A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Thanksgiving Week? Really???

Warning...I'm in a crappy mood.  Glad we got that out of the way.  :)

I did the first week of Allan's Phase 2 challenge.  My goal was to stay at or under 1870 cals/day.  I decided to try out 1200 cals/day and drink 200 oz. of water for a few days this week...I think it was Tues-Fri...I don't remember now.  My goal for the weekends is to follow the original allotted cals/day...1870.  Sat I came in at 1700.  This week was a total success.  I lost 6 lbs.  I went from 248 last Sun to 242 this morning.  Yay.  lol....

Seriously....I've been trying to be happy about this all day.  I've been looking forward to it...I wanted to jump up and down.  But I can't.  I started my cycle today and I know it's here for almost 2 weeks.  Yes...I bitch about this every month...and will probably continue to, since I post about my daily life here...not just weight loss.  My cramps are soooo much like contractions.  They just double me over in pain.  My mood goes right in the toilet....but to ADD to the normal b.s....it's on Thanksgiving week...the week when things are going to get REALLY busy and stay that way pretty much through the end of the year. 

I've been looking at my budget for Christmas shopping for my family.  I bought my 5 nieces and nephews a few things from the Dollar Store.  They're all under the age of 5 so I can get away with it w/o too much guilt.  Now I'm looking at the budget for my  2 sisters, bro-in-law, mom, dad...and of course Dwayne and Scarlette.  My parents and Dwayne are the ones that I really feel sad about.  I am EXTREMELY THANKFUL for my job.  I was out of work for nearly a year and a half after getting laid off from my last Accounting job.  I have not forgotten how much living on the gov't cheese SUCKED.  I have not forgotten the depression of feeling like life had forgotten me, while sitting inside my house, day after day, praying that someone would choose my resume out of the thousands that were just as desperate as I was.  I have not forgotten.  With that said...I make very little money.  I make $1/hr more an hour than I made on unemployment...and w/ Shane (my old roommate) getting married...the bills are HIGHER than they were on unemployment.  If it wasn't for the Zoloft, I'd be in tears every day like I was.  I'm not crying...but boy is the stress there.  I want to get stuff for my parents and Dwayne...the most special people in my life, because they've always done so much for me and they deserve something nice in return.  I love them so much...and Christmas is that time of year that you get a chance to really say "thank you".  I've always been one of those that got so much out of the giving...caring very little about the receiving.  My budget is scarce...and it stresses me and makes me sad.  It's moreso when the damn monthly cycle kicks in, so this is where my head is out right now. 

I found out we're having a Thanksgiving dinner at work this week on Tuesday.  I'm bringing some dishes, along with the other people in the office.  With some of our adjusters coming in from the field, we'll have about 20 guys to feed.  Gotta' work that into the plan, along with the Thursday Thanksgiving dinner with my family.  Also...as stressed as I've been about the weekend eating with Dwayne....it finally hit me today that I have a 4 day weekend coming up off of work.....4 days with Dwayne.  Oy. 

None of this is the end of the world...I know that.  It's just my own little stress bubble...a time when I really need to buckle down, focus, concentrate....and unfortunately, my mind wants to do the exact opposite.  I want to go to bed and have someone wake me up after New Year's.  My stomach hurts.  My head hurts.  I wish I could do more for Dwayne and my family.  I wish I made more money.  I wish I didn't have a food addiction.  I wish food was calorie-free.  I wish I didn't give a damn about weighing a deuce and a half.

But I do.  I do care.  I know what needs to be done.  I want to say that I'd be happy if I just manage to maintain this week...but that would be a lie.  I know what I'm capable of....which means I have it in me to see a loss this week IF I make myself do what needs to be done.  Wouldn't a loss on Thanksgiving week be a fantastic thing....especially knowing you'd be one of the few.  I've already heard several people say they're giving up til next week...and I heard a couple people say they're giving up til after Christmas.  I have lost and re-gained the same 25 effing lbs over the course of this year until I'm friggin' sick of it.  I'm sick of myself.  I'm sick of writing the same sh*t over and over.  It's time for a change.  A positive change.  I'm starting off the week on the heels of a 6 lb. loss.  Let's see if, in spite of everything going on, physicially...mentally...emotionally.....let's see if I can build on that loss.  Now THAT would give me a reason to smile.  :)

I hope each of you has a plan for Thanksgiving week.  Doesn't matter too much what it is...moderation, portion control...1 plate instead of your normal 3 plus leftovers....calorie counting...points counting....doesn't matter.  But you need to have SOME kind of plan.  If your plan is to wait until after the holidays, nix that plan right now and formulate a new one.  Care enough about yourself to not find yourself 20-30 lbs. heavier in 6 weeks.  Do what I'm going to do...one day at a time....the best choices you're able to make each day.  You just might amaze yourself.  :)

4 comments:

  1. It's true, we all need to work out a plan that is best for us, and what works for us. Me? I am eating.....and eating anything I want this Thanksgiving week. Then I will level off till Christmas week. Then I will eat without a care agin. Ah, after the holidays, time to get back on the band wagon. Hope it works!
    hugs
    Kathleen

    ReplyDelete
  2. Boy, I sure don't miss that TOM crap, even if it means I'm old!!!!My weight gains are entirely of my own doing, lol.

    About that money stuff - it's really so hard, but you HAVE to know that your loved ones love you and don't want you to go into debt or stress more about gifts for them. YOU are the biggest gift to them. I saw Dr. Phil and Suze Orman talking about this on Sunday Good Morning America. They both said to just talk to our loved ones and come up with a plan for togetherness, whatever. "Stuff" can never convey our true love, care, gratitude and deep appreciation we have for our most special folks. Most adults get this - and you getting little stuff for the kids is great.

    I know it isn't how we want it to be, and maybe next year it won't. But the whole reason for the season is about celebrating the Gift given to us in Christ.

    Sorry to do a blog post here! I just know how loving and caring you are and it's not necessary for you to be stressing so much about buying stuff for people. Now, what are you getting ME for Christmas???

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congrats on the wonderful weight loss (I, in turn, only lost 1/2 lb. this week--but it was a loss...not sure what is going on with me...but that's another story for another day!).

    This time of year brings on so many emotions...and we all want to do the right thing...but like Leslie said in her comment, it's all about the true gift that you give--your caring and love...those are priceless moments that a long time down the road will make the memory books--not the "stuff" that you bought.

    Keep up the great work!!! You are doing so awesomely!!!! Love it!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry you are struggling with so much right now. My hope is that you are able to enjoy the holidays with your family despite the stress. I really don't have a plan YET. I'm very anxious about this week with dinner at moms, daughter home for the week, a big meal to cook at home for the weekend. Alot of temptation and alot of anxiety so I feel you. All we can do is try. Lots of love!

    ReplyDelete