A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Better Than Ever

I'm back, and I'm better than ever!

I gotta' tell ya'....when I first started this blog back in June, most of the posts were negative. I was in the beginning stages of fighting a very serious addiction to food. I didn't really know how to do it, didn't think I had the tools...just started working towards it.....I was going to say day by day because my motto was "One Day at a Time"....but the truth is, it was hour by hour.

As I've progressed, the posts have become more positive in nature. Not all of them, but more than not. I didn't realize how much I was enjoying the joyous changes in myself, my attitude, my mentality until I went back and read the posts from Friday and Sunday. They made me want to barf. The negativity and the defeatist attitude made me sick. Down in the mouth and feeling sorry for yourself is no way to live....certainly not for me anyway!

Skinny Tammy is back in business and will try to curb those negative posts when things get a little hairy around here. My apologies to all of you for having to read that crap, and more importantly, my many, many thanks to all of you who took the time to post. Thank you for the encouragement, the prayers, the helpful tips and suggestions.....thank you for being the amazing people that you are. I feel very blessed that I have met and gotten to know all of you through your blogs and through the comments you leave on mine.

There's something else I need to say. Someone commented that it sounds like I'm a strong Christian and should rely on my faith....I'm just too exhausted to go back and look again at who said it (it's 1:45am right now), but I think it was Susan at The Quiet Diet. Whoever you were, lol, thank you so much. How sad is it to have to be reminded of something as paramount as that?

Yes, I am a Christian. I am nowhere near perfect (i.e., the cussing in my posts), but my faith in Jesus Christ is unwaivering. There's a catch here though. Faith only works if you use it. If you exercise it. I can say I pray and I believe in God to take care of things....but actually trusting Him to do so and letting go of the worry are two very different things. It took one of my beloved followers to remind me of my own faith. Total DUH! moment on my end. So glad she stated the obvious for me....THANK YOU!! :)

Here's another thing. Sleep deprivation does terrible things to your mind, and if you suffer from it long enough, it will come out in your posts. I've had insomnia for years.....not every single night....it comes and goes in spurts. I've been in a pretty long spurt for the last few months. My body can be completely exhausted but my mind just will NOT shut off. So much to think (and worry) about. I refuse to take sleeping pills because if I had started taking them 10 years ago for this, just imagine what kind of addiction I'd have by now. Who needs another addiction? So a lot of my "Woe is me" talk stemmed from that.

Here's an update on what's going on with Shane. I went to bed around 11pm...probably finally fell asleep at 1am....he started hollering in pain at 1:45am, begging me for another pain pill. He had taken the previous one 3 hours earlier. I got up and gave it to him with strict instructions that he wasn't getting another one til 4 hours had passed. I was worried he'd take them all too soon and then he'd really be in trouble. That led to me being awake for another couple of hours. Probably got back to sleep around 4am and got up at 7am.

I cooked him a cheese omelette and fed it to him, took him to the bathroom, gave him a sponge bath (leaving the real, naked bath for his gf to do this evening after work), and got him dressed. We spent a couple of hours on the phone with insurance companies and his orthopaedic dr's ofc. Finally got an appt. for 2:15pm today in Alpharetta (nearly an hour away). Then we called the hospital and ordered a copy of his x-rays. Drove up to Cartersville and got those and stopped by the store to get some printer paper. Drove back to Kennesaw and printed off the papers he needed to fill out for the doctor, as well as some insurance papers he needed his doctor to sign. Left again and headed to Alpharetta for his appointment, both of us nervous about whether or not he'd have to have another surgery. He's already had 4 surgeries on this shoulder from a previous injury.

Good news!! The doctor told us that while there is definitely a Grade 2 A/C separation between his collarbone and shoulder bone, it's not bad enough to need surgery. Praise the Lord!! Surgery would have meant him having no use of either arm for at least 6 months...constant care. What an answer to prayer! Shane has supplemental insurance through Aflac, and they will send him a check for things related to the accident and follow-up care, so that will be extra money in the household. He also had some vacation time at work available. Normally you have to request it 2 weeks in advance to be able to use it, but they made an exception due to his car accident, and they are letting him use it for this week, so that he'll still get his regular full paycheck. Another answer to prayer!!

