone calls, cleaned out my frig, figured out the budget and bills for my roommate and I for this week and finally got in the car to go grocery shopping. I got about a mile down the road and my stomach started growling something fierce.
I looked at the clock and it was noon already. I ate breakfast at 7am. First of all, I was shocked that I made it 5 hours instead of 3 w/o feeling like I was dying. Then it hit me. I was going grocery shopping hungry. That's like the number one thing you don't want to do when going grocery shopping. Everyone knows that. How stoopid.
The more I thought about it, the louder my stomach growled and I could feel the anxiety coming on. I'm on a very tight food budget and the last thing I could afford to do was pick up everything I saw, and especially bad stuff. I knew I had to eat something. Then I remembered that I was supposed to put my pork loin roast on at 3pm to have it done by 6pm, it was now noon, and I had told mom I was coming to visit today. CRAP! Now I had to re-arrange things and go to Mom's first, then grocery shop so I could get the cold stuff home quickly. I pretty much knew there wasn't going to be anything at her house that I wanted to eat. Things were starting to look pretty hairy. Fast food? Noooooooo!!!!!! Not after losing 11.2 lbs in 12 days!! I couldn't do that to myself. Now what??? I finally decided it would be better to go ahead and swing into Publix on the way to mom's and get some chicken tenders. Fried chicken tenders. But if I only got 3 of them it would be better than a 1300 calorie meal at Arby's, right?
I pulled in the Publix parking lot absolutely drowning in guilt that I was about to eat something fried. Then, like a beacon of light, I saw the Subway. I forgot there was a Subway right next to Publix! Thank God, I'm saved.......I thought. I went inside and looked at their nutrition guide determined to make the best choice. I decided on a turkey sub on whole wheat w/ lite mayo, no cheese, and all the veggies. Then I made it a 12" instead of a 6". And THEN I told them "double meat". Doh! What a moron. Why did I do that, you ask? The answer is really quite simple. I did it out of habit.....second nature....didn't even give it a thought. I got in my car and ate the sub on the way to mom's, so glad that I avoided the fried stuff. After shoving the last bite in my mouth and swallowing it down I started to wonder why I felt so miserable. I was beyond satisfied, beyond full, beyond a little overboard. I was completely miserable. I wanted to puke for about 10-15 mins after I ate it until it had a chance to settle some.
It finally hit me. I was miserable because in the last 2 weeks, after limiting my calories, strictly watching them, and eating several small portions throughout the day instead of 3 or 4 huge ones, my stomach had finally started to shrink! Imagine that!? This healthy eating crap really works!! Although I feel like a complete moron for eating that much (700 calories in one meal), I'm also kind of glad I did. I learned a couple of things. First of all, I don't ever see me buying another 12" sub in my life. I now know not to do it out of habit, because it will make me feel sick if I eat all of it. Secondly, I don't ever see me ordering double meat on another sub in my life. I've actually started getting used to eating 3-4oz portions of meat. I discovered today that I know longer like eating meals that are 3x the size of my face in one sitting. I found that I PREFER the smaller portions every 3-4 hours, and that I prefer feeling a little hungry inbetween instead of busting-at-the-seams miserable. This is a MAJOR breakthrough for me. After a couple of weeks of eating better and correct portions, my body, my preferences and my outlook towards food are changing, and after so many long years of being obese...I can't tell you how good that feels. I'm changing. I'm getting healthier. I'm feeling better. And most importantly, I'm learning. And that can only lead to a better "me".
Because of this huge faux pas as far as my daily calorie limit is concerned, I decided to relieve some anxiety and just made today my Free Day for the week instead of Saturday. We don't have anything special going on tomorrow w/ anyone, so I'm excited about waking up in the morning and starting anew. I already know exactly what I'm going to eat, and what I've got for the guys to eat, so there will be no mistakes.
I know I still have a long way to go, but I'm traveling on with a little brighter outlook now. I'm improving, Im making progress, I'm growing and learning, and the struggles are getting easier by the day. Well, except for one category......cravings. But that's going to be a whole other post. :)
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