I think I've mentioned Amy H. before at "No To The Deuce" listed on my blogroll, but I have such a terrific reason to mention her again that I'm making this whole post about what I read in her post tonight!!
She just got back from a family weekend at Cripple Creek. While there, she enjoyed a parade that involved some military troops. On one of the awesome soldier's shirts (I am sooooo pro-military and oozing with patriotism), she read this: "Pain is just weakness leaving the body."
Oh.....my......gosh. This is one of those inspirational sayings that has grabbed me and just won't let go. When I read it, I felt like I had been slapped right between the eyes....but a good slap!
My biggest, nagging issue with the weight loss is the exercise. More specifically, the walking I'm doing on the treadmill. As I explained tonight to Amy in a comment I left on her post, I completely suck at it. I really do. Yes, I'm pushing myself to get on it every day. But what a struggle it is. A daily struggle. The reason it's so hard to make myself do it is for one simple reason. It hurts. Even after 8 weeks of doing it steadily, it still REALLY hurts.
I've had lower back issues for years...not just because of the weight...but from actual injuries...straining it too many times from helping friend's move and lifting furniture...one time I was roller skating on the asphalt with some friends in our neighborhood as a teenager and both feet slipped out from under me at the same time and Oh! My bottom hit that asphalt so hard and I heard something pop. That's the very first injury I remember to my lower back.
Another time, several years ago, I was helping my boyfriend at the time put a post in the ground. He was doing a job for a subdivision and we were out in front of the subdivision, RIGHT BESIDE the main highway...a very busy highway. It was a 16 foot long, 6x6 wooden post. It was huge and it was heavy. I don't even know how we lifted it off the ground in the first place and got it upright and steadied but we did. I'm sure it helped that he himself was 6'7 and I'm 5'10. We were inching the post close to the hole....we were almost there...and then we lost the balance. The post was starting to fall TOWARDS TRAFFIC. In that split second I had a vision of it landing in someone's windshield of their car and killing them right in front of me.
My mind freaked, I wrapped both of my arms around that post and lifted the entire thing up off the ground BY MYSELF (the bf let go) and dropped it into the deep hole. It was adrenaline. I could never do that again in a million years.
Well....that little stunt landed me in the chiropractor's office for 5 straight weeks. Something about the sciatica nerve I think. All I know is I couldn't sit, stand, or lay down without immense pain. I had to drape myself over the loveseat, looking at the floor, to relieve the pressure and pain in my back. I would stay like that for HOURS.
Anyhoo....talk about getting off an a major tangent!! The point is....my back ALREADY hurts, before I even get on the treadmill, and it makes me dread it all the more. Of course, after the workout, my knees and legs are in pretty bad shape too. It makes me want to scream my head off every day due to the frustration of WANTING to do more, and physically just not being able to do so. The most I can do is 2.5...maybe 3 miles if I really push it...at one time.
However, when I read this quote: Pain is just weakness leaving the body....it was like I was viewing this exercise thing with "new eyes" (I lifted the eye thing from Sean's post from last night.....EXCELLENT post...go check it out!). A whole new outlook. Now, when it starts to hurt, I can smile instead of cringe. I know that it means what I'm doing is working. I know that it means the endurance WILL come eventually. I know that it means I'm getting stronger. It means I'm improving. With every step, it means I'm leaving Fat Tammy further and further behind.
Before someone tells me that if it hurts that bad, just don't do it....I've had several doctors tell me over the years that walking...specifically walking as an exercise...is one of the best, low impact exercises I can do to strengthen the muscles in my back and alleviate pain.
This new quote is my new inspiration for when I'm strapping on my tennis shoes every day. I'm going to view the pain as a good thing. I'm going to stop dreading it. I do think that after a good chunk of this weight is gone, that the pain will be much less. I think watching what I eat, and continuing with daily exercise, will lead to strengthening my whole body...my back, my legs, my knees...the whole shabang.
For the record, although my eating has been off plan for the last 3-4 days, the exercise and the water intake have been golden. I have been on that treadmill every single day without fail since Friday and I have consumed at least (3) 32 oz. glasses of water every single day. I'm trying to reign the calories back in and get my focus back on the dilligence of counting them so that I can get my groove back and start heading back down the scale. Might not have the time left this week to fix what I've already screwed up with the eating. But if I can just get my balance back this week, then next week should look a lot better. Gotta' get consistent and stay that way. :)
3 months ago