Honest Scrap Award

I walked 4 miles today....2 this morning, and 2 this evening. The soreness in my legs and hips from doing 6 miles yesterday after doing NOTHING for 4 days in a row is rough. Couldn't crank out 6 miles today, but 4 is still respectable. I came in under 1400 calories again today, so happy about that. Weigh-in tomorrow morning. I'm not even going to try and guess at what it will be. I'll report it and then get started on the new week.

I've been given the Honest Scrap award by 4 different people....Sarah at Ethereal Endeavor, Brittany at Me vs. The Buffet, VRaz60 and 266. Thank you ladies for thinking that I deserve this award...that really touches my heart. :) I've got the award displayed on my side bar, so for those of you that I'm fixing to give it to, you can pick it up there.

There are rules to receiving this, and I don't mind telling you I hate the rules attached to these awards, lol. As with everyone, I hate having to pick a certain # of people. Although the odds got better when it went from 10 I had to pick for the first award, to now 40, now I don't want to have to choose that many, lol. I want to say that if you're on my bloglist, I think you rock, but that doesn't even cover it, because I have blogs on my favorites list that I read and just haven't taken the time to move them over to my bloglist yet.

TOO MUCH STRESS!!! The other thing that was jumbling my nerves was having to list 10 things about myself that you don't already know. O-M-G. Now that list has grown to 40 things. Yeah, right! lol I started a list a couple of days ago, but it was during my bingeing funk, and all 10 things were negative. So I balled up the piece of paper and threw it in the trash. I started over. Then I came up with 10 positive, fluffy things.....and then I thought it sounded fake and sugar-coated, so I balled it up and threw that one in the trash, too. lol Then I had a nice mix of half and half, working on it while I was reading blogs and commenting, only to find out I won 3 more awards and had to come up with 30 more things. Ah hell!! So I balled that one up and threw it in the trash with the other 2 lists. I'm just going to shoot from the hip here. Whatever comes out, comes out. I'm not numbering the blogs I choose to give this to, and I'm not numbering the things I tell you about myself. I'm just going to start typing...here it goes.....

Award Winners:

Pam @ Journey to the Healthier Side of Life
Brittany @ Me vs. The Buffet
Sheilagh @ Sixty by Sixty
266
Dawne @ 365 days to a new me!
Josh @ A Personal Journey of Fitness and Fat Loss
Andrea @ Echo of Me
Lyn @ Escape from Obesity
"K" @ Fat [Free] Me
Tina @ Fat Girl Dives In
Rebecca @ Change Is A Process
jumping off the binge wagon!
VRaz60 @ Just for the Hell-th of it!!
Michelle @ My Journey to Onderland!
Amy H. @ No To the Deuce
Christa @ Our New Weigh of Life!
Kathleen @ Rural Maine Life
Amy @ The Not So Secret Life of a Not So Super Together Mom
Auburn @ The Quest for a Mile
Friend of the Bear

Here are some honest things about me that most of you don't know yet:

I snore, I hate it, and I hope it stops when the weight is gone.

I've got a giving heart and had a habit for many years of giving people the shirt off my back, my last dollar, etc. no matter how bad my own situation was, because I wanted to help. My Mom spent years upon years telling me that I needed to learn how to say "no", stand up for myself when the giving takes too much from myself, etc. I finally started doing that 3-4 years ago. About a month ago someone asked me for something and I told them I just couldn't do it. They told me I've become selfish over the last couple of years. That horrified me, and a month later, it still stings.

I've never colored/dyed my hair in my entire life. Now that I've got so much gray, I really want to, but thanks to my PCOS, my hair has gotten really thin, and I'm scared the chemicals will make the rest of it fall out.

Dancing and acting/drama have always been my 2 greatest passions.

I look forward to getting another job so I can start going to the salon again and getting my nails done. I have very thin, brittle nails so I like wearing the acrylic tips to have nicely manicured and even nails. I miss french manicures.

I still get a pedicure done once every couple of months. It's a $20 splurge in my budget every couple of months, but in my opinion, cute little painted toes are a must.

After God, family is the most important thing to me.

My phobias are snakes and tornadoes. These are also my stress dreams. I dream about either being covered in snakes, or being caught in a tornado. With the tornadoes, I'm always grasping onto a stationary object, holding on for dear life. I wake up just as my feet are lifting up off the ground. I feel like the night that I have this dream and finally lose my grasp on what I'm holding onto, will be the night I die in my sleep, lol.

I have a deep connection to water in any form....ponds, creeks, streams, lakes, rivers, oceans.

I'm not into astrology, but my sign is Leo. I do think that there is some weight to some of this, because I've read in several places that Leo's are leaders. I have to believe this because I have a hard time being a follower.

I'm a girly girl who loves painted nails and toes, anything pink, babies, puppies....but can't stand "girly" movies or channels, such as Lifetime. lol My favorite channels are the History Channel, Scifi, Fox News, etc. I love action movies, "guy" movies, and movies that have been made from comic books.

(I debated on whether or not to share this last one....but in the spirit of brutal honesty, I'm going to go ahead and do it...mainly because thoughts about this are what triggered my binge this week that consumed me on Monday and Tuesday)

When I was 18 yrs old and fresh out of high school I got pregnant. I was young, naive, stupid, and scared out of my mind. I considered abortion, but thanks to some people who really cared about me (Pam is one of them), I was talked out of it, and so thankful for that. I decided on adoption because I was so young, making $4/hr at a yogurt shop working part-time. I was raised in an upper middle class family and honestly didn't know anything about welfare. Her name is Brittany, she lives in the same state as me, but not in the same city. I can honestly say that this is the hardest thing I've ever done, and dare to say the hardest thing I ever WILL do. They say time heals all wounds. While I believe time heals most, I do not believe it heals all. It's been many years and I still think about her every single week. I've been thinking about her moreso this week for no particular reason. It might be because she turns 18 this coming November. Officially an "adult". What a foolish adult I was at 18. I hope she's smarter than I was. I hope she makes better choices. I am going to write an entire post about this story on her birthday. But for now, I am going to politely ask that nobody ask me any questions about her just yet. I will gladly share with all of you when November gets here...I'm just not quite ready yet. I have a dagger in my heart....one that I fear will always be there. If you've never adopted a child out, there's just no way to understand the pain, and I don't believe there's any way to accurately describe it.

I hope everyone enjoys their awards....you truly deserve them. I need to get a few more chores done before I hit the hay tonight. Will be back in the morning to post my weigh-in results. 'Nite nite friends. :)