Warning...I'm in a crappy mood. Glad we got that out of the way. :)
I did the first week of Allan's Phase 2 challenge. My goal was to stay at or under 1870 cals/day. I decided to try out 1200 cals/day and drink 200 oz. of water for a few days this week...I think it was Tues-Fri...I don't remember now. My goal for the weekends is to follow the original allotted cals/day...1870. Sat I came in at 1700. This week was a total success. I lost 6 lbs. I went from 248 last Sun to 242 this morning. Yay. lol....
Seriously....I've been trying to be happy about this all day. I've been looking forward to it...I wanted to jump up and down. But I can't. I started my cycle today and I know it's here for almost 2 weeks. Yes...I bitch about this every month...and will probably continue to, since I post about my daily life here...not just weight loss. My cramps are soooo much like contractions. They just double me over in pain. My mood goes right in the toilet....but to ADD to the normal b.s....it's on Thanksgiving week...the week when things are going to get REALLY busy and stay that way pretty much through the end of the year.
I've been looking at my budget for Christmas shopping for my family. I bought my 5 nieces and nephews a few things from the Dollar Store. They're all under the age of 5 so I can get away with it w/o too much guilt. Now I'm looking at the budget for my 2 sisters, bro-in-law, mom, dad...and of course Dwayne and Scarlette. My parents and Dwayne are the ones that I really feel sad about. I am EXTREMELY THANKFUL for my job. I was out of work for nearly a year and a half after getting laid off from my last Accounting job. I have not forgotten how much living on the gov't cheese SUCKED. I have not forgotten the depression of feeling like life had forgotten me, while sitting inside my house, day after day, praying that someone would choose my resume out of the thousands that were just as desperate as I was. I have not forgotten. With that said...I make very little money. I make $1/hr more an hour than I made on unemployment...and w/ Shane (my old roommate) getting married...the bills are HIGHER than they were on unemployment. If it wasn't for the Zoloft, I'd be in tears every day like I was. I'm not crying...but boy is the stress there. I want to get stuff for my parents and Dwayne...the most special people in my life, because they've always done so much for me and they deserve something nice in return. I love them so much...and Christmas is that time of year that you get a chance to really say "thank you". I've always been one of those that got so much out of the giving...caring very little about the receiving. My budget is scarce...and it stresses me and makes me sad. It's moreso when the damn monthly cycle kicks in, so this is where my head is out right now.
I found out we're having a Thanksgiving dinner at work this week on Tuesday. I'm bringing some dishes, along with the other people in the office. With some of our adjusters coming in from the field, we'll have about 20 guys to feed. Gotta' work that into the plan, along with the Thursday Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Also...as stressed as I've been about the weekend eating with Dwayne....it finally hit me today that I have a 4 day weekend coming up off of work.....4 days with Dwayne. Oy.
None of this is the end of the world...I know that. It's just my own little stress bubble...a time when I really need to buckle down, focus, concentrate....and unfortunately, my mind wants to do the exact opposite. I want to go to bed and have someone wake me up after New Year's. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I wish I could do more for Dwayne and my family. I wish I made more money. I wish I didn't have a food addiction. I wish food was calorie-free. I wish I didn't give a damn about weighing a deuce and a half.
But I do. I do care. I know what needs to be done. I want to say that I'd be happy if I just manage to maintain this week...but that would be a lie. I know what I'm capable of....which means I have it in me to see a loss this week IF I make myself do what needs to be done. Wouldn't a loss on Thanksgiving week be a fantastic thing....especially knowing you'd be one of the few. I've already heard several people say they're giving up til next week...and I heard a couple people say they're giving up til after Christmas. I have lost and re-gained the same 25 effing lbs over the course of this year until I'm friggin' sick of it. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of writing the same sh*t over and over. It's time for a change. A positive change. I'm starting off the week on the heels of a 6 lb. loss. Let's see if, in spite of everything going on, physicially...mentally...emotionally.....let's see if I can build on that loss. Now THAT would give me a reason to smile. :)
I hope each of you has a plan for Thanksgiving week. Doesn't matter too much what it is...moderation, portion control...1 plate instead of your normal 3 plus leftovers....calorie counting...points counting....doesn't matter. But you need to have SOME kind of plan. If your plan is to wait until after the holidays, nix that plan right now and formulate a new one. Care enough about yourself to not find yourself 20-30 lbs. heavier in 6 weeks. Do what I'm going to do...one day at a time....the best choices you're able to make each day. You just might amaze yourself. :)
3 months ago