A food addict's travels on the road to recovery.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Monday's Misery

Yesterday I felt like crap all day because I ate too many carbs over the weekend...poison for a diabetic. Today I felt like crap all day because Dwayne and I aren't getting along too well and I spent most of the day in bed all weepy-eyed. Tomorrow MUST be better!!

Dwayne and I aren't fighting...it's nothing like that. There's just a little bit of distance right now...we've been together 5 years next month. We see each other nearly every single weekend, along with 2 or 3 days during the week on most weeks, and sometimes too much time together can be a bad thing. Sometimes people need space. I have no idea how married people do it! lol
Anyhoo, I finally texted him today and told him to take this week and this weekend to himself and enjoy some time with his buddies. I told him I'd talk to him next week after he had a little time to himself. I know that's what's best right now....we've had these phases before...but it doesn't make me miss him any less. :(

Another problem is the unemployment. This has been going on since Feb. 20th and I am SICK TO DEATH of it. I need a job badly. I don't know how those women do it that shop and eat bon bons all day. I loathe feeling this unproductive. It completely sucks. If I was rich and didn't have bills to worry about, I might have a different attitude towards the life of a sloth. But for me and my financial situation, no work = depression.

One more thing that affects my mood is gloomy weather. It's been overcast and drizzling rain for the last 2 days. Blech. Hate it. My mom is one of those people that loves the rain, talks about how well she can sleep/nap when it's raining...just enjoys it. I'm singing a different tune. My song is more like, "Rain, rain, go away, come again....in like 6 months".

When I'm feeling like this my first instinct is to drown my sorrows and soothe my depression with food. I was telling my friend Pam earlier that it's these types of days that lead me straight to the Chinese take-out menu. As I said from the very beginning, I'm a foodaholic. Totally addicted to food....bad food, and way too much of it. If I were an alcoholic, I'd probably be swimming around in a bottle of vodka right now. With my addiction, I was tempted to swim around in a vat of lo mein.

But......I have good news to report. Fat Tammy lost today....Skinny Tammy won out! Sure, I thought about blowing the budget, blowing the diet, blowing my 13.6 lb loss so far and ordering enough lo mein and egg rolls to feed a small army. But I did what I've learned from Lyn at EscapefromObesity to do. I sat and thought. The pros and cons....especially the cons....the only pro I could think of was that I would "temporarily" feel better....only to end up hating myself before I went to bed.

I also emailed my friend Pam when my dialing finger started twitching. It's always good to have that one friend that you can go to at a moment's notice and announce your evil plan to sabotage your diet. Her job is to either offer me healthy alternatives, put her foot up my a$$ w/ some tough love and good advice, etc....but she always comes through. Always. I love her for that.

She told me how to make my own lo mein, where to buy the right noodles, etc. so I will be picking those up this week to have on hand. She has a recipe for her version of lo mein on her food blog http://lobsterandfishsticks.com/. I can't tell you how many times her recipes have saved me, given me new things to try so my diet doesn't become routine and boring. She is just AWESOME and I will never stop singing her praises! Check out her alternative to the comfort food beef stroganoff....OMG! Soooo good!!

But I pulled through. No Chinese. No failure today. And you know my motto....one day at a time....and I made it through this one. That's what matters. I'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here. I'm still trying to recover from this past weekend's indiscretions and the resulting gain on the scale, so I kept the calories pretty far under my goal. I'm so scared I won't break even this week and be where I was at last Friday's weigh in. If I show a gain I'm just going to be heartbroken and disgusted with myself. Let's all pray for the best!!

This wasn't treadmill day, so I did 100 ab crunches, 10 lower ab leg lifts, and 25 arm exercises. Nothing amazing, but I'm keeping up with my promise to myself to try and do something each day inbetween treadmill days.

I want to say a quick welcome to my newest follower Sean. Thanks for signing up. I've been reading your blog today and will continue to. Your progress has been absolutely mind-blowing and the epitome of inspiration. I encourage anyone who reads my blog to check out Sean's: http://www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/. I've got 3 or 4 new blogs that I'm following that I need to add to my blogroll. I'm hoping to either get that done tonight or tomorrow. Sean's will be one of them. :)

Goal Stats:

Calories 1550
Carbs 250
Fat 60
Protein 136

Today's Stats:

Calories 990
Carbs 62
Fat 41
Protein 101

Here's my food intake for the day:

Homemade turkey sausage (4 oz.)
1 whole egg, 1 egg white (accidentally dropped the yolk in the pan)
sauteed onions and mushrooms
2 c. decaf swiss almond mocha coffee w/ sugar-free creamer

Spicy & creamy Zucchini Soup (from Pam's food blog...totally awesome!) 2 cups

Aidells sun-dried tomato chicken/turkey sausage (FANTASTIC!!!) 2 of them
Arnold's whole wheat sandwich thin (wrapped one half around ea. sausage w/ lite mayo, ketchup and diced onions)

2 oz. baked chicken
2 c. decaf swiss almond mocha coffee w/ sugar-free creamer
1 protein water
32 oz. water
NO TEA....NO COKE.....and NO CHINESE!! GO (skinny) TAMMY!!

Quote For The Day:

"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." -Epictetus

3 comments:

  1. Finally! Always love your blogs. You're doing great! I'm so proud of you.
    Love, Mom O.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay Mom!!!! You finally figured out how to post a comment...thanks for the daily support. I love you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay for skinny Tammy! Sounds like you're still rocking it. You're creating such a calorie deficit most days that I'm *sure* you'll have another loss this week. I'm sorry it's been raining so much where you live. Sounds like the whole month of Wyoming. Luckily God has finally decided to give us some sun. Oh, and I'll pray that you get a job soon. I hate being unproductive and jobless, too; it really sucks. :-(

    Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of starting a couple different blogs, just focusing on certain aspects of my life, but haven't actually started any yet. I'll give you a link when I do.

    ReplyDelete