The doctor said the sling is strictly for comfort...he doesn't need/have to wear it, so as soon as he was told that, he took it off and started doing for himself, like taking himself to the bathroom...another answer to prayer!! The doctor also told him to take the week off to rest the shoulder, gave him a note for work, and told him to go back to work next Monday....another answer to prayer!! Isn't God amazing? I surely think so. :)

Now, for the REALLY important stuff. How does all of this figure into my weight loss? Well I already told you that Friday sucked. I did manage to get my exercise in on the treadmill....I think it was 2.5 mi. in 34 mins. But the eating wasn't so hot. Thankfully, I read Jack's comment Friday night before I hit the buffet Saturday morning, so that day ended up being pretty successful. I didn't count calories, but I made some pretty darn good choices for what I was faced with. The bad part is, no treadmill. The good news is, Dwayne FINALLY bought a car. No more all-day car shopping!!! Oh thank you God, I was getting so tired of that. First of all, I have zero patience. Dwayne has the patience of Job. He literally researches nearly all of his purchases for weeks/months before he makes them. So on something as big as a car, it took 3 months. He ended up with an '04 Honda Accord v-6 coupe and he really loves it. His patience paid off and I'm happy for him. :)

Sunday....the day of the car wreck. I came in 90 calories under my limit. Did you hear that???? NO STRESS EATING! NONE! I had total control over the calories in the midst of absolute chaos. I even took Shane by Krystal's after we left the hospital because he hadn't eaten in 9 hours. And I got 2 Krystal's!! I had plenty of calories left for the day, I knew that they are 160 calories each, so I had 2. Kept me from feeling totally deprived of my favorite fast food, especially when having to smell them in my car...and I still came in 90 calories under budget. Now that, my friends, is success. Here's the bad part, lol. It was the 2nd day in a row of no treadmill. I just couldn't seem to find the time to fit it in that day. I had an extremely busy day before I got the call about the wreck, and was in fact walking to my closet to get my tennis shoes to go for my walk when I got the call. So, didn't happen.

Today...I am, again, 90 calories under budget. However, I made it down to the treadmill. We had a super busy day taking care of all Shane's stuff, but I told myself I was going tonight come Hell or high water. When Billie got here to give Shane his bath, I ran down there and did something I haven't done as of yet. I knocked out 3 miles finally! The most I've done so far was 2.75 miles in 40 mins. Tonight I did 3 miles in 42 mins and proud is not the word for it. Oh man, what a fantastic feeling to know I'm progressing. I started out only doing 1 mile and 15 mins!!!!

I didn't feel any pain during those 3 miles. Wanna' know why? Because pain is just weakness leaving the body. I felt a lot of weakness leaving my body....and what an awesome feeling it was!! Bye-bye weakness....see ya'...wouldn't wanna' be ya!! Ha Ha Ha!!! Hooray for Skinny Tammy....I'm walking right out of this fat body and into a new life! Yeah Baby!!

I'm 3 days away from weigh day. I can think about all the sodium I've had so far this week. I'm also told that not getting enough sleep negatively affects weight loss. And don't they say too much stress has the same negative effects? Did I mention Shane's car wreck and the fact that I'm moving to the new house this weekend?? lol There's a lot of things I can worry about in regards to whether or not I'll show a loss this Friday...it might be a gain, who knows? But I'm not going to worry. I'm just not. And that's thanks to Sean.

We emailed Friday night for a bit and he told me to forget about that stupid scale...in fact I think he said to throw it out the window, lol. He told me that if I keep doing what I know is right, then the losses will come. I know he's right. I want to see one every single week, but I know I won't...might not even on the weeks that I do every single thing right. Thank you for the advice Sean. I'm not going to worry like I have. It's a fast-track to self-sabotage for me, and that's just not cool. Thanks to all of you specifically for the comments on Friday night's post about the buffet. Those are still my weak points. My major fear. I want to especially thank Jack since he was the only comment I read before I went. He's the reason for my success that day. I ran his advice through my head all day Saturday. I thank him for caring enough to even offer his advice, as I thank all of you.

I know this was a super long post....just had so much to tell you!! Glad we're all caught up now. :) I spent 6 hours tonight catching up on commenting on blogs and I only got to Less of Lisa so far. What a lesson this has been...I will NEVER go 3 whole days w/o commenting again, lol. I'm enjoying catching up on what's been going on with you guys, and promise to get to the other half of you tomorrow. Sleep tight everyone. :)

Quote For The Day:

"Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and He shall say, 'Here I am'." -Isaiah 58:9

13 comments:

  1. Oh, gosh, just read about Shane's accident - what a nightmare for you both. What a stressful time you have been having.

    It sounds like you are handling things really well - it just goes to show what can be achieved when we really have to.

    Well done for keeping on top of the diet through all of this and giggles at the lot of weakness you felt while working out, lol!

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  2. Tammy is back! I'm glad you're better, in the right frame of mind. You've got a lot to deal with and it sounds as if you're handling it marvelously. Yea, Tammy!

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  3. Great job on the not eating because of stress. You are a wonderful person, and I so enjoy reading your posts.

    Even in a short time I see the progression in your attitude and your goals for yourself!!!

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  4. Tammy what a time you've had! I think you've done an amazing job to keep it all together as you have and congratulations on your resolve and commitment to your weight loss. I'm so relieved to hear that things are looking up for both you and Shane. What a caring person and true friend you are to him.

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  5. Glad you're back!!! You are a marvelous inspiration to me as always, but especially in the way you are dealing with current obstacles in your life.
    Grace, dignity, and panache.

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  6. Great job on not stress eating. I LOVE Sean. He is soooo helpful.

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  7. Hi Tammy. Read your post on all the problems you were facing and thought OMG, so bleak! I imagined all the struggle you'd have to go through looking after Shane ... and moving house as well ... I was completely overwhelmed just thinking about it ...

    But what an amazing turn around! I'm so happy for you (and Shane). So relieved. Your faith saw you through the crisis and the boost when things were suddenly OK again gave you the strength to go 3 miles. And good eating as well ... 5 stars all round!

    Well done for coping with all this, and hope things continue to go so well on every front.

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

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  8. Hi Tammy,
    I've been out of town all weekend and didn't have access to your negativity rants so I get the "come back" speech first! LOL.
    You are allowed a short bout of "woe is me"...Glad to see yours was short and not too damaging.
    I had an off weekend too. I now know that I have to plan for these things. I went camping without considering the food aspect. Bad girl. ;) I was worried about the tent, the fire, the bugs, etc. Forgetting about the eating completely. So it was a stand still on the scale today. Ah well.
    I am glad you are feeling better!
    xo
    Andrea

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  9. Welcome back, Skinny Tammy! Your enthusiasm is contagious - I feel like going out for a run or something after reading your post!

    So glad everything is working out much better than anticipated for Shane - what a relief!!! Have a wonderful day!

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  10. So glad to hear things aren't as bad as they originally seemed. :) That's great that Shane didn't need surgery, he will be able to help himself more than originally thought, and he'll be getting some money. And GREAT JOB on staying on plan with eating! Especially amidst all that stress! I wouldn't worry missing the couple days on the treadmill so much--if life happens and you really can't do it then you just can't. But the important part is that you kept your eating in check. Glad to see that happy Tammy is back!

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  11. I'm not suppose to be doing this...Shhh, I promised i would wait until tomorrow to read and comment---
    BUT---
    Let me quickly say that this is a most glorious post my friend. What wonderful prayer answering news with Shane!

    And you know you're always welcome on the advice. Always.

    I know you're on the way, I've told you this before. It's so refreshing to read how your embracing your success with an attitude of a winner. A winning loser. Very cool.

    My best always,
    Sean

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  12. wow.. you have been going thru a LOT lately.. good news is... "if He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it" and He will never give you more than you can bear... you are not alone.

    God is your refuge, and your strength, an ever present help in trouble..

    Blessings, Tammy

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