A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


I don't think I've mentioned yet that I'm currently unemployed. I work in the Accounting field and my entire department got laid off February 20th of this year. I am receiving an unemployment check for the first time in my life and I can't even tell you what a joke that is. I've been frantically applying for jobs, praying for an interview, and haven't had one single call yet. So things at home are more than a little stressful right now. Along with having no job comes plenty of free time. Too much free time. Free time to wander around your house and eat all day. This is definitely one of my challenges....but it's not the biggest one.

My biggest challenge with the weight loss thing right now is my boyfriend. Let me say he's a fantastic guy. He has helped me meet my bills every month since I lost my job, has given me extra money when I need it, has taken me on a couple of 4-day wknd trips since I've been unemployed just to get me out of the apt. But when it comes to eating better things get a little sketchy. I want to be fair before I completely bitch about what happened today. He has been awesome at grilling out for me on the wknds because it's a healthier way of cooking. He has sacrificed his precious beef to eat turkey burgers, spaghetti, etc. with me. He's endured eating salads with me for dinner, as long as his was Caesar and no other veggies in it. And he's always been a staunch supporter of me with my weight struggles with his words. But sometimes, like today, the actions outweigh the words.

He called me this morning, told me he took the day off and was on his way over to spend the day with me. I hung up and my first thought was "Oh C-R-A-P!" See, I already had my whole day of food planned out because I knew it was the day before weigh day. I didn't want any screw-ups, I wanted to be diligent in staying under my calorie limit of 1550, drink plenty of water, etc.
Dwayne is a crappy eater. Lots of meat, LOTS of bad carbs, no veggies to speak of (I don't count Caesar salad since it's just lettuce, parmesan and croutons). He couldn't have picked a worse day to come over and spend the entire day with me....the day before I have to weigh. Ugh.

He got here and we ran some errands, the last one being a trip to Publix. I needed some produce. We got in the store and went our separate ways. When we met at the register I had romaine hearts, bag of spinach, broccoli slaw, strawberries, raspberries and a small jar of baby dill pickles. He had 20 wings from the deli, a big stick of pepperoni AND a bag of pepperoni slices, a box of buttery crackers, and a bag of iced oatmeal cookies. Do you see what I'm up against? He paid our bill and we got in the car. I could smell those wings. I knew I was going to eat some. I prayed all the way home that I wouldn't eat 10 of them. I ended up eating 2. He wanted pork ribs and dirty rice for dinner. I made those for him. I made myself the salad w/ baked chicken breast on it that I had planned. I sat there and smelled his food while I quietly ate my rabbit food. Then I broke down and ate a rib. He fixed himself a tall glass of icy, bubbly Coke. I followed suit. My anxiety level was so high about having to weigh tomorrow and all this sh*t being in my house that I was sure I was going to crack and eat everything in sight. I kept praying for him to LEAVE. He finally got bored because I just wasn't in an entertaining mood (wonder why???) and decided to go. I went straight to the frig, got the left over wings and his heart attack disguised as pepperoni and told him to get that crap out of my house. He looked at me....I looked at him, w/o smiling, and I think I saw a light bulb go off.

My goals for today were:

Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136

My final stats for today are:

Calories 1724
Carbs 160
Fat 53
Protein 166

I'm over in everything except for my fats. It's not as bad as it could have been. But I had a plan for today and I failed at it, so I'm disappointed. I've only started the better eating 4 days ago, so I was only hoping for a 1 lb loss this week. Now I'm not sure I'll see that. I mean, PORK the day before a weigh in? How stoopid.

I can see I'm going to have to have a heart-to-heart with Dwayne. I know he wants me to succeed so I really don't think he realized what kind of a stumbling block he was being. He might after the look he got tonight, but I'm going to make SURE a day like today doesn't happen again. My goals are too important. I'm too important. I get up pretty early so I'll post as soon as I weigh. Say a prayer for me. If I see a lb. gone, I'll feel like I accomplished something this week. I can tell that my anxiety levels are still high. I'm going to bed now before I eat anything else tonight. Sweet dreams. :)

